jingles jr Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 i've known this girl for over ten years. our first couple years we had an on/off relationship but we were really young and things didn't work out. we are both 27 now, single, but living on opposite sides of the country. our communication is primarily through... TEXT MESSAGES. These things have caused me incredible amounts of frustration and i'm really considering just quitting all together. In some ways they have worked to build mystery and tension but in other ways miscommunication and frustration. I guess i should start by stating my intentions with this girl. I guess in the long term i'd like to revisit a relationship with her but considering we live on opposite coasts its kind of hard to even think about something like that right now. Its not that i have deep feelings for her, its just that our connection in high school was pretty intense but i feel like we were way too young for anything to last. I always thought we would have a chance to revisit our relationship as adults and I even remember her telling me once when she dumped me that she could see herself marrying me. Kind of ironic thing to say to someone when you are dumping them huh? Keep in mind, that was like 10th grade (11 years ago).. So in the meantime i guess i'm trying to increase our communication and rapport through text, email, talking on the phone... The problem is that she only likes text messaging.. I text her on average every two weeks. i've been doing this for nearly THREE YEARS. She almost always replies with a couple friendly, fun sentences. i've come up with some pretty crazy messages and i know she has liked them. Sometimes its obvious that i flirt with her, she doesn't really flirt back but she is still nice with witty replies. Her replies range from 6-24 hours later. We don't usually have extended conversations over text. But lately i've been trying to increase our communication... I tried calling her on the phone, she didn't answer. I left a voicemail, we arranged a time to talk and she didn't answer. She texted me like 6 hours later and said she was working but could talk later that night. Unfortunately I was out that night and couldn't talk. I don't know if I should keep trying to call her. Some parts of me like chasing her but its hard for me to tell when she is getting overwhelmed. There is a history of me overwhelming her. mainly been when she pulls away without saying anything and I continue to contact........ It really sucks because sometimes I am really worried about her I want to make sure she is ok. But then I can't contact her because I don't want to overwhelm her. She is currently a bartender in a gritty part of her city. In the past she has used a lot of drugs, mostly with friends at parties and music shows. She is struggling to find a job in her field and her city is a very expensive place to live. But she comes from a very loving and supporting family who live about 10 minutes away from where I live right now in our hometown. I try to be supportive of her by sending her messages just checking in, and I think she likes it. im really interested in her future career in the arts and i really enjoy talking with her, she is really funny too. I want to show her how much i've grown up, my goals for the future etc... But i'm struggling to figure out how to bring our communication to the next level. I'm not going to just be her weekly self esteem booster especially when she doesn't show any interest in my life at all. In my last couple of texts I tried to tease her but i think she might not like it since she isn't replying. Since our relationship is primarily through text messaging its almost impossible for me to grasp what the hell is going on... If she doesn't reply, im screwed because I can't keep texting her. I have to wait days or weeks before recontacting and come up with some silly text that will get her talking again. We had a pretty awesome email conversation last winter. I could write her an email but i don't know what to put in it, im afraid to destroy any kind of underlying attraction/mystery which might still exist. And this girl is all about mystery... she acts mysterious and she always is attracted to guys who are mysterious. Maybe i should focus on being more mysterious like i used to be, lol.. I want to let things go naturally but text messaging from 3000 miles away is not very natural at all. The idea of me chasing her and trying to win back her heart is romantic and i'm proud of myself for being so persistent, but this is starting to get old. Should i be more aggressive/assertive with emails and phone calls, or just let things go the way they are with random texting. Random texting is simply suspending our relationship and not really making things move forward, which might be good since we are living far apart. We hung out last christmas and it went pretty well. I'd like to hang out with her this summer but i don't know how to ask. I have a decent job and vacation time, i live in a ****ty city and id really like to go somewhere cool. She wants to travel too. But I'm not going to fly anywhere for her unless we are really clicking but we aren't clicking, we aren't doing anything, she is keeping me at a distance.
Professor X Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 ...i've been doing this for nearly THREE YEARS... Should i be more aggressive/assertive with emails and phone calls, or just let things go the way they are with random texting. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - Albert Einstein. The idea of me chasing her and trying to win back her heart is romantic and i'm proud of myself for being so persistent, but this is starting to get old. I don't know how to tell you this, but if for 3 years all you do is text messaging once / 2 weeks, than it's not really what I'd like to call persistent, it's what I'd call "not interested", by both sides. If you wanna make a move, than make a move already... Even mail pigeon will be an improvement.
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