conehead Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 This guy on Eharmony contacted me and we went through the whole question and answer process and got to open communication. He was not very good via email but I found him in his pictures to be quite attractive, so decided to chat with him on the phone. He was actually much better over the phone and I though we had pretty good connection and a lot in common. He suggested we meet up and we decided to meet up 3 days later. For the next 2 days I just had a bad feeling about him. I can't quite put my finger on it, and thought maybe it's just my nerves, but at the same time I can't quite ignore my instincts. I texted him the day before the date that I can't make it. He called me just minutes later but I missed the call and he texted me if we can meet another time. I told him that I've got many things going on right now and can't really meet up and told him sorry about that. He replied 10 minutes later with 'Ok whatever. Later!'. Wow, okay I felt really bad about cancelling the meetup but after he texted that, I don't really feel all that bad at all. In fact, it just confirmed to me that my gut feeling about him was correct. After I got home a few hours later I also noticed he closed me on eharmony. Maybe my excuse of I've got too many things going on right now is lame, but I didn't have the heart to just tell him that I'm not interested enough. I mean I've been rejected before and while I feel pissed inside I usually just tell them 'okay, take care' or just something like that. Seriously I regreted a little about cancelling but after his comment I just feel like I dodged a bullet.
thatdog Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 wtf? You cancel a date with the guy then give him and obvious excuse to avoid rescheduling and the YOU get upset that he doesn't chase you? Shouldn't you be happy he just took the hint that you were jerking him around and left you alone? This post doesn;t make sense to me at all....
CambridgeGirl Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Wow. Talk about perception. You cancel via a text, he calls immediately to discuss (mature of him, many wouldn't), you don't pick up. Instead of calling back you simply hide behind a text and make what could sound like vague excuses "er I am kind of busy right now", that would look petty to anyone. He gives up, says ok whatever and YOU are insulted? I personally think he did nothing wrong except get the feeling you are a flake who changed her mind and didnt want to talk about why. That is fine, but don't expect him to still be sweet if you made him feel rejected, you can't demand that, get real.
Author conehead Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 He should have just said 'ok then, later' and left it at that. No need to add the 'whatever' in.
Author conehead Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Also when he called me I was out with my friends and cant talk. Had he left me a voicemail I would have called back. But he texted me so I just texted back.
CambridgeGirl Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 You're being precious about it, really look at it from others perspectives if you can. You rejected him and are sulking because he reacted with one word you don't like, probably because his pride was hurt. Goodness me get over it.
Author conehead Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 I'm glad though he said the 'whatever' comment. Had he been sweet about it, I'd probably come to regret cancelling. But since he comes off as so bitter with this comment, it just really turned me off more than I was previously.
Stung Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 If this is your normal dating behavior, you should prepare yourself to start hearing far worse. This guy is not in the wrong.
leftfordead2 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 This guy on Eharmony contacted me and we went through the whole question and answer process and got to open communication. He was not very good via email but I found him in his pictures to be quite attractive, so decided to chat with him on the phone. He was actually much better over the phone and I though we had pretty good connection and a lot in common. He suggested we meet up and we decided to meet up 3 days later. For the next 2 days I just had a bad feeling about him. I can't quite put my finger on it, and thought maybe it's just my nerves, but at the same time I can't quite ignore my instincts. I texted him the day before the date that I can't make it. He called me just minutes later but I missed the call and he texted me if we can meet another time. I told him that I've got many things going on right now and can't really meet up and told him sorry about that. He replied 10 minutes later with 'Ok whatever. Later!'. Wow, okay I felt really bad about cancelling the meetup but after he texted that, I don't really feel all that bad at all. In fact, it just confirmed to me that my gut feeling about him was correct. After I got home a few hours later I also noticed he closed me on eharmony. Maybe my excuse of I've got too many things going on right now is lame, but I didn't have the heart to just tell him that I'm not interested enough. I mean I've been rejected before and while I feel pissed inside I usually just tell them 'okay, take care' or just something like that. Seriously I regreted a little about cancelling but after his comment I just feel like I dodged a bullet. Why should he be nice to you when you're a flake, came up with a lousy excuse and didn't call back?
Professor X Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I think the one who dodged a bullet here was the guy, LOL! You blew him away and now you're all pissed cause he didn't pay much attention to you afterwards (by saying whatever)??????? And you even came here to complain about it :lmao::lmao: He called you out after you blew him, so grow up! Some people won't buy into your piss poor of an act. You miss, are crazy. Wow. Talk about perception. You cancel via a text, he calls immediately to discuss (mature of him, many wouldn't), you don't pick up. Instead of calling back you simply hide behind a text and make what could sound like vague excuses "er I am kind of busy right now", that would look petty to anyone. He gives up, says ok whatever and YOU are insulted? I personally think he did nothing wrong except get the feeling you are a flake who changed her mind and didnt want to talk about why. That is fine, but don't expect him to still be sweet if you made him feel rejected, you can't demand that, get real. I agree.
