kandice Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Hi, I want to keep this short because I know reading through a long intro may be frustrating. But here's the gist: --We were together for three years in high school. He dumped me a little after our graduation and third anniversary. --It's been damn near a year now that he's dumped me, and now he's telling me crap about wanting me back. --We had an unhealthy relationship, but I loved him and wanted us to work things out, maybe get counseling. I thought he loved me too, until he dropped me like a hot potato on a summer's day. --He proceed to ignore me, then humiliate me by posting his new relationship all over facebook and telling people that they were engaged. They moved eventually moved in together. --I was terribly heart broken and embarrassingly pitiful. I wanted him back really badly. It took me a lot to get over it. --He broke up with his rebound a few months ago but is STILL ****in' living with her. Now, he's telling me,"Oh, I miss you. You're so wonderful. I ****ed up. I treated you like ****, and I know you'll never trust me. I want to be with you again because I miss your smile...." I could go on with all this bs. It's kind of insulting after all I've been through with him. I'm going back home soon, and he wants to hang out with me and such. I don't know how I feel about getting back with him. Obviously, I still speak to him, and he was my only friend in high school. But, I really DON'T love him anymore, and I kinda feel bad for him. At the same time, I don't feel like I have options. I'm still kinda unhealthy myself. I tried dating this one guy who ended up completely ditching me, and it made me feel dirty and used. Then, I recently dated another guy, but I don't think he was that interested in me. I really don't know how to date, and I'm really skeptical about guys right now. I feel like I don't really have attractive qualities or none good enough to out-weigh all the stuff I'm trying to deal with now. And, usually when I start something, I can't help feeling like the other party isn't being genuine or is trying to just use me and be done (although, my instincts were right with the first guy after the break up). I am working on all the emotional stuff, but I really want to know how to get a guy to pursue me. Frankly, none have done that so far. I'm usually the one to initiate things, and I'm tired of that ****. I want to feel valuable enough to chase after like any other girl. I guess, this should be two posts. 1: What should I do about the ex? and 2: If I decide not to work things out with him, how do I even date? I figured out when we broke up that I LITERALLY (and seriously!) don't know how.
Author kandice Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Er...guess it really isn't that short. And that's that I left stuff out, too. But you've only gotta read the bullet points and the last paragraph. Those are the most important things.
Leda Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 But, I really DON'T love him anymore, and I kinda feel bad for him. Then it's OVER!! You know it's over. At the same time, I don't feel like I have options. I'm still kinda unhealthy myself. I don't think you should try figuring out how to date right now. I think you should throw yourself into a whole bunch of non-romantic, adrenaline-filled adventures for a while. If you find yourself suddenly feeling a romantic attraction or connection to someone great who you meet along the way, try to live in the present moment and be open-hearted about how things are developing with that particular person. Don't worry about how to date--dating is horrible and gross and the same for everybody, and it does have rules. But falling in love and starting a real relationship with someone you have a genuine, fun connection with is joyful and different for everybody, because we're all unique, and it has no rules.
Author kandice Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Thanks for your advice. I'm just a little unsure what you mean by "throw (myself) into adventures?" I'm not trying to get over him. I have stuff I need to deal with that's bigger than him. I guess what I mean by dating is I really don't know how to er...find a guy. Or gal. I'm bi, but I don't like announcing it. Straight people don't need to, so why should I? Er, whatever. Maybe you're right about the not dating thing, though. I need to deal with what I've got going on first anyway. I'm just kinda bored, and I want some more experiences.
miss jennifer Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 you said it yourself.. you don't love him. its over. if you're bored and want things to do, why don't you try joining a meetup group?
Jono85 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 this sounds like a HUGE step backwards for you. keep your pride, you know you're better than him and deserve better. i'll take being lonely EVERY TIME over sacrificing my pride. find someone better.
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