giuliano-3 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 So, after successfully blocking my ex the other day I found myself wondering today "hmm, I could unblock her and just check her profile real quick then block her again." The reason for wanting to unblock (at the time) was to check what other people commented on her wall about her changing status to "in a relationship." I blocked her 7 hours after she changed the status and at the time nobody had written anything. Didn't do it. Don't feel the urge now to do it. But I wanted to hear some stories or words of wisdom from people who broke their NC to check on their ex's FB status. Cheers!
Shaun-Dro Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I got blocked last year after meeting a girl in a store, having short friendly conversations with her, and added to her facebook page. It happened in a week's time because I posted comments on her status pertaining to what she was talking about. Nothing nasty or anything, but because she was in a relationship with a jealous dude, she told me we couldn't talk anymore, so bam, I got blocked .
Good Arms Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Congrats on not doing it - you DON'T want to know what other people are commenting. It will only hurt. Keep listening to your logical mind. Three weeks on from my ex dumping me, she mentioned on FB about looking forward to going into work (we work together )... instantly I felt pain, as I could guess it could only mean one thing. So I read on... some more comments revealed someone else at work liked her... and she joked she'd play hard to get for now. She knew I was still a friend on FB, so I kind of felt betrayed that so soon after she'd post about this. Could have easily kept things to herself. It was the latest in a line of posts that tried to convey how great her life was, when I was struggling to come to terms with losing my first girlfriend. But it's not for her to look after my feelings, I guess it didn't even cross her mind. I learned my lesson and realised I HAD to put a stop to the snooping (I was already trying, but it's so hard to drop someone like that and have them suddenly cut from your life). Not long after I finally found the courage to block. Now of course I know I should have blocked from day 1, but you live and learn. I can completely understand the urge to unblock, as I did it several times. But in my case working with her was my main reason - I heard things from 'friends' I didn't want to know, and ended up unblocking just to check what I suspected - that she was in a relationship. It hurt like hell, but seeing her at work with who I believe is the new b/f meant I couldn't do NC anyway, and there are constantly new questions. I suppose it killed that ridiculous bit of hope you cling onto that they may change their mind and come back to you. I would love to have the luxury of not being tortured by seeing her most days (not to talk to, just in the building)... ignorance really is bliss - this is so true for dumpees - and I think if I wasn't exposed to clues about her life I would have resisted unblocking - though it's easy for me to say that, the proof would be in the pudding.
TooMuchPride Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 hey if u unblock her u wont be able to block her again for 2 days and she'll see u did and im sure u'll feel and or appear silly...there is some incentive! i used to block one of my exes n unblock them every like month...eventually deleted my fb for 2 months cause of them still didnt work.. my current breakup my ex deleted his fb a month after our breakup and nc still not sure if it was because of me or not...but i ddint block him because i didnt feel it would do much i stayed away as much as i could we werent friends on fb anymore but he had pics of me up n i would keep checking to see if he took them down...last time i checked they were still up the couple days later his fb was deleted...i wasnt blocked his profile was completely gone but just keep it blocked...if u see something bad u'll feel like **** if u see something "good" it will hold u back
Good Arms Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 hey if u unblock her u wont be able to block her again for 2 days and she'll see u did and im sure u'll feel and or appear silly...there is some incentive! This is very true - I mean when you're unblocked, the ex may spot you and know that previously they couldn't find you. So if anyone does ever give into temptation to unblock (but PLEASE DON'T!) then make sure you deactivate your account for the 2 days before you can repeat the block. Or for most of the two days, whenever you're not torturing yourself by snooping. That's if you really care what they think, to be honest it doesn't really matter and I imagine most exes will be leading their lives rather than trying to check up on you.
Author giuliano-3 Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 TMP, thanks for the extra incentive - didn't know about that. I'm an old-school low-tech kind of guy. Good Arms, I'm having a tough time figuring whether or not I'm fortunate that my ex has been a thousand + miles away at all times since our breakup. The talks on the phone were impersonal, the fact that she disappeared for the first 3 months and left her stuff at my place and didn't call or write was hard because I couldn't face her and tell her what she did was wrong. I never got to see any emotion in her face when she wrote me telling me how guilty and awful she felt over everything. But then again, it would probably have been harder to see her face every day and have her pretend like nothing was wrong. But at least I would have had the opportunity to say "Damn the torpedoes" and initiate a conversation in person. So idk, its hard both ways I guess. It sucks no matter what. Update - I went on FB, posted some pics of me and the moms, wrote a message to a girl I've wanted to start dating...didn't even cross my mind to check out the ex's page. Score!
