sinkerswim Posted April 10, 2004 Posted April 10, 2004 Do any of you have dreams about your ex's on a nightly basis? Or at least a few times a week? I find this to be very hard to deal with. Last night in my dream...he came back to me...told me how much he loved me and that he never meant to hurt me and how he will be with me for a very long time. We held each other...everything was great. I was sooo happy. But when I woke up...it really hit me.. Just a reminder to me , that hes not in my life right now. How sad and dissapointing. You wake up with a sick feeling. How do you guys deal with it? I know they are just dreams...but sometimes dreams are very real and hard to deal with.
krbshappy71 Posted April 10, 2004 Posted April 10, 2004 I didn't have dreams that often, but I have had dreams over the years of various past relationships. Usually it is fighting, though. It reminds me why I left them I guess, when I get lonely? Perhaps your dreams are trying to reassure your heart that they did love you, they didn't just use you. There's nothing wrong with the subconcious trying to make you feel better....your mind does the best it can to protect us. Sometimes when a family member dies I have dreams of being with them again, it hurts like hell to wake up and they are still gone....but I think it must be part of the healing process. How long since the breakup/divorce?
Author sinkerswim Posted April 10, 2004 Author Posted April 10, 2004 Hi KRB... Its only a little over 2 months... but still..I never got closure. He was my fiance...and said he needed "space" Well...he still cant give me an answer. He hasnt attempted to contact me at all. I am devastated...he was my love for 8 years. My soul mate. My first true love. I just want him back.
Martin Guerrini Posted April 10, 2004 Posted April 10, 2004 Sinkerswim... (hug). I have dreams like that a couple of times a week. The last time... I was walking with her on falling leaves of autumn with merry talks and smiles... confessing how much we love to each other. They are just an expression of unfulfilled desire. Try to think this way. These dreams are helping to release the sorrow from your soul. Go to the nearest book-shop and take a look at "Mars and Venues Starting Over" by John Gray. It's about how to deal with the lonely desert after the break-up. I hope you find it helpful.
krbshappy71 Posted April 10, 2004 Posted April 10, 2004 Martin, great suggestion, John Gray is the best, I am currently reading Mars and Venus on a Date but perhaps the "starting over" one would help me make sure I'm not repeating behaviours in this latest escapade. I hope this suggestion doesn't sound cheesy, Sinker, but it really works for me: write in a journal about your feelings. It could help get them out, perhaps write before you go to sleep and the dreams wont plague you? Worth a try and writing has been so healing for me. My thought is that if you get those emotions out maybe your mind can rest. Do you ever think you see him around town? I HATE THAT!! Sometimes I swear I see deceased family, also (no, not like "I see dead people!" or anything) in a crowd, my heart will jump only to realize, no. Not them. Hang in there, I'm sure there is lots of info on this site that can help you, also. Sometimes its nice just to know we are not alone in these situations. SO many people have gone through this! Hugs.
kgal Posted April 10, 2004 Posted April 10, 2004 Yea.. I had this dream the other night that my ex came back... it was great!
reasontosigh Posted April 11, 2004 Posted April 11, 2004 Originally posted by Martin Guerrini .....Go to the nearest book-shop and take a look at "Mars and Venus Starting Over" by John Gray. It's about how to deal with the lonely desert after the break-up. I hope you find it helpful. I also found this one to be a great help.
Author sinkerswim Posted April 12, 2004 Author Posted April 12, 2004 Thanks guys for your responses and suggestions.. I will have to get that book you recommended Martin. KRB I do write in a journal every so often at night..but I should do this on a nightly basis. Thanks!
tom_gbr Posted April 12, 2004 Posted April 12, 2004 i dreampt about my ex again last night...i turned up at her college to see how she was....she ran up to me and hugged me and started crying...we chatted for a while and then she left.
sassygal Posted April 12, 2004 Posted April 12, 2004 Hello!!! I have to admit that yes I do have dreams about my ex every now and then. We have been split up for over a year now and we never even see each other anymore because we live in different towns but it is weird. Your right dreams seem soooooooo real sometimes that it is a little scarey. There are a couple books out on the subject of "Dreams", you might try purchasing one of these books.
Author sinkerswim Posted April 12, 2004 Author Posted April 12, 2004 I had another dream as well... It was very sad. I was searching for him at a mall. I knew he was gone forever.. God..I hate waking up to reality and knowing hes not in my life right now. I hate this.
silverbug Posted April 12, 2004 Posted April 12, 2004 Try focusing on something good before going to bed each night! Do you tend to eat dinner late ? Someone once told me that if you eat dinner early and avoid late night eating you can lessen your chances of dreaming unpleasant things. I actually find that dreaming about him may be your way of coping with the loss of someone who really meant alot to you. The best solution to most things is TIME!!!! Give it some and time and concentrate on making yourself happy for now!!
Martin Guerrini Posted April 12, 2004 Posted April 12, 2004 I think Silver's advice could be useful. I know that it keeps coming back again and again... but remember you are still making progress. The pain is like peeling an onion. We cry and cry and cry. We think we are stuck in the same place but we are not. Someday, we will have no more onion in our hands. Another, practical tip. As soon as you get up. Do not stay in bed. Pick up your diskman with some rhythmic stuff (dance, disco, rock & roll, whatever) go on jogging. You will feel a great relief. Whenever you feel devastated and feel like you cannot go on anymore. Close your eyes and pray to God for help. You will catch some light there too. I know it's hard time for a lot of people in the forum including me but we all are going to make it. Our tomorrows will be better than our yesterdays. All my support, M.
Author sinkerswim Posted April 12, 2004 Author Posted April 12, 2004 thanks you guys..] Yeah..next time I dream like that..I am going to get up and put on my music.... Maybe go to the fitness center here where I live and run on the treadmill or something.
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