kourtney01 Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I'm sorry for the long message but this is a very tragic story and I tried to shorten it as much as possible! Thank you for reading this! I am going through a very difficult time and any advice would be greatly appreciated! 2 months ago, I broke up with my fiancee who I was supposed to marry this June. He cheated on me multiple times and always blamed it on the fact that I got an abortion very eary in the relationship. He led me to that decision because it was fresh, I was a student, there were lots of red flags and I didn't trust him... it was a very very difficult decision and I don't know why I stayed with him since I clearly didn't see a future between us or I wouldn't have had an abortion... but I stayed nonetheless. The entire relationship was a rollercoaster ride but very passionate. We moved in together and I fell in love with him harder than ever before. That's when he started cheating (or at least getting caught, because there were red flags from the start I just didn't have proof and they didn't happen as often as later down the road) I suffered and cried, and broke up with him and got back together and he cheated again and again and again and more suffering and more crying and more back and forth etc for over 2 yrs. He always blamed everything on my abortion and all the guilt I carried for that decision (even though I honestly thought at the time I made the right choice - things were really bad and way too fresh) made me take him back so many times. Also, somewhere in between all this heartache he proposed which made it even harder for me to leave the next few times I was either suspicious or actually cought him. Towards the end, things got really really great, we got counselling, he admitted his faults and we set the date for our wedding. When I cought him cheating AGAIN just a week after Valentine's day this year... gosh, I was SO devastated. ESPECIALLY since we made soooo much progress and had an amazing vacation together and I really felt like this was a new beginning! I broke up with him for the last time this February 19. Since then, I have been on a roller coaster ride. At first, I felt strong. But slowly, the abortion and the guilt and all the self-blame began again. A few weeks after the break up (sometime in March) I had a brief encounter with this very attractive guy I met salsa dancing...but that dissipated in 2 weeks and it only made me miss him more. I couldn't bring myself to sleep with this guy or have any romance with him because of how much I love my ex. His sister is my best friend (and has never supported his bad behaviour)... she told me a few weeks post BU that he was seriously planning on getting counselling and rehab for cheating because he loves me so much and he wants to stop cheating and he doesn't know why he's doing it... he also wrote me some heart-felt emails that made me break down... I had my hopes up. Then...out of NOWHERE.. he meets this other spanish girl...she's a bartender... and they jump into a relationship! He takes her to Cuba, pays for her trip and introduces her to his parents just 3 WEEKS after they met and only 5 WEEKS after we broke up!!!!!!! THis happened A WEEK after he said all those nice things to me and his siter... I couldn't believe it! ( FOund out from facebook and friends and his siter) This girl is not that pretty to be honest and no where near as pretty as me (he's very attractive and shallow) but she seems like the perfect girl for him! I looked her up on facebook and they have EVERYTHING in common!!! (I found her on facebook and added her and she didn't know who I was so she accepted my friend request) Both play soccer, both latin, both into the gym, both dance salsa and they are born just a few days apart!!!! Also she has a very big family just like him (something I lack and I know he never liked that about me but I can't help that I'm an only child and that most of my family is in Europe) All that info got me sooooo sad and soooo insecure! I kept thinking how UNFAIR this whole thing was and why I was pining away for him disinterested in all men but he meets his perfect match and moves on without a blink!!! I kept thinking "what did I do to deserve this??" Is this my bad karma for getting an abortion? (even though I was just a kid atvthe time and a student and just met him and we were always fighting and he was always partying....etc) It started eating away at me and I stopped eating, sleeping etc When I found out they moved in together just a friggin month and a half after they met... and that he was bragging about how she lets him do whatever he wants and its easy with her and they dont fight etc etc (his sister would tell me) I completely broke down... Shortly after, I went to a friends house in a different city and fell asleep at the wheel on the long drive home and got into a serious car accident. I'm lucky to be alive and that I didn't hit anyone. I had emergency surgery and almost lost my life. Luckly I have no permanent injuries and on my way to a healthy recovery... I spent 2 weeks in the hospital and have been home for a week now recovering He never came to visit me in the hospital or send me flowers...nothing...but he called the hospital once and when I heard his loser girlfriend in the background I hung up. We haven't spoken since. I must add at this point that our relationship moved very fast from the beginning too but I pushed the breaks...this girl seems all for it! This has been very hard. I am home recovering....thinking and thinking... some days I feel strong and above all his bull****...other days I break down and start blaming myself for everything... I don't know what to do to get over this! He was the love of my life and we were supposed to get married this June! How can he move on like this and why can't I? And why did I have the bad luck of going through all this pain lately while he's living it up with his new girlfirend! I don't understand this! I never did anything to him...never lied, never cheated and always cared so much and gave so many chances! And I'm a young beautiful girl! yet all of this happens to me.. At first I was sooo over it but now that I almost fully healed, I'm analysing it again and I desperately want to stop! I don't get it and I don't know what to do to move forward and feel better about all of this... any advice would help a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kourtney01 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 Oh I forgot to add that about a week ago he had THE NERVE to text his sister: "Hey what do you do with an ex's pictures" She showed me the msg! I couldn't friggin believe it! He knows she tells me everything!!!!! Was he SERIOUSLY trying to hurt me even more while I am home recovering from a major car accident??? What the heck is wrong with him who says that?? I got so mad I threw away ALL his photos and deleated any memory or trace of him from my computer... AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO ASK HIS SISTER WHAT I SHOULD DO WITH HIS PHOTOS EITHER! He is almost 8 yrs older than me (32) I'm sure by now he knows what to do with photos of exes... Also, right before my accident, he asked his sister if she would go on a double date with her boyfriend and him and the new girl and she said NO! Yet another joke! During our entire relationship he never wanted to double date with his sis... they are not close at all, and he doesn't even like her boyfriend all that much! Is he that desperate to hurt me after every thing I've been through or just in love with this random girl? I don't get it! What is that about?! Link to post Share on other sites
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