jealousone Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I cannot shake the jealousy and anger at an ex boyfriend from 20 years ago! We were supposed to get married and he suddenly changed his mind and a month later was proposing to another woman on the beach in hawaii. I moved on and got married myself. About 5 years ago i decided to find him on the itnernet, not to talk to him but to see if i could find out about his life. And I did- found out he has the live we had planned together, but with another women. Living the dream life- great job, gorgeous house, kids, money, wife does not work. After finding all of this out, the anger and jealousy all came flooding back to me. I sent him an email hoping to not receive a reply but he called me on the phone wanting to see me the next time he was in town. I declined, saying i was too busy. But the real reason is because it is too painful to think about how someone else is living the life I was supposed to have. I married a somewhat abusive man on the rebound from my relationship with him and have had a stressful life which makes everything 1000 times worse when i think about it. I cry every time i think about this!
Mike_d Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 sounds like you have some work in front of you to learn what you really want in your life, and how to be happy. to harbor these feelings 20 years later isn't especially healthy, hopefully you can see that.
GreenPolicy Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 You don't know how his life is really like just based off looking at his facebook. It's easy to create a facade like everything is just fine and peachy.
JasonRules Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 You should probably see a therapist or seek professional help. Sounds like you've been living a life full of regrets. I doubt there is anything we can tell you in here to make things better.
ShatteredReality Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I cannot shake the jealousy and anger at an ex boyfriend from 20 years ago! We were supposed to get married and he suddenly changed his mind and a month later was proposing to another woman on the beach in hawaii. I moved on and got married myself. About 5 years ago i decided to find him on the itnernet, not to talk to him but to see if i could find out about his life. And I did- found out he has the live we had planned together, but with another women. Living the dream life- great job, gorgeous house, kids, money, wife does not work. After finding all of this out, the anger and jealousy all came flooding back to me. I sent him an email hoping to not receive a reply but he called me on the phone wanting to see me the next time he was in town. I declined, saying i was too busy. But the real reason is because it is too painful to think about how someone else is living the life I was supposed to have. I married a somewhat abusive man on the rebound from my relationship with him and have had a stressful life which makes everything 1000 times worse when i think about it. I cry every time i think about this! If you're not happy with your husband and he's abusive then you need to start making steps to fix this. If you were happy you would not care about his life. You can still learn to be happy. Also, as another poster mentioned...you don't truly know what goes on in his life. It may look perfect and be miserable...you don't know. What if he is always cheating on his pefect wife?? Would you still want to trade places with her? What if she's always cheating on him? Or worse, they cheat on eachother whenever he's out of town or whatever....What if their kids are little hell children? What if his job really sucks...even though he makes good $$ he's miserable there.... Just saying...you need to stop concentrating on how he has the life you should have had and see how you can change yours to be a good life for YOU.
GreenPolicy Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Also, your anger really doesn't have anything to do with your ex. If you were a good girlfriend and you got dumped, what could you have done differently to get a different result? It wasn't your choice to end things. I don't see what you have to regret.
surfrider4284 Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 If it was "supposed" to be your life, it would have been your life. It wasn't supposed to be your life, that's why it's not. You should seek professional help and try your best to move on. I'm willing to be you have another 40 or so years in front of you..live those happier than you have lived the past 20.
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