so yeah, i f'd up...

May 6, 2011

i was going out with my boyfriend for about six months and we were very much in love. in the beginning of the relationship, i wasn't very secure, and i was emailing some rich guys that i could have possibly gone out with. i stopped about one month into our relationship. my ex found the emails one day and dumped me, saying that he was so sick that i came to him with false information, i was planning on meeting other guys, he couldn't trust me, my stories didn't add up, etc. i never would have met these guys or gone out with any of them. i was doing it because i was insecure in our relationship and i was scared of being abandoned. as i never would have met them, i don't even know why i was looking. to him, the fact that i would have even considered doing this was bad enough.

obviously, i was heartbroken. i know now what i've done and i feel horrible for it. i betrayed his trust, and though i know why i did it, he sometimes continues to talk with me. he tells me that i need to get my life together.. that he can't help me fix myself because he's dealt with dishonest people before and doesn't want to get hurt again. so, i've moved back home to my parents house and i'm pursing my aesthetics license. i'll be finished in 9 months. after that, i plan to finish my last year of nursing school. i've quit my stupid job as a dancer (which i was initially not truthful about with him -- again, feeling ashamed) and i'm working on making myself a better person, strong, independent, with routine and a career.

he tells me that i'm an amazing girl, but i need to get my priorities straight and my life on track.. and that he can't do it for me, i have to do it for myself. he told me to call him when i'm in a better place. he recently sent me a message saying, "i know that i can love you again. but i cannot be w someone like you. right now. i'm sad to see you are not taking this seriously. call me in a year. i think that's how long it's going to take for you to be independent and strong."

i still write to him and he answers sometimes, but hes still very angry. sometimes he tells me i'm amazing, other times he calls me a lying stripper. i realize what i've done and i've made changes to send my life in a better direction. but now, one month after the break up, he's still as angry as he was the first day.

i guess i don't know where to go from here. i really, really, really want to make this work, but he's still angry and he won't consider it just yet. he knows it won't take me 6 weeks to be a better person.

can anyone give me some advice, please? i'm stuck in a rut and all i do is cry all day. i don't want to do anything and i'm constantly checking my phone to see if he has read my messages or responded to them. i'm feeling horrible.

May 7, 2011

is my story that boring? why no responses?

May 7, 2011

Well he's made it pretty clear that there is no 'making it work' in the short term.

You've set yourself some excellent goals for the next year! Chase them down as a single girl and do it by, and for yourself. A year isn't really that long. When your focused and working towards something it'll fly by!

He's got an image of you (rightly or wrongly is not the issue). You're going to have to disappear so that when you get in touch in a year or 18 months he'll notice such a change.

Breakups hurt. Everyone goes through it in one way or another at some stage in their life. Take heart from that. Is everyone around you a mess? No, because people do survive breakups. Consider yourself lucky that you have some big things to work towards over the next 9 months! Always keep that goal in mind and visualise the person you want to be in a years time.

May 7, 2011

First of all stop beating up on yourself for being a human being that is bound to make some mistakes. Secondly, I would suggest to work on being more authentic and honest with yourself which makes it easier to be the same way with others. Also, accept that he may not come back ina year and you may not want him to. Just keep the focus on you and reaching your goals so that you can become the best person you can be. He is going to throw these things in your face forever and you really don't need that so start NC with him immediately and just go through the pain of letting go. Trust me when I tell you that the pain will stop eventually. Keep your head up.

May 7, 2011

thanks for the responses, girls..

i had a very, very hard day today. today was the first day of NC (not by my choice.. he's visiting his family in sweden).

i've been crying all day.. just stopped a bit ago. yesterday, before he left, he said some nasty, horrible things to me.. "i feel sorry for you, i pity you, i should have never dated a lying stripper, go back to your trailer park, i'm so above this." i understand that he's hurt and i did it to him, but his words hurt me so bad. i'm 28. he's 39, pushing 40.. how can a 40 yr old man act like this?? it's so hard for me.. he wanted to marry me, asked me to move in with him, told me he wanted me to be the mother of his kids.. how can he go from saying that, to saying i come from a trailer park? not to mention 4 days ago, he told me he loves me and wants the best for me. i don't get it.

i am so, so sad. i know i hurt him, but i don't deserve to be called names like that. i already don't think such great things about myself.. so to have someone i love tell me all those things really makes me feel so low.

May 7, 2011

Hmmmmmmmmmmph...

