Do Women like 30 year olds who live with their parents?

[Dust]

You were the one who wanted to use your life as your argument which I had no choice but to rebut. It is ad hominem but it isn't a logical fallacy.

 

This isn’t debate team! Also, why is this such a hot topic? Please realize how silly you actually are being. What is your point? Because I don’t think any one is arguing with you.

[ZebraPants]

From what i read in dating websites and just what i hear in real life. Most guys that live with their parents ..the girls think it's stupid. and immature.

 

Although in other countries is totally ok, in America it seems to be looked down upon.

 

I live with my (damn) parents and they control me like a baby.

Can i ever get a Girlfriend in this condition or do i have to move out first?

 

 

No we don't like it. To me it shows that you don't want to pay rent or that you are too lazy. I think a 30 year old living at home is unacceptable, for a man or woman. But than again I have been on my own since the age of 18. Men that live with parents=stay away.

[SmileFace]

My life never needed to be brought into the debate to refute any claims so it would have furthered nothing. You were looking for a hole and when you couldn't find one then you wanted to know my home life. This was so you could at least dismiss what I posted in your mind since you are dead set against it. You don't need my details to do that.

Fair enough. I wasn't looking for a hole. I really was trying to understand your point. I can care less what you think. If you can't understand that someone's background effects their opinion. I don't know what to say to you. I wasn't vindictive. You replied to my post, you know. Like you said... why so serious?

[Dust]

This is the internet. Everything we do here is silly. Why so serious?

 

You’re right it is all silly. I feel you got to serious. It does flat out annoy/entertain me to argue something like this. It really can’t even be argued. Then the thread deteriorates into how unfair life is and being a nice guy gets joblessness and homelessness added to the list of traits that define it. (rejection being the number one trait)

[lizwashere]

No we don't like it. To me it shows that you don't want to pay rent or that you are too lazy. I think a 30 year old living at home is unacceptable, for a man or woman. But than again I have been on my own since the age of 18. Men that live with parents=stay away.

 

Actually the OP's situation sounds very complex - from what he's posted on other threads about his medical and emotional/psychological state he may not be in any position to live on his own and has to live with his parents.

 

I too have been financially independent for many years and unless there are legitimate reasons (like taking care of sick/elderly parents for example which is something I would do at the drop of a hat) I think a grown man living with his parents is a huge turn off.

[sanskrit]

Still waiting to hear a woman reconcile their refusal to consider men past a certain age living at home with any ecological or even common sense economical views they might have.

 

1. A man at home until marriage is using less resources and living a greener lifestyle.

2. All other things equal, a man at home is saving more and will become truly solvent LONG before a man who moves out at 22.

3. A man at home is far more likely to have the kind of family values that family minded women claim to respect and desire.

 

The cliche is of the spoiled "Step Brothers" type living in the basement playing WoW all day mooching off his parents. This cliche' is ridiculous because THAT man wouldn't be able to attract any sane woman ANYWAY due to other more obvious factors than that he lives at home.

 

If I had it to do over again, would live at home way past moving out at 22 as I did. "Independence" is a state of mind more than anything, and all moving out did was allow me to make mistakes I needn't have made had the scrutiny of my parents been in the picture a bit longer.

 

Probably would have dated a better class of women also, as my mother was quick to turn her nose up at certain types of women I was with while young and living at home, and in retrospect, she was right.

[MissJoness]

Still waiting to hear a woman reconcile their refusal to consider men past a certain age living at home with any ecological or even common sense economical views they might have.

 

1. A man at home until marriage is using less resources and living a greener lifestyle.

2. All other things equal, a man at home is saving more and will become truly solvent LONG before a man who moves out at 22.

3. A man at home is far more likely to have the kind of family values that family minded women claim to respect and desire.

 

The cliche is of the spoiled "Step Brothers" type living in the basement playing WoW all day mooching off his parents. This cliche' is ridiculous because THAT man wouldn't be able to attract any sane woman ANYWAY due to other more obvious factors than that he lives at home.

 

If I had it to do over again, would live at home way past moving out at 22 as I did. "Independence" is a state of mind more than anything, and all moving out did was allow me to make mistakes I needn't have made had the scrutiny of my parents been in the picture a bit longer.

 

Probably would have dated a better class of women also, as my mother was quick to turn her nose up at certain types of women I was with while young and living at home, and in retrospect, she was right.

