WWDDFD Posted April 11, 2004 Posted April 11, 2004 Okay, I need opinions. This woman I've been talking with for a few months now over the phone, pretty much weekly, is not really sending me any signals of any kind, and I don't know what to make of it. (The other possibility is that she *IS* sending signals and I just don't know how to pick them up due to my inexperience with women) Anyway; she's been working a hell of a lot of hours, pretty much around 80 per week; hasn't had a single day off from work in over a month now, and our schedules just don't match up at all. So she calls me on Monday this week and my phone was malfunctioning, and I didn't get the call, only the voicemail; I call back the next day telling her I'm free to talk that evening, but she doesn't call back. This is actually the first time she hasn't returned a call of mine in over 3 weeks, so I'm not really worried. Thursday night rolls around and I give her a ring, but it turns out she's at work, and her voicemail is disabled. (Probably because she forgot to pay her bill again), so I take this opportunity to send her some txt messages saying things that I just can't say in person. Side Note: She told me a few weeks ago not to send text messages anymore, because her phone doesn't tell her she received them if she receives a phone call or voicemail after she receives the text; for those of you following my saga, it turns out that this is the reason why she never seemed to be returning my messages; she simply wasn't getting them until a week later or so. For me, a technogeek, that's a lame excuse, but I believe her because she's not into technology at all, and would reasonably have a difficult time doing things like this (some phones are just lame). Anyway, back to the point: I sent her a text saying "You are a very beautiful and smart woman, and I would love more than anything to start dating if you would make some time for me. =)" and then a minute later: "PS, I'm sorry for the text, but your voice mail seems to be broken. Take care =)" I feel really guilty for making it seem like I would have told her over voicemail if it was working... but nevermind that. Anyway, she didn't get back to me that night, but last night while she was at work she snuck out for a break and called me; we talked for about 7 minutes or so before she abruptly had to go back to work, but before she went she told me "You can give me a call tomorrow if you want". Now, the strange thing is... during our discussion, she never once mentioned the text messages I sent. I don't know if I should bring it up or not... Another thing: does anyone think I am overanalyzing everything? That I should just stop worrying about this girl and "let it be" as Lennon would say? She mentioned that she has had no time to buy DMB concert tickets lately; I would love to take her, but I'm not sure if it's appropriate to ask her; after all we've only been on one date (but have been talking for 7 months as of tomorrow). Should I try asking her if I could take her?
moimeme Posted April 11, 2004 Posted April 11, 2004 after all we've only been on one date (but have been talking for 7 months as of tomorrow) Unbelievable. You could, of course, drop this loser and go find some other person who might - wait for it - actually go out with you. Oh, and over these seven months, exactly how many phone calls have there been? And how long have they lasted? Bud, this is SO not even close to a relationship, it's pitiful. The other possibility is that she *IS* sending signals Yeah. She is. The signal is 'you're not sufficiently interesting to me that I can be bothered spending any time whatsoever with you, plus speaking to you more than once a week is also too much trouble'. In brief: SHE IS NOT INTERESTED IN YOU
sportsloving Posted April 11, 2004 Posted April 11, 2004 Ask her if she would like to go the concert... but as moimeme said, it doesn't appear as if she has been making alot of time for you in her life. I am trying to cut her a break as the hours she is working, but still, you make time for those you care about. Best of luck, and no, do not bring up the text message... tell her either on the phone or in person
Author WWDDFD Posted April 11, 2004 Author Posted April 11, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme after all we've only been on one date (but have been talking for 7 months as of tomorrow) Unbelievable. You could, of course, drop this loser and go find some other person who might - wait for it - actually go out with you. Oh, and over these seven months, exactly how many phone calls have there been? And how long have they lasted? Bud, this is SO not even close to a relationship, it's pitiful. The other possibility is that she *IS* sending signals Yeah. She is. The signal is 'you're not sufficiently interesting to me that I can be bothered spending any time whatsoever with you, plus speaking to you more than once a week is also too much trouble'. In brief: SHE IS NOT INTERESTED IN YOU She says she is. What am I supposed to do? Call her a liar? That's mean, and probably dead wrong too. From what she's told me about herself, I believe that she's truly irresponsible and needs someone to help her. What am I supposed to do, say "piss off you irresponsible hag, I'm a selfish jerk who cares only about himself and you're not fulfilling my needs!"? I hardly think so. That would be downright mean; you can't just tell someone to piss off because of things they can't control. Everybody needs somebody. I could never treat anyone like that. I sense she's making a genuine effort towards me; I asked her to return all of my calls and she's failed to return only one of them since. This woman risks getting in trouble at her job by talking to me on the phone occasionally; if she weren't interested, why would she do that? We're both incredibly busy people. I'm working on my third book now and she's buying a house. It's very difficult to mesh our schedules together, but she's promised me that she'll be working much less over the summer so that we'll have plenty of time to do stuff together. I started this off terribly; I treated her like ****. I told her when I would call her, and then neglected to call for an entire month after that. I owe it to her to make up for that.