Interesting... and when I put two and two together (or at least read the rest of the details included here)... would I be correct in assuming that these "rich guys" you could have dated were people you met through your work as a dancer???

I mean, had you been AT HOME, and sitting on the internet all day, interacting in conversations with supposedly rich guys, and being wooed by them early during your relationship with your now-EX... it would be far, far worse than a situation where you were just meeting men while working as a stripper, with them flashing money and talking bigger money, and saying the usual lines about how they would like to take you home with them and make it worth your while somehow.

I mean, in some ways, there could even be some 'understandability' to your maintaining contacts with some of the males who are your best customers while on the job.

IF, say, you first met your now-EX on July 20th, and had previously had e-mail info for some or all of those wealthy men, and they were indeed your customers at the club... then it mitigates the seriousness of your e-mail interactions.

IF these were NOT customers at the club where you were a dancer, how did you come about finding these wealthy guys who you could have dated?

I wish I could sense whether there remains considerable 'energy' to your personality, as is so typical for strippers and the like.

As for the name-calling by your now-EX... much of the time when something similar happens it relates in part to the guy really wanting to be dating the target of his outbursts, in a situation where the woman wants nothing to do with him.

The most ideal scenario is warm and affectionate 'strokes'

The next best scenario is mean and hateful 'strokes' (from someone you adore)

The worst scenario is ZERO CONTACT with someone you'd prefer to be coupled with romantically.

SO, often in response to the 'zero contact', the male who did NOT initiate that no-contact, may resort to the unruly name-calling just to have SOME interaction, as opposed to the alternative, which is none.

I wish I could figure out which questions to ask you for greater understanding.

May 7, 2011

no.. my head was in some wrong stuff.. i looked for these guys, sugar daddy type guys. my job put me in a bad place, i was into money, material thing.. i didnt stop when i get together w my boyfriend because i didn't think it would turn into anything serious. he came on so strong .. asked me to marry him, move in w him, etc.. then one day, he stopped. i was feeling insecure, so i was looking.. having other options.. a horrible thing to do, but i realize now what i've done. i stopped about a month into the relationship, but it was too late...

i never wanted to be that money hungry girl. i wasn't even good at dancing. i was never a big money maker. i just didn't have my life together. i would have NEVER met these guys.. i was just looking... why? i was scared and insecure. no excuse for my behavior, but maybe somewhat of an explanation.

understandably, he left me. he told me he still loves me, to call him when i have a full time job, to get my life in order, etc etc. but he just goes back and forth.. one day telling me i'm amazing and he still loves me, wants the best for me, then the next, telling me i'm a lying stripper.

i'm really sorry, but i'm having a hard time understanding what you're getting at in your message. you wrote this:

SO, often in response to the 'zero contact', the male who did NOT initiate that no-contact, may resort to the unruly name-calling just to have SOME interaction, as opposed to the alternative, which is none.

i want to make it clear that HE was the one that left ME. i didn't want to let go right away.. we spoke nearly every day after the breakup.. i thought, "if he still loves me, maybe he'll come back." i'm on NC since he said those horrible things to me and went home to sweden. i have a feeling this name calling isn't over, though.

May 7, 2011

Why would you want to be with someone like this? It was just emails and you stopped one month into the relationship, stop beating yourself up. It is easily forgivable. This guy is a jerk and you are worth more than to put up with him. He is beating you down emotionally and then giving you bread crumbs to keep you at his mercy.

I think you need to work on your confidence and realize you are worth a lot more than this, don't ever put up with someone that would say the things that he has to you. Give him the boot from your life (and I mean completely, 100%), feel good about it, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and do what will make you happy in life! This guy will only bring misery.

May 7, 2011

This ship has sailed, and you need to drop it. There's no fixing it, and there's no point in even trying. You're subjecting yourself to being punished over and over by someone who is not helping you, not supporting you, doesn't want you, and doesn't return any affection for you. Why would you want to pursue him or revive a relationship with him? Done and done.

The relationship and all of your misguided behavior is a vehicle for you, and you need to see it that way. The behavior, especially lying about yourself and the shame you have had about yourself, is what you are crying about, not this guy. This guy only put a spotlight on what you have tried to push out of your mind. So it's all come to a head now.

You moved home, and you are now heading in the right direction. I can't say your ex was wrong in telling you that you need to focus on getting yourself together, boosting your self esteem and self worth, pursue the way you want to make a living that you are proud of, and that it's going to take you a potential year to really get on your feet.

