TheBadOne Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Hello everyone, first post but like many of you I have lurked around these forums for a couple of months. My wife of 6 years (together for 13) gave me the "I don't have anything left in me to fight" and suggested we get divorced. We have been rocky the last couple of years to the point where we iritate each other. No infedelity or money problems just polar opposites. Regular problems, my neglecting her emotional needs, her neglecting my physical ones. I need to add that she has been under a lot of stress at work and our inability to conceive a second child in the last year has pushed her over the edge. She is 35 and I'm 41. I truly love my wife and would do anything to save it, but she won't budge. She refuses to go to councling ( I went to one a few months back) and says we are past councling, whatever that means. I did the 180 for the last two weeks and had a relapse yesterday where we hugged and kissed. I apologized for all the hurt and she even told me she wasn't very nice either. My Neanderthal side believed everything was going to be ok but the next morning we were back to her wanting a divorce, said I mistook her actions yesterday. Here's the kicker, she wants the house. Even though she wants out, refuses to go to councling she wants me to leave. I refused from the beginning two weeks ago when she asked for the divorce and I think my little setback yesterday she probably thought I would not contest the house. The house is under my name and I paid for down payment and all closing costs which mean squat in Florida if it was purshased during the marriage ( which it was). I'm so over this rollercoaster, next week we have the appointment with the attorney for divorce. So my question to any of you that have gone through this what can I expect from the judge? We both make good money (about the same) and I want 50/50 custody of our 5 year old. One last problem, my stbxw filed for bankruptcy because of aproperty she had that was severly underwater. Any advice or recommendations would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long post or any grammatical errors ( on the iPhone). Thanks for reading.
fltc Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 This is one for the lawyer, you're paying him, listen to him. He'll tell you what the judge will and will not allow, you and your wife can work out an agreement within those limits.
willowthewisp Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Please tell me you have two separate lawyers? You only mention one? You MUST get your own lawyer to protect YOUR interests, I know you don't want the divorce but as it looks to be happening you have to do things like you are no longer a team, that means getting yourself your own legal rep and taking care of YOU!
Author TheBadOne Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Thanks for the replys, had another blowout my fault again, imjust so angry right now I could scream! Guess just like my title states I'm the bad one. I don't have anything left I agreed to let her buy me out. I'm sure she will have primary custody meaning I only get to see my son every other weekend. Why do the guys always get screwed!
Irishlove Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I'm pretty sure she is only entitled to half of the appreciation of the house which in florida has went upside down. Since she has a child they may give her the house but she should buy you out. You do NOT leave that house. They can not make you move until you go to court and you don't have to leave your room either. I hate when men get pushed around by nutty woman. Let the judge know how hard it is to find another house, he should know. Go to free consultations and see what they say.
Author TheBadOne Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Yeah I think I'm going to get my own lawyer. I was going to wait around and see what her lawyer was going to draw up. It's just that she is so nice now that I agreed to give her the house it makes me ill.
willowthewisp Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Yeah I think I'm going to get my own lawyer. I was going to wait around and see what her lawyer was going to draw up. It's just that she is so nice now that I agreed to give her the house it makes me ill. You need to tell her that you take back what you said about giving her the house, nothing in writing yet and you are under emotional stress, so hopefully the verbal agreement won't stand up. You said she filed for bankruptcy? Well what is the point in her having the house then? It will go striaght to the trustee in bankruptcy to clear her debts anyway! (That's English law, you need to see a lawyer there to check out if it's the same or not). I can't stress enough how important it is not to wait and see what her lawyer drafts, you need your own lawyer, her lawyer will be acting in her best interests, you need one to act in yours. I'm so sorry you are going through this, I know what it feels like.
Author TheBadOne Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 WIllow thanks for the advice. Her bankruptcy was a strategic one and she went through an in-and-out bankruptcy with zero debt. Her only problem is she won't have good credit to purchase another home for several years. She is extremely good with money and a wonderful mother. My plan is for her to buy me out and let her stay in the house (paying everything herself ofcourse). This way I can purchase a townhouse in the same neighborhood and then tranfer the house over to her when she gets her credit back. I've come to grips with my situation and feel much better. Right now it's all about what's best for my little boy. I really feel for those going through a divorce with multiple kids and a vengeful wife. I'm trying to avoid that.
willowthewisp Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 WIllow thanks for the advice. Her bankruptcy was a strategic one and she went through an in-and-out bankruptcy with zero debt. Her only problem is she won't have good credit to purchase another home for several years. She is extremely good with money and a wonderful mother. My plan is for her to buy me out and let her stay in the house (paying everything herself ofcourse). This way I can purchase a townhouse in the same neighborhood and then tranfer the house over to her when she gets her credit back. I've come to grips with my situation and feel much better. Right now it's all about what's best for my little boy. I really feel for those going through a divorce with multiple kids and a vengeful wife. I'm trying to avoid that. How is she going to buy you out when she cannot get a legal charge in her name for two years? Besides that, I am guessing that part of you accomodating her, is because you don't wnat to upset her further, perhaps, like me, in the misguided hopes that she will want to reconcile? If that is the case, I would caution you against it, I did it and ended up homeless and two years on he has not come back, nor is he ever likely to. Maybe I am wrong, but if I had my time again, I would let him FEEL the consequences of his actions. She wants out? SHE GOES!
Tiberius Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Thanks for the replys, had another blowout my fault again, imjust so angry right now I could scream! Guess just like my title states I'm the bad one. I don't have anything left I agreed to let her buy me out. I'm sure she will have primary custody meaning I only get to see my son every other weekend. Why do the guys always get screwed! Because thats the way divorce works. And it isnt that way since last year. Why did you get married if you do not agree with the divorce laws? There are other options, like cohabitation and only very few states have common marriage laws. Many guys do not like the prospect of divorce and opt to have a woman and children in a cohabitation enviroment. The way the divorce rate is, once children are involved, cohabitation might be even more stable than marriage.
Author TheBadOne Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 All good points and I want to thank everyone for posting. My W has the money to buy me out, I was going to let her stay in the house until her credit improved then sell/turnover house to her. And yes I'm still hoping for reconciliation but deep inside I know it won't happen. All I want right now is to be at peace with myself. I know I should make her leave and I told her that 2 weeks ago. She began looking for apartments and then the big blowout occurred yesterday where I said things I shouldn't have. It was at that moment I realized I was holding on too tightly and just gave up. I know many of you think I'm making a mistake by giving her everything she wants but at the end of the day I know my son has a home and is being well taken care of. To me that is peace of mind. Everything else is replaceable.
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