livefastdiehard Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Ok, if you've read the awkward sex thread, you'll know the story. If not, I'll try to some it up...So was seeing a guy for over a month, a few weeks ago we had sex for the first time together and it was a bit awkward. Afterwards, he stopped contacting me, only talking to me when I would initiate contact. Almost 3 weeks go by and I hadn't seen him or really talked to him. It was a friend of ours' birthday and we were all planning to go out to a bar/club. For the first time in weeks, he contacted me and asked if I was going Friday. I said yes and asked why he asked and he said "Oh just wondering because I might go." I get slightly excited because it sounded like he finally wanted to see me again, not to mention how crappy I felt about myself after the sex and it made me feel a little better to hear he is coming. But then I thought, it could mean he doesn't want to go if I'll be there to avoid seeing me. Boy am I smart! He didn't show up. His friends were mad because he didn't tell them or me for that matter. I was bummed out. Total self esteem killer. Anyway, I surprisingly met a new guy that night. We hung out yesterday as well and he wants to take me out Wednesday. He is super sweet, talks to me all the time (unlike guy #1 who would barely speak to me), and is 1000000x better looking (which shouldn't matter, but I like to point it out ). I didn't think I'd hear from guy #1 again, considering I haven't heard much from him or seen him in 3 weeks, not even an hi. A friend of mine even saw him more than I did. He had time, he just didn't want to see me. Well, guy #1 just contacted me. I didn't want to respond, but I didn't. He texted me bring up a band I introduced him to and how he's addicted to them now and asking me how my weekend was. The fact that he's still talking to me is making me feel uneasy. I don't know what to do now. It's not fair to guy #2 if I keep talking to guy #1. Am I a bad person for agreeing to seeing someone else so soon? I feel like this should have a thread of its own...not really about the awkward sex thing anymore lol
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Yeah but didn't you say in the awkward sex thread that you didn't really have an interest in dealing with this guy anymore? If this was me I would probably let guy #1 beg his way back into my life just to stroke my ego, but I wouldn't take him seriously anymore especially if guy #2 worked out. It sounds like guy #2 lies on a superior point above the efficient frontier with respect to guy #1, so there's really no reason to continue with him other than as friends or as an ego boost. Just don't wait 2 hours after you get wet to have sex with guy #2 this time.
Author livefastdiehard Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Yeah but didn't you say in the awkward sex thread that you didn't really have an interest in dealing with this guy anymore? If this was me I would probably let guy #1 beg his way back into my life just to stroke my ego, but I wouldn't take him seriously anymore especially if guy #2 worked out. It sounds like guy #2 lies on a superior point above the efficient frontier with respect to guy #1, so there's really no reason to continue with him other than as friends or as an ego boost. Just don't wait 2 hours after you get wet to have sex with guy #2 this time. Hmmm...I thought I did mention I wasn't interested in dealing with guy #1's shenanigans anymore. If I didn't, I apologize. I figured it was clear by me agreeing to go out with guy #2....I only like to deal with one guy at a time And believe me, if I knew I was gonna have sex 2 hours later, I would have stopped the fooling around a little more early on. Definitely a lot of unplanned circumstances there!
chuckles11 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 You aren't a bad person for seeing guy #2. Guy #1 basically rejected you. I don't see why you would even respond to him if guy #2 is so superior. Is it just an ego thing? Do not get caught up trying to prove your worth to Guy #1 because he treats you poorly. You do not need his validation.
Author livefastdiehard Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 You aren't a bad person for seeing guy #2. Guy #1 basically rejected you. I don't see why you would even respond to him if guy #2 is so superior. Is it just an ego thing? Do not get caught up trying to prove your worth to Guy #1 because he treats you poorly. You do not need his validation. I responded because I'm polite. I think it's rude to just not answer someone even if you are angry at them. I didn't give him long thoughtful answers, if that makes it any better? lol. Also, we are in the same friends circle. If he keeps trying to talk to me or even if he ever asks to see me again, I'm going to explain to him how he made me feel and I think it would be better if things between each other just stayed platonic because of those reasons.
guy777 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) "I responded because I'm polite. I think it's rude to just not answer someone even if you are angry at them. I didn't give him long thoughtful answers, if that makes it any better? lol. Also, we are in the same friends circle. If he keeps trying to talk to me or even if he ever asks to see me again, I'm going to explain to him how he made me feel and I think it would be better if things between each other just stayed platonic because of those reasons." This is nice of you that you tried to explain it to him. But I think you are spending valuable time on something that isn't really that important. If I remember your story correctly, guy #1 is pretty dumb, or maybe just plain mean and cowardly. He's probably not going to frame the story to your friends in the same way that you explain it to him. You probably would've best broken through his thick skull by saying, "That night you didn't show up at the bar I met someone that seems really great" . . . For some this will amp up their attraction to you a few times previous levels. That's what happens sometimes when we can't get what we want. Think about what your interest in him was doing when he wasn't calling. You still wanted him to show at the bar that night after his communication was distant. Don't you think it's kind of a coincidence he's calling now. I'm betting he heard through the grapevine that you really like this new guy. News travels fast in your circle of friends, so be careful about being really open about private things. Somebody has a big mouth! Edited May 10, 2011 by guy777
Author livefastdiehard Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Well I'm happy to say I haven't heard from Guy #1 since Sunday. Things with guy #2 are going great. He took me out to dinner and a movie last night. And tonight he asked me to come as his date to his brother's birthday dinner.
