Woggle Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I have heard some women on here and other places say their husbands are great men because they forgave an affair or he puts up with her abuse or any other thing she does to him. I don't get this logic. Nobody should put up with betrayal or abuse and a man should not have to do so in order to prove he is a good partner. I have no problem at all spoiling my wife and treating her like a queen because she deserves it but if I ever find out she cheated she is out the door and if she ever abused me verbally or physically she is out. I am willing to be a great husband but never will I be a doormat.
Fondue Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I'm not a sexist or anything, but I truly believe this is due to the fact that we now have a "new-age man and woman" dynamic. Men now are pretty much pussies compared to what they were before. This is partially due the fact that feminism got way too strong and more or less tilted things the other way, instead of the intended "balance." Women now have the ability to be controlling and abuse and for some odd reason, the rest of society seems not to care. Men, being pussies and all, now just eat it.
mr.dream merchant Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Ask a man what it takes to be a good man. Now, ask a woman what makes a good man. You'll find that men and women base this title on very different things. If you ask me what makes a man a good man I'll tell you it's based off of what he stands for, and how he carries himself. It has nothing to do with women, or how he treats them.
anne1707 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 My husband is a great man. Yes, he gave me another chance after my affair - which does make him a good man because of his strength and ability to forgive. But I also believe a BS who leaves the marriage also has their strength and ability to make a new life so just as good. So what makes my husband a good man? He cares, he is generous, he is gentle, he is determined, he is smart, he is funny, he laughs at himself, he supports, he does not judge, he questions, he is modest, he is creative, he is sensitive, he is curious, he is fun, he has standards, he loves learning, he never takes for granted, he is intuitive, he is a big kid, he is responsible, he has lovely hands and the best eyes you wil ever see - he certainly sees me :love:
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Being a good man, to me, stands for morals and values. That includes forgiveness, and self respect, as well as respect to others. If a man is able to get past a cheating woman, and finds that he still loves her and is willing to forgive, that stands for high moral values. As does the situation when he has to walk away, because things are hopeless. Forgiving someone doesn't make you a pussy. It makes you a man.
Fondue Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 My husband is a great man. Yes, he gave me another chance after my affair - which does make him a good man because of his strength and ability to forgive. But I also believe a BS who leaves the marriage also has their strength and ability to make a new life so just as good. So what makes my husband a good man? He cares, he is generous, he is gentle, he is determined, he is smart, he is funny, he laughs at himself, he supports, he does not judge, he questions, he is modest, he is creative, he is sensitive, he is curious, he is fun, he has standards, he loves learning, he never takes for granted, he is intuitive, he is a big kid, he is responsible, he has lovely hands and the best eyes you wil ever see - he certainly sees me :love: So he is a good man. But is he convinced he's with a good woman?
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Then why did you cheat? Why do people make mistakes? One thing I've learned from my experience with young women, is that most of them are clinically insane. It's only later that they wise up, and become women. Perhaps she was young when she cheated?
anne1707 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Then why did you cheat? Not the subject of this thread. It's all here on LS if you care to look Why do people make mistakes? One thing I've learned from my experience with young women, is that most of them are clinically insane. It's only later that they wise up, and become women. Perhaps she was young when she cheated? No. Not young. Age is not an excuse anyway Million dollar question. Oh so it's a joke with a price on it I'm not interested in generalities but her particular story. I might have gone too far in asking. I have way thicker skin than that after all I have been through on LS. Especially for questions from a "new" poster.
Darren Taylor Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Why can't you just answer the question? You were asked why did you cheat. It makes it sound as if you have something to hide and that your actions are justified.
anne1707 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Why can't you just answer the question? You were asked why did you cheat. It makes it sound as if you have something to hide and that your actions are justified. That is not the subject of this thread. I have made several threads when I joined LS about the affair. If you care to read them then feel free. But one thing I have never ever done is try to justify what I did. Not only does my Wuggle (my H) recognise this but I think Woggle (the OP) also recognises this.
Darren Taylor Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 That is not the subject of this thread. I have made several threads when I joined LS about the affair. If you care to read them then feel free. But one thing I have never ever done is try to justify what I did. Not only does my Wuggle (my H) recognise this but I think Woggle (the OP) also recognises this. I want links.
anne1707 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I want links. Oh please! If you are so obsessed, sorry interested, just click on my name etc and find threads I started.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 anne Their not obsessed just curious. A person asking you a question you find uncomfortable does not need to be pathological. To the OP. The reason those women define a man who takes their BS as a good man... Is the same reason some men define a good woman as one who takes their BS. It's because they are full of it. Seriously they know that they would never be able to be a decent and faithful partner so they need someone who will put up with their nonsense. As for me I could only forgive a cheating spouse if they did something to really show they were sorry. It would take something just short of seppuku ( ) for me to believe them. I have a narrow definition of cheating. I am flexible about relationships if they wanted to have another person once or twice and we discussed it that would be one thing... However a full on and secret affair would be almost unforgiveable to me.
fishtaco Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I have way thicker skin than that after all I have been through on LS. Especially for questions from a "new" poster. I thought Disinterested was being polite. After he asked a question, fearing he may have offended you, added that he may have gone too far in asking. But maybe this is just how the experts of LS roll. Back to the topic. I believe good men are measure in many different ways, it doesn't have to be linked to how much abuse he takes. To someone that is repentant, a person that forgives them would be the greatest. To someone that is unrepentant, a person that forgives them would be a sucker. So I'd say it's a pretty thin line. I'm not a good man, nor do I pretend to be one. But in a parallel universe where I would be one, I'd prefer to be a good man via means other than taking abuse. But that's just me.
thatdog Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I think there is a certain level of abuse that a PERSON must take to be in a committed relationship. The fact is once you are with someone for the long run you learn everything about them. GOOD and BAD. Everyone goes through rough patches not just the relationships but as individuals. Being a good man means acknowledging the weaknesses in yourself and your partner and being able to BOTH forgive them and work on them. AS stated a million times on here before though, there is a very fine line between being empathetic and being a doormat.
