wheelwright Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 For the people here who have followed my story, H and I have finally decided to split. We worked out the finance maths of this tonight, and as it is our daughter's birthday this week, we will leave it till next week and then he will move out. I am finally Ok with this, and in many ways very happy. H is being decent. There is every chance we will be friends. The final straw was realising I kill him more by staying than leaving. I lack the killer instinct, and this realisation sidesteps it for me. I am walking into my future, and it feels good.
Silly_Girl Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 It is so hard... The deciding and worrying and reviewing and churning over... It drains. I am glad there is positivity in your post and really hope everything goes well for the whole family. Best wishes.
thissecretgirl Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Glad you have managed to work things out together in a reasonable manner. It cant have been easy. Best of luck for your futures. I hope they are filled with lots of love and laughter.
fascinated Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Yay for you! Sounds like a new beginning. I wish you continued happiness!
bestplayer Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 For the people here who have followed my story, H and I have finally decided to split. We worked out the finance maths of this tonight, and as it is our daughter's birthday this week, we will leave it till next week and then he will move out. I am finally Ok with this, and in many ways very happy. H is being decent. There is every chance we will be friends. The final straw was realising I kill him more by staying than leaving. I lack the killer instinct, and this realisation sidesteps it for me. I am walking into my future, and it feels good. congrats on dumping your H . Best of luck
John Michael Kane Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 congrats on dumping your H . Best of luck Why does the man always move out? Don't worry no need to answer that.... Glad he finally has a chance to be happy.
Hazyhead Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Good luck with everything, Wheelwright. I'm sure that you have a lot to still go through but I hope that for both of you the future is bright. Go get your happiness.
Owl Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I'm curious, WW. Is your H equally as happy about this outcome? Is this the outcome he wants as well? If so...then it truly is good news for the both of you, and every reason for the both of you to be happy. But I will say that this does seem to me to be the best possible solution for the both of you in the long run. From all that you've posted, I cannot imagine any possible way that the two of you could have remained happy together. In truth, it seems impossible to me at this point. You simply don't appear to want/be capable of maintaining the same kind of relationship that your H is likely expecting in a marriage. You won't be happy in those confines, and he probably wouldn't be happy with anything less. Hope it works out the best way it can for the both of you.
ladydesigner Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Wow WW I have followed your story since I've come to LS. I am very glad to hear that you are happy with this decision and wish you and your family the best of luck. It always came across to me that you never seemed to be fully happy and content in staying in your M. I know I wouldn't be happy if I felt I was just going through the motions with no connection. I wish you all the happiness you deserve! Good luck and keep us posted!
Garrgoil Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 We worked out the finance maths of this tonight, and as it is our daughter's birthday this week, we will leave it till next week and then he will move out. "Why is daddy leaving?" "Mommy cheated so we're getting divorced. But now mommy is happy. Aren't you happy, too?" Happy Birthday, kid.
siuys Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 "Why is daddy leaving?" "Mommy cheated so we're getting divorced. But now mommy is happy. Aren't you happy, too?" Happy Birthday, kid. Sarcasm is really going to help. Why do you see the need to comment this way?
thissecretgirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) Sarcasm is really going to help. Why do you see the need to comment this way? I completely agree. Its ridiculous. I also dont get the comments that are solely about the husband and no mention of wishing WW good luck and happiness. Why cant people simple wish them both the best. No one knows the dynamics at play and no one knows the individuals. If WW and her husband are ok with it, I dont see why other people cant be. As for telling their daughter, it appears that so far they have dealt with it in a constructive and adult way and may even manage to salvage a friendship too. I am sure they will continue in this vein when it comes to telling their daughter. If they are unhappy together I think they are doing completely the right thing for them and for their daughter. Or maybe they should be really selfless and stay together so it makes some people here feel more comfortable?? Edited May 10, 2011 by thissecretgirl
Garrgoil Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 If they are unhappy together I think they are doing completely the right thing for them and for their daughter. The right thing for the daughter would have been not to cheat in the first place.
thissecretgirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 The right thing for the daughter would have been not to cheat in the first place. Oh for gods sake. You know, it must be really satisfying being up there on the moral high ground. You dont know what led WW to that point. You dont know what was at play and the feeling and emotions involved that took her there. Seriously, its happened. It cant be changed. It's what happens now that is important and if that means a happier mother and father living separately than miserable, unhappy people living together then I see that as a good thing for them and for their daughter.
Garrgoil Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Seriously, its happened. It cant be changed. It's what happens now that is important and if that means a happier mother and father living separately than miserable, unhappy people living together then I see that as a good thing for them and for their daughter. Whose actions caused them to become miserable and unhappy? Not the daughter's. And not the husband's.
