LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I just was laughed at for saying I wish I knew what a kiss was like. This got me to thinking that a lot of people who have had relationships, take dating for granted. They all seem to disregard people's pain (for those that are virgins, or are unlucky in love), and all seem to give cliched advice when that person turns bitter. I have noticed this more among women, although it's also prevalent among the player men as well. Women, because since they have a vagina, they automatically are players. Player men, because they are good looking and have "game." Instead of crapping all over someone for feeling sad for not experienced something, why don't you try some compassion? Or is your head too far up your arse? Perhaps you were looking for your significant other up there?
Jynxx Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 You don't automatically get respect or compassion because you're in a ****ty spot. Nor should you. If a situation is ****ty, change it. Live your life, change things you don't like. You always have options, if you don't like the way your life goes then you're the only one to blame. It's easy to whine, blame it all on luck and claim to be unlucky, but finding excuses for why things don't go your way is a waste of time and energy. Use that time and energy to improve your situation. People don't owe you anything, and certainly not if they're complete strangers you just met over the internet.
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 You don't automatically get respect or compassion because you're in a ****ty spot. Nor should you. If a situation is ****ty, change it. Live your life, change things you don't like. You always have options, if you don't like the way your life goes then you're the only one to blame. It's easy to whine, blame it all on luck and claim to be unlucky, but finding excuses for why things don't go your way is a waste of time and energy. Use that time and energy to improve your situation. People don't owe you anything, and certainly not if they're complete strangers you just met over the internet. I suppose nobody on here deserves respect, then? If someone is hurting, I try to give them compassion. I say I'm hurting, and someone laughs at me. Maybe this makes me a better person than that person, but I try to be kind to people on here. All I ask is for kindness in return.
Rinnix Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Id never laugh at someone for being less experienced at dating. Some people find there match later in life, it's nothing to be ashamed of. We all have own own time schedules. Everyone experinces problems somewhere, for some it's dating, and for other's it's connecting and making friends. I see no reason to put others down, I have a hard time connecting with people lately too (friend wise).
utterer of lies Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I suppose nobody on here deserves respect, then? If someone is hurting, I try to give them compassion. I say I'm hurting, and someone laughs at me. Maybe this makes me a better person than that person, but I try to be kind to people on here. All I ask is for kindness in return. But if you are wallowing in self-pity, kindness is not what you need, and respect that isn't earned is worthless anyway.
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 But if you are wallowing in self-pity, kindness is not what you need, and respect that isn't earned is worthless anyway. It's people like you that create the George Sodini's of the world.
Ginger Beer Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I just was laughed at for saying I wish I knew what a kiss was like. This got me to thinking that a lot of people who have had relationships, take dating for granted. They all seem to disregard people's pain (for those that are virgins, or are unlucky in love), and all seem to give cliched advice when that person turns bitter. I have noticed this more among women, although it's also prevalent among the player men as well. Women, because since they have a vagina, they automatically are players. Player men, because they are good looking and have "game." Instead of crapping all over someone for feeling sad for not experienced something, why don't you try some compassion? Or is your head too far up your arse? Perhaps you were looking for your significant other up there? I thought you were joking.
welikeincrowds Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 The Dating section is probably the most frank and least compassionate section on here, aside from the off-topic stuff. However, for the most part, it still functions as support from mostly well-meaning posters. There is an abundance of compassion and open ears from absolutely lovely people, some of them with deeply wounded hearts, over in the Coping section. I'm having trouble imagining this thread, meanwhile, as anything but impotent and utterly pointless. What do you suppose it will accomplish for you, I wonder?
Darren Taylor Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 People in general are not empathetic. The notion that women are more empathetic than men is a myth. Both genders are equally unempathetic. Look at the threads/posts here from some of the guys that have trouble with women. Many of the women will fake the empathy, but you know in real life they'll be with the player and forget what they said here. Empathetic huh?
somedude81 Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 This got me to thinking that a lot of people who have had relationships, take dating for granted. They all seem to disregard people's pain Human nature. It's the reason why most people don't give food or money to homeless or donate to charity. Humans are inherently selfish and only care about themselves.
welikeincrowds Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Human nature. It's the reason why most people don't give food or money to homeless or donate to charity. Humans are inherently selfish and only care about themselves. Do you consider yourself a charity case, somedude?