I don't agree with anyone calling you names, berating you and continuing to punish you, he should disappear and you should know that his time is up. He is just a guy you dated, it's over.

Appreciate that the relationship made you realize that you need to make some serious changes in yourself and get to it. Make that your priority.

I figure you think you need to prove something to your ex, maybe? You don't have to prove anything to him, he's history. Prove to yourself that you can succeed, get your license, get a good job, move when you can afford to, and that's what's going to make you feel great about yourself.

i still write to him and he answers sometimes, but hes still very angry. sometimes he tells me i'm amazing, other times he calls me a lying stripper. i realize what i've done and i've made changes to send my life in a better direction. but now, one month after the break up, he's still as angry as he was the first day.

Stop this immediately, as of today. You're just putting yourself in a position to hurt yourself over and over. Why do you want to do that? He's not supportive of you, you already know that. STOP.

You don't need this guy to brow beat you, you're doing that just fine yourself. Seriously, stay the course. Kick this guy to the curb. Go out and buy yourself a little something. Take a shower, put on something you love to wear (I did that today already), and go enjoy the sunshine. The sooner you see that you're taking hold of your life, and heading in the right direction, you will see that you need this guy like you need a hole in the head. Now smile for me, please -- stop crying -- he's not worth it (that's my honest opinion). Take care. xox

May 7, 2011

i'm not really ready to give up on it. i'm going to do NC for a few months then see how i feel. i know he is a good guy.. and i'm pretty sure he said those things out of anger.

May 8, 2011

You'll be surprised. You say you're going to wait a few months, meanwhile in a few months you'll probably be moving past all of this. You shouldn't focus on what could happen in one year from now. A year without someone, could or could not be a long time. It all depends what you do with that year. When people break up, one of the first things they think is how they wish it would be six months from now because they figure they'll at least be moved on to where they can sleep at night and function semi-normally again. I've been there, so I can speak from experience.

I know you say you cannot give up, but he is telling you there is no foxing this right now. I understand that is not easy to hear, but if he's telling you this, you should go NC. It will be best for both of you. It will give him time to calm down and re group and it will give you time to think clearly. Going NC may be difficult for you, but for him that may be what he needs. If you honestly see yourself hanging around for one year, then you should really go NC. That is your best option. It will show him you are strong and independent which is what he wants to see.

Males are like females... when we see someone who's weak, they push us away. Think about it if the roles were reversed. Would you want to be contacted? Probably not. I imagine you would want some space to think about things. Do the same for him.

May 8, 2011

thanks for the response, lostinturn.

i have been really needy towards him. i admit it. i've been badgering him almost every day. after he left me, the conversations were pretty civil.. they just got more and more nasty as time progressed. i don't understand why he didn't just block me from sending messages. this made me entertain the idea that he was still somewhat interested. after all, he was telling me he loved me, wanted the best for me, wanted to see me get my life on track.. etc.

i know NC is the way to go. do i stay NC until he reaches out to me, or, in 3 months (if i still feel like it), would it be appropriate to contact him and let him know of my progress?

May 8, 2011

i'm really sorry, but i'm having a hard time understanding what you're getting at in your message. you wrote this:
SO, often in response to the 'zero contact', the male who did NOT initiate that no-contact, may resort to the unruly name-calling just to have SOME interaction, as opposed to the alternative, which is none.
i want to make it clear that HE was the one that left ME. i didn't want to let go right away.. we spoke nearly every day after the breakup.. i thought, "if he still loves me, maybe he'll come back." i'm on NC since he said those horrible things to me and went home to sweden. i have a feeling this name calling isn't over, though.

First of all, my instincts still say that someone who has worked as a stripper is typically somehow nearer to more guys who tend to flash their money around with that money sometimes seeming like it is their main appeal... than is the run-of-the-mill non-stripper woman in society. I just... wish we could figure out whether you'd have had the instinct to cultivate such connections had you not been a stripper. (the way money drives you in that occupation is somewhat unparalleled, for women)

Nowthen, let me try to clear-up what you didn't understand.

Pretend you were going to prison... and facing the prospects of sharing a cell block with those horrible people, and were just dreading the mere thought of those undesirable interactions with them.

Now sure, life on the outside is a bed of roses compared to that... and once you got to prison, you might THINK it a better option to land in "solitary confinement" (where, for this example, you sit alone in a room, never seeing another soul... and having your 3 meals slipped through a slot in the door).

