elephance Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Hi there, In a nut shell, I've been seeing a guy for about 3 months quite alot, and things have been getting serious to an extent. He's kind, and affectionate, however he made a big song and dance about not wanting a relationship so soon (which was fair as neither did I). Things have been going well except our sex life. I'm not very experienced, and are new to this, which he knew, and then less than 24 hours ago he decided to air his grievances about how I don't initiate anything, it's bad when we do have sex, and seemed to hint at being friends as opposed to lovers. I don't disagree with what he's saying, but it's causing me grief as I don't really know how to fix a situation when I'm at a loss at how to fix it. What would you do? Sorry if this seems vague, it's the best I could do in a paragraph.
Author elephance Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 I fee like I do, but it then makes me think of how one initiates sex, if what I'm doing is wrong.
Professor X Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I fee like I do, but it then makes me think of how one initiates sex, if what I'm doing is wrong. Sex is about intimacy and emotions, if you feel like you're horny, than just go to him and kiss him, pat him, run your fingers over him, etc etc.. just turn him on, it's really simple with man. You can't go wrong.
vsmini Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 It's strange because it sounds like an argument you would only have with someone you were seriously dating or progressing into a relationship with. Do you want a relationship with this guy and he doesn't? If it's so casual why does he care if you don't initiate all that much? This sounds like red flag territory. Are you seeing other guys?
Author elephance Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 I feel like we are progressing into a relationship, and he's agreed. In the past he has been honest and said that he doesn't want togo straight into a relationship which he has done for the past few times after breaking up. To be honest I'm quite happy for things to be progressing the way they are. My issue is that the pressure of having to have a good sex life is an issue. Whilst I certainly agree that it's a major factor, the pressure of it to be so good so soon is causing me angst. I don't disagree with what your saying about initiation , it shouldn't really matter in this instance. No, I'm not seeing other guys. The option is there, but I haven't wanted too.
spiderowl Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Wow, it sounds like he's being really critical. He complains you don't initiate anything and then when you do have sex it's not that good? If a guy said that to me I'd be out of there. I'm not at all sure you should be thinking in terms of making it better for him because it sounds like the overall experience is not that good for him. This doesn't mean you are not good at it or that you are doing anything wrong, it means he is unhappy with you. Complaining about the sex may be his way of starting to opt out of the relationship. Sorry to say this, but I think something is pretty wrong with you and him at the moment. If you do decide to go the route of trying to please him - and I'm not at all sure this guy could be pleased if his eye is wandering anyway - then you'd need to ask him to be more specific about what he does/doesn't like. You can't change anything unless you know. If it were me though, I'd drop him like a hot stone!
Author elephance Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Yes, well I think it seems to be the only option. I tried raising the subject with him and he didn't want to discuss the fact, and said that if he wasn't interested he would be honest enough to say so, however his physical actions speak louder than his words, unfortunately.
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