Mrlonelyone Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 The problem here is that people see things and make assumptions usually assuming the worse. They call these "red flags". He lives with his parents ==> he's dependant on mommy ==> He's Norman Bates. This leap of "logic" is made with nothing in between. In real life there are allot of reasons someone could live with their parents, and after a certain point it becomes questionable weather you live with your parents or your parents live with you. What Dust is saying is right. Living with your parents will make it harder because of the assumptions people will make. Allot of people won't give you a chance. What I and others are saying is to hell with those people. Anyone who would make the judgement that living with family == dependence with no other evidence isn't worth your time.
orangelady Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I think this only applies to certain countries and culture. I have a friend who lived with her parents until she was 40 and moved out because she got married then. But her parents were sweet in that, they would even sometimes bring lunch to her office. So where I live, it's not a big deal. I think people don't 'look down' on you but I think they just want more privacy if they're dating you so that they could spend the night at your house or whatever.
SxB Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 From what i read in dating websites and just what i hear in real life. Most guys that live with their parents ..the girls think it's stupid. and immature. Although in other countries is totally ok, in America it seems to be looked down upon. I live with my (damn) parents and they control me like a baby. Can i ever get a Girlfriend in this condition or do i have to move out first? As long as you're under there roof you have to do things by there rules or of course they will kick you out. It's there way or the way high way. Why even bother complaining about it, of course you need to move out if you want to live your own Life how you want, it doesn't matter how old you are. Your parents aren't going to change. Accept the fact that is how things are right now while you live with controlling parents. Stand your grounds the best you can for now and that's it. Yes about living at home if you're doing it temporarily a Woman who likes you won't give a ****. However for your predicament the answer is no, because no one likes passive people because they aren't sincere, and right now how in the hell can you not be passive? You need your independence-- fully. I wouldn't try to date until you have your Life how you want, right now you have bigger things to sort out than "dating", relax, get your sh*it together, AND THEN date.
Disillusioned Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 What about a homeless, parentless young roaster who desperately wants a man who lives alone (preferably in a large house with a swimming pool and a 2-car garage)---i.e., she's in search of the free lunch?
westernxer Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I'm the one who's paying for the privilege of having my parents live with me. The place is even rented in my name. Safe to say, love will not find me anytime soon. LOL
Dust Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I'm the one who's paying for the privilege of having my parents live with me. The place is even rented in my name. Safe to say, love will not find me anytime soon. LOL I think you can find love despite, just remember that the key here is to have a place girls would like to come back to. If you’re parents live with you this just gives them the thought of your parents living with her if you guys get to that stage. I don’t think its necessarily right or fair how people who live with their parents get treated but it can be overcome. There are girls who look past it. The fact still stands it’s a dating stigma to be living with your parents especially if its because you are saving money. Saving money is surely worth it some times just don’t expect most women to be as thrilled for you.
betterdeal Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I know homeless guys who get lucky and rich guys who don't. It's all about being yourself, being spontaneous, being fun, real, in the moment. That doesn't mean you need to be an all dancing, all singing party animal (be that if you want to). It just means if you're happy with yourself and live up to your own standards, honour your own feelings, it shows and that's what we all like, men and women. There's no better recommendation than a self-reference when it comes to being a lover. In practical terms for your situation, is there any way you can find a new living arrangement that's more convenient for everyone, such as a place with an annex or granny flat for your parents? That way they can have their chintz and 9pm bedtime whilst you're swinging off the rafters butt-naked with a sexy woman at 3am on a Tuesday.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Here's the whole problem I have with this entire thread: people who live at home (for whatever reason) are essentially encouraged not to even try to date until they live on their own. I can only answer for myself, but I don't want to live at home; I do so out of necessity. I chose to go to a very good university that so happens to be a commuter school close to my home because it saved money. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth so living at home and saving 8-10k in housing costs was necessary. Right now I have a part time job that helps me pay for things like gas, car insurance, cellphone, etc. I graduate in two weeks and I'm looking for full time employment, and I am confident that in 6 months to a year I will have my own place. But, I am most definitely not going to avoid dating until that time just because some people might not like how I'm planning my life. Now of course this all changes if I win the Mega Millions lottery tomorrow night.
