I hate social media (from a R standpoint)

[stace79]

I really hate Twitter, but also most social media in general. It is just far too easy for people to publicly flirt & hit on others.

 

My on/off bf is in sports radio, and some stupid girl is trying to get an internship with his show. I am so sick of watching her tweet flirtatious things to my bf, and today was the last straw.

 

She said something about "Is @mcoa into brunettes bc we're just all around better". I texted him that I was upset by this and he basically has said I'm overreacting and to stop "micromanaging" his life.

 

I told him he could have easily solved the whole issue by replying that he was "just into one person" or something to that effect. But he refused and kept saying how it's no big deal.

 

It IS a big deal to me! When I'm seeing somebody, I make a conscious effort to be aware of what I write and how I'm talking to people so as to avoid excessive flirting. I think it's disrespectful if you're dating somebody exclusively.

 

So, maybe it's petty, but *I* responded to her, saying that "actually, @mcoa is just into me".

 

Maybe I am not as mad about her flirting as I am with his unwillingness to publicly "claim" me.

[Professor X]

I don't think you hate the social networks... If you did, you would simply not join them.

 

"Maybe I am not as mad about her flirting as I am with his unwillingness to publicly "claim" me." - this is what you have problems with, the social media just happened to be in the "wrong time and wrong place".

 

She could of easily told him what she wrote in person.

[stace79]

I only hate them when thinking about them in a R standpoint. I like them for keeping in touch with my family (who are spread out all over) and from a work standpoint (I'm in communications, and SM is where it's at for the time being).

 

And yes, I am most angry right now because if he was more willing to be public about us as an item, it wouldn't matter to me so much that she tries to flirt with him.

 

If the shoe were reversed, I'd have had no problem writing back something about him being the only guy I'm interested in. Apparently he is not willing to do that.

[Rinnix]

Is he flirting back with her? Or is he just not paying much attention to her advances?

 

It's one thing if he doesn't want to start up drama, so he's deciding not to answer back in a flirting nature. It's completely a different situation if he is flirting back to her tweets.

 

He likely thinks that he is being harmless and that nothing will come out of it. It's not harmless to you, and that's where the problem lies.

 

Id feel a bit bothered to, I understand where you are coming from. My boyfriend uses twitter too, but he really only follows his favorite wrestlers/video games.

 

Is it possible that he doesn't want to advertize his personal life through his work?

 

I find that messaging her like you did may cause some drama (for him too). While I see why you did it, I don't think your boyfriend will be very happy about it.

[stace79]

Is he flirting back with her? Or is he just not paying much attention to her advances?

 

It's one thing if he doesn't want to start up drama, so he's deciding not to answer back in a flirting nature. It's completely a different situation if he is flirting back to her tweets.

 

He likely thinks that he is being harmless and that nothing will come out of it. It's not harmless to you, and that's where the problem lies.

 

Id feel a bit bothered to, I understand where you are coming from. My boyfriend uses twitter too, but he really only follows his favorite wrestlers/video games.

 

He doesn't typically flirt back, but I feel that he should stop the flirting. Problem (for right now anyway) is that we aren't offically "together" due to the on/off nature of our relationship. We want to make sure we're going to stick it out before telling our friends & family; although most of his friends or family are not on Twitter.

 

HOWEVER, even once we did go public, I don't think he would stop the flirting then either. I am not okay with that, and he needs to know going in. I need someone who's totally dedicated to me and proud to publicly claim me as his girl (and I am the same way in return).

 

Is it possible that he doesn't want to advertize his personal life through his work?

 

I find that messaging her like you did may cause some drama (for him too). While I see why you did it, I don't think your boyfriend will be very happy about it.

 

He's pissed I sent the message. I came home last night and found my dog very ill (vomiting, fever, diarrhea) and ended up at an emergency vet hospital with him. Couldn't reach my bf b/c he turned off his phone to avoid me. He didn't respond to my emails or direct messages on Twitter either. I'm very pissed. My dog is my child and he was very ill, and he knows how much that would upset me. He could have put aside this petty argument to show some concern.

 

Frankly, if he just doesn't want to "advertise his personal life" then we definitely are not right together. As I said before, I want someone who is proud to be with me. He doesn't have to talk about me all the time, but if some random skank is hitting on him then he needs to put a stop to it immediately. This happens more frequently than normal b/c he's in sports radio and lots of girls want to get into that field and think they can use their "sexual prowess" to do so.

