Turned a girl down but now jealous anyway, what the [censored] is this about?

[Red Arremer]

I met this girl on a dating site about a month and a half ago and we went on a few dates. She was a really cool person, we shared a lot of common interests and everything, but at the end of the day I just didn't really feel a connection with her and there wasn't a lot of physical attraction there on my part so I decided not to pursue a relationship with her. She also seemed to be extremely marriage-minded, and at least at this stage of my life that's a total turnoff. (I know I posted a thread a while back about sexual frustration, but "unfortunately" I still have principles that prevent me from using people like that so I didn't pursue a sexual relationship despite not having a connection with her.)

 

The details of why I decided not to pursue a relationship with her aren't as important as what happened after though. After we stopped dating we decided, at least at that moment, to stay friends because we did have a lot of common interests and despite the lack of a connection we seemed to enjoy each other's company. A couple weeks later though, she starts telling me about this new guy she's dating, and suddenly I get this strong feeling of jealousy. What in the world is going on? I mean, *I* am the one that broke it off because of no attraction, and I still don't really feel attracted to her, so why am I suddenly feeling like this? Could this simply just be a case of "I'm not happy, so I don't want you to be happy either"? And if that's the case, how do I get over that, because that's clearly not a healthy way to think?

 

...stupid emotions...

[fishtaco]

Oldest trick in the book. This works amazingly well. Even when the recipient is aware of this, it's difficult to control. And this applies to both genders.

 

- Hit on someone, they say no.

- So you go date someone else.

- Sometimes, that someone will suddenly become interested.

 

This is very simple. Like I said, oldest trick in the book. But the tricky part is when the person is jealous, he or she may not let you know. So you have to know when to strike, while the iron is hot, in order to fully take advantage of this situation.

 

So now you know, you've experienced it yourself. File it away, it may become useful to you in the future.

[Eddie Edirol]

Youre probably jealous because she found someone new before you did. You maybe felt superior to her because you felt she wasnt good enough to date, but then someone else found interests in her that you didnt. The way to stop feeling jealous, stop talking to her entirely.

[fishtaco]

NO! BAD FISH! NO TACO FOR YOU!

 

No one should be doing this. No one should be playing these mind games. I don't care how effective they might be. I don't care who did what first. They are always a bad idea. Stay away from them.

 

Hahaha. I'm about practical applications. This type of Utopian thinking doesn't apply in the real world. People on LS are way too idealistic. It's nice, don't get me wrong. Having tumbled around in the real world and having a healthy dose of battle scars to show for, I can say your vision is a much nicer world. But, unfortunately, it doesn't exist, and never will.

 

Listen to a group of (non-LS) women talk about men. Someone complains about some guy isn't interested in a female compatriot, so invariably, "make him jealous" pops out. Predictable as clockwork. Because it's the oldest trick in the book. And it works, sometimes. We've all experienced this little dent in the general human psychology ourselves, as OP has also just experienced.

 

Anyway, I'll use you as my role model, when everyone else in the world start behaving like your LS persona. But I can guarantee you, that'll never happen. Sorry.

[Darren Taylor]

You want what you can't have. Simple human psychology.

[Jazzari]

You want what you can't have. Simple human psychology.

^This. Plain and simple.

[musemaj11]

The same thing is happening to me.

 

I got to know this one girl at college. I know she likes me and we have similar personality. I like being around her. But there is little physical attraction, so I didnt respond to her interest. However, recently I found out that she just had a boyfriend and somehow I felt mad jealous. Very strange stuff. LOL

[fishtaco]

I'm not being utopian and I can't stop others from what they do but you can stop yourself from jerking others around. This manipulation I'm against so I won't practice it or advise others to employ it. It isn't only since it is a dirty strategy but using this tactic will only end badly for all parties. This is true particularly for the person who uses it. The results won't be what you want including for someone looking exclusively for sex.

 

Well, I respectfully disagree with you. I believe these are simply tools. A person that have tools may chose to use or not use them. A person without tools have no choice.

 

Also, I'm competing with other guys that DO use these tools. Dating is sales and marketing. You can't win only based on the strength of having a better product.

 

I'm a worldly man, and I follow the worldly ways.

[lovingADove]

Instead of thinking about this girl, you should go out there look for another girl and once you find one, you will see that this is all gone ...

 

However, there is nothing wrong with looking back, though. Absolutely nothing wrong ...

[chuckles11]

It strikes me as an ego thing. You assumed that this girl was going to be all broken up that you ended things with her, but she quickly moved on. It's seems like she didn't see your relationship as that big of a deal either.

[lovingADove]

Could it also be that, since she started "dating" this other guy, she has looked more attractive and more confident?

 

One thing I have noticed about certain women is, those that have been single for a long time, seem to lack self esteem, confidence and it shows in their appearance.

 

But, once they start dating, their personality and physical look changes dramatically. Their confidence grows and all of the sudden, she seems like a completely new person. And as a guy who passed on her ... you start asking yourself why you pass on her ... and by then, it is too late ...

Sometimes, when you look at a woman, don't look at what she is, but look at what she could be ...the instant physical look can be very deceptive ...

[Red Arremer]

Since I updated my other thread I figured I'd update this one too. It turns out she wasn't playing head games, she actually did find someone else. This news does not make me feel any better.