spiderowl Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I know the title sounds odd but I'm finding this difficult. I'm not often attracted to a guy but recently have met one who really interests me. We share a hobby and he just stood out from the crowd the moment I saw him. He came and spoke to me on that occasion and I was friendly but shy. Since then, we've bumped into each other a few times at gatherings and I've discovered that he has a partner. I also saw him with her on one occasion. I have not encouraged anything at all with him because he's attached. (I must confess that judging by their body language they didn't look happy. She looked stiff and formal, unsmiling, and he had his arms crossed while facing her and also wasn't smiling. Not exactly happy-couple postures!) I haven't initiated a conversation with this guy or approached him at gatherings, yet on each occasion he has made a point of saying something to me when I passed by. I'm not unfriendly to him, just normal, but I'm finding it hard having a guy I'm attracted to make a point of talking to me. I'm doing my best to keep a bit of distance, for my sake if not his girlfriend's. I know the fact that he talks to me doesn't mean anything but it's difficult for me. Should I read anything into his behaviour or am I just being oversensitive to this?
ls32ssibm Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I was actually in a situation where I was crushing on someone in another relationship. I refrained from flirting, acted platonic, and it so happens that she ended up breaking up with this guy and she is now my girlfriend. My advice: Don't be a homewrecker, but do keep in contact in he initiates it. If he feels the same way he will come to you, especially if he isn't happy. Let fate run it's course.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I know the title sounds odd but I'm finding this difficult. I'm not often attracted to a guy but recently have met one who really interests me. We share a hobby and he just stood out from the crowd the moment I saw him. He came and spoke to me on that occasion and I was friendly but shy. Since then, we've bumped into each other a few times at gatherings and I've discovered that he has a partner. I also saw him with her on one occasion. I have not encouraged anything at all with him because he's attached. (I must confess that judging by their body language they didn't look happy. She looked stiff and formal, unsmiling, and he had his arms crossed while facing her and also wasn't smiling. Not exactly happy-couple postures!) I haven't initiated a conversation with this guy or approached him at gatherings, yet on each occasion he has made a point of saying something to me when I passed by. I'm not unfriendly to him, just normal, but I'm finding it hard having a guy I'm attracted to make a point of talking to me. I'm doing my best to keep a bit of distance, for my sake if not his girlfriend's. I know the fact that he talks to me doesn't mean anything but it's difficult for me. Should I read anything into his behaviour or am I just being oversensitive to this? Wow, this sounds so very, very classy !!! You've maintained your interest and curiosity without crossing any boundaries. If your observations are accurate, I would suggest that within a reasonable amount of time he may indeed be 'single' again. Do you know for certain that is a "girlfriend" and not a sister/sister-in-law/etc. ?? Anyway, good going... so classy and appropriate (while still obviously 'appealing', in his eyes).
Author spiderowl Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) Thanks for all replies. It seems things turned out really well for you, ls32ssibm. There must have been something in that spark after all. I'm pleased you think my behaviour is classy, SOG, that was a real surprise. I just don't believe it's respectable to try and steal someone's boyfriend away, not that I've had any indication he'd be interested anyway. If he was, I'd much rather his relationship with her came to a natural end than be involved in a messy situation where people get hurt. Who knows what will happen in the future? I'm not holding out any hopes, haven't had much luck with dating anyway. I guess what's difficult is that it sparks my interest again every time he speaks to me. Would be a lot easier if he was just polite or distant rather than warm and friendly. Oh yes, she is his partner. I overhead him refer to his partner in a conversation a few weeks ago. Since then, I've seen him with this woman once and that was when I saw the cool body-language. They could have had a minor tiff. I'd best not read too much into it. Edited May 9, 2011 by spiderowl
St.Rosa Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I can definitely relate to what you're saying SpiderOwl, almost exactly! I met this guy at school, and I found him attractive. We spoke a bit and a little while later I found out he has a girlfriend. We speak every time we see one another, he flirts and I try not to out of respect for he and his relationship. Sometimes though he just gives me these signals that I just don't know how to interpret, it's best not to but sometimes I do. We have each others contacts so if he indeed does like me and things don't work out with his significant other then he has my number. I do not have any high hopes about it though. I here and there think he is just flirting because he can, and is in a relationship and nothing can really happen-- but then again I'm not so sure... Tsk. There I go reading into things again.
lovingADove Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Women attracted to guys in relationships of married men ... hahahaha ... Haven't we talked about this multiple times here before? If you want him .. figure out a way to let him know. If you don't want him, just move on and find someone else. Just staying there in between is NOT healthy, no matter how you try to spin it. If you let him know, then he has to make a decision ... I assume he is old / mature enough to know what he wants
Author spiderowl Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Thanks for your comments lovingdove, but I was moving on and keeping a distance. He's the one who is making contact, not me. I wouldn't chase a guy, ever, nor would I try to steal one from another woman. It's a matter of integrity. I despise guys who seek relationships on the side and I always think how their partner must feel. He certainly hasn't done that, just been friendly. He's not married, not that it makes any difference. I just find it difficult being attracted to someone in a relationship who isn't avoiding me.
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