Good Arms Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Good Arms, I'm having a tough time figuring whether or not I'm fortunate that my ex has been a thousand + miles away at all times since our breakup. The talks on the phone were impersonal, the fact that she disappeared for the first 3 months and left her stuff at my place and didn't call or write was hard because I couldn't face her and tell her what she did was wrong. I never got to see any emotion in her face when she wrote me telling me how guilty and awful she felt over everything. I just read your first thread - wow, you had it so much worse than me. Being cheated on and strung along like that is awful, and I can understand that for you, not being able to talk things through in person means you must have so many loose ends and unanswered questions. My ex gave me the classic break up talk, done in person, it was amicable, and yet even I sometimes wish we could have spoken again, or I could go back in time and say things with a clearer head. I imagine when they just abandon you and leave you to find out the truth, it must be even harder for you to find some sense of 'closure' (hate that word). But at the end of the day, it's over, just like my short relationship, just like millions around the world are going through right this moment (I think humans are ultimately pretty selfish, as it's so hard to realise/accept we're not the only ones going through this unbearable pain!) And once it's over, I'm convinced that to be as far away as possible from them can only be a good thing.
Author giuliano-3 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 OK, so pretty sure this doesn't qualify as breaking NC but it kind of feels like I did something close to that. This is why people said to just get rid of FB altogether. Was on the profile for a good family friend and decided to see if my ex was still friends or if she finally decided to unfriend her. My ex's name didn't show up on the friends list, not sure if that is because I blocked her or if she actually unfriended my family friend. Now of course that doubt has my head pounding again. Dangit!!! I thought I was through with wondering about what she was thinking. So, *sigh*, does anyone know whether or not a blocked person will show up on a friends list for someone else - or are they just forever blocked from showing up on any page altogether?
Author giuliano-3 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Well, I went ahead and counted the friends appearing in the list and compared it with the number on top of friends list and one was missing - so she is still friends with her. Cannot understand why she would still decide to be friends with my family friend. Thinking about calling my friend and asking her to unfriend her, its not like they were good friends or anything. They've met twice and haven't talked since before we broke up (over a year ago). Soooo, not sure why my ex has decided to keep that person as a FB friend. Probably because she doesn't notice, probably because she doesn't really care one way or the other. Arrrrrrrrgh!!!! Even though what I did doesn't count as e-stalking or breaking NC I'm frigging mad at myself for caring about whether or not my ex cares about or has even noticed my blocking her 3 days ago. Weak sauce!
hellon Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 My ex is still friends with about 11 of my friends on fb. They were MY friends, not his. Grrr! Some of them offered to un-friend him, but at the time I didn't think it was necessary. Anyway, right after the breakup I un-friended and then went through a ridiculous phase of blocking and un-blocking my ex. In the end, I left him un-blocked, but then found myself checking his page all the time, and then once that was set to private, checking his profile pic to see if he'd changed it. It's torturous, really. I say block and stay blocked.
happiness0421 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 The day after my ex broke up with me, he unfriended me on Facebook. He then proceeded to unfriend my friends (the two he had gotten to know when we were together). That actually pissed me off more than him unfriending me. He then added me as a friend about two weeks later, saying that he "missed me so much". I accepted the friendship, which I don't regret, because it led to a long-winded apology from him that brought me all the closure I needed. Never once during that time did I look at his profile/posts. Two weeks after THAT, when he wouldn't stop bugging me via texts/phone calls/Facebook messages (dude, you broke up with ME), I decided to go onto Facebook to unfriend him - basically cut him out completely because I could not heal with him constantly bugging me. After doing so, I find out that he has unfriended me - AGAIN! After getting the deflated feeling that I got the first time that he unfriended me, I got angry and proceeded to block him on Facebook, as well as block his phone #'s and email addresses. I decided that I was tired of him controlling my feelings. I almost feel like he was playing games with the whole Facebook thing. We are talking about a 26-year-old guy here...what the heck?! Oh well - 1 week and counting since I've heard from him; 3 weeks NC for me. I'm getting there, I guess.
