jballestero16 Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 (edited) I didn't really do it out of pure revenge. I was curious and wanted to know what it was like when my GF cheated on me almost 10 months ago. I wanted to know what's it like to cheat, to do something with someone else while in a relationship. Curiousity got the best of me and I end up performing oral sex a couple days ago with a female friend I haven't seen for ages. My GF has been remorseful about her cheating and well there are times I still don't fully trust her, even though she's trying. Now I don't know. I think I'm feeling worst than before. Do I still need to tell her even though she didn't tell me herself, I caught her? Edited May 7, 2011 by jballestero16
Flgirl44 Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I'm curious what you felt when you cheated? Did you feel guilty? Did you think she deserved it? etc... Have you thought maybe she had some of the same negative emotions you had when she herself was cheating? That would cross my mind. As for telling her, umm I dunno... you guys are cut from the same cloth, perhaps you are meant for each other. What the real answer is though, is you both have lowered the value of your relationship to saddening levels and should leave with what dignity you have left.
Author jballestero16 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 I'm curious what you felt when you cheated? Did you feel guilty? Did you think she deserved it? etc... Have you thought maybe she had some of the same negative emotions you had when she herself was cheating? That would cross my mind.I felt nothing before nor while doing it but afterwards it was different. I'm feeling as if this didn't help me out at all. It's like back from the start but only this time I'm now a hypocrite. I was previously withholding all negative emotions a bit after her cheating. That was my only way to work this out but after a while, I said all types of things that would come out of my mouth. It got to a point I could no longer hold it. At least she didn't get all defensive when I was venting and instead kept apologizing. Now it's back to the same. I'm now withholding it all again but it's different. She must be thinking I'm finally getting over it but doesn't know I'm guilty of the same thing.
Author jballestero16 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Maybe she deserved it a bit but I'm still no better. As my curiousity increased, it was hard to ignored it esp. with triggers involved in her cheating.
anne1707 Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Do not try to justify what you did by saying she deserved it. She cheated. You cheated. You have both cheated. I.e. no difference at all. If she had the decency to tell you and show remorse then you should reciprocate. If you can't do that, can you honestly say that you will never ever try to make her feel bad or vent about what she did because that would be beyond hypocrisy.
Author jballestero16 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 If she had the decency to tell you and show remorse then you should reciprocate.No I caught her myself and it's then that she was all remorseful and still is. If you can't do that, can you honestly say that you will never ever try to make her feel bad or vent about what she did because that would be beyond hypocrisy.I stopped doing that after what I did but she doesn't know the real reason. I don't like the idea of being a hypocrite. She'll forgive me just like I did when I caught her. Wouldn't that be common sense? Don't think it would be fair if she refuses to. Nevertheless I don't ever want to cross this path again. It's making me disgusted with myself. It's like I've become someone I never in my life thought I would be.
spice4life Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I didn't really do it out of pure revenge. I was curious and wanted to know what it was like when my GF cheated on me almost 10 months ago. I wanted to know what's it like to cheat, to do something with someone else while in a relationship. Curiousity got the best of me and I end up performing oral sex a couple days ago with a female friend I haven't seen for ages. My GF has been remorseful about her cheating and well there are times I still don't fully trust her, even though she's trying. Now I don't know. I think I'm feeling worst than before. Do I still need to tell her even though she didn't tell me herself, I caught her? You absolutely need to tell her. Right now, you aren't any better than she is. Regardless of you reasoning, this was still a very spiteful move and she has a right to know who she is with. Now you really don't have any justfication for not trusting her and any foundation of trust the two of you were building has now been shattered. You should have just broke up with her instead if you felt you couldn't handle what she did. If a person cheats and puts forth the effort to find out what the "internal" motivation was behind why they did it, then they also deserve to know something like this. She deserves to know that this is how you decided to handle your hurt from her betrayal. It may be something that she can't tolerate and will want to end the relationship. By not telling her, you are taking away her right to choose if she wants to stay or not. You chose to stay, so you should work to heal and rebuild this relationship in an honest way. Revenge cheating is not going to accomplish that and again, it may be a deal breaker for her. It certainly would be for me. That is certain! I couldn't be with someone who knowingly did something out of pure spite. At the very least, you should have told her in advance that this is what you planned to do, so she could choose to stay or go.
jnj express Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 You don't like the idea of being a hypocrite---You are a hypocrite You stooped to her level---you cheated what else is there to say The 2 of you deserve each other---don't hook-up with anyone else, cuz at this point on the human scale you are way beneath them
Professor X Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Your GF also did it out of curiosity, so you 2 are simply perfect for one another; Have fun!
