26pointblue Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 http://cornellsun.com/node/42043 This article does not support the proposition that I said wasn't true, that was along the lines of in most if not all states the wife can sue the OW for half of all the money the MM spent on the OW. Instead it stands for the proposition that a very small minority of states recognize the tort called Alienation of Affection, which allows the wife to sue the OW for damages. That tort is rarely used even where it's on the books because the elements are very hard to prove. Sure no one likes to be sued for anything/ have to defend a lawsuit, & you can technically sue someone for anything but it doesn't necessarily mean the case will hold up or you'll win. I'm not trying to fight, just to educate- because the original proposition was not true.
myname Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Way I'm feeling now, and I'll admit I'm bitter and angry , take him for all he's got and let him deal with any problems from that. But make sure you ask for more than you actually need and squirrel some of it away. ps, I never did anything like this myself, cos I didn't want to owe him a thing when it came time to walk away.
2sure Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 [QUOTE=herenow;3391347]My point is: If they are as close, in love and committed as she says they are, why isn't he aware of the problem already? Why the need to ask for assistance in how to talk to a man who supposedly loves and cares about her so much? Shouldn't he already know what is happening in her life? Shouldn't he already be helping her get through this rough patch, even if just emotionally? Yep. Even when I was OW and was most concerned with the financial aspect...I would have been isulted if I had had to ask for anything!! I mean, really, if a man is not enjoying his wife...yet supports her, takes her on vacation, buys her gifts, jewelry, cars whatever is within his means...why on earth would the OW, whom he loves and cares about have to ask for a damn thing?
Lucky_One Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Yep. Even when I was OW and was most concerned with the financial aspect...I would have been isulted if I had had to ask for anything!! I mean, really, if a man is not enjoying his wife...yet supports her, takes her on vacation, buys her gifts, jewelry, cars whatever is within his means...why on earth would the OW, whom he loves and cares about have to ask for a damn thing? And if a MM despises his BS for her financial dependence on him and feels that she only wants the marriage because of her money-hunger, then it stands to reason that THAT sort of MM would also despise his OW for being a poor money manager and only wanting him to pay for her life.
herenow Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Yep. Even when I was OW and was most concerned with the financial aspect...I would have been isulted if I had had to ask for anything!! I mean, really, if a man is not enjoying his wife...yet supports her, takes her on vacation, buys her gifts, jewelry, cars whatever is within his means...why on earth would the OW, whom he loves and cares about have to ask for a damn thing? I know, right? If the relationship was as strong as she claims, he would just be there for her no matter what. He would already know about the things that trouble her and support her in any way he can. In relationships like this one (or what we are told this one is), things like this just happen automatically.
herenow Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 And if a MM despises his BS for her financial dependence on him and feels that she only wants the marriage because of her money-hunger, then it stands to reason that THAT sort of MM would also despise his OW for being a poor money manager and only wanting him to pay for her life. Good point lucky one.
Lucky_One Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 This article does not support the proposition that I said wasn't true, that was along the lines of in most if not all states the wife can sue the OW for half of all the money the MM spent on the OW. Instead it stands for the proposition that a very small minority of states recognize the tort called Alienation of Affection, which allows the wife to sue the OW for damages. That tort is rarely used even where it's on the books because the elements are very hard to prove. Sure no one likes to be sued for anything/ have to defend a lawsuit, & you can technically sue someone for anything but it doesn't necessarily mean the case will hold up or you'll win. I'm not trying to fight, just to educate- because the original proposition was not true. Yes. Alienation of Affection has nothing to do with the laws about dissipation of marital funds. The MM could certainly be found guilty of dissipation in most (if not all) states (both through squandering marital funds on a paramour and of hiding assets from his wife).