Author Woggle Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 That is not the subject of this thread. I have made several threads when I joined LS about the affair. If you care to read them then feel free. But one thing I have never ever done is try to justify what I did. Not only does my Wuggle (my H) recognise this but I think Woggle (the OP) also recognises this. I must admit you are one of the former cheating women on here that has truly accepted responsibility for her actions. I doubt I would ever forgive cheating under any circumstances but you are much different than most of the straying women here who still see themselves as the victim when in fact they are the victimizer. I have no issue with your husband giving you a second chance but honestly if you ever did cheat again and he didn't divorce you he would be a fool.
skydiveaddict Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) I have no problem at all spoiling my wife and treating her like a queen because she deserves it but if I ever find out she cheated she is out the door and if she ever abused me verbally or physically she is out. I am willing to be a great husband but never will I be a doormat. Woggle my friend, you worry way too much about what might (and most likely never will) happen, instead of enjoying what you already have. Be thankful for the gift of your wife and cherish all of your moments with her. Life goes by very fast my friend. don't waste a second of it. Edited May 9, 2011 by skydiveaddict
betterdeal Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I don't think many people who have functional, enjoyable relationships write about it in fora offering relationship advice, and so what you read is a self-selecting sample group and the data are thus not representative of life as a whole. For every difficult relationship outlined here there are N times more easy relationships out there. Regards people expressing positive feelings about someone who forgives transgressions, I don't see it as a bad thing. Judging him by virtue of judging her can put pressure on him to behave in a certain way. And if that way isn't the way he wants to behave, you may have contributed a tiny bit to further suffering, so I'd be very careful about dismissing his forgiveness and her relief for it.
anne1707 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 anne Their not obsessed just curious. A person asking you a question you find uncomfortable does not need to be pathological. To the OP. The reason those women define a man who takes their BS as a good man... Is the same reason some men define a good woman as one who takes their BS. It's because they are full of it. Seriously they know that they would never be able to be a decent and faithful partner so they need someone who will put up with their nonsense. As for me I could only forgive a cheating spouse if they did something to really show they were sorry. It would take something just short of seppuku ( ) for me to believe them. I have a narrow definition of cheating. I am flexible about relationships if they wanted to have another person once or twice and we discussed it that would be one thing... However a full on and secret affair would be almost unforgiveable to me. It has nothing to do with being uncomfortable answering questions. It is about being on topic. As for me being "full of it", you are so very wrong and I find the implication offensive I thought Disinterested was being polite. After he asked a question, fearing he may have offended you, added that he may have gone too far in asking. But maybe this is just how the experts of LS roll. Repeated off topic questioning could be interpreted as harassment if taken too far. He did not offend me at all but as I have said, the details of my story are off-topic I must admit you are one of the former cheating women on here that has truly accepted responsibility for her actions. I doubt I would ever forgive cheating under any circumstances but you are much different than most of the straying women here who still see themselves as the victim when in fact they are the victimizer. I have no issue with your husband giving you a second chance but honestly if you ever did cheat again and he didn't divorce you he would be a fool. Woggle - thank you. And I agree to your final point but our approach to our marriage is now very different to how it used to be thankfully. Let's ease up on anne and her life. She's not our pinata and no matter how hard you strike her deliciousness will not pour from her bowels. Now why does this have to sound so unpleasant as if I am some kind of monster
Pyro Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Woggle my friend, you worry way too much about what might (and most likely never will) happen, instead of enjoying what you already have. Be thankful for the gift of your wife and cherish all of your moments with her. Life goes by very fast my friend. don't waste a second of it. we may not agree on things alot but this right here is spot on.
musemaj11 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) I have heard some women on here and other places say their husbands are great men because they forgave an affair or he puts up with her abuse or any other thing she does to him. I don't get this logic. Nobody should put up with betrayal or abuse and a man should not have to do so in order to prove he is a good partner. I have no problem at all spoiling my wife and treating her like a queen because she deserves it but if I ever find out she cheated she is out the door and if she ever abused me verbally or physically she is out. I am willing to be a great husband but never will I be a doormat. What do you think the concept of 'gentleman' really is? It is the concept of a man doing everything at his expense for the benefit of a woman even if she is a healthy adult woman. If a white man expects a black man to pull out a chair for him, it will be racism. But if a woman expects a man to pull out a chair for her, he is a good man ,,, Society teaches that a good man is a slave man. Edited May 9, 2011 by musemaj11
salty goodness Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I have heard some women on here and other places say their husbands are great men because they forgave an affair or he puts up with her abuse or any other thing she does to him. I don't get this logic. Nobody should put up with betrayal or abuse and a man should not have to do so in order to prove he is a good partner. I have no problem at all spoiling my wife and treating her like a queen because she deserves it but if I ever find out she cheated she is out the door and if she ever abused me verbally or physically she is out. I am willing to be a great husband but never will I be a doormat. the latest statistics show that over 50% of men cheat on their partners and only over the last few years have the numbers for women cheating even come close to that. both men and women cheat this is not a female problem or phenomena and i get really frustrated reading these posts that in all honesty reek of misogyny.
betterdeal Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Who do the 50% of men who cheat, cheat with? I hazard a guess that men and women like having sex with more than one person in roughly equal numbers. (I was going to edit that last sentence to remove ambiguity, but I love the many innuendoes I've managed to squeeze out of it so far)
Recommended Posts