irc333 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) Don't worry, if this relationship starts to blossom, he'll let the best friend friendship fizzle. That's typical of most relationships, usually friendships with the opposite gender are sent to the wayside and they won't be staying in touch as often or hardly at all, while the main gender of his focus while be something he'll be mainly focusing on. I've eventually had friendships with female friends end because they got involved seriously or even married to someone. One woman had a boyfriend move in with her, and she asked that I stop calling and just IM her.....then he saw us IM'ing one night, and he had something to say about that....needless to day, that ended, too. So there went THAT friendship. lol This is how they usually end. A significant other might decide to say to ease back on staying in touch with the opposite gender friend, and then that's that. So I started dating this guy and I am already falling for him. Fast too. But there is one thing that bothers me. His best friend is a girl. This really bothers me for some reason. Maybe I am just really insecure? When she started dating she said she "approved" of me. What is she, his mother? Why do I need her approval? Not only are they best friends but she doesn't have a job and they go to the same school so she sleeps over at his house about 3 nights a week. Should a best friend who is a girl be sleeping at his house? I haven't officially became boyfriend and girlfriend with him yet. But I know he will ask me to be his girlfriend the next time I see him and I think this whole thing might really be getting in the way of me saying yes....... What do you guys think? Am I overreacting? Edited May 10, 2011 by irc333
stace79 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 1. It's a bad sign that she asked to come along on your date sleepover. 2. It's an even worse sign that he agreed to ask you. 3. I would move on to someone else. He doesn't realize why this would be a problem (idiot) and this "friend" is going to continue to bring drama into your R at a time when you should be having fun on the honeymoon stage. Things NEVER get better in a R. They always get worse with time.
Enchanted Girl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I DID ask not too long ago if they cuddle together and he said "No. Me and my friend don't roll like that." I am trying to go into this relationship and just be as nice to her as possible. It just hurt me that we had already planned it all out and then he asked if she could come along and spend the night too. He texted me about an hour after we all made the plans and he said "Hey, can Andi come along so we can all hang?" It's really odd that he wants Andi to come with all of the time and that he hangs out with her the most out of all of his guy friends... And no, we weren't going to have sex. Haha. And he knows it. He's a pretty sweet guy and I know he isn't expecting to have sex. Especially now that his best friend is coming. I don't know why he would want her to come if there was any chance of getting laid. I talked to my brother about this girl and my brother thinks I am absolutely crazy for being jealous. He actually really hurt my feelings because he said "Wow, you're crazy and you're stupid to think anything is going on. This is why your last ex dumped you. You can't trust anyone!" And now I just feel like a total a$$... Your brother is the ass. So the one night that you spend the night, when she already gets three nights a week that YOU aren't invited to, she gets to come over, you are feeling bad about being upset over? No. He's treating this Andi girl like a girlfriend much more than he's treating you like one. And not only that, you aren't fighting for him like she is! You're letting her ruin all your dates. Why not invite yourself over whenever they are doing something alone?
Dust Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Why not invite yourself over whenever they are doing something alone? because he'd say "no" like that time he had to get off the phone cause him and his "best friend" were "talking."(yeah "talking")
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Best friends don't sleep together. I agree, this sounds like something more. And he isn't respecting your boundaries; if he did, he'd tell his friend that she couldn't spend the night.
Author thespiff Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Okay, I just found out he invited her to spend the night because she got kicked out of her house by her dad. She has nowhere else to go, and so she is living with him for the week until she finds another place to stay....
Author thespiff Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) I also asked if they have ever so much as kissed and if either of them have ever had feelings for each other. He said "Ok, we've never done anything, i had feelings for her awhile ago but not anymore. I just couldn't do it. We met this year when our mutual friend Sasha introduced us around November." So She has only known him since November.... Edited May 10, 2011 by thespiff
Dust Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I also asked if they have ever so much as kissed and if either of them have ever had feelings for each other. He said "Ok, we've never done anything, i had feelings for her awhile ago but not anymore. I just couldn't do it. We met this year when our mutual friend Sasha introduced us around November." So he has only known him since November.... It’s inappropriate for her to be living with him while she is kicked out. It still doesn’t answer why she has to come on your date. He’s only known her since November and admits to liking her just a few months ago… You are a chess piece on his board. He has no respect for you. Get out now. You are still so sweet and cute. I imagine you saying the title in a cute voice “his best friend is a girl…” Don’t get bitter because you put yourself in these drama filled situations. You are attracted and it will be hard. Put your foot down. Say “Maybe we’ll date when all this drama is over, I don’t feel like dating a guy who makes me feel like girl number 2 in his life.” Move on and I guarantee you will find a cooler, better guy who knows better then to bring some girl he’s know for a few months on dates with him and live in his house. She has other friends, she was introduced through other friends. She is hanging out with him romantically. This is all weird and bad. Do what you know is best for you. Respect yourself.
Author thespiff Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 It’s inappropriate for her to be living with him while she is kicked out. It still doesn’t answer why she has to come on your date. He’s only known her since November and admits to liking her just a few months ago… You are a chess piece on his board. He has no respect for you. Get out now. You are still so sweet and cute. I imagine you saying the title in a cute voice “his best friend is a girl…” Don’t get bitter because you put yourself in these drama filled situations. You are attracted and it will be hard. Put your foot down. Say “Maybe we’ll date when all this drama is over, I don’t feel like dating a guy who makes me feel like girl number 2 in his life.” Move on and I guarantee you will find a cooler, better guy who knows better then to bring some girl he’s know for a few months on dates with him and live in his house. She has other friends, she was introduced through other friends. She is hanging out with him romantically. This is all weird and bad. Do what you know is best for you. Respect yourself.I think you're right and I DO like him so I was just looking for excuses to keep him around... I have been left just a few months ago too... my boyfriend dumped me for another girl that he told me was "like his sister" It's not fair. Everyone I meet all has tons of friends who are girls and I can never seem to come first in a mans life. I am crying right now just thinking about it... I really wish I could have come first.
Dust Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I think you're right and I DO like him so I was just looking for excuses to keep him around... I have been left just a few months ago too... my boyfriend dumped me for another girl that he told me was "like his sister" It's not fair. Everyone I meet all has tons of friends who are girls and I can never seem to come first in a mans life. I am crying right now just thinking about it... I really wish I could have come first. Well the good news is by putting yourself in a position to be the number one girl that is how you will be treated. Maybe by the current guy if he gets his act together, or definitely by some other guy if this doesn’t work out. I guarantee a sweet girl like you won’t go the entire summer with out coming first in some guys life. They’ll be chasing you if you just smile. The problem is if you get into this relationship you will be invested in something that is bad from the start. If he cares he’ll get this girl out of his life. Be strong and do what is best for you. Be yourself and stop going along with this hurtful stuff because you are afraid to lose him. You won’t lose him if he is good. I’ve been through situations like yours from the guys side of things. Girls who have lots of “guy” friends. You just have to be yourself and things will work out.
stace79 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Yup, still sounds fishy to me. It is hard to be strong, but you know what is right in your heart. You deserve to be first in someone's life, but until then, be first in your OWN life!!! You obviously have a lot to offer someone, so make sure he is worth it!
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