Intricategirl Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/compassion-empathy-sympathy-hurt-hinting-and-kindness-6-of-the-most-misused-words-in-relationships-and-the-importance-of-learning-their-meanings/ Section on empathy vs. sympathy. I understand that you have not had much experience in dating and love. I am sorry that's the case. It does not make it my problem or anyone else's problem to fix. To give me power to fix your life for you is much more power than I, or anyone else, should be given.
somedude81 Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Do you consider yourself a charity case, somedude? I was thinking about that since I have received advice from people, so my words weren't exactly true. It's hard to explain what I meant.
Enchanted Girl Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I have a few things to say in response to this. First of all, was the person that laughed at you online? If they were then keep these two things in mind: 1. People are often meaner and more aggressive online than in real life because everything is anonymous. 2. If you say something strange online, people might think you are a troll and might laugh at you for that reason. I've seen trolls makes all kinds of stupid stuff online from the absolutely ridiculous to the almost believable. Secondly, how dare you try to tell US what we are feeling? I'll admit, I give cliched advice sometimes, but that doesn't mean I don't sympathize and that I'm not listening. I got my first kiss when I was nineteen and didn't lose my virginity until I was in my twenties. I'm not as extreme as some people, but I still didn't get my first boyfriend until much later than everyone I knew. It's like how people get pissed at others for saying,"I understand what you are going through" or "I'm so sorry you are suffering." I understand you getting pissed if people are criticizing you and laughing at you, but for giving cliched advice? Well, get over it. Would you rather no one respond to anything you say because it sounds like you are one of those people that gets pissed at people who listen to them and sympathize with them.
utterer of lies Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 (edited) It's people like you that create the George Sodini's of the world. What? I must treat you with understanding when you are wallowing in self-pity, or you will go out and murder some random people? Or what did you want to say with that? The reason why I don't mince my words is because you are trying to make yourself a victim. But you are not. You are not powerless. Edited May 7, 2011 by utterer of lies
johan Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 The solution is easy: start up an online dating account and challenge yourself to getting one date a month. Get used to chatting with women and being around them. You'll probably find out that you aren't nearly the reject that you want everyone to believe. That goal will distract you from sitting around wishing things were different but doing nothing about it. Quasimodo could have found a woman if he really wanted to.
Ginger Beer Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I have a few things to say in response to this. First of all, was the person that laughed at you online? If they were then keep these two things in mind: 1. People are often meaner and more aggressive online than in real life because everything is anonymous. 2. If you say something strange online, people might think you are a troll and might laugh at you for that reason. I've seen trolls makes all kinds of stupid stuff online from the absolutely ridiculous to the almost believable. Secondly, how dare you try to tell US what we are feeling? I'll admit, I give cliched advice sometimes, but that doesn't mean I don't sympathize and that I'm not listening. I got my first kiss when I was nineteen and didn't lose my virginity until I was in my twenties. I'm not as extreme as some people, but I still didn't get my first boyfriend until much later than everyone I knew. It's like how people get pissed at others for saying,"I understand what you are going through" or "I'm so sorry you are suffering." I understand you getting pissed if people are criticizing you and laughing at you, but for giving cliched advice? Well, get over it. Would you rather no one respond to anything you say because it sounds like you are one of those people that gets pissed at people who listen to them and sympathize with them. It was me who laughed. I thought she was making a joke. I have apologised, really didn't mean to cause offense or anything.
iris219 Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Could it be that the people who you say are unsympathetic don’t mean to be or realize they are? You have to understand that many people can’t relate to those who have never been in relationships and who have never had any sort of physical/sexual contact with another person. I try to avoid giving any advice about this because I fear it will seem condescending, overly optimistic, or smug. Being a virgin after a certain age is a foreign concept for many people. Empathy is simply not possible. I can sympathize with your situation (as in I’m sorry you think your life could be better, but isn’t getting better), but I can’t really understand it. Hence, this may be why you get frustrated with other’s responses. They may be trying to help, but just don’t know how. My life isn’t perfect either. No one’s is. I think that’s another reason why some people don’t have as much sympathy as you’d like. I’m actively trying to make my life more rewarding, I'm grateful for what I have, and I'm genuinely happy. Are you actively trying to improve your life? I think some on here don’t think you’re doing this.