 

He finally emailed me a brief note saying he's mad and doesn't want to talk to anyone and he will call me tomorrow. At this point, I'm considering just ignoring HIS calls.

[Pianiste]

It sounds like you are claiming something that might seem like it's yours in your eyes but that really isn't yet, you're not official. I guess this is a problem in a lot on/off-relationships, you get confused as to where you two stand. But staying in this grey zone between relationship/no relationship isn't going to get you anywhere.

 

Is there a reason why you two are having an on/off-relationship? What are the reasons for it to turn "off" sometimes?

 

Either way I think staying in this hard to define greyzone is a mistake, it's an unnatural place to be. You two either go for it or you don't. Maybe you shouldn't look for the problem in his unwillingness to publicly claim you, you're not officially dating plus some people do want to keep this part of their personal life and social media seperated (including me), but as to why you are not official in the first place. It doesn't sound like you want an on/off-relationship so it's time to make some choices and maybe even draw a line.

[hoping2heal]

You can shift the blame any direction you would like, however your BF not acknowledging you as his GF, and encouraging this woman to flirt with him (I say encourage because he is obviously not shutting her down so she keeps at it}, is the real issue. Your BF is the problem, not the social networks.

[stace79]

It sounds like you are claiming something that might seem like it's yours in your eyes but that really isn't yet, you're not official. I guess this is a problem in a lot on/off-relationships, you get confused as to where you two stand. But staying in this grey zone between relationship/no relationship isn't going to get you anywhere.

 

Is there a reason why you two are having an on/off-relationship? What are the reasons for it to turn "off" sometimes?

 

It's been numerous reasons. Once an exgf he wouldn't break contact with, another time a miscarriage that caused some significant emotional stress for me, another time he moved away for a new job. Now we are living within an hour of each other and we both hoped we could make things work. He has expressed to me that he is not dating anyone else, and I'm not dating anyone else either. We just aren't labeling ourselves "boyfriend and girlfriend".

 

Either way I think staying in this hard to define greyzone is a mistake, it's an unnatural place to be. You two either go for it or you don't. Maybe you shouldn't look for the problem in his unwillingness to publicly claim you, you're not officially dating plus some people do want to keep this part of their personal life and social media seperated (including me), but as to why you are not official in the first place. It doesn't sound like you want an on/off-relationship so it's time to make some choices and maybe even draw a line.

 

I think I'm quickly nearing this point. Like either we say okay, we're going to work this out or no we aren't. I can't handle the uncertainty and not knowing if I can count on him.

 

You can shift the blame any direction you would like, however your BF not acknowledging you as his GF, and encouraging this woman to flirt with him (I say encourage because he is obviously not shutting her down so she keeps at it}, is the real issue. Your BF is the problem, not the social networks.

 

I agree. He thinks just ignoring the flirting is enough and insists that since it doesn't mean anything to him that it's harmless. But it's not harmless to me. It makes me feel like my affection and attention are not good enough and it makes me wonder where his prioroties lie.

[stace79]

So today, we are getting along a bit better. We had a nice phone chat at lunch time. But, now he has posted three or four "tweets" in reply to this one girl when she just said one small thing to him and another guy.

 

It is irritating me because I feel like he goes exceptionally out of his way to converse/communicate with other girls.

 

I think that's where the problem lies. If you want to have friends of the opposite sex, then you have to be prepared to put more effort into your R than you do into any other female friend.

 

So, if you're talking to that female friend via social media off and on all day, you should be talking to me, too. If you text her once or twice per day, you better be doing that for me, too.

 

The problem, I think, is that I perceive he is putting as much or more effort into chatting up these "friends" than he is chatting up ME, and I'm the one he says he loves and wants to work things out with.

 

Ugh. Getting to the point where this is just not worth it anymore.

[TokyoG33kyGal]

if you aren't labeling yourselves as bf/gf then you are gonna have a problem of claiming that label while you get irritated watching his tweets and the girls who flirt with him.

 

i have a friend who's got a similar problem and already told her to leave the "relationship" if it's only making her upset and frustrated.

 

i am like you too that i like my guy be proud of me but i won't go my way forcing myself onto a person if he seemed so uninterested and not putting any effort. i have been there and it really drove me nuts.

[Mimolicious]

I really hate Twitter, but also most social media in general. It is just far too easy for people to publicly flirt & hit on others.

 

My on/off bf is in sports radio, and some stupid girl is trying to get an internship with his show. I am so sick of watching her tweet flirtatious things to my bf, and today was the last straw.