moimeme Posted April 11, 2004 Posted April 11, 2004 I started this off terribly; I treated her like ****. I told her when I would call her, and then neglected to call for an entire month after that. I owe it to her to make up for that. Trust me on this; she did not spend that entire month agonizing about whether or not you would call the way you do. You see, WWFDD, you do this every time. You tell us about this pathetic pretense which does not constitute a relationship, people here tell you it's a losing proposition, and you continue. I fail to see why you even ask the questions. All of us have been in relationships; we know what it's about. We know what the signs are that mean someone cares or not and nothing she does means she cares. She says she is. What am I supposed to do? Call her a liar? No, just quit being so all-fired gullible. People will tell you they love you, too, but it is their ACTIONS you believe, not their words. Do you know that abusers protest their undying love for the people they abuse? Words mean nothing. Don't call her a liar. Don't call her anything. Just don't call her.
ace876 Posted April 11, 2004 Posted April 11, 2004 7 months? There is no way in hell she is interested in you. Even if she did like you (at one time) those "feelings" are long gone now, man. She can't break it to ya. -Ace
Author WWDDFD Posted April 11, 2004 Author Posted April 11, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme I started this off terribly; I treated her like ****. I told her when I would call her, and then neglected to call for an entire month after that. I owe it to her to make up for that. Trust me on this; she did not spend that entire month agonizing about whether or not you would call the way you do. You see, WWFDD, you do this every time. You tell us about this pathetic pretense which does not constitute a relationship, people here tell you it's a losing proposition, and you continue. I fail to see why you even ask the questions. All of us have been in relationships; we know what it's about. We know what the signs are that mean someone cares or not and nothing she does means she cares. She says she is. What am I supposed to do? Call her a liar? No, just quit being so all-fired gullible. People will tell you they love you, too, but it is their ACTIONS you believe, not their words. Do you know that abusers protest their undying love for the people they abuse? Words mean nothing. Don't call her a liar. Don't call her anything. Just don't call her. I've never even assumed I was anywhere close to a relationship. I don't even consider us dating yet, so I'm not really sure why you think that I think I'm in a relationship. As for not calling; I've tried that, many times. She always ends up calling back. She wouldn't do that if she wasn't interested in me. I garuntee, if I stopped calling right now, I'd hear from her by Wednesday. Regardless, I believe you that she's trouble. I like to help people in trouble, I've been doing it all my life. This woman is getting a masters degree, working 80 hours a week, and has a sleeping disorder. She's possibly been raped before too (hinted at it, never actually said so though). Ah nevermind. I'm too stubborn to give up. That's the way I am with everything. How the hell do you think I've been able to write 2 whole books by the age of 23 (1600 pages combined)? I guess you're all sick of me by now, so I'll shut up now.
Fritz Posted April 11, 2004 Posted April 11, 2004 Originally posted by WWDDFD Regardless, I believe you that she's trouble. I like to help people in trouble, I've been doing it all my life. This woman is getting a masters degree, working 80 hours a week, and has a sleeping disorder. She's possibly been raped before too (hinted at it, never actually said so though). Slip of the tongue there? She's trouble or in trouble? I'd be wary of getting involved with someone who is in trouble or is trouble. She doesn't sound too terribly interested either (or she can't let you down easy..). I'd ask her out if you really like her (not just want to help her out) but be ready to move on if she comes up with excuses. 7 months is rather ridiculous bud.
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