tbsfw Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 (edited) Been dating this woman for about 6 months and we got into a relationship about 3 months ago. She is 2 years out of a rough divorce and has to deal with her ex every week as they share custody. So, she was relationship shy. But our relationship was good overall. No fighting. Her family, son, dog, cat all loved me. Our last contact was a great night at her Mom's house. We ended it with me reading a bedtime story to the son. A nice kiss. Things were good...which had been the norm. Two days later we are alone by the pool and she gives me the "I need a break" speech. I say "that's usually what people say when they want to break up but are just trying to be nice. So, if that's the case then we should end it and not prolong the process." So, she says "yeah, that's it." I now come to realize that sometimes people DO just want a break but I kind of forced her into it. So, we went into immediate NC...which was weird since we'd had daily contact before and she almost always initiated it. I am confused, there were some issues in the relationship. She was the one who started the boyfriend/girlfriend bit but never introduced me as her boyfriend...only as "my friend." And she was keeping close contact with a guy she dated at the same time as I but before we became exclusive. She swore he was just a friend and I can deal with that but I found out she was lying about the degree of contact they had. So, there are trust issues but....sadly...I still like her. She called a week after the break-up because her sister told her I said some nasty stuff about her...which isn't true and she seemed upset. She realized that her sister was drunk and believed me...I told her everything I said (some nasty stuff about the other guy but not her) and things were good. But, she insisted that it was over but I could contact her once in awhile...then she flipped and got mad and said "3 months not contact and we can never hang out again..." Which annoys me because this other guy didn't have to go through all of this. Crazy. We live in the same town. Go to the same church. It will be hard to maintain NC since there may be unexpected contact and I'm not sure how I would deal with that. I just ran into her son (5 y.o) when he was with his dad and the son still loves playing with me. So, it's almost as if it's a case of it was going too well. I'm keeping the NC and I've started exercising again...already toning up. I'm just focusing on my life but it's so hard to not think about her and also I get bad thoughts about her being with other guys already as if she broke up just to date others. She once told me that she thought most people set up their next relationship while they're still in another one (that's what her ex did to her) and it drives me crazy to think that I'd be played for a fool. I have avoided contact but still am confused, hurt, a bit angry, and a bit jealous. So, did I actually push her into the break up or what? Do people get back together with success after these things? My previous break ups all were pretty clear as to why and there was very little chance at reconciliation. This one has left me wondering about all the details. She never said why, just that it was "over"...Sorry for the ramble...any thoughts? How do I deal if there is unintended contact? What about at the end of the 3 months? Edited May 7, 2011 by tbsfw
nana841121 Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Obviously, her emotion status is in a limbo right now. Give her some time, slow down. Proceed with caution, you don't want to be a reboundee , right?
Author tbsfw Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 well, I'm just doing the NC thing. 3 months? Seems like a long time but I definitely have a lot to work on in myself. I am trying not to be bitter but I sometimes get that way because she was supremely nice 75% of the time the other 25% she was disrespectful, told some lies that I caught her in and couldn't always commit...i.e. introducing me to friends as her "friend" and using the word "boyfriend" only when we were alone. Weird. I deserve better and will find it but that doesn't change the hurt of it all. Got a lot going on...lost my job about a month before the breakup. Lost my dog to cancer the same week of the breakup. Just trying to keep it all together so I know that contacting her in any way cannot happen since it can't possibly do any good.
midkirby Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Just stay away from her. I recently jumped to the conclusion of asking for a break up, while I was drunk. If she wanted to be with you, she would have said no, when you brought it up. To me, it sounds like she was scared of a committment involving her child and you in the picture with her family. To scary for her. Just my opinion. You deserve better than that. Good Luck
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