suckered Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 We have been together for 4 months and everything between us is great including the sex life. Now my best friend (who is single) moves around same social circles as us and we see her about once a week. My boyfriend is always quite touchy-feely with her, more so than anyone else. When they talk, he would touch her arm often. When she walks in front of him, he puts a hand on the small of her back. When we sit on the couch and he sits in between us, he always liberally spreads out and has his arm on the couch behind her (while not hugging her actually). There are also random touches going on that I notice. It's like his body language is screaming that he is attracted to her. Besides that, he told me that she is a really great girl and can have her pick of guys. His favorite actress also looks remarkably like my friend. She, on the other hand is not too receptive unless she is drunk and she doesn't initiate touching. So it's him that's the problem. I am pretty sure that there is nothing actually going on between them. However, it really bothers me that he is so obviously attracted to her to the point that he can't restrain himself from touching her.......Sure, she is a pretty girl, but so am I. I don't really want to talk to him about it. He will just be more careful in hiding his attraction from me and I also believe that attraction is instinctive so this is not something that can be discussed away. Should I dump him over this? I just need some objective input.
Lostatnight Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Have you talked to your girlfriend about it? As you say, since she is not receptive to it, maybe you two can go out together without your boyfriend so they are not both in the same place together
Lilmisus Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I think you should talk to him about it. There are certain boundaries that are in place that he is blatantly ignoring when it comes to the whole touchy-feely of someone who is not his girlfriend. Especially considering that it's your best friend, it's just wrong. Though you feel that you can't make him not feel attracted towards her, you could let him know that hey..those boundaries exist, and he needs to respect them. Maybe though, he doesn't really notice that he touches her as often as he does. Maybe he just feels comfortable with her, and it just comes somewhat naturally? Who knows? But you need to bring it up. Especially if you're considering dumping him over this. If you bring it up, and he still does it, and doesn't respect your wishes..then that's enough groundwork to dump him. If though you don't feel comfortable bringing it up to your boyfriend, you could always bring it up to your friend, in case you haven't already. Not in an accusing way, since it doesn't sound like she did anything wrong here, but in a way that you could ask her to ask him to stop touching her all the time. Or ask her that every time he gets "too close" to her, for her to back away a bit to get the hint across that it's inappropriate.
vsmini Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I was going to say "talk to him" but then you said this: I don't really want to talk to him about it. He will just be more careful in hiding his attraction from me and I also believe that attraction is instinctive so this is not something that can be discussed away. So you either A. Can't communicate with him that something bothers you. Or B. Can't trust him to tell you the truth about his attraction to her even if you did talk to him. Doesn't sound like a good, strong relationship. Dump him or start communicating!
betterdeal Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 How annoying that must be! As you say he's paying her particular attention then he's not just being his tactile self. The problem is you are not happy with this, and you don't want to discuss it with him. I understand that, and think your reasoning is sound, plus it's an imposition on you to correct his behaviour. As you don't want to talk to him, that leaves you three choices: - accept this behaviour and the likelihood it will progress even more - dump him and move on - play mind games, be passive aggressive, hit on his mates, get bitter As others have said, maybe talk about it with your friend first, spend a little time thinking about which of these options suits your self-interest, and follow it through. I think you know the answer. Good luck.
strlixx Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 wow thats no fun. id talk 2 him about it, like confront him 2 is face n then go from there...if he keeps doing it totally dump him.
vsmini Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I don't understand the route of talking to the friend FIRST. Especially since it doesn't sound like the friend is initiating the excuses to touch, flirt, etc. Go to the guy first. He's the one she's in a relationship with. Talk to the friend, sure, but don't put her on the top of your list.
Kamille Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I never thought of myself as a jealous person until I read this thread. I would never be able to function in a relationship where I thought my bf was struggling to control his attraction to my friends. How do you do it? Is your relationship otherwise good?
Lostatnight Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I don't understand the route of talking to the friend FIRST. Especially since it doesn't sound like the friend is initiating the excuses to touch, flirt, etc. Go to the guy first. He's the one she's in a relationship with. Talk to the friend, sure, but don't put her on the top of your list. The reason I recommended talking to your friend first is togive you a heads up to any little unpleasant surprises... if you break up with this guy, I will bet you $1,000 he is going to then go after your friend and ask her out, and you might just end up losing a boyfriend and best friend! I’m not saying that’s any reason to stay with a guy that can’t keep his hands off your friends, but I was just politely trying to give you advice to get as much information as possible before you act so you know as many possible outcomes of your actions in advance Best of luck!
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