Author jballestero16 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 You did the right thing by telling her and now just give her some time. She is upset, just like you were, but your saving grace is that you told her. You can write her a note explaining how remorseful you feel about handling it this way and you felt it was only fair that she knows. You can also explain that it is difficult to know if she would have come clean with you in the same way because you caught her. Then tell her you understand that she may need some time to process this and that you will respect her wishes.Thank you. I still believe that we can get pass this. We talked for a bit and she's hurt just like I was but we're working through this. Now I'm the one giving out my email access and facebook account. I was thinking being an easy book after you cheated was an easy task but guess it's not. I never knew I would be on the other side of the fence. Hopefully no one decides to cheat back. If anyone is thinking of doing it, don't. It's a terrible feeling you go through afterwards and makes you feel even worst than the one who cheated.
Author jballestero16 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 why don't you just break up with her? its obvious neither of you respect each other or care (and don't say you do either).Why the negativity? We both made mistakes but I think it's possible to get pass this. Not everyone breaks up. Some people were in our position too and the relationship got better with time.
Survivor12 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 So, I assume you've dumped your friend--the one that you cheated with--right?
Author jballestero16 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 So, I assume you've dumped your friend--the one that you cheated with--right?Correct I did.
spice4life Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Thank you. I still believe that we can get pass this. We talked for a bit and she's hurt just like I was but we're working through this. Now I'm the one giving out my email access and facebook account. I was thinking being an easy book after you cheated was an easy task but guess it's not. I never knew I would be on the other side of the fence. Hopefully no one decides to cheat back. If anyone is thinking of doing it, don't. It's a terrible feeling you go through afterwards and makes you feel even worst than the one who cheated. I understand your logic thinking it should be more simple than the reaction you received, but the truth is, she is still going to feel hurt because she is a human being with feelings. I am not saying she is innocent here, what she did to you was wrong for sure and now she reeling from the pain of knowing what you went through. She probably has a lot of thoughts and feelings going through her head. It's only fair to let her sort it out so she can at least understand it all. You both made a mistake and now you should be looking at the relationship and figure out why this all happened to begin with. You are on an even ground now, so why not focus on what is really important....like how you can learn from it and make your relationship stronger. Best wishes, I truly hope it all works out for you.
Memphis Raines Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 (edited) Why the negativity? experience my man. nothing positive about to people screwing around on each other. We both made mistakes cheating isn't a mistake. you both did it because you liked it and wanted to do it. a mistake is accidentally misspelling a word. Not partaking in pleasure with someone else. to call it a mistake is an attempt by cheaters to downplay what they did. but I think it's possible to get pass this. then do it. Not everyone breaks up. Some people were in our position too and the relationship got better with time. ok then, stay with her, and as time goes by, don't ever bring up the cheating again. Because if it can all be roses again, then that means no reflecting back on the cheating incidents. forgive her, move on, and no complaining about what she did. Edited May 11, 2011 by Memphis Raines
samspade Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Let her catch you sexing the other woman - you'll have your breakup and she'll have her just desserts!
samsungxoxo Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Let her catch you sexing the other woman - you'll have your breakup and she'll have her just desserts!Are you serious???? That would be very mean and unnecessary punishment. How would letting her watching him cheat help out? If anything, it's going to make it worst.
Memphis Raines Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Are you serious???? That would be very mean and unnecessary punishment. How would letting her watching him cheat help out? If anything, it's going to make it worst. hmm, correct me if I'm wrong, but you have posted in the past that you would do the revenge sex thing. And it wouldn't be mean or unnecessary punishment. I wouldn't advise it, and he should hold himself to a higher standard. but nothing of that magnitude done to a cheater is mean or unnecessary. They can just take their medicine and shut up.