Dust Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 It is better to get a one bedroom small apartment only to bring girls back to if you want to continue to live at home. Thing is it needs to look lived in, to be kept nice and neat, and should be in a safe area. I know guys who have done this. This is usually the type of person who is living with their parents for other reasons then saving money though. Bottom line saving money can be a good thing just realize there will be a trade off in the way many women will look at you. I know homeless guys who get lucky and rich guys who don't. It's all about being yourself, being spontaneous, being fun, real, in the moment. That doesn't mean you need to be an all dancing, all singing party animal (be that if you want to). It just means if you're happy with yourself and live up to your own standards, honour your own feelings, it shows and that's what we all like, men and women. There's no better recommendation than a self-reference when it comes to being a lover. In practical terms for your situation, is there any way you can find a new living arrangement that's more convenient for everyone, such as a place with an annex or granny flat for your parents? That way they can have their chintz and 9pm bedtime whilst you're swinging off the rafters butt-naked with a sexy woman at 3am on a Tuesday. I agree being yourself is key and the most enjoyable way to live life. But the homeless guy who does well with women does so despite being homeless. Just like a rich guy who does bad with women does bad despite being rich. Being homeless generally repels women just as being wealthy generally impresses women.
Dust Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Here's the whole problem I have with this entire thread: people who live at home (for whatever reason) are essentially encouraged not to even try to date until they live on their own. I can only answer for myself, but I don't want to live at home; I do so out of necessity. I chose to go to a very good university that so happens to be a commuter school close to my home because it saved money. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth so living at home and saving 8-10k in housing costs was necessary. Right now I have a part time job that helps me pay for things like gas, car insurance, cellphone, etc. I graduate in two weeks and I'm looking for full time employment, and I am confident that in 6 months to a year I will have my own place. But, I am most definitely not going to avoid dating until that time just because some people might not like how I'm planning my life. Now of course this all changes if I win the Mega Millions lottery tomorrow night. I think its fine to live at home and you’re reasons make sense. I also think you should try to date regardless. The reality still stands that living at home is something many women will ask about early and something they will hold against you. Reality is reality.
westernxer Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I think you can find love despite, just remember that the key here is to have a place girls would like to come back to. If you’re parents live with you this just gives them the thought of your parents living with her if you guys get to that stage. I think it's just a matter of finding someone on the same wavelength. The parent obstacle isn't something that bothers me so much as finding someone with similar values and interests. The older I get the harder it becomes though, as the available pool has shrunken to almost nothing. More of an observation than a complaint, as I'm fairly content with my life at this point, give or take a few things that probably mean nothing over the long haul. My life continues to have a sense of purpose and I have little to no drama (or have successfully minimized that drama to a philosophical blip on the radar screen), so yeah, I'm cool with how things are at the moment, with or without the attached stigma.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I think its fine to live at home and you’re reasons make sense. I also think you should try to date regardless. The reality still stands that living at home is something many women will ask about early and something they will hold against you. Reality is reality. Oh I definitely agree. But if a girl has a problem with my (temporary) living situation then that's her problem not mine. And I do know people who have no problems dating and who also live at home so I don't think it's as huge an obstacle as people portray. Though of course living with parents (or other relatives) is certainly not ideal. I probably have it worse than other people too since I share a tiny (9x10 ft) room with my brother, it's cramped and I hate it (although my brother is a great guy and all).
Stitch Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 My 32 year old boyfriend still lives at home with his parents. He has annexe on the side of theirs. He doesn't drive either, but then I still live at home with mine and don't drive as well. So it's not like I can hold it against him as it would be hypocritical of me. It is very difficult to afford housing where I live and aside from that we both have our reasons for staying with our parents. My boyfriends parents are wonderful and I really enjoy spending time with them as a family. As for my boyfriend he is a very sweet, caring and genuine guy. I think as long as you bring some awesome cards to the table, living arrangements don't matter as much.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 The problem here is that people see things and make assumptions usually assuming the worse. They call these "red flags". He lives with his parents ==> he's dependant on mommy ==> He's Norman Bates. This leap of "logic" is made with nothing in between. In real life there are allot of reasons someone could live with their parents, and after a certain point it becomes questionable weather you live with your parents or your parents live with you. What Dust is saying is right. Living with your parents will make it harder because of the assumptions people will make. Allot of people won't give you a chance. What I and others are saying is to hell with those people. Anyone who would make the judgement that living with family == dependence with no other evidence isn't worth your time. In the case of this OP, though, there's the issue that his parents "control him like a baby." This would not exactly be an attractive trait, in the opinion of many. And it's up to this 30 year old man to do something about it himself.