Author jballestero16 Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 The 2 of you deserve each other---don't hook-up with anyone else, cuz at this point on the human scale you are way beneath themObviously it's very easy for you to label someone names. You don't even know what I've initially been through 10 months ago. On top of that, my mind wouldn't get rid of those triggers/images I had of that loser doing things with my GF. I hate him and always will. I've always been known as a quiet, shy guy until hurt soooo deep to the point I can't take it anymore. Just walking away doesn't help that much either, not when there is yet still very strong emotions. On my mind I was curiosity as to what she felt in that moment with that loser, a complete stranger she just that day. The more triggers of them, the more I got curious and my impulse grew further. It was something like ''Ok she had her fun, so what it's like, how about mine''.
Author jballestero16 Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 (edited) Oh and BTW I just told her an hour ago through the phone. She's pissed off and basically doesn't want to talk to me for the meantime. This is what I don't understand at all. She begged me (literally dropped on her knees) and practically chocked in tears asking me to take her back. I still love her and alright I took her back that same day I caught her. I couldn't think clearly that day and emotions got to me. Now this is the reply I get from her? I've apologized already but she's mean. I find this soooooo unfair. And I thought she would understand it better and not be too harsh about it. Edited May 8, 2011 by jballestero16
Professor X Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Of course you're not allowed to be with someone else but she is! Heard of double standards?
Author jballestero16 Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Of course you're not allowed to be with someone else but she is! Heard of double standards?So what can I do now? I'm really sorry about what I did. I know it won't happen again and want her to know I now forgive her completely. I won't even mention her cheating if we get back again but will be focusing on mine. Is she gonna forgive me eventually?
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Do you forgive her? Then, of course she won't forgive you. Two wrongs don't make a right. Just because she cheated, doesn't give you the right to cheat back. It did, however, give you the right to break up with her, and find a different girlfriend. But you didn't do that, did you? Professor is right, you two are made for each other. Have fun breaking each others hearts.
Author jballestero16 Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Do you forgive her?Yes I do. I was hurt at the moment and took her back too quickly without thinking straight. We only talked about it for one week or so, then I didn't wanted to hear anything about it. I pretended to be all normal again but after a long while, those emotions (of when I caught her) emerged again. I would then rubbed it in her face again and at times refused to talk to her. I admit to being a somewhat disrespectful at times when she was trying to make this work, not getting defensive and giving me access to her email account or facebook. Then, of course she won't forgive you. Two wrongs don't make a right. Just because she cheated, doesn't give you the right to cheat back.I regret it now. It did, however, give you the right to break up with her, and find a different girlfriend. But you didn't do that, did you?It's hard to think too logically when you're still in love. I would then be all alone and start from zero with a different girlfriend.
spice4life Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 So what can I do now? I'm really sorry about what I did. I know it won't happen again and want her to know I now forgive her completely. I won't even mention her cheating if we get back again but will be focusing on mine. Is she gonna forgive me eventually? You did the right thing by telling her and now just give her some time. She is upset, just like you were, but your saving grace is that you told her. You can write her a note explaining how remorseful you feel about handling it this way and you felt it was only fair that she knows. You can also explain that it is difficult to know if she would have come clean with you in the same way because you caught her. Then tell her you understand that she may need some time to process this and that you will respect her wishes.
jnj express Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Whoa JB16---You called yourself a hypocrite---I was just repeating your own post Let me ask you this---how do you love someone who has cheated on you---what is there to love about someone who disrespects you, and basically by having sex with another guy---says to you, by her actions "Frick you BF---you are nothing" Please don't give us this line that you can't go out and find another woman---there are millions of good women out there, and a whole lot of them, are honest, decent women, who won't cheat WHAT IS WRONG WITH STARTING OVER??? One other thing---why are you pis*ed off at the other guy---He wasn't your relationship partner---YOUR GF was---it is she who cheated on you---it is she who decided to play around, all the while knowing she was in a relationship with you----she is the one you have the beef with!!!!!