After some small amount of time... you would figure out that THE WORST possible scenario is that 'solitary confinement', where there is NO contact at all. So even the dreaded interaction with the lowly prison cell-block mates is "better" than no interaction at all.

In most cases, a guy who has no true motivation for being MEAN to you... STILL FEELS 'closer' to you when being mean, THAN HE DOES when you are NOT interacting with him at all.

Now if you killed his cat, and stole his stereo, or the like... then maybe there is a basis for his mean statements.

If, honestly, you cannot fathom a reason why he should be mean to you... then there is some chance that he's more interested than you give him credit for being.

(and yes, I get that he initiated the break-up)

As for your strategy... just adhere to the no contact thing... and see if he pops up when you least expect it.

May 8, 2011

i have been really needy towards him. i admit it. i've been badgering him almost every day. after he left me, the conversations were pretty civil.. they just got more and more nasty as time progressed. i don't understand why he didn't just block me from sending messages. this made me entertain the idea that he was still somewhat interested. after all, he was telling me he loved me, wanted the best for me, wanted to see me get my life on track.. etc.

i know NC is the way to go. do i stay NC until he reaches out to me, or, in 3 months (if i still feel like it), would it be appropriate to contact him and let him know of my progress?

The time line of your relationship doesn't add up very well. He came on strong, then cooled off all within the first month? In the first month you also entertained seeing other people and flirting online with other men because your ex (then BF) made you feel insecure?

Then it was too late? And the remainder of the time you have spent has been groveling, pleading and badgering him -- and he's growing nastier as time wears on, now name calling and insulting you?

The proverbial red flag is waving at you from all directions. Anyone that comes on strong and is "too good to be true" usually is too good to be true. Meaning, they're not true at all, but classic "come here - go away" commitmentphobes. It all happens so fast you don't know what hits you. He seems to have now found fault with you (and part of it is justifiable, as you lied to him), but he's latched onto those lies and is steadfast in pushing you away.

This isn't love. Not on his part. It's dysfunctional. Come here, go away, come here, go away, one minute he wants you, the next minute he's calling you trash and that you're not good enough for him. What does that tell you? Seems obsessive.

You're either receptive to the advice here or you're not, and that's entirely on you, of course, you're not accountable to anyone here, but if you're asking for advice, and you don't take it, then there really isn't much point, now is there? You're being given clear direction to cut the tie with him, go into NC immediately, and leave him alone.

The very idea you want to contact him to "let him know your progress" is going to tell him you've made no progress to speak of. The idea you feel the need to tell him ... let him see it by leaving him alone and backing off.

You're putting artificial time lines on something you don't know yet. Just go into NC and live day by day, focus on yourself.

I went on record earlier in the thread and I'll stand by what I said even stronger now than before by saying this ship has sailed, sorry to say it, you can prolong it, you can hang onto it, you can dig in your heels and try to prove to him you're worth it, anything you like, but it's dysfunctional at best, and a bit sick now. Too much water under the bridge. He's controlling the relationship and seems to enjoy knowing he has the upper hand, and won't be letting go of it.

Additionally, what's his relationship history? He's 12 years older than you? What's the story, how was he hurt, what's his excuse for being verbally abusive to you? Usually, this level of verbal abuse just escalates, it doesn't go away. Wonder if he's treated other women this way and that's part of the reason he's still single?

There are countless men on the LS board who were treated like utter crap by their ex's and they did not berate or resort to name calling during the breakup. It's not what everyone does during a breakup, just so you know, it's not "normal" -- it's abusive and isn't in the breakup play book. Open your eyes. You made one mistake by lying to him, and that was done out of fear and low self-esteem. Making more mistakes is entirely on you now, and you need to be aware of that. Take care.

May 8, 2011

thanks, graceful. i went NC like you suggested and blocked him from messaging me, but he called me last night. i was surprised to see the phone ring and i was considering not answering him, but i decided to. he apologized for the name calling. he told me he still loves me, misses me like crazy, can't get me out of his head and wants me to have his kids. but.. he says he still won't see me before a year. wth??? so i went back to no contact. i will not contact him and see if he comes back again.

i understand about the commitmentphobe thing. he sure did come on super strong in the beginning.. asking me to go everywhere with him his work sent him, asked me to drop my life and move across the country for him, etc. he was obviously very hurt in some of his last relationships, but i don't know exactly what the demise of those relationships was. he never really said much more than "i have been very hurt in the past and lied to a lot," but i didn't prod him more than that.

back to NC i go..

