Does anybody else feel like NC makes you more obsessed about your ex??

[MyHeartHurtsOuch]

Pon, you are not alone....Iam in your boat. You have one oar and I have the other. We are rowing aimlessly. I'm drained to my core of thinking of my ex and whether or not she will ever contact me again even to get the few things that she left at my place. For the last 2 months I have thought about her 24/7 and Im frozen. I cant move. I dont want to move. I want my life back that I had with her. We had a good thing. It doesn't look good but I have read some of the words of a few LSers (jasonrules) and they have given me encouragement to keep NC and it will pay off.

 

Contrary to popular opinions, Iam NC because Iam trying to get her back. Let me explain, we had some rough times, some rough times that she harbored. Im smart enough in relationships to know that sometimes you have to let them have their space and give them time to miss you. I want her to experience life without me. I want her to know that GIGS will fool her. I want her to miss everything that I did for her and I did ALOT. No, I was not perfect in the relationship but I know for absolutely sure that noone will come into her life and complete her like I did/will. So, I hang on to that and encourage you to do the same. One of the worst parts is you cant put a time limit on when they will contact you again....3 months, 9 months or years and that is very hard to think about. If she never contacts me again I would be astonished and quite honestly it would crush me....but I will push ahead and move forward to what God has planned for me. The best to you......

 

 

Otherfish-

 

I'm exactly feeling the way you are. But I think that this kind of thinking is keeping us from moving along. If we are moving forward and wanting what God has planned for us why do we feel comforted in thinking that they will come back to us? I know my ex feels happier without me, he is enjoying life and being single is always easier and more fun...he has plenty of girls to choose from and the second he wants one to spend the night they will...and have tons of sex and sexual gratification and why would he miss me? He has filled his life with all sorts of "happiness" that makes me realize he will actually not ever contact me. He will find what he had with me with someone else. I am frozen in time waiting and he is happy he's moved on. I'm miserable. I even thought should I contact him is there anything I can say but its stupid cause if he wanted to be with me he would say so. He doesnt contact me for a reason and that reason is he is happy.

[MyHeartHurtsOuch]

I know you are right Jason, and you always give great advice. I feel like I'm just winging and repeating myself here on LS, but at least that's better than me contacting him. So please bear with me all fellow LS'ers.

 

I know that the alternative is so much worse. I would definitely never start texting him every day. I can't wait for the day to come when I can log on to LS and tell everyone how happy I am and that I've met someone far better than my ex. I'd love to just log on here to give others advice instead of needing them myself.

 

I think also it's hard for me to let go because I live in a fairly small city and everywhere I go I see his colleagues, friends etc (went hiking today and met a girl he used to work with, went to the shop the other day and met his friend.----I hate it and I should move). So there are constant reminders of him everywhere. Every little bar and cafe reminds me of me and him sitting there. The summer weather reminds me of last summer when we went to his family's summer place. Things that triggers my memory EVERYWHERE.

 

I know-- I have to start realizing that it's over for good. I am going to start group therapy next week. Hopefully that will help me stop being so depressed and see what a wonderful life I still have ahead of me, cause right now I don't see any point in my life (and I can hear how stupid that sounds!!).

 

Ponpon-

 

I feel the exact same way and I too am miserable without my ex. I think that its me though thats keeping the hope and his memory and what we shared alive. I find reasons as to why things remind me of him...like even going to new places makes me think oh he would have loved it here and etc. I keep his memory alive in my life and why do I do it? Because I still have hope. I have hope for us when he clearly told me he does not want to be with me. I cant accept things the way they are and I insist that I know better and that they should be the way that I want them to be. How am I ever going to heal if i keep this up? I too am going to start therapy soon. Im a therapist and yet I cant seem to help myself. I can only help others. I can also not wait for the day to tell LS and all my friends and family who see me suffering that I am okay again. That I am happy and that I have joy in my heart again. No clue when that will happen. I'm scared that it wont happen until I find someone else. But I want to be able to be happy by myself. Last relationship break up I had was horrible and it only got better when I found someone else and then I was happy like on top of the world happy....was all that fake? dont know. He left me though, walked right out and said he couldnt do it anymore. He doesnt want what I can offer him and I cant offer him what he wants.

[Fufu]

If one keeps continue to contact their exes - they are obsessed with their exes.