ilovedhim Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I hate how facebook is controlling our lives LOL I don't have my ex blocked because his profile is private anyway. I unfriended the day we broke up. Glad I did but he has another profile that is public. I snooped a while back and found out he was dating every woman he met. Ukh. I was so miserable. But learned a lesson and haven't been back since. He's blocked every where else however. No more hope of ever-lasting misery for me.
silvermane187 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Oh man I've had so much damn drama because of FB unblocking/reblocking. Such a pain in the ass.
Good Arms Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 So, *sigh*, does anyone know whether or not a blocked person will show up on a friends list for someone else - or are they just forever blocked from showing up on any page altogether? Bit tired, so can't quite take in what your snooping involved, but if you block you won't see the person or any activity involving them anywhere - that includes in anyone's friends lists. To you, they won't show up. Similarly, they will no longer appear on your friends list to others. Of course blocking also includes defriending. Not sure about any history of theirs on your profile being visible to others though, ie. whether their posts are invisible/deleted because you blocked. Interesting that you can figure it out from counting the friends; I would have assumed the number of friends appeared one fewer to you if there was someone you blocked on there. Don't kick yourself too much for little relapses, it's hard going from knowing all about their lives to convincing yourself you don't want to know And you're right, your ex probably hasn't noticed or doesn't care about the family friend - maybe she's just reluctant to cause offence to someone by removing them. Whatever, it doesn't really matter... but we can't help but read more into these things than they ultimately mean!
Author giuliano-3 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) After almost four months of no phone contact she strikes again! This, of course, happening on the heels of my blocking her from facebook 3 days ago. Really confused right now. Before finding this site I would have probably called her tonight. I'm pretty sure she will start trying to call me if I don't respond at all. NC could be difficult. This is what she wrote : "know its mothers day and I just hope she's doing well give her my love and towards you xx" preceeded by "hey babes ai" Not sure at all about that last one, probably an errant send. Of course it is also the day after mother's day. Really confused. She is pulling those heart strings. Why won't she just let me go? She's gotta know its killing me! Edited May 9, 2011 by giuliano-3
Kodo Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I honestly have no answer to this thread. :/ My ex dumped me nearly 3 weeks ago, still hasn't deleted me on facebook. I asked a few days ago if she would and she said "why would I, I don't care about facebook anyway". Yet she's been online for hours upon hours each day chatting, posting on friends walls and even playing games by getting friends of hers to add each other to comment on wall posts. She added to that "if you want your privacy you can delete me" and I said "it's not about privacy" and she replied "if you want me to delete you I will OR you can just delete me yourself, I don't really care". So she won't even bother to delte me?
ilovedhim Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 After almost four months of no phone contact she strikes again! This, of course, happening on the heels of my blocking her from facebook 3 days ago. Really confused right now. Before finding this site I would have probably called her tonight. I'm pretty sure she will start trying to call me if I don't respond at all. NC could be difficult. This is what she wrote : "know its mothers day and I just hope she's doing well give her my love and towards you xx" preceeded by "hey babes ai" Not sure at all about that last one, probably an errant send. Of course it is also the day after mother's day. Really confused. She is pulling those heart strings. Why won't she just let me go? She's gotta know its killing me! Did you contact her back? She probably noticed you blocked her, which only means she's been stalking you all along
lazybum Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Don't do it. Take it from me personally. I went back and forth blocking and unblocking my ex. I even had her FB password and snooping just killed me further and further until i couldn't take it no more. I told her to change her password. One more thing. if you think blocking her is enough, it isn't. Her cousin and friends would talk to me about her and how she's stupid for leaving, etc. That just kept me in the same funk. So if you have to block all of them, DO IT. Right now, i have about 15 people blocked - herself, her new bf, her frens and family. And it has had an effect. i recently bumped into a mutual friend who said she really misses me and regrets leaving me - BUT those are only words. Actions truly speak louder than words. More importantly, blocking all of them prevents you from hearing about her. Cuz everytime u see her profile, trust me, you will kill urself. Unless you're a glutton for punishment, don't do it. I died several times doing this already. Social networks are a bitch for healing.