Dust Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Just ignore guy #1 if he does call. He already knows through your friends that you've moved on and how much he hurt you. (not that he shouldn't be able to figure that out himself) Go you!
Dust Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 She can't ignore him because she can't get over him. Guy #2 is a rest stop until she can find another guy #1 or guy #1 takes her back. She should ignore you too. Pretty foolish to assume something like that.
Dust Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Well, guy #1 just contacted me. I didn't want to respond ... The fact that he's still talking to me is making me feel uneasy. Hmmm...I thought I did mention I wasn't interested in dealing with guy #1's shenanigans anymore. If I didn't, I apologize. I figured it was clear by me agreeing to go out with guy #2....I only like to deal with one guy at a time Well I'm happy to say I haven't heard from Guy #1 since Sunday. Things with guy #2 are going great. I'm not assuming it. The obsession speaks for itself. If she really cared about guy #2 she would be "Guy #who? I am a one man kind of girl.:love:" instead of "I hope guy #1 calls.:o" No you’re rude that’s about all we can know for sure about you. Also you seem to have an obsession with being foolish. This girl obviously doesn’t want anything to do with guy #loser. If he sounds like such a great catch to you, have at it I’m sure a guy just like him lives in your area.
Dust Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 If guy #1 was such a loser then she wouldn't care about his avoidance and his infrequent calls. She would concentrate on her relationship instead of daydreaming about the relationship she wants with guy #1. You see this kind of girl time and time again. She pretends the guy she has is the guy she wants. She even uses his better stats and her contempt for the other guy as proof of her interest, but she can't stop thinking of the other guy. The other guy isn't even in the picture. This is like masturbation for the mind. She's only playing with herself. Until she can break the cycle over worrying about a guy who is not around, no man she is with actually has her and she is not legitimately with him. There is no purpose to this thread if she didn't care and she didn't want him. He is not a stalker. She is not involved with him. He rarely calls. Yet here she is fussing about him. Where her interest lies should be quite apparent. People and things that don't matter you don't even give a second thought to but the ones that do matter you go mental over. She isn't here professing her mad desires and devotion to guy #2. She's sitting here wondering what guy #1 will do. She's a woman possessed. While it is cute it will only hurt her. I think she just wanted communicate what she is going through. It’s an awkward situation considering until recently they had been dating and had sex, not to mention her group of friends are all involved. I think you need to do some soul searching if you think so little of yourself you would go back to a person who treated you so poorly. You’re very rude to say things like “you see this kind of girl time and time again.” You should learn some manner and basic communication skills. Good luck with that.
Dust Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 But it is all in the past and he avoids any group meet ups with her there so it shouldn't be a problem. The only problem here is she doesn't still have him and she can't get over it. If he continues to miss get togethers since she is there then they won't be his friends for long and she'll have less to worry about. This won't matter internally since he is her fetish. He didn't treat her poorly. He is only evading a very awkward situation like anyone else would do. If she could get him over his embarrassment with some sympathy and empathy then they could have a normal relationship. It would require a face to face though with no technology. She whines about his cowardice but she doesn't have the courage of a lioness herself. I consider what you have written more ramblings and insults from a possibly deeply troubled person. These are your insecurities not hers, please recognize that. You can insult me as much as you like. I get it all the time. It doesn't bother me. It just says more about yourself. Patterns do repeat and no one is a snowflake. Those are the facts Jack. It has nothing to do with some archaic sense of etiquette. You called the OP “a woman possessed” among many other rude things. If you are insulted a lot it comes as no surprise to me considering you have no self-respect made apparent by the things you chose to write on here.
Author livefastdiehard Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Wow. I'm sorry you feel that way about me and this "fetish" you think I have. In fact, if it wasn't requested that I keep everyone updated on Guy #2 I wouldn't comment anymore as Guy #1 doesn't matter anymore. I don't understand how you think I'm not sympathetic about the sex situation. HE is the one that stopped contacting me after that. I tried to get us to meet up, it didn't work. It takes two to tango. IF I was so insensitive to the problem on his part during sex I would have never have wasted a breath on him let alone post here. Guy #1 is out of the picture completely. He's good friends with some of my good friends. If I'm gonna have to face him again, I want to keep it not as awkward as possible and peaceful. No need for me to be bitter. Guy #2 is 10000000x better than Guy #1, I have no reason to go back to him in any way shape or form. I came here for advice in how to deal with the situation because I don't want to cause trouble. And thanks Dust for standing up for me.
Dust Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Not every opinion is transference Dr. Freud including the one's of mine you read. It is a statement of fact. If she wants to rid herself of her possession then she needs to act instead of obsess. People don't get insults directed at them for lacking self-respect. People get insults thrown at them because it makes the instigator feel good about himself. Nothing I posted about her life would indicate anything about my level of self-respect. It is a trite assumption you pulled out of thin air since you didn't care to take the time to do any real deduction. You jumped to the insult for its pleasure inducing benefits. No you don’t have any respect, and the way you carry on here and in other threads shows it. By lacking respect, people in turn show you no respect. You were the one who complained about being insulted all the time, so that just proves my point whether its true or not because, you said it.
Recommended Posts