May 8, 2011

he called me last night. i was surprised to see the phone ring and i was considering not answering him, but i decided to. he apologized for the name calling. he told me he still loves me, misses me like crazy, can't get me out of his head and wants me to have his kids.

Well, this comes as no surprise.

And perhaps he has HIS IMAGE of the sort of a woman he envisions mating with long-term, and it is entirely possible that she might seem to be somehow 'better' (if only in his own mind) than he perceives a stripper to be.

SO in some ways, it is fair that he might continue to gauge you with respect to his standards.

BUT he needs to STFU and let the year PASS already, without impacting you either way.

My guess - he'll probably reveal well before then that he's not as grand as might be his image OF his own self (and that you may have to endure this the hard way).

May 8, 2011

Well, this comes as no surprise.

And perhaps he has HIS IMAGE of the sort of a woman he envisions mating with long-term, and it is entirely possible that she might seem to be somehow 'better' (if only in his own mind) than he perceives a stripper to be.

SO in some ways, it is fair that he might continue to gauge you with respect to his standards.

BUT he needs to STFU and let the year PASS already, without impacting you either way.

My guess - he'll probably reveal well before then that he's not as grand as might be his image OF his own self (and that you may have to endure this the hard way).

well, i know he's far from perfect. he's got things to work on as well. he has trust issues and he drinks more than i'd like him to... but that's the beautiful thing about love. you don't have to be perfect to be in love. for me, he's perfectly imperfect..

he said he thought i would be the one to help him be a better person, and likewise.. but he's so .. .. .. how should i say, is stubborn a good word? he's crying and tells me he loves me and misses me, but won't see me before a year.. so yes, i agree with you.. if he's so IT HAS TO BE A YEAR OR ELSE F OFF, then its not fair to either of us that he continues contact.

can you clarify what you mean by this?

SO in some ways, it is fair that he might continue to gauge you with respect to his standards.

Edited May 8, 2011 by miss jennifer

May 8, 2011

thanks, graceful. i went NC like you suggested and blocked him from messaging me, but he called me last night. i was surprised to see the phone ring and i was considering not answering him, but i decided to. he apologized for the name calling. he told me he still loves me, misses me like crazy, can't get me out of his head and wants me to have his kids. but.. he says he still won't see me before a year. wth??? so i went back to no contact. i will not contact him and see if he comes back again.

i understand about the commitmentphobe thing. he sure did come on super strong in the beginning.. asking me to go everywhere with him his work sent him, asked me to drop my life and move across the country for him, etc. he was obviously very hurt in some of his last relationships, but i don't know exactly what the demise of those relationships was. he never really said much more than "i have been very hurt in the past and lied to a lot," but i didn't prod him more than that.

back to NC i go..

In your earlier post where you responded you asked what you should do in 3 months of being NC. My response to you, nothing. You do nothing. He will come to you if he wants to get in contact with you. Again, in 3 months you may not even want to speak with him. In my opinion, you are planning too far into the future when you're life is happening right now. My advice is to not throw away any more time on him. You really should take a few steps back. I'm going to be honest with you, when my ex and I broke up, I was devastated and much like you did the whole 'well, if I go NC for however long everything will be ok'. Well, three months later I picked up the phone and called him. He said things I never thought he'd say (because he broke it off) and honestly, I had hopeful thoughts for less than 24 hours and I was done. I knew I would never allow myself to speak with him in a true manner and that if I ever saw him (planned or bumped into him on the street) after the BS, I would NEVER be able to look him in the eyes. In my honest opinion, you're doing yourself a true disservice thinking about contacting him down the line. I have been exactly where you are, and I am telling it is not worth it. Do what it takes to get yourself together (because you will get yourself together one day) now and move forward. If you start on this journey now, you will be much happier much sooner.

I also asked myself the question of 'well, if he didn't want me to contact him why hasn't he blocked me?' There is no definitive answer for this. YOu say you blocked him. I was under the impression blocking blocked messages and calls, so I'm confused how he called you. Also, do not answer. If he has something to say, he can leave you a voicemail. Do not answer the phone. This is where if you listen to a voicemail, you take a few days to really think about calling him back or what he said before you call because if you don't, you will call and you will look weak which is what he doesn't want to see from you. Also, it doesn't matter, at all what he is sorry for. We have all said things to people we did not mean out of anger or hurt, but 'I'm sorry' just does not cut it. He can leave that in voicemail.