 

She said something about "Is @mcoa into brunettes bc we're just all around better". I texted him that I was upset by this and he basically has said I'm overreacting and to stop "micromanaging" his life.

 

I told him he could have easily solved the whole issue by replying that he was "just into one person" or something to that effect. But he refused and kept saying how it's no big deal.

 

It IS a big deal to me! When I'm seeing somebody, I make a conscious effort to be aware of what I write and how I'm talking to people so as to avoid excessive flirting. I think it's disrespectful if you're dating somebody exclusively.

 

So, maybe it's petty, but *I* responded to her, saying that "actually, @mcoa is just into me".

 

Maybe I am not as mad about her flirting as I am with his unwillingness to publicly "claim" me.

 

 

Ok, maybe you are NOT going to like what I have to say but I will say it anyway (and I am speaking from experience) If you are not thick skin to deal with someone that is in the entertainment business or media, then you either thicken that skin or find yourself someone that is not in the mix. End of story.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh but it is his career and unless he is actually rolling around with any of his followers then can't please everyone. In reality, he has no control of what anyone can @ him at... The only thing that he can control is his replies to such tweets. Also, many people in the media don't dish out their personal life. Either you understand that or you are not equipped to be in a R with someone like this.

 

Now, if he has given you other reasons for you to be ballistic about this, then that is a whole separate issue. Trust me, I have been in your place. VERY PUBLICLY. Not fun. Either you create your reality life in your R or you mix it all and get lost in the process. Good luck!

[stace79]

Mimolicious I appreciate you sharing your experience. He has said similar things to me. I think if he did more in our personal lives to make me feel important, then I could meet him more halfway on the other stuff.

 

I think I'm coming to realize that it's not that the other girls flirt with him; it's that I think he enjoys it too much and doesn't want it to stop. And sure, it's nice to feel flattered, but I would never want my SO to be uncomfortable or worried.

 

I am so loyal that I would do anything reasonable to make that person feel like there's no danger of me leaving them for anyone else. Sure, I don't have to do that. I could say "You just need to be more confident." But that isn't my nature.

 

Maybe I just can't be with him. You may be right. We have a joint counseling appt tomorrow. I'm sure this issue will come up.

[threebyfate]

stace, if you set a boundary and then, don't follow through, what incentive does he have to follow through on his side?

 

Reward good behaviour and shut down bad behaviour. Assert your boundaries. If he doesn't care enough to stop his flirtatious behaviour, then why are you still with him?

[stace79]

stace, if you set a boundary and then, don't follow through, what incentive does he have to follow through on his side?

 

Reward good behaviour and shut down bad behaviour. Assert your boundaries. If he doesn't care enough to stop his flirtatious behaviour, then why are you still with him?

 

He's not honestly that flirtatious. I don't know that he's really said anything that I should consider inappropriate.

 

It's more like I get annoyed that he "tweets" back and forth with a girl he doesn't really know, but at the same time rarely tweets back to anything I say.

 

The more I analyze this "issue", the less it seems to really be about social media. He is not an overly communicative person. He is on the radio and then on the phone much of the day for his job, and he always claims that when he gets home, he doesn't want to spend a long time on his phone or computer because of that.

 

So when he then chats back and forth with random girls, it irritates me, like why isn't he giving ME that time and effort? The effort he gives to them through this silly chitchat is time and effort being stolen from me, someone he says he loves.

 

So I guess if he spent more time talking with me or doing nice things for me, maybe it wouldn't bother me as much.

[Mimolicious]

Mimolicious I appreciate you sharing your experience. He has said similar things to me. I think if he did more in our personal lives to make me feel important, then I could meet him more halfway on the other stuff.

 

I think I'm coming to realize that it's not that the other girls flirt with him; it's that I think he enjoys it too much and doesn't want it to stop. And sure, it's nice to feel flattered, but I would never want my SO to be uncomfortable or worried.

 

I am so loyal that I would do anything reasonable to make that person feel like there's no danger of me leaving them for anyone else. Sure, I don't have to do that. I could say "You just need to be more confident." But that isn't my nature.

 

Maybe I just can't be with him. You may be right. We have a joint counseling appt tomorrow. I'm sure this issue will come up.

 

Good luck babes! If you see that you are not getting in return what you are putting out then rethink! I've been there, not worth the dramz. (HUGS)

[Mimolicious]

He's not honestly that flirtatious. I don't know that he's really said anything that I should consider inappropriate.