washguy74 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 (edited) You can be completely, passionately in love with someone who ****s you over in the most unimaginable way. That's not the issue. When they did so, were they completely, passionately in love with you? No. That's the issue. Can you build up the love BEYOND what it was before? If not, she'll cheat again, or just straight up leave you. What you had before wasn't good enough for her to keep her pants on. Honestly, I'm surprised it took you this long to even the score, or well try to. Maybe it's been her apologetic nature since then. What would scare me about this woman is that it sounds like she did someone she met that day. Who cares if you have her email, her Facebook, etc., if she'll hook up that easily. No early warning system is available. But on the plus side, at least she wasn't texting, talking, emailing the guy for months, that makes it even harder to get over. I believe you guys can make it now. The cheating isn't exactly the same, because she started this tit-for-tat. There was an end of innocence within the relationship that she created. But I believe these experiences *can* create an openness, communication that wasn't there before. Good luck. Edited May 13, 2011 by washguy74
washguy74 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Oh and BTW I just told her an hour ago through the phone. She's pissed off and basically doesn't want to talk to me for the meantime. This is what I don't understand at all. She begged me (literally dropped on her knees) and practically chocked in tears asking me to take her back. I still love her and alright I took her back that same day I caught her. I couldn't think clearly that day and emotions got to me. Now this is the reply I get from her? I've apologized already but she's mean. I find this soooooo unfair. And I thought she would understand it better and not be too harsh about it. Women are more interested in being loved unconditionally than being fair. :-P
samsungxoxo Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 hmm, correct me if I'm wrong, but you have posted in the past that you would do the revenge sex thingIt is correct that I posted about cheating out of revenge and then leaving the POS bastard. However, it doesn't have to get to that extreme of letting him watch me cheat. I wouldn't want to be watched in the act... I'm not sick. Lastly, the revenge cheating would also depend on what type of cheating the guy did. For example: if it was just making-out, then I would do the same... I would like to think I would just leave him on the spot since it wouldn't be easy just having sex (if I got cheated that way) with a man I don't have an emotional bonding with..... I think it would be hard to actually do it. On writing, anything can be said but in real life it might be hard to go for it. Then again, I only had one partner (my ex BF) and the number remains the same...
Author jballestero16 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 (edited) What you had before wasn't good enough for her to keep her pants on.Actually it going to get to that stage if I didn't found out sooner so yeah it does suck that this was really stopped by me. I can't say too much now that I've become a cheater, something I'm not proud of. My parents would be ashamed if I told them that. Honestly, I'm surprised it took you this long to even the score, or well try to. Maybe it's been her apologetic nature since then.You mean my calm/quiet nature? I've always taken a while to express myself and being too devastated at that time, I was totally speechless to the point I just felt immune. All I thought about was pretending everything was back to the way it was, don't get angry with her, believe it was a mistake she made and make it go away. I went like that for sooooo long till I could no longer take it and started creating arguments with her or rubbing it in her face. When that didn't worked out, I started getting curious which led to my cheating. What would scare me about this woman is that it sounds like she did someone she met that day.Yes that's exactly what happened. She cheated with some random guy she met. And the update is we're still working on this and she's still pissed off. She took me back but I'm going to work on earning her trust back as well too. Edited May 14, 2011 by jballestero16
washguy74 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 You mean my calm/quiet nature? I've always taken a while to express myself and being too devastated at that time, I was totally speechless to the point I just felt immune. All I thought about was pretending everything was back to the way it was, don't get angry with her, believe it was a mistake she made and make it go away. Interesting. Using the Stages of Grief framework, you went straight into Denial, even though you were physically there to see what happened. I've read the function of Denial is to serve as a temporary buffer to protect yourself from being overwhelmed. So it took you a while to get around to Anger, but it was inevitable you'd get there. I wonder if you were ever mad alone and away from her, before you started picking fights and being angry with her while together. I had my heart broken this year somewhat similarly, but I'm a "let's process, get through this" kinda guy, and skipped Denial completely. It really was more than I could handle though, and I should've at least distracted myself better, taken my time. Very very thankful my rival was out of town because I was far from rational. I can't connect with this 'curiousity' you speak of. If you wanted to get your hands on another woman, thought it was only fair, just say that. Curiousity just sounds like a way to sugarcoat it, IMO. But perhaps you really are a GOOD guy who just wanted to be BAD and see what it felt like.
Author jballestero16 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 I wonder if you were ever mad alone and away from her, before you started picking fights and being angry with her while together.I would sometimes get drunk and end up crying alone when she wasn't there. I made sure no one was watching and stayed in my room for a couple hours till I manage to temporarily recover again. I can't connect with this 'curiousity' you speak of. If you wanted to get your hands on another woman, thought it was only fair, just say that. Curiousity just sounds like a way to sugarcoat it, IMO. But perhaps you really are a GOOD guy who just wanted to be BAD and see what it felt like.I felt the need to know what it was like at that moment when she cheated. I'm positive that she was enjoying every moment of it before I caught her. In a way, yes I wanted to finally become the BAD guy in the relationship at least one time. You have an excellent way of explaining my stages and it's true I decided to be in denial for many months.
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