Author jballestero16 Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Let me ask you this---how do you love someone who has cheated on you---what is there to love about someone who disrespects you, and basically by having sex with another guy---says to you, by her actions "Frick you BF---you are nothing"According to her and then a message I found, she didn't have sex with the OM but did all the other things (her cheating was similar to mine but it lasted a bit longer). It was still cheating and yes I was very devastated that day. As to how I still love her, I would say that after spending time with someone (esp. if it's 2 yrs or more), it's hard to get rid of everything the both of you did together and you feel it can be work out. I felt I was getting all the answers when asking her questions about it. Some days were ok and it did seem to get better.
Author jballestero16 Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 One other thing---why are you pis*ed off at the other guy---He wasn't your relationship partner---YOUR GF was---it is she who cheated on you---it is she who decided to play around, all the while knowing she was in a relationship with you----she is the one you have the beef with!!!!!It's hard to hate someone you love and known for a while but much easier to hate the OM who is nothing to me but a complete stranger. It's so much easy to hate someone you're not in a relationship with.
jnj express Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Hey JB------there you go putting your head in the sand!!!!! Yes the other guy---is scum, ---BUT----do you really know what their situation was---it just could be your GF--led him to believe she wasn't with anyone, and he thought he was with an available woman But no matter Your beef is still with your GF---what ever it was she did---it was she who cheated, on you---it was she is connived, manipulated, decieved, and lied to you---it was she who has caused you all this pain. It was she who planned/helped plan and participate in all their little escapades. If you wanna stay with her---the visions, and torment that your sub-conscious causes you---are not gonna go away---SHE IS THE TRIGGER All of this has caused you to mess around yourself, much to your own consternation, that's how screwed up your situation really is. It is your GF---and no one else who is causing you to be miserable----you have the ability to leave with no problems attached, why would you stay and continue to be miserable Remember this---YOU ONLY GET ONE TRY AT LIFE ON THIS PLANET, you need to make it the best possible trip you can---and right now your trip seems to be pretty miserable!!!!!!
sugarmomma Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 threads like this make me sad. do the right thing and just break up and sort yourself out.
ECuellar Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 im in the same position at you. she cheated on me and all i think about is her with someone else. im starting to think if i do what she did to me maybe she will know how i felt and never do it again but then again 2 wrongs dont make a right. so idk im kinda stuck on what to do...
Dust Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 You should dump her. This is a mess. She cheated on you, and no you cheated on her. Start fresh and don’t cheat or put up with cheating. If some one does cheat and you forgive them, then cheating yourself is the sure end. I really can’t see one of you not cheating again.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Oh and BTW I just told her an hour ago through the phone. She's pissed off and basically doesn't want to talk to me for the meantime. This is what I don't understand at all. She begged me (literally dropped on her knees) and practically chocked in tears asking me to take her back. I still love her and alright I took her back that same day I caught her. I couldn't think clearly that day and emotions got to me. Now this is the reply I get from her? I've apologized already but she's mean. I find this soooooo unfair. And I thought she would understand it better and not be too harsh about it. Well, she feels that when she cheats that it is your fault... and that when you cheat... it's your fault. Most women think this way. Just look at how they have responded to you. Your revenge cheating has made you WORSE than her in their eyes.
Memphis Raines Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Do I still need to tell her even though she didn't tell me herself, I caught her? why don't you just break up with her? its obvious neither of you respect each other or care (and don't say you do either). I always will say tell the person you screwed over so they can make a decision about their lives. but since both of you are cheaters, you aren't fit for a a committed relationship. so just do both of you a favor and end it.
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