Author giuliano-3 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Did you contact her back? She probably noticed you blocked her, which only means she's been stalking you all along Didn't contact her back yet. I always had a nagging suspicion she was stalking me too, that doesn't help the conclusion of "we weren't meant for each other." So far, so good...so what (for lazybum). Luckily there aren't too many mutual friends/family on FB for us. I stayed away from that bs for most of our time. Already unfriended the two friends of hers that were mutual way back when. Haven't heard a peep from them. They like her new dude b/c he is a partier with a lot of money like themselves. They didn't appreciate that I took her away from them and their good times to a different city. Even though this guy is from another country and has also taken her away from them they like him because she is "more fun" now when she is around. She even told me at one point she hated her "spoiled brat" friends and didn't talk to them for about 6 months while we were together. You're right though, social networks are a B for this stuff. Edgar Allan Poe wrote a bunch of dark poetry and eventually drank himself to death, but if he had facebook he probably would have spent his time e-stalking all the same as us.
PelicanPete Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Edgar Allan Poe wrote a bunch of dark poetry and eventually drank himself to death, but if he had facebook he probably would have spent his time e-stalking all the same as us. hahahaha so true, thanks for the laugh. For me I actually made facebook after my break up because I wanted to get in touch with my old high school buddies, which was somewhat successful in the end. The ex gf was a bit of a facebook-a-holic and was pretty pissed when she found out I made one. I blocked her in the first 5 minutes of creating it but she still knew. Sent me some hate mail demanding to know why I joined facebook, ending with her wanting me to add her to my friends.. yea right I admit I occasionally looked at her page, mostly because she was "engaged" less than a month after our break up and I wanted to see if she was stupid enough to get married. Karma worked its magic when she changed her status to married, legally bound at 20 years old to the 20 year old guy with the receding hairline and doughy stomach. No wedding pictures because they were hitched, no support from her family, her friends thought she was trolling, and I couldn't help but laugh at her inevitable misfortune.
lazybum Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 To Giuiliano, exactly - so far, so good, so what? Mustaine is my hero when it comes to overcoming **** ups in life. And seriously, **** facebook. Just block ur ex and his/her friends and be firm about it.
Author giuliano-3 Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Staying strong, staying true to NC. Must admit I feel bad when I read stories about people on here breaking NC only to their chagrin. It does give me extra incentive to not break it myself, though. Noticed when I type the first letter of her name it doesn't show her page anymore. She probably blocked me after I didn't respond to her text message, maybe she deactivated her account altogether, maybe that's just what happened from my blocking her. Either way I don't care. I don't wish her ill, but I don't care whatever might befall her (other than physical harm). I won't get sucked into worrying about what she's going through right now, because I doubt she was worrying about me while kicking up her feet in the sand with a beer in hand on some tropical beach with her new guy last month.
Author giuliano-3 Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Dammit, just had the thought of starting a new facebook account so I can view her page to see if she still has an active account. So I came on here and posted about it instead. I will not unblock. I will not write a return text message. I will not answer if she calls. This is friggin' hard! No wonder so many relapse. Its been part of me for a year now, it doesn't help to know she has also been e-stalking me. It makes me wonder how much she actually does regret everything and if she also still thinks about the possibility of us getting back together. Weak!!!
flitzanu Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Dammit, just had the thought of starting a new facebook account so I can view her page to see if she still has an active account. So I came on here and posted about it instead. I will not unblock. I will not write a return text message. I will not answer if she calls. This is friggin' hard! No wonder so many relapse. Its been part of me for a year now, it doesn't help to know she has also been e-stalking me. It makes me wonder how much she actually does regret everything and if she also still thinks about the possibility of us getting back together. Weak!!! hey i checked her page for you. guess what, still nothing you want to see. jk. but srsly, never anything good comes from checking fb.
ilovedhim Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Good for you staying strong if she wants to talk she needs to try much harder.
Recommended Posts