Many women have given legitimate reasons why they would not date a man still living at home past 22. I would not even date a guy under 22 who was still living at home because we are at different stages in our life.

 

perhaps it would be best if men who still lived at home to date other women who are in the same boat as they are.

[ZebraPants]

Still waiting to hear a woman reconcile their refusal to consider men past a certain age living at home with any ecological or even common sense economical views they might have.

 

1. A man at home until marriage is using less resources and living a greener lifestyle.

2. All other things equal, a man at home is saving more and will become truly solvent LONG before a man who moves out at 22.

3. A man at home is far more likely to have the kind of family values that family minded women claim to respect and desire.

 

The cliche is of the spoiled "Step Brothers" type living in the basement playing WoW all day mooching off his parents. This cliche' is ridiculous because THAT man wouldn't be able to attract any sane woman ANYWAY due to other more obvious factors than that he lives at home.

 

If I had it to do over again, would live at home way past moving out at 22 as I did. "Independence" is a state of mind more than anything, and all moving out did was allow me to make mistakes I needn't have made had the scrutiny of my parents been in the picture a bit longer.

 

Probably would have dated a better class of women also, as my mother was quick to turn her nose up at certain types of women I was with while young and living at home, and in retrospect, she was right.

 

Men that live with parents past mid twenties, almost always don't work, don't want to pay rent, or want mommy take care of them. All set.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Many women have given legitimate reasons why they would not date a man still living at home past 22. I would not even date a guy under 22 who was still living at home because we are at different stages in our life.

 

perhaps it would be best if men who still lived at home to date other women who are in the same boat as they are.

 

Very good point.

 

The OP should date someone who's in the same position as he is.

[sanskrit]

Many women have given legitimate reasons why they would not date a man still living at home past 22.

 

Haven't seen any that didn't involve bald conjecture, and you ignored all my points as to why dating a man living at home might be advantageous.

 

Living at home has nothing to do with "stages of life." Have known very mature people who lived at home until well into their 20s and beyond, and eternal teenagers who moved out at 18. In fact, in most of the cases of people I've known who moved out early, their social and emotional immaturity, not their "independence" was the prime reason. And now that I think of it, most of the people I know who moved out early continued to get support from their parents via cars, med insurance, rent, credit cards, as if they were still living at home for some time. Some STILL do to this day. How selfish is that? to move OUT and still expect parental support when one could stay home and make things easier and better for all.

 

So here's another question for the ladies, Guy 1 lives at home at 28. He makes 40k a year and has not bought a house. yet has saved up 75k in a savings account. He drives a family car that was paid for long ago. Guy 2 moved out at 22, began leasing a $300 a month car, has paid $750 per month rent (or even worse, is getting killed on an ARM and has 50k of negative equity in his house). He has 20k in credit card debt. Who would you date? Who is more "independent?" :laugh:

 

This whole debate is an AMERICAN CONSUMER CULTURE issue, and a recent one at that. It didn't come down with the Bill of Rights but curiously emerged in the hyper-consumption laden latter third of the 20th century. Few, if any, other places in the world would share this attitude of dissing men merely because they live at home past 22. This also bears on the "foreign women are better" threads that pop up here from time to time that you ladies love so much. The attitude expressed by women in this thread is part of the reason male attitudes form as they do because American men don't hold women to the same rigid standards and unrealistic expectations.

 

We are in a near DEPRESSION, yet all some of you care about is an attitude that was brainwashed into you.

[MissJoness]

So here's another question for the ladies, Guy 1 lives at home at 28. He makes 40k a year and has not bought a house. yet has saved up 75k in a savings account. He drives a family car that was paid for long ago. Guy 2 moved out at 22, began leasing a $300 a month car, has paid $750 per month rent (or even worse, is getting killed on an ARM and has 50k of negative equity in his house). He has 20k in credit card debt. Who would you date? Who is more "independent?" :laugh:

 

I have yet to meet a man who still lived at home with his parents, with 75k in his savings account. Typically, a man with that much money would want freedom, and already have his own place. From my personal experience, the guys who don't have their own place tend to be users, and are looking for someone else to take care of them; they want to go from moooching off of their parents to mooching off of their girlfriend.

 

Then, also if I were to date a guy living with his parents, just how much privacy would we have? How involved are his parents in his life when it comes to his decisions, and personal choices? This also plays a part too.