From one female to another, I'm telling you... do yourself a favor and listen to what we're telling you. We wouldn't mislead you. You're here for advice, try taking it.

May 9, 2011

god, this is so f'd up. why did he have to do that? why did he have to call and say he missed me, ask me to have his kids, call me when i've worked on things. why, why, why, why, why? i feel like such ****. you are all telling me to move on, but every time i'm thinking of him, i'm crying.

why did he have to do that?? he was CRYING. why?? is he just throwing me crumbs? this isn't fair

May 9, 2011

god, this is so f'd up. why did he have to do that? why did he have to call and say he missed me, ask me to have his kids, call me when i've worked on things. why, why, why, why, why? i feel like such ****. you are all telling me to move on, but every time i'm thinking of him, i'm crying.

why did he have to do that?? he was CRYING. why?? is he just throwing me crumbs? this isn't fair

Follow them. This guy is keeping you right where he wants you to be - under his thumb. I call these people puppet masters, controlling you and your emotions. Look what he's done to you. Look at what he's capable of doing to you -- which is fine -- as long as you're the master of your emotions. YOu have the power to make this *&^% go away, don't you know that?

May 9, 2011

god, this is so f'd up. why did he have to do that? why did he have to call and say he missed me, ask me to have his kids, call me when i've worked on things. why, why, why, why, why? i feel like such ****. you are all telling me to move on, but every time i'm thinking of him, i'm crying.

why did he have to do that?? he was CRYING. why?? is he just throwing me crumbs? this isn't fair

I'd be crying if I were you, too. I'd be crying tears of joy and relief that I got away from this nutbar.

No, he's not tossing you crumbs. He's much more obvious than that.

He's drawing you a road map to Crazytown, where he and all the other warped, manipulative, obsessive, controlling nutters live.

Any guy who is so obsessed about asking you to "have his kids" (like you're just there as a baby machine? what???) after knowing you for 10 minutes has so many issues we can't even begin to count them. Then tells you he can't deal with you for a year ... do you know what a control freak is? Is the red flag not bright enough for you?

Stay away.

May 9, 2011

I'd be crying if I were you, too. I'd be crying tears of joy and relief that I got away from this nutbar.

No, he's not tossing you crumbs. He's much more obvious than that.

He's drawing you a road map to Crazytown, where he and all the other warped, manipulative, obsessive, controlling nutters live.

Any guy who is so obsessed about asking you to "have his kids" (like you're just there as a baby machine? what???) after knowing you for 10 minutes has so many issues we can't even begin to count them. Then tells you he can't deal with you for a year ... do you know what a control freak is? Is the red flag not bright enough for you?

Stay away.

it wasn't right away he started talking about kids... about 5 months into it.. but he dumped me and asked me if i would have his kids... i told him "its not fair we love and miss each other, but can't be together" and he told me "life isn't a walk in the park"

whats wrong w me??? why am i so upset over this guy??? hes always drinking... its not fair

how do i get ove him??? i just can't do it?

why is he doing this to me????

May 9, 2011

Really try to listen and follow all the advice given to you here. I think you're hurt more by the fact that you were dumped than for the person he is or thought he was. And all his words are just to try to keep you roped in....him hoping you will hang onto every little word he says while he does whatever he wants. Stay away from his controlling manipulation. Don't 'give' him this power over you. It does hurt. It does sting. But you have to be strong.

May 10, 2011

he tells me that i'm an amazing girl, but i need to get my priorities straight and my life on track.. and that he can't do it for me, i have to do it for myself. he told me to call him when i'm in a better place. he recently sent me a message saying, "i know that i can love you again. but i cannot be w someone like you. right now. i'm sad to see you are not taking this seriously. call me in a year. i think that's how long it's going to take for you to be independent and strong."

To me, this guy sounds like a real condescending control freak. If you can possibly find a way to move on now and not go back to him, you'll really be dodging a bullet.

It might be a good time to get counselling.

May 10, 2011

can you clarify what you mean by this?

I meant that, under similar circumstances (or even some of your own)... like, for example, somebody intent upon getting sober soon... (who is promising that as a condition of a relationship or dating)...

It truly IS okay that one might base his or her own willingness to enter into such a relationship on whether or not the other party might stay the course in a significant area of personal improvement.

But basically, the guy about whom you write is just being an idiot, and trying to manipulate you while displaying his own personality flaws for your review.

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so yeah, i f'd up...

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