westernxer Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 In the case of this OP, though, there's the issue that his parents "control him like a baby." This would not exactly be an attractive trait, in the opinion of many. And it's up to this 30 year old man to do something about it himself. Yes, the "control like a baby" aspect is a huge red flag, unless he's looking for a woman who wants to control her man like a baby. LOL
SmileFace Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 A 30 year old male living with his parents is as attractive as a 30 year old female leaving with her parents. Like someone said - "the right women would" find it okay but you can't expect every women to be ok with this. I have lived on my own since I was 19. I never dated while living at home - since I personally don't find it appropriate. I have no problem dating a guy my age who lives at home - since most people my age either live on campus or at home. Would I date a 30 year old who lives at home to help his parents out. Sure,why not? Would I date a 30 year old who lives at home to get help from his parents. My answer is, No.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 There are certain cultures and sub-cultures which wouldn't find deference shown to one's elders as a flaw. Mainstream America isn't one of them as this thread is proving. Yeah. I'm not too entrenched in the mainstream myself, but a man living at home past college age is extremely unattractive to me. It's one of the quickest and biggest turn-offs I can think of.
SmileFace Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 His/her living arrangements are his/her private business. They don't matter until marriage. People might say they are dating to get married but I find that rarely to be the case. That all depends on what someone is looking for.Yes, sure if it was 1952 and my plan was to be courted until we got married and then move in together... kids, house, white picket fence - blah blah blah. Like you said people might say they are dating to get married but that isn't the case for me. So yeah, hes living arrangements are my business as well.
Disillusioned Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 You are very negative, you hold the key to your prison. Negativity = realism.
westernxer Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 There are certain cultures and sub-cultures which wouldn't find deference shown to one's elders as a flaw. Mainstream America isn't one of them as this thread is proving. Is this one of the reasons that convalescent homes are so popular here? Of course there are circumstances in which people are not able to care for their parents, given the onset of age-related illness, but social dictum may have a lot to do with it as well. I don't want to jump to conclusions though, as I don't know how we compare to other countries in terms of caring for our elderly. Maybe this should continue as a topic of its own.
SmileFace Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Typical little girl logic. "Every thang abut ma man is ma biznass" No, it isn't honey. Until he puts a ring on it and your lives are irrevocably joined, only how he treats you is your business. His housing situation is irrelevant to how he treats you. If you are looking to do more than spend quality time together then you only need a love hotel, a panel van, your place since you are so adamant about being alone, or you could both chip in on a flat even if it is only for getting your thing on. What does his living situation have to do with how he treats me? Where did I say this? Why should I date someone who lives off of their parents? Every aspect of a guy is my business if we are together. I really don't see how you can be so confused about this honey.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) Once again, a female tries to explain away with it by "it's a turnoff." I suppose when YOUR mother or grandmother gets sick, and needs constant care, you'll just let them die? I am worried about my grandma. She is still very sick, and not coming home from the hospital just yet. I am here because of my mom, who NEEDS ME. I am not doing this out of selfish reasons. Personally, a woman who would find me taking on a caregiving role to be unattractive, is a selfish and shallow bitch who has a huge stick up her ass. Edited May 9, 2011 by LeaningIntoTheMuse
SmileFace Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Personally, a woman who would find me taking on a caregiving role to be unattractive, is a selfish and shallow bitch who has a huge stick up her ass. Agreed, this if for both men and women. I have custody of a young family member since it is the responsible thing to do. This guy I was talking to found my responsibility to be a deal breaker. He was 27 year old college grad, with no job and could only bitch about how much he hated his parents. He lived at home. I gave him a chance but he didn't give me one because of my responsibility. Now isn't he a selfish shallow bitch as well or am I just stuck up for being 7 years younger than him and being more responsible then he finds attractive? This must be that little girl logic that I am stuck on, shrugs.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I suppose when YOUR mother or grandmother gets sick, and needs constant care, you'll just let them die? No, I will pitch in to hire permanent, professional, high-quality care for her. Because I am an independent, self-reliant adult, I am getting myself into a better position all the time to be able to afford to do this. Personally, I think it's more loving to hire a highly trained, experienced professional to provide care than it is to do it myself. It would spare my mother's dignity, provide more stable and comprehensive care for her, and enable us to maintain the mother-daughter relationship that we know and like as it is.
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