[ZebraPants]

I have yet to meet a man who still lived at home with his parents, with 75k in his savings account. Typically, a man with that much money would want freedom, and already have his own place. From my personal experience, the guys who don't have their own place tend to be users, and are looking for someone else to take care of them; they want to go from moooching off of their parents to mooching off of their girlfriend.

 

Then, also if I were to date a guy living with his parents, just how much privacy would we have? How involved are his parents in his life when it comes to his decisions, and personal choices? This also plays a part too.

 

Spot on.

[sanskrit]

Men that live with parents past mid twenties, almost always don't work, don't want to pay rent, or want mommy take care of them. All set.

 

Simply untrue. And would the same be said of women who live at home past their mid twenties? If so, why is it that most men somehow don't care, and evaluate case-by-case, yet many women have rigid misconceived notions. Too many movies and TV shows bashing men at home perhaps? Institutionalized misandry? Probably.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Spot on.

 

Whoops, you missed a spot. In fact, the whole point!

[ZebraPants]

Whoops, you missed a spot. In fact, the whole point!

 

Not true at all.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Not true at all.

 

Your blinders are on, I'm afraid. You can't see reality.

[sanskrit]

I have yet to meet a man

 

Whatever, I have. Neener neener.

 

Anyway, in this economy and going forward, get used to it because more and more young people -are- being forced to move back home, and more and more young people -will- be staying at home longer. This country is in the very beginning stages of a "come to jesus" realization about consumption, material culture, and world competition for meaningful employment, and if you think you live in a magic bubble of "independence" and neither you nor the people you date and socialize with will be affected, you are being very naive.

[ZebraPants]

Your blinders are on, I'm afraid. You can't see reality.

 

I take it this topic is personal to you..

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I take it this topic is personal to you..

 

Have you not read my story, that I've repeated at least 20 times in this thread?

 

Whatever, troll. Have fun on ignore!

[sanskrit]

with 75k in his savings account.

 

Couple more things

 

How, exactly, would you know? You wouldn't.

 

Why would he tell you if you were already throwing out a negative vibe about his still being at home? He wouldn't.

 

Many women I have known make such inaccurate, unwarranted assumptions about men's financial condition based on the cars they drive, where they live, the clothes they wear, their BS patter, how much they conspicuously spend. It is LOL funny watching women chase these broke in debt bozos while completely passing over guys who are actually putting money away to start a family one day. Absolutely hilarious and have seen it dozens if not hundreds of times.

[Sanman]

I have yet to meet a man who still lived at home with his parents, with 75k in his savings account. Typically, a man with that much money would want freedom, and already have his own place. From my personal experience, the guys who don't have their own place tend to be users, and are looking for someone else to take care of them; they want to go from moooching off of their parents to mooching off of their girlfriend.

 

Then, also if I were to date a guy living with his parents, just how much privacy would we have? How involved are his parents in his life when it comes to his decisions, and personal choices? This also plays a part too.

 

I know plenty. My best friend met his now fiancee when he lived at home and pulled in a six figure salary. He continued to live at home until they got a place together. I have several other friends who all make at least $40k a year that do the same thing. I, personally, moved home for a time when I had a gf and my father was ill because I ended up spending no more than two nights a week at my place and it cost $1300/month. It was a fiscally poor decision to keep the place. Now, my friends and I have never had issues dating.

[Mrlonelyone]

I live at home.

 

I have a BS majored in physics.

 

I have all my coursework done for my MS majored in physics.

 

I am working on my thesis right now the subject is theoretical cosmology.

 

I take care of a blind father, a mother who is now not any longer employable, and my sister. Without my income and the work I do around the house this place would be in ruins.

 

I am raising as I have for the past many years a significant ammount of our food for the winter in our very large backyard garden.

 

Yet somehow I am a looser.

 

While the average guy my age who didn't even go to college, rents an apartment at about 1200 a month, and has tens of thousands in credit card debt is a "winner". Ok. That makes no sense.

 

To be honest I'm glad women to whom that makes sense wouldn't want me. I would not want to swim in that shallow part of the gene pool.

[salty goodness]

I live at home.

 

I have a BS majored in physics.

 

I have all my coursework done for my MS majored in physics.

 

I am working on my thesis right now the subject is theoretical cosmology.

 

I take care of a blind father, a mother who is now not any longer employable, and my sister. Without my income and the work I do around the house this place would be in ruins.