Spark1111 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 This article does not support the proposition that I said wasn't true, that was along the lines of in most if not all states the wife can sue the OW for half of all the money the MM spent on the OW. Instead it stands for the proposition that a very small minority of states recognize the tort called Alienation of Affection, which allows the wife to sue the OW for damages. That tort is rarely used even where it's on the books because the elements are very hard to prove. Sure no one likes to be sued for anything/ have to defend a lawsuit, & you can technically sue someone for anything but it doesn't necessarily mean the case will hold up or you'll win. I'm not trying to fight, just to educate- because the original proposition was not true. Yes, you can sue anyone for anything. Half the monies spent on her were mine. I do not believe it is often winnable, but it has been done, mostly for the embarrasment factor. The OW is named, sued and served and must defend. There were two high profile cases recently, and the BS, a man, won a judgement of 50K, against both his xW and her OM. He knew he would never see a dime, and demanded a jury trial. He won. He just wanted someone to acknowledge what had happened to him was wrong.
2sure Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Oh yes..if my exH had spent a lot of money on someone it would have angered me even more...not because the money was important to me but because it was, during the marriage, very important to him.
Author daisy love Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Please elucidate how you construe potentially losing your job as an "opportunity" with this married man. An "opportunity" to have his full financial support, so you don't have to work anymore? Are you interested in becoming a fully "kept" woman? Honestly, I don't understand how this can be seen as any kind of "opportunity" with regards to your affair, though I can see it as an opportunity to get the kick in the rear you evidently need to get rid of a job you hate and perhaps to find one that is more suitable, and where you will be willing to follow the rules in order to keep it. But that's just about you - nothing to do with your affair with a married guy.I've always made my way and I've never asked him for anything. He says he worries that I don't need him. This would be a way for me to show him that I do need him if I work it right. No, I don't want him to support me. I am capable of supporting myself!! BUT if this provides an opportunity to strengthen our bond, I should take advantage of that.
Arrangrl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Daisy You know him, we don't. Go with your gut instinct tells you is the right thing to do sweetie. Arran
Owl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I've always made my way and I've never asked him for anything. He says he worries that I don't need him. This would be a way for me to show him that I do need him if I work it right. No, I don't want him to support me. I am capable of supporting myself!! BUT if this provides an opportunity to strengthen our bond, I should take advantage of that. So you WON'T need his financial aid if the worst occurs, but you're considering asking for it to show him that you need him...to make things better between you? Nope...I don't get it.
bloppy Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 It sounds like you want to be dependent on him so he can't leave you. Just like he can't leave his dependent wife.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I've always made my way and I've never asked him for anything. He says he worries that I don't need him. This would be a way for me to show him that I do need him if I work it right. That bolded statement reads "manipulate" to me. Whatever. As others have said, it's a pretty sorry extramarital affair where the married guy doesn't spend any money his girl on the side. I guess.
BB07 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Isn't it a very common thing for one of the reasons that MM give for the affair is his wife seeing him as worthless other than financial security or as I heard it, he was the workhorse? True or not if a mm feels that he has been taken advantage of financially by his wife, he isn't going to be too keen on having his mistress ask him for help/support/compensation. On the other hand......if you have as much faith in your mm as you proclaim to Daisy, then by all means go for it. After all if your relationship is what you say it is, there should be no problem, right?
Angelina527 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Hi! I get what you are saying. BUT I'm pretty sure that if his W wanted to sue me, my love would step in on my behalf. He really probably wouldn't. Sorry, but it's true. Also, those gifts he gives you...those are purchased with money belonging to his wife, as well. Taking money in any form from his family is beyond wrong...you're already stealing from his wife, why would you want to add to that?
bentnotbroken Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I've always made my way and I've never asked him for anything. He says he worries that I don't need him. This would be a way for me to show him that I do need him if I work it right. No, I don't want him to support me. I am capable of supporting myself!! BUT if this provides an opportunity to strengthen our bond, I should take advantage of that. Anybody else find these phrases completely disturbing and manipulative. So....I don't know, high school maybe.
BB07 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Anybody else find these phrases completely disturbing and manipulative. So....I don't know, high school maybe. Perhaps the mm is being "worked" just as much as Daisy is.
26pointblue Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Yes. Alienation of Affection has nothing to do with the laws about dissipation of marital funds. The MM could certainly be found guilty of dissipation in most (if not all) states (both through squandering marital funds on a paramour and of hiding assets from his wife). Right. But then the MM is required to pay his wife back her share of the marital funds. [Not the OW]. That is all I was trying to get at. :-)
26pointblue Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Oh yes..if my exH had spent a lot of money on someone it would have angered me even more...not because the money was important to me but because it was, during the marriage, very important to him. Doesn't this go against the earlier position you stated, that an OW should expect the MM to at least partially support her financially & spend money on her? I'm just confused. So if you're the OW you think the MM should spend money [marital assets] on you but if you're the BS you don't think the MM should spend money [marital assets] on the OW?