Nexus One Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I sympathize with OP, but that's not all that he needs. He needs a reality check too: 1. Get a job. (and/or start your own business) 2. Get your own place. (men who don't have their own place are 5 times less "attractive" to women than men who do) 3. Start putting yourself out there, by for example online dating. You have no control over whether you can get sympathy or not, you do have control over the above things.
Ross MwcFan Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 You don't automatically get respect or compassion because you're in a ****ty spot. Nor should you. If a situation is ****ty, change it. Live your life, change things you don't like. You always have options, if you don't like the way your life goes then you're the only one to blame. It's easy to whine, blame it all on luck and claim to be unlucky, but finding excuses for why things don't go your way is a waste of time and energy. Use that time and energy to improve your situation. People don't owe you anything, and certainly not if they're complete strangers you just met over the internet. Well, I think people should get respect or compassion if they're in a ****ty spot. Most people will do that, because most people have a degree of compassion for others. The people who don't, are obviously cold and don't give a **** about others.
PhillyDude Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I have a few things to say in response to this. First of all, was the person that laughed at you online? If they were then keep these two things in mind: 1. People are often meaner and more aggressive online than in real life because everything is anonymous. 2. If you say something strange online, people might think you are a troll and might laugh at you for that reason. I've seen trolls makes all kinds of stupid stuff online from the absolutely ridiculous to the almost believable. Secondly, how dare you try to tell US what we are feeling? I'll admit, I give cliched advice sometimes, but that doesn't mean I don't sympathize and that I'm not listening. I got my first kiss when I was nineteen and didn't lose my virginity until I was in my twenties. I'm not as extreme as some people, but I still didn't get my first boyfriend until much later than everyone I knew. It's like how people get pissed at others for saying,"I understand what you are going through" or "I'm so sorry you are suffering." I understand you getting pissed if people are criticizing you and laughing at you, but for giving cliched advice? Well, get over it. Would you rather no one respond to anything you say because it sounds like you are one of those people that gets pissed at people who listen to them and sympathize with them. Maybe he wants advice with EXAMPLES
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 People online have actually been much more helpful to me than people in person. Granted some advice is cliched like: work out (I do) be tall (I'm 6 feet tall) be well rounded (I am), go for women your own age and with whom you have common interests (again I do). All of that is useless advice, but the vast majority of people have actually offered pretty good advice, and have been supportive. But, exactly two people I know offline know that I'm a virgin and that I've never kissed a girl. The one I talk to the most about it has absolutely no idea what I should do, other than to "put myself out there" as if I was a complete homebody who never left his house. Once she said she would ask a coworker of ours (a girl my age who goes to my school) to set me up with one of her friends. She forgot, and it never happened, I never asked again. Most people can't relate with older inexperienced folk because they did things the normal and right way to do them. There's really no way to change that.
NoMagicBullet Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Women, because since they have a vagina, they automatically are players. Player men, because they are good looking and have "game." Instead of crapping all over someone for feeling sad for not experienced something, why don't you try some compassion? Or is your head too far up your arse? Perhaps you were looking for your significant other up there? I was sympatheic until I got to "all women are players because they have vaginas". The demand for compassion didn't improve things. OP, if you want people to show you compassion, you need to express compassion. First, get rid of these generaliztions and recognize people as individuals. Show some tolerance. Picking on people only makes them want to pick on you. Second, take care how you express yourself and to whom; whining, especially on internet forums, is like cutting off your hand and jumping into a tank full of hungry sharks. You'll get much better responses when you lay out the facts ("This is my problem..."), own your feelings ("I feel angry because this happened..."), stop blaming others ("I know I could have done this better...") and acknowledge that the solution to your problems lies with you taking action on them ("I tried this...", "I will try that next time..."). Third, find a way to stop feeling angry at people for them not being or acting like what you need/want. No one owes it you to be what you need or want. If you can't stop feeling angry, then at least stop acting on it, whether by word or action. Anger is not going to get you the sympathy and compassion you seek. People do not like to be around angry people. I suspect that this may be more of your problem in a number of areas of your life than just your forum posts.
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