I think my boyfriend is seeing someone else

[Ashnarel]

I'm in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend promises to call me everyday but he does not. Sometimes I would not hear from him in a day and half or 2 days. Other than that he contact me almost all the time. We speak for about 1 hour or more on average. The problem I have with him is that he doesn't speak much. I don't think he opens up to me like he should. Because of that I feel as if he is not crazy about me. We have been speaking for 6 months now and I met him overseas at my cousins wedding and went back to visit him a month later. A month after that he gave me password to his facebook account and told me that he trusted me and I peeked into his email. What I saw shocked me. He was emailing another woman almost 15 years older than he telling her how much he missed her and love her and can't wait to be with her. I couldn't help but confront him about it. He says that he didn't mean it. It has been almost 2 months since and whenever I don't hear from him in a day or so I get nervous. He tells me that he use to be very wild. And the other day he visited his son and did not tell me about it till a week after. He told me that he didn't see the need to tell me meaning he didn't know whether or not he should tell me. These things bothers me because he already told me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. We already set a date and he said that he is saving for our wedding. He even sends money to me when I need it so I'm so confused and so afraid of being hurt. I hate feeling this way, like I should not trust him. Please someone please shed some light on this...cause I feel like letting go but I don't want my fear to control me. Thanks

[madjac74]

It sounds like this relationship makes you unhappy regardless of whether he is actually being honest with you or not. An LDR is hard enough but without trust and communication it is pretty much impossible.

 

And he could be making all the promises in the world to you about marriage and what not, knowing you are very far away and he could be making the same promises for other women. Im not trying to make you feel worse but just dont figure in his promises when you decide if you want to continue with this relationship. Even if you got married and lived together, you could still have these worries and still feel unhappy every day.

[creighton0123]

Umm...

 

The older woman thing I understand. Major red flag behavior if the two of you have had a discussion about focus on monogamy.

 

The communication issues - that's something you both have to decide and compromise. As an example, my boyfriend and I understand that I will always initiate conversation on a daily or semi-daily basis. Sometimes he wants to talk first and msg's me. That makes me smile. If you can't agree on communication, resentment will form and that is like poison for a long distance relationship.

 

As for him not telling you about visiting his son... he's right. Would he tell you if he went to the grocery store or took a shower? He shouldn't have to tell you everything he does that is a part of his regular life.

 

If he's not talkative, that's part of who he is. Sure it's a flaw. Do you love him for said flaw? If you truly love him, you should love the whole him, not just the parts you like.

[ghaile]

Its really hard to be in this kind of relationship..i felt like i am not important on him, i am doing my best to please him.all im asking to my bf is to give me a time and make me feel that he love me,that i am important on him, the things that hurt me is he didn't call me for 5 days though we exchange messages in facebook everyday,but im still longing to hear his voice.and haven't hear on him the word "i love you" how can i prove that he love me?is that normal for a white guy not to show their real emotion/feelings?i really dont know where to stand,he introduce me to his family and friends, we're talking about our future together but on his facebook account he's hiding his status,when i ask about it, he told me he dont want to get so many questions from his co workers,which is i understand..but im also afraid coz when he came here for a visit i browse his phone and i found out that his a member of online dating and there's a lot of girl sending message on him.what is the rigth things to do?guys do you have some suggestions???

[creighton0123]

Its really hard to be in this kind of relationship..i felt like i am not important on him, i am doing my best to please him.all im asking to my bf is to give me a time and make me feel that he love me,that i am important on him, the things that hurt me is he didn't call me for 5 days though we exchange messages in facebook everyday,but im still longing to hear his voice.and haven't hear on him the word "i love you" how can i prove that he love me?is that normal for a white guy not to show their real emotion/feelings?i really dont know where to stand,he introduce me to his family and friends, we're talking about our future together but on his facebook account he's hiding his status,when i ask about it, he told me he dont want to get so many questions from his co workers,which is i understand..but im also afraid coz when he came here for a visit i browse his phone and i found out that his a member of online dating and there's a lot of girl sending message on him.what is the rigth things to do?guys do you have some suggestions???

 

I don't think the color of his skin has much of anything to do with it. He may simply be a more quiet person or not compelled to communication. Some people are more private than others. Can you accept those parts of him?

 

As for the online dating site, if it bugs you you should be open and honest enough to tell him and ask him if he can unsubscribe from the email feeds.

 

I hate to say this, but your relationship seems to be extremely lacking in solid communication - something that is possible even if your other half is not all that good at communicating.