FieldFlower Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Daisy, IF you truly want a chance at saving your job, and I'm say IF, you should go to your supervisor and HR representative, and tell them you have an addiction to the internet, and ask them for help in finding sometype of program to get into. Most company/employer insurance companies recognize internet addictions now, and most companies, will make at least one attempt to give their employee a chance to deal with the problem, providing your not in an "employment at will" state, in which you can be let go at anytime, for any reason. It is not the most honest, but if your on the internet at work against company policy then I would say you at least have a problem with resisting the urge. It's up to your employer, but humility, and owning your actions, and apologizing for them, and take steps to ensure they never happen again can go along way. You never want to burn your bridges either, you never know when you might need that company for a future reference. I suggest not taking money from MM, it's not fully his to give, and you should exhaust all other options first. If termination is inevitable you should at least check into unemployment, and see if your employer will help maximize that benefit in regards to your termination. Also, don't manipulate this situation, it's wrong and you know it. Just imagine what he will think or do, if he ever finds out your manipulated him, or "played" his actions. Two wrongs never equal a right.
thomasb Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Whehttp://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=125597&page=1ther you like it or not, the mistress will have to repay marital funds that a man spends on her if the courts get ahold of the case. Read this:http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=125597&page=1
fooled once Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Against my better judgement I am going to ask my question of fellow OW and hope people can be nice. I got into some trouble with my supervisor at work because I was using the computer to surf unauthorized sites. I am very very scared that I might get fired or asked to resign. I can't get into TMI, but if I lose my job I will be in big trouble financially!! My friends and family can't help out if the worse happens. I'm too embarrassed to ask them to. Have any OW asked their AP for financial help? I know he will help me if I ask, but I'm a little scared and embarrassed. What should I do?? If you have constructive advise, please help. Hi Daisy. I haven't read anything but your initial post, so if you provided more info, I haven't seen it and will go back and read the thread after I post this. Many OW/mistresses do rely on the MM for financial aid. Many have them pay their rent, for groceries, for cell phones, etc. While I personally don't agree with having a married man pay for me (reminds me of being a hooker - NOT saying you are ... just saying that is what I think when I see some OW who routinely take money from the MM), if it is a one time LOAN, I don't see a problem with it. I am a huge believer in independence. I am married, but I make a damn good salary and can easily support myself. I did support myself after my divorce (and I had a small child). I don't believe in relying on ANYONE for help; but that is just MY philosophy for life. While I do understand needing a helping hand at times; I get disgusted by some who depend on money from someone else to live. Get a better job or work a 2nd job. In your situation, I would ask for a LOAN. Now, some MM will loan the money, but they don't want it back. I have read a few stories in the past and I think the MM paid the money to help ensure the OW keeps her mouth shut about the affair. I would do everything humanely possible to NOT have to ask him for money - maybe if you have jewelry from him you can sell or pawn? I would make asking him a last resort. Now I am off to read the rest of your thread! PS I hope you do not get in trouble at work. With today's economy, it is so hard to find a good stable job.
FieldFlower Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 This makes no sense. You are suggesting that she manipulate her employer by saying she has an addiction:rolleyes: but it's not ok for her to manipulate a MM. Go figure. If you actually read my post you would see where I said it wasn't the most "honest", and that she obviously can't help herself and does it anyway, so there is some "control" issue in regard to the internet surfing. Addiction is very much about self control, but whether or not she is, or is not, isn't for me to decide. Most employees are underpaid, and why shouldn't she take advantage of a service her employer/insurance company may or may not provide, and seriously who does this hurt? No one. She may even learn something about herself she didn't realize, not every addict is a fall down drunk or a needle lover, some people don't even realize they have an addiction until it NEGATIVELY impacts their life. She's only manipulating the MM, if she isn't honest with him. Go figure..and enjoy those fava beans.
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