OliveOyl Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Just ended an extended date with the guy I've been seeing now for 1-2 months ("Groovy Guy"). Things are going really well... I'm thrilled, really. My question is: there is this sense when he touches me, even just holds my hand, of complete "rightness." I can't even explain it, it's like, everything is completely right, safe, home, secure, and it feels in that moment, well.. it's this amazing feeling - all when simply holding my hand, or kissing . And yet then I step back and realize... we're still getting to know each other. The feeling has nothing to do with what we have in common, anything we've talked about, nor whether I think he's "hot." Even though we have a lot in common now, there are a lot of ways we are very different. Our pasts are considerably different, for example. I guess my question is, that feeling of connectedness that seems deeper than it should be, what the heck is this, is this pheremones? It's on a completely different level than I felt with my stbx. I want to completely follow it and yet at the same time I'm afraid of being betrayed by my feelings, or that this is just smoke and mirrors, just projection on my part.
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Well if it makes any difference, I got my first erection with my now-wife when we were on our second date. And that was due to her standing in between my legs when I was sitting down, not for any sexual reason. So basically go with what your gut feeling tells you.
PinkInTheLimo Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I think it is called chemistry. Very nice to have it but you are right to step back and take it for what it is... chemistry aka pheromones. I had the same with my last boyfriend, only his smell drove me completely wild. It was not an instant thing however, took me a couple of dates but once it was there, it never went away. But unfortunately we did not make it as a couple. You can't have a relationship without this chemistry but there needs to be more than that. Enjoy it but check how compatible this guy is with you before you completely open your heart for him.
Jazzari Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 My question is: there is this sense when he touches me, even just holds my hand, of complete "rightness." I can't even explain it, it's like, everything is completely right, safe, home, secure, and it feels in that moment, well.. it's this amazing feeling - all when simply holding my hand, or kissing .I know *exactly* what you mean by this feeling. It's the most wonderful and special feeling ever. I don't think it matters what label you put on it - pheremones, soul mates, chemistry...you could even say you recognize each other from a past life. However you want to explain it - the fact is, it's real. I would go with it.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Dear OO - I know exactly what you mean. 2 years ago, I "met" my fellow online. It took a couple of months for us to meet in person, since he was traveling for his job. Theoretically, I am not in favor of hanging onto the online / phone thing for long, since I believe it promotes a false intimacy that can rarely play out irl. We had no choice, though. Anyway, I knew. The whole time, even before we met. In fact, I practically "knew" by reading his stupid profile and looking at the wry expression on his face in the pictures. No, I did not find him to be "hot" or even my type at all. When I heard his voice, a big "click" happened. No, he does not have a "sexy" voice. When we met, there was an even bigger "click." And it was NOT "fireworks." Just a super intense, resounding YES. YES. The first time we kissed, and later, when we first had sex, it was even more affirmation that we were a pair - and we are not even exactly "on the same page" were sex is concerned. We are most likely going to spend the rest of our lives together. And, there have been some issues and there are still a couple that are not resolved. But, we are "for" each other and I truly believe that there's an aspect of all of this that defies rational understanding. I'm over 50, and I dated quite a few men since my divorce, though I was certain that none of them were "my man" until I met S. I love him. I wish you all of the best, and I believe with all my heart that you can listen to that inner voice with confidence.
Cee Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I have that with my new BF, too. I have no words for it because those feelings began early on, so it was too soon for love. I think it has something to do with having trust and security with someone - that what they say, do, and feel is consistent with your feelings and wants. It sounds like a good fit.
sunshinegirl Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I had that sense of "rightness" with my now-husband. Granted, it took a few months after we met for me to come around to the idea of dating him, but once I did there was an immediate YES YES YES-ness to our being together. Like others have said, it was a feeling of connection, safety, and trust that was so so different from anything I had experienced before. And FWIW, we were engaged about six months after the first moment I felt the YES...
threebyfate Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Can't fully explain that "click" but it does feel "right"! Felt it and continue to feel it 2.5 years later, with my husband.
Author OliveOyl Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 It's very heartwarming to hear these stories. I appreciate all your sharing. Not that I really had a "type" but he's very different from anyone I ever had a relationship with. All I can say is, this feels like completely untrodden territory.
sunshinegirl Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 It's very heartwarming to hear these stories. I appreciate all your sharing. Not that I really had a "type" but he's very different from anyone I ever had a relationship with. All I can say is, this feels like completely untrodden territory. This was true for me too. Enjoy!!
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