Got it Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 WW - I am happy you have come to a mutual decision and you have found peace in your decision. Good luck!
John Michael Kane Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Oh for gods sake. He has a strong point. You know, it must be really satisfying being up there on the moral high ground. It does feel good. Nothing wrong with knowing how to not always act on random impulses and sexual urges. You dont know what led WW to that point. Yea we actually do. You dont know what was at play and the feeling and emotions involved that took her there. That's what people say when they don't have a solid argument. We know what happened and what led her there: Herself. Seriously, its happened. It cant be changed. It's what happens now that is important and if that means a happier mother and father living separately than miserable, unhappy people living together then I see that as a good thing for them and for their daughter. Of course it can't be changed but that doesn't mean one has to put up with it. It's a good thing they're divorcing so the BH can be happy, but like Garrgoil said this wouldn't be going on if the cheating never happened.
Got it Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Actually you can't know that since you don't know them. Even without infidelity they could have ended up divorcing.
Garrgoil Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Actually you can't know that since you don't know them. Even without infidelity they could have ended up divorcing. Excuse me? They're getting divorced as a direct consequence of OP's cheating and inability to stop pining away for her affair partner, even after she got caught by her H and thrown under the bus by her AP. You might as well say she could have been hit by a bus the day before she started her affair, and then the affair wouldn't have happened. Try to make sense at least please.
Silly_Girl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Yea we actually do. Okay then. What led WW down that path please? Let's have the full context not some pious bashing.....
thissecretgirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Whose actions caused them to become miserable and unhappy? Not the daughter's. And not the husband's. Thats quite an assumption.
thissecretgirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 He has a strong point. For some It does feel good. Nothing wrong with knowing how to not always act on random impulses and sexual urges. Because obviously thats why all affairs begin:rolleyes: Yea we actually do. nope That's what people say when they don't have a solid argument. We know what happened and what led her there: Herself. assumption. Of course it can't be changed but that doesn't mean one has to put up with it. It's a good thing they're divorcing so the BH can be happy, but like Garrgoil said this wouldn't be going on if the cheating never happened. You dont have to put up with at all since it doesnt effect you. Why wouldnt it be going on? If there were problems there how do you know they wouldnt have split up? You dont. And if you feel that strongly isnt what you say about the H a double standard? Why is it good they are splitting up so the BH is happy...surely that undermines your arguments about the effect on children?
carrie999 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 TSG, I totally get why you're trying to argue here, but it's a moot point. Plenty of betrayed spouses come here to either lend perspective by getting across the pain they've felt. They make valid points, and often give insight to affair partners that they might have missed, and I appreciate hearing what they have to say, even if it's harsh. Others come here basically to criticize and condemn EVERYONE taking part in an affair because they're just plain angry, and haven't found a place to vent, so they let it all out on a random internet message board. It's not worth engaging them. FWIW, I agree with you. WW, I'm really happy for you. I've only learned parts of your story, but I understand what you've been going through. Ending a relationship amicably is hard to do, and it says a lot about both of you as people and as parents.
thissecretgirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) TSG, I totally get why you're trying to argue here, but it's a moot point. Plenty of betrayed spouses come here to either lend perspective by getting across the pain they've felt. They make valid points, and often give insight to affair partners that they might have missed, and I appreciate hearing what they have to say, even if it's harsh. Absolutely, there are a some of those here and I'm glad they contribute in a constructive way; their were a couple of BS who I found helpful with my own situation. There are also those as some others have pointed out, that deliver comments in such a way that its not constructive and try to pass off their own anger and projections under the guise of advice and discussion. I personally dont appreciate their contribution, but each to their own and as they will insist on telling you; its their right to post. Others come here basically to criticize and condemn EVERYONE taking part in an affair because they're just plain angry, and haven't found a place to vent, so they let it all out on a random internet message board. It's not worth engaging them. FWIW, I agree with you. Thanks Carrie999. I understand what you say about engaging with them, but there have been cases on here when threads have been literally inundated by posts from BS and not in a constructive way. I'm surprised some of the OPs actually come back and I have seen cases where they choose to go. A shame in a froum that is meant to be for them. When this happens I personally find it difficult to sit by and not say anything in all honesty. So as long as they inflict their views on me and I will continue to offer a different perspective back. But FWIW I do understand your point WW sorry for the temp hijack and in the spirit of getting things back on track I wont be responding to any further inflammatory comments. I cant speak for anyone else. To get the thread back on topic. I will wish you the same good luck as previously. I hope it works out for everyone concerned and you all have happy futures ahead of you. Edited May 10, 2011 by thissecretgirl
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