 

I am raising as I have for the past many years a significant ammount of our food for the winter in our very large backyard garden.

 

Yet somehow I am a looser.

 

While the average guy my age who didn't even go to college, rents an apartment at about 1200 a month, and has tens of thousands in credit card debt is a "winner". Ok. That makes no sense.

 

To be honest I'm glad women to whom that makes sense wouldn't want me. I would not want to swim in that shallow part of the gene pool.

 

you are not a loser you are in fact a responsible human being. my comments in this thread were not in any way directed at people like you.

 

i have members of my family who have done exactly what you have done and i have the uttmost respect for them.

 

my beef is with a particular type of person and just to bring the point across i have a male cousin in his early fifties who lives with his aging mother who totally caters to him. he barely contributes to any of the household expenses, he's lazy and mean to her and she does everything for him. he spends most of his time either in his room or in the basement on the internet watching porn. he is also the type of man who has for years complained about all those hot women who don't find him attractive. my strong reaction to this type of man is based on personal experience.

 

needless to say i think he is scum.

Edited May 9, 2011 by salty goodness

[Mrlonelyone]

My comments were addressed to people who think like you either.

 

The thing is sooooo many on here are making huge judgements based on a person living at home with their family. As if it could only mean bad things or that they are a overgrown boy.

 

People in the dating world you have to take people on a case by case basis. Finding someone who's interesting, interested and available is hard enough without red flagging someone for of all things getting along with their parents.

 

I read somewhere, years ago, that the hostility to people who live with their parents derives from the media. Most entertainment is produced by people who in order to do what they did had to strike out on their own at a younger age and cross country. So they project an image into the world that EVERYBODY has to do as they did and those who don't are somehow defective.

[Stung]

Oh for crying out loud women in this thread. Stop beating around the bush. You want a guy to have his own place so that you can have loud sex with him, THAT is what it's really about, the rest is all secondary.

 

That's definitely one point.

 

If I were currently dating, I would probably not be very interested in a man or woman in their 30s who lived with their parents. Of course as most of the women in this thread have said, this would depend largely on the circumstances.

 

I live in a very expensive area and would have nothing against someone who's had a few fits and starts in their life and needed a temporary safe landing, or someone who was caretaking on a temporary basis. I would be hesitant to start a relationship with someone who lived with their parents and was going to continue to live with them for the foreseeable future, although if they were caretakers I would definitely respect them for it. In relationships, I like us to spend a lot of time at each other's houses, and if it's serious I like to have the option of living together. I also like my privacy and freedom, and dealing with lack of privacy, parental scrutiny, or constant family dynamics would be a hard environment for a delicate new relationship to flourish in, IMO. Now, I know perfectly well that someday either my parents or my husband's mother might come and live with us; we both would consider that our duty to the people who raised us, unless they needed more professional help than we could give. However, we're already in an established relationship, and we've already lost most of our privacy to our kids . Starting out on that foot is more difficult. If they were in an annex apartment, that might be different again, as that would afford more privacy.

 

I think there are a lot of positives to cultures where kids live with the parents for an extended period of time, and I'm honestly not sure where I stand on the issue for my own kids. I do think there are drawbacks, however. As an adult I have lived by myself, with family, as a caretaker, with roommates, with boyfriends, and with my husband and my own children, I've pretty much run the gamut and I can say from experience that there are real positives and real drawbacks to each situation.

 

I can understand where the women are coming from who are dead against it, for other reasons. The people I know personally who are living in their parents' homes well into their 20s or 30s have serious interpersonal issues or difficulty taking control of their own lives. It's easy to think this is the rule, although some posters on this thread would say it's the exception. I think the take-home point is, if someone is living at home because they're unable to live responsibly on their own, or they seem to be afraid of trying to succeed on their own, or they're sucking the retirement funds out of their family due to sheer laziness, that would be unattractive to most women, yes. I don't think that's hard to understand.

 

Anyway, there's a lot of defensiveness on this thread, which has gotten kind of out of control. The OP seems to have been lost in the shuffle, and hasn't returned in a while. As I recall, he is living at home because he has undisclosed developmental difficulties and is "slow" (in his own words), and he might or might not be capable of living on his own unassisted, even if that's what he wants to do. Way back on page 2 people were talking about social services and things that might be constructive to his actual situation. OP, if you do come back, maybe you could update and tell us a little bit more about your particular circumstances.