Author conehead Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Sheesh, for the first time I thought it will be nicer if I tell the guy early on that I don't plan on seeing them at all so to not keep him hanging and this is what happens. Normally I will just tell the guy that I will let them know when I'm free and then never contact them again. I didn't like this too much because I always felt like maybe I'd be leaving the guy hanging...but after this situation I might go back to doing this again as a way to reject a date. Seriously does a guy really want me to tell them to their face 'hey, you know what, I'm actually not interested in you enough to want to date you'. That to me seems more cruel. Also, I could have forced myself to go out with him....but if I reject him after that then it will hurt even more. I'd rather just cancel and have both of us save our time. Honestly I felt bad because I mean we really did have a good connection over the phone and this cancellation probably was a bit unexpected....but at the same time i got to listen to my gut.
Pianiste Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Sure it's better to tell a guy you're not planning on seeing him when you decide that for yourself *but* that's not what you did. You obviously made up a lame excuse and he probably knows that as well, hence his reaction.
Professor X Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Sheesh, for the first time I thought it will be nicer if I tell the guy early on that I don't plan on seeing them at all so to not keep him hanging and this is what happens. Normally I will just tell the guy that I will let them know when I'm free and then never contact them again. I didn't like this too much because I always felt like maybe I'd be leaving the guy hanging...but after this situation I might go back to doing this again as a way to reject a date. Seriously does a guy really want me to tell them to their face 'hey, you know what, I'm actually not interested in you enough to want to date you'. That to me seems more cruel. Also, I could have forced myself to go out with him....but if I reject him after that then it will hurt even more. I'd rather just cancel and have both of us save our time. Honestly I felt bad because I mean we really did have a good connection over the phone and this cancellation probably was a bit unexpected....but at the same time i got to listen to my gut. Please, don't twist your own words; In your initial post you were complaining about HIS response to YOUR denial of him. You denied him and it was obvious to him, you and everyone else. You are pissed because he wrote "whatever" in the end which indicated that he didn't care that much. Why would you even care what he thinks after that point is beyond me. Maybe you expected him to come to you with sad puppy eyes and beg you to reconsider? "Please o' mighty one, take me! Please, in the name of all that is dear, date me!" You blew him away and he didn't care. Simple.
green_tea Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Sheesh, for the first time I thought it will be nicer if I tell the guy early on that I don't plan on seeing them at all so to not keep him hanging and this is what happens. Normally I will just tell the guy that I will let them know when I'm free and then never contact them again. I didn't like this too much because I always felt like maybe I'd be leaving the guy hanging...but after this situation I might go back to doing this again as a way to reject a date. Seriously does a guy really want me to tell them to their face 'hey, you know what, I'm actually not interested in you enough to want to date you'. That to me seems more cruel. Also, I could have forced myself to go out with him....but if I reject him after that then it will hurt even more. I'd rather just cancel and have both of us save our time. Honestly I felt bad because I mean we really did have a good connection over the phone and this cancellation probably was a bit unexpected....but at the same time i got to listen to my gut. You call letting a guy know "early on" that you're not interested after making a date and cancelling? I call early on after looking at their profile, or at the most one or two emails. Once you make a date with someone, you shouldn't be having second thoughts. You should have thought it through before agreeing to meet. I feel sorry for the guy, he did nothing wrong in his reaction. You really need to look at yourself and the way you treat people - they are real people with feelings.
Flgirl44 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 You like rejecting people then seeing if they will put up with it as a measure of how " special and worth it" you are. Stop playing games...
Velociraptor Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 You flaked. What did you expect his reaction to be?
LexiB Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Babe, he was pissed because you **blatantly** blew him off! No one's blaming you for going w/ your gut and ditching him, but the way you went about it wasn't exactly the sweetest either, you know. You should have been honest with him and said you just didn't feel that the two of you were right for each other. Then if he had given a pissy response you'd be right to be offended by it. The way it stands now though, you essentially told the poor guy that 'you've suddenly become busy and had no idea when you wld stop being busy again'. Surprise, surprise he was a little annoyed by that. If anyone ever cancelled a date with me using a lame ass excuse like that, I'd have more than a few choice words for them. You're lucky all you got was a "whatever". Smh.
Jazzari Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Wow. That was incredibly rude and insensitive of you. Did you really expect the guy to act like a kicked puppy when you treated him that way? And yes, leading a guy on is MUCH more cruel than just being honest and telling him you aren't interested. If a guy tells me he's not interested, I respect him and can move on. It might sting a little, but since there was no relationship to start with, it's quickly over. Dragging it out, giving me hope and sending mixed signals is just so painful - not to mention a waste of my time. Not having the guts to tell the truth is just weak. You're doing it for yourself, not the guy. Do you really think you are so wonderful that telling a stranger "no thanks" is going to rip his heart into tiny pieces? Give him some credit for being a man and not that kicked puppy you seem to want.
