whoknowswhattodo Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I find myself laying in bed wondering, wondering if she is missing me, is she with him, when will she be back because everyone has said she will be back & you better not take her back." I find it hard to believe that she isn't thinking of what I might be doing. I'm 24 almost 25 days nc and know she's had to think of me sometime in these days. I know she thinks the grass is greener right now but how long will her and the other boy last? They've dated twice in the past both times ending with her heartbroken. If she should come back, I'm not the same person anymore. I have become very hard/tough hearted. I'm not angry or sad, its just disbelief that she doesn't want to be rapped up in my arms right now going to sleep. I have been working over 84 hours a week and have become so exhausted I had to call a friend to pick me up at my office. Now I'm laying in bed and can't sleep. I turned down a very beautiful girl this morning who wanted to have dinner and a movie. I just told her maybe some other time but thank you. She really put herself out there and is not the kind to get shot down. I just was thinking about my ex and it wouldn't be fair to that girl. I miss my ex being here with me cuddled up in my arms. Still nc and I read all these stories on here how the ex calls crying begging for you back and I hope that happens to me. I would love to get that call right now.
Fufu Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Focus the thoughts on yourself, not her. You are putting too much energy on her. Also, the more you think you want her back, the more you find it hard to move on. I know NC can be strange and hard initially, however when time sets in NC will give you the courage and support to move on. Below is my personal feelings on NC, you may wish to take a read. NC is mainly and solely for yourself, for yourself to move on from the past broken and failed relationship and discover what you can do for yourself without your ex being in your life anymore. That little hope that he/she will come back for you will only hinder your healing process. This may sound cruel and mean to some of you but it is the fact if you do want to start moving forward and be happy again. If your ex bf/gf is truly in love with you and realize they made the BIGGEST mistake, let him/her be the one to initiate the SINCERE contact and action to get you back. By then, you would have already moved on and will be able to think logically if he/she is worth to be with again, whether this once broken relationship is worth to relive again. Whether, this very person is serious in working things out with you and be truly committed to you and not dropping you off again. Most of the cases we see over in forums are usually breadcrumbs (of course I do believe there are exes that come back sincerely and real for their exes), the reasons why Dumpees pick on breadcrumbs so easily because generally they are still having romantic feelings for their exes and still most likely questioning themselves why their exes chose to leave them and blaming themselves over what caused the years of relationship to end. Dumpers made their own choice to leave the Dumpees. In each and every relationship, no one is always right, and no one is always at fault. We learned from our mistakes and be a better person. However, if one of an individual in a relationship refuses to work things out with his/her partner, no matter how compatible the couple is, the couple will face issue of sustaining the relationship. At this moment, the couple had different thoughts and ideals in the relationship. The Dumper wants out of the relationship and the Dumpee still sees hope in the relationship. If Dumpers makes the first contact with the Dumpee, do not over analyze the intention from the Dumper because it can mean so many reasons: - It could mean the Dumper misses spending time with Dumpee, just spending time but nothing about getting back with the Dumpee. - It could mean the Dumper just wants to come back to be Dumpee's friend and nothing more. - It could also mean the Dumper just wants to come back to treat the Dumpee as a fall back plan or the most cruel one to come back for Dumpee for lust. Any Dumpees who haven't move on may fall into any of the above traps if they are not careful, that's why we always hear about cases people breaking NC because their exes contact them once or twice or thrice and they start to think that their exes are coming back for them for real. Remember, when they dropped you the break up bomb, they left you there, they left you crying alone, they left you questioning them, they left you feeling dejected, they left you blaming yourselves. They left you not willing to work any problems out with you and ultimately you felt the blow that you cause the relationship to end (which in fact it is never 1 person's fault for a relationship to come to an end.) If they just come back like this, do think properly if they are really serious coming back for you or not. Because, if the Dumper is not being serious, the Dumpee will end up being hurt again. NC is never about a game and a tool to use to get your exes back. NC is for yourself to discover what you missed out in life when you were with your ex bf/gf, NC is for yourself to discover what you can do so much in your life, NC is for yourself to realize what and who you've been neglecting when you are with your ex bf/gf. NC is about getting your life back again and be even happier without your ex in your life. NC could be a stranger and seems scary to all the Dumpees from the beginning, however when time sets in, NC will be your best friend and the support you will get to regain yourself back will come from NC itself. My all-time favorite quote, "You want to be actively chosen, and not settled for." What I learned for myself from this whole ordeal is that one's true happiness cannot be relied and depended on another person.
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