MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I've written on here a few times. And i don't even know how to post a link for me not to have to repeat my same story. But here's a snapshot: Ex and I lived together for 1 1/2 yrs we moved from TX to AZ together and it was stressful due to not having any friends, new jobs, new place, etc. and we were kinda taking the stress out on each other. Mostly I would say I was snappy with him and kinda naggy. He told me that he felt we ultimately had very little in common and are just not a match. He said I made him feel like he would never be good enough for me. So what I did is for 2 months after the break up, while we still lived together, I begged him. I literally did anything and everything I could for him to see that I was sorry for making him feel that way and that I not only thought he was worth it but was willing to start over fresh from ground zero to fix us. He was always 50/50 like he wanted to be with me but part of him also wanted freedom and privacy and to see what else is out there. A month after our break up he hooked up with someone. I was very hurt and down right disgusted and I told him I dont want to talk to him anymore...he spent the rest of that week sad and texting me and I ignored him. But then 4 days past and it was time for him to sign a lease. And he knew what to text me for me to reply....because I thought for a second that maybe he wont do it, maybe we could fix us. But he signed the lease anyway. He went with a 6 month lease instead of a year cause I asked him to. None of that matters now. I even went with him to buy new furniture and stuff for his place, I dont know what I was thinking. I wasnt thinking. I just wanted to be with him again and show him I had changed and that what we had was worth it. He continued to text people in front of me and he told me that he wasnt dating anyone at that time but wanted the option to. It all came down to me telling him he needed to move out of our place completely and give me my key back. That was two weeks ago. I also told him that the only way we could start over fresh is if its just us-not dating other people. He said he couldn't do it. That he just cant risk things going back to how they were that he cant lose all his freedom that he doesnt trust i will take things slowly and that he doesnt feel enough for me anymore and that again ultimately we dont have enough in common and we are just not a match. We have gone two weeks with no contact. He left a note on my apt door on Wed to put his mail in a bag for him and he picked it up at 2am after being out. I know that he is happier without me. He is probably not ever thinking of me and he's already replaced me. He has been with over 100 women and dated some and others were just sex. I am sure he went right back to all of that and wonders why he spent so long in a boring relationship with me. I say boring cause that's what he said...not that i was boring but that we didnt do all that much together....cause I'm a doctoral student and I cant go out during the week and now he does. That's why he said we dont match. I'm more about my career and he's more about life in general. I'm sad cause I don't see any reason for him to ever regret this or ever wan to come back. I write things on fb just so they may get to him somehow (he and i are not friends on fb). I'm so out of my mind. I'm so sad b/c he was my best friend and I miss him. I miss seeing him. talking to him, hanging out with him. I miss him so much. I want to contact him and tell him something, but I know it wont matter. I know that he doesnt want what I have to offer him. I know that. He knows that if he wanted me he could come right back to me and be with me. I want to text him and be like look you have til the end of May to make up your mind....and I want to do that in the hopes of him picking me. But that's stupid. He already didnt pick me. SO that would be me setting myself up for more pain. I dont know what to do. Why cant I just let go? Why do I keep hoping he will come back to me? Why can't I even picture being happy again unless I have him in my life? How can I move on? Why do I feel like I need a final blow in order to let go? Why hasn't this all been enough for me?
Sweet_T Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Girl...reading this breaks my heart because Im going through the same thing. Accept I know my man or ex has moved on. He actually went backwards! It hurts and I feel like I need that final blow too! I wish all of the **** I've been through with him was enough but it isn't. I would still take him back in a heart beat, because I love him that much and I know I contributed to things falling apart between us. I miss him to a degree that words can't describe and it scare the crap out of me. We broke up damn near 3 months ago and I still can't shake this feeling. And Ive done so much after the break up I can honestly see why he'd second guess our relationship in the end, but he doesn't understand the toll this has taken on me, mentally and physically. He had someone else to occupy his time, but he wanted to keep me too! Which hurts most because how do I go from being your live in gf to you asking me to be the woman on the side? Like really??!?!?!?!? But sadly that wasn't even enough. I just want him back and all to myself
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Girl...reading this breaks my heart because Im going through the same thing. Accept I know my man or ex has moved on. He actually went backwards! It hurts and I feel like I need that final blow too! I wish all of the **** I've been through with him was enough but it isn't. I would still take him back in a heart beat, because I love him that much and I know I contributed to things falling apart between us. I miss him to a degree that words can't describe and it scare the crap out of me. We broke up damn near 3 months ago and I still can't shake this feeling. And Ive done so much after the break up I can honestly see why he'd second guess our relationship in the end, but he doesn't understand the toll this has taken on me, mentally and physically. He had someone else to occupy his time, but he wanted to keep me too! Which hurts most because how do I go from being your live in gf to you asking me to be the woman on the side? Like really??!?!?!?!? But sadly that wasn't even enough. I just want him back and all to myself Thats exactly what my ex wanted...for him to move out and get his own place and for us to start dating again while he dated other women. he said thats all he wants and thats all he can give me. he said that since he is considering dating he might as well date me...and i couldn't agree to that. I couldn't go from what we had to being one of several. I know I deserve better than that. But I miss him. So so so much. Why is this not enough? Why is the fact that hes already had sex with someone enough for me? Why do i insist that this is the one for me when he's not even wanting to be with me?
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