 

It's more like I get annoyed that he "tweets" back and forth with a girl he doesn't really know, but at the same time rarely tweets back to anything I say.

 

The more I analyze this "issue", the less it seems to really be about social media. He is not an overly communicative person. He is on the radio and then on the phone much of the day for his job, and he always claims that when he gets home, he doesn't want to spend a long time on his phone or computer because of that.

 

So when he then chats back and forth with random girls, it irritates me, like why isn't he giving ME that time and effort? The effort he gives to them through this silly chitchat is time and effort being stolen from me, someone he says he loves.

 

So I guess if he spent more time talking with me or doing nice things for me, maybe it wouldn't bother me as much.

 

The bolded- I THINK THIS ISH IS IN THE WATER NOWADAYS!!!!!!!!

Stace, you are not alone. I know so many people that are caught in the same situation, darn it, you can even see it here on LS. People are paying more attention to avatars, @whateverthefacknameitis, FHookers, etc... than the people that they have at home. It's like mostly everyone has a NET-EGO and they need it fed more than their soul. Sad state we are in...

[threebyfate]

He's not honestly that flirtatious. I don't know that he's really said anything that I should consider inappropriate.

 

It's more like I get annoyed that he "tweets" back and forth with a girl he doesn't really know, but at the same time rarely tweets back to anything I say.

 

The more I analyze this "issue", the less it seems to really be about social media. He is not an overly communicative person. He is on the radio and then on the phone much of the day for his job, and he always claims that when he gets home, he doesn't want to spend a long time on his phone or computer because of that.

 

So when he then chats back and forth with random girls, it irritates me, like why isn't he giving ME that time and effort? The effort he gives to them through this silly chitchat is time and effort being stolen from me, someone he says he loves.

 

So I guess if he spent more time talking with me or doing nice things for me, maybe it wouldn't bother me as much.

Since you're going to a form of relationship counseling, bring up this situation without waiting for him to do so.

 

If he won't meet you halfway or if you're unwilling to meet him halfway, then once again, it's time to do something about it.

 

Not every relationship will last forever or is worth the effort when there are too many roadblocks that become power struggles, instead of two people working together to make the relationship run smoothly.

[stace79]

Since you're going to a form of relationship counseling, bring up this situation without waiting for him to do so.

 

If he won't meet you halfway or if you're unwilling to meet him halfway, then once again, it's time to do something about it.

 

Not every relationship will last forever or is worth the effort when there are too many roadblocks that become power struggles, instead of two people working together to make the relationship run smoothly.

 

I so agree with this. We are not in high school or college now; our relationship should be about what we can each do for the other to make this work, not silly power struggles and trying to keep so much individualism.

 

The bolded- I THINK THIS ISH IS IN THE WATER NOWADAYS!!!!!!!!

Stace, you are not alone. I know so many people that are caught in the same situation, darn it, you can even see it here on LS. People are paying more attention to avatars, @whateverthefacknameitis, FHookers, etc... than the people that they have at home. It's like mostly everyone has a NET-EGO and they need it fed more than their soul. Sad state we are in...

 

Yes, I read a lot about relationships these days, and many counselors say if we each spent as much time on our R as we do on social networking, work, friends, etc. we'd have healthy marriages.

[stace79]

AAARRGGGHHHH. I am still so frustrated. I had a great weekend with my SO, and we even went to our first counseling session on Friday. However, as soon as I left to come home last night, he starts tweeting back and forth with one woman in particular, who appears to be pretty based on her picture.

 

They were talking some about basketball, which I wouldn't necessarily mind. But it's the fact that over last night and today, he's sent no fewer than 15 messages back and forth to her.

 

He isn't singling out any guy "followers" to tweet back and forth like that. With them, he may reply one time, if at all. So my impression is that he is specifically tweeting back and forth with these one or two women because he thinks they're attractive and is flirting with them.

 

I'm so sick of it. Really. I had a great weekend with him, but yet he still is going to insist on being able to do this. Worse, he cannot empathize at all with my point of view.

[stace79]

Wow. Just wow. I have to share a good outcome to this, seeing as I most often am complaining. I emailed my SO as calmly as possible, just explaining to him that it makes me uncomfortable that he only seems to have long drawn-out tweet-convos with attractive women.

 

He actually wrote back to apologize, and said he didn't realize it but went back to look at his history, and found that I was right! He said he would make more of an effort to equally converse with everybody.

 

I am so impressed. And I told him so.