Butterfly5525 Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Okay, I have a bit of a dating dilemma right now that I could really use some advice about. My ex & I broke up several months ago (after 3 years together). Within a few months of breaking up, I decided to go ahead & put up a dating profile. Over the months, I've been asked out on dates by quite a few different guys. I've gone as far as chatting with them on the dating site's IM thing & emailed them back & forth & several of them are now "friends" with me on Facebook. Recently though, I decided to go ahead and delete my dating profile because I decided it was kind of silly really to have one up & be active on that site if/when I wasn't feeling ready to actually go out on any dates yet. However, I still have these guys asking me out on dates on Facebook & I'm not sure what the best way to handle this is. At first, I told guys on the dating site that they seemed like really great guys & that I definitely found them attractive, etc. but that I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship & decided that I wasn't quite ready to start dating again yet (& that's really how I felt). They were all really nice & understanding about it. However, now that several months have passed since I first said that, I'm guessing (even though they haven't said it) that it probably seems like kind of a lame excuse now. Although still sad about my ex, I'm doing much better than I was before at coping with the breakup & am finally feeling (internally) like I might be ready to start going out on dates with other guys. However, I'm not feeling at all confident to start dating at my present weight & so I'd really like to lose more weight first. I'm not like hugely obese or anything but the guys I'm most attracted to are hot/in great shape & I know that realistically if they could choose between me & a thinner girl, they're probably going to choose the thinner girl. When my dating profile was up before, I never had the courage to post full body pics of myself (just ones from like the waist up). So, for all I know, these guys could be assuming that I'm really skinny (just judging by my face) when in reality I'm definitely on the chubby side. (Again NOT hugely obese but I am overweight which is something that I'm working on). So, any suggestions on what to say to these guys that keep asking me out on dates on Facebook? I'd feel mortified admitting "Hey, I think I'm too fat at my current weight so when I've lost more weight & am comfortable dating again, I'll let you know". I mean, that's pretty much exactly how I feel but I'm NOT about to tell them that!! So, since I don't feel ready to date anyone right now but I don't want to totally close off the possibility of dating these guys at some point in the future, what do I say to them??
Professor X Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Well tell the truth in a clever way: "I don't want to date yet because I don't feel ready." You really don't want to date because you don't feel ready due to your weight - that's all they need to know. P.S. You should feel more confident in what you want and less care for what others might or might not think about it; You don't wanna date now. Period. So just tell them you're still not ready, no need explanations If they nag, well, you don't owe them a damn thing =)
Author Butterfly5525 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Thank you very much for your input Professor X. Also, just wanted to mention to everyone that I'm not totally opposed to dating right now, just not to keen on the whole online dating thing right now because of the reasons I mentioned above. If a guy asked me out right now when I'm out in public like at the store, park, wherever, then I'd probably say yes because then I'd know that since he saw he in person (from head to toe), then he obviously likes what he sees! lol Well tell the truth in a clever way: "I don't want to date yet because I don't feel ready." You really don't want to date because you don't feel ready due to your weight - that's all they need to know. P.S. You should feel more confident in what you want and less care for what others might or might not think about it; You don't wanna date now. Period. So just tell them you're still not ready, no need explanations If they nag, well, you don't owe them a damn thing =)
utterer of lies Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Also, just wanted to mention to everyone that I'm not totally opposed to dating right now, just not to keen on the whole online dating thing right now because of the reasons I mentioned above. If a guy asked me out right now when I'm out in public like at the store, park, wherever, then I'd probably say yes because then I'd know that since he saw he in person (from head to toe), then he obviously likes what he sees! lol So you don't want to date them because of your insecurities about your weight. Don't worry so much.
guy777 Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 (edited) When my dating profile was up before, I never had the courage to post full body pics of myself (just ones from like the waist up) FYI, even hot guys like butts, boobs, and both. My two favorite flavs are bootylicious and boobylicious! And you sound like you have the personality ranking above all that ever does anyway, so I say just try getting back on that horse. If you want to get your lower body thinner because it make you feel better and more sexy, do it. But you can date a guy who likes you the way you are now, and unless he complains about you losing too much weight, then you can still get in better shape. Even then I think he would have to support you getting in the shape you want because it makes you feel good. The exercise it takes to get in shape will make you feel better overall. But the bottom line is, realize that many, many guys, despite what the mags show, don't want you super thin. Edited May 7, 2011 by guy777
Jazzari Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Thank you very much for your input Professor X. Also, just wanted to mention to everyone that I'm not totally opposed to dating right now, just not to keen on the whole online dating thing right now because of the reasons I mentioned above. If a guy asked me out right now when I'm out in public like at the store, park, wherever, then I'd probably say yes because then I'd know that since he saw he in person (from head to toe), then he obviously likes what he sees! lol Maybe you should put up some photos that show your entire body. That should make you feel more secure on the first meeting since they've already seen you and like what they see.
Author Butterfly5525 Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Thanks so much for your input everyone. I really appreciate it. To help put things into perspective, I'm currently a size 14. Just signed up for WW's online & just in the past week or so have gotten back into working out most days of the week & hoping to get back a size 6 again (like I was several years ago).
Author Butterfly5525 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 If anyone else has anything they'd like to add to this thread, that would be great. The more advice about this, the merrier. lol
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