Survivor12 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 "Normally I will just tell the guy that I will let them know when I'm free and then never contact them again. I didn't like this too much because I always felt like maybe I'd be leaving the guy hanging...but after this situation I might go back to doing this again as a way to reject a date." --Oh, so "normally" you are even more rude? How about just trying to use a little common courtesy the next time? "Seriously does a guy really want me to tell them to their face 'hey, you know what, I'm actually not interested in you enough to want to date you'. That to me seems more cruel." --If you're not interested, then all you have to say when asked is, "No, thank you". There's really no need to have to spell it out. "Also, I could have forced myself to go out with him....but if I reject him after that then it will hurt even more. I'd rather just cancel and have both of us save our time." --You seem awfully full of yourself...what makes you think that a guy is going to fall so hard for you after one meeting that he will be "hurt" by your rejection? There's just as much likelihood that he wouldn't have wanted to see you again. And, as for forcing yourself to go out with him, it wouldn't even be an issue if you hadn't accepted the date in the first place. "I texted him the day before the date that I can't make it. He called me just minutes later but I missed the call and he texted me if we can meet another time." --You didn't MISS his call...you CHOSE to not answer it. Yes, I know, you were out with friends--but that didn't stop you from texting him. You could very easily have stepped away and either answered or called him back. " Had he left me a voicemail I would have called back. But he texted me so I just texted back." --WTF? Hold on--YOU CANCELLED via TEXT in the first place and he still CALLED you back! You really need to learn some manners and social skills. "Maybe my excuse of I've got too many things going on right now is lame, but I didn't have the heart to just tell him that I'm not interested enough." --You didn't have the "heart" to tell the truth but you had the heart to lie??? Not just a lie, but one so lame that you would have had to assume he was an idiot to believe--which he wasn't--so in addition to rudely backing out on your date in an inappropriate way, you also tried to play him for a fool. Then, because his comment proves that he wasn't heartbroken (although perhaps a bit po'd), you want to claim that it was YOU that dodged a bullet? Whatever...
Nexus One Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 (edited) If you did that to me I would feel lead on and/or stringed along. I would feel like you wasted my time, time that I wouldn't be able to get back. On top of that your excuse was very much fabricated, perhaps with the intention to spare his feelings, but that most likely will go lost on him. You came across as very flaky and in fact you were. You brushed him off based on the wind direction of that day so to speak, your argument was pretty much based on nothing. He reacted out of frustration, he just wanted to make clear to you that he didn't appreciate what you did. Sheesh, for the first time I thought it will be nicer if I tell the guy early on that I don't plan on seeing them at all so to not keep him hanging and this is what happens. Normally I will just tell the guy that I will let them know when I'm free and then never contact them again. I didn't like this too much because I always felt like maybe I'd be leaving the guy hanging...but after this situation I might go back to doing this again as a way to reject a date. So you do this more often up to the point you set a date and then never be heard of again? I've read that guys on dating websites get to deal with a lot of flaky girls, I guess you're one of those women providing that experience. Just think more thoroughly about a guy before you give them the idea you want to go on a date with them. Don't get to that point only to never be heard of again or to brush them off. Men are not toys. Edited May 8, 2011 by Nexus One
chuckles11 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 What's more disturbing than your actual behavior, OP, is that you came here to tattle on the guy. As if others were going to validate your bad behavior. You completely lack empathy for his position. The nerve of him to behave apathetically after you told him that he wasn't important enough for you to meet with.
jane100 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 i do think the Original Poster has come under undue flak. She just reconsidered her decision and trusted her instincts. She didn't cancel an hour before, but the day before and gave a reasonable excuse and apologised. I am sure the guy was very disappointed and that is a real shame, but I assume he wasn't flying from another country to meet her. Perhaps the OP should have been more aware of how she felt before she agreed to meet him - and there's a lesson for us all there - but as long as she offerred an apology, a reason, and gave lots of notice, I don't think she deserves to be hung out to dry ... my opinion. She could have just met him briefly but its a 50:50 call and she got bad vibes ...
chuckles11 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 i do think the Original Poster has come under undue flak. She just reconsidered her decision and trusted her instincts. She didn't cancel an hour before, but the day before and gave a reasonable excuse and apologised. I am sure the guy was very disappointed and that is a real shame, but I assume he wasn't flying from another country to meet her. Perhaps the OP should have been more aware of how she felt before she agreed to meet him - and there's a lesson for us all there - but as long as she offerred an apology, a reason, and gave lots of notice, I don't think she deserves to be hung out to dry ... my opinion. She could have just met him briefly but its a 50:50 call and she got bad vibes ... She really hasn't though. Most of the posters aren't criticizing her for canceling on the guy. They are criticizing her for being self-centered enough to come on here and complain that the guy wrote "whatever" after she canceled on him.
Star Gazer Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I really don't think he did anything wrong. His "whatever" was simply "okay, I get what you're really saying."
Els Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I really don't think he did anything wrong. His "whatever" was simply "okay, I get what you're really saying." Ditto. (10 char)
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