placeholder Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 What do you do when your ex wants to be friends with you, close enough to be best friends? And she agrees that we each hold a special place in each other's heart? While being friends will be a nice alternative, how can I make it so we have a chance at getting back together? We broke up to take a break and resolve some minor, easily fixable issues and if we end up getting back together in the future, I have no doubt that things would work out well. My guess is to continue NC on my end and let her invite me to things and do the work. If I make myself too available, she probably won't learn to miss me and especially miss me as a boyfriend. Any suggestions? I'll probably be working out more often and leading a more active life style involving getting out and doing more. I want to show off my independence again and go back to what attracted her to me in the first place.
pd8mxq Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 how long were you with your gf? ANd how long since the breakup? My BF said the same thing about the special place in the heart thing and he would like to be friends. He left me but then he is acting very friendly , just to make sure im OK etc... He is seeing someone now but I still want him back. FOr my situation, he left me almost 5 months now and we were with each other for 8 years. We are kinda in this FRIENDS situation since the breakup. I never NC and HE is still with the new guy. But because we were for so long, i do think its not right to get back so quickly. But i hope in medium term, or long term so I dont mind being friend with him with a distance.
miss jennifer Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 i'm nowhere near as good as giving advice as you people, but here is my $.02... if he was the one that left you, let him do the work in trying to patch things up. let him know you are interested in working it out with him and gauge his reaction. conversely, if you were the one that ended things, i think that you should be making of the effort here. don't sit back and leave him to do all the work, as it was your choice to leave the relationship and he may be feeling rejected. it's best to make sure that you are both on the same page about wanting to eventually get back together. i hope this helps a bit.
Fufu Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Don't get friend zoned by your ex. By agreeing to be her friends, you are sending a message you don't take it to heart she breaks up with you. Also, are you ready to be her friends without feeling the heartache? Are you sure you can talk to her like your friends? You can't just switch roles after a break up from bf/gf to friend.
betterdeal Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 (edited) What do you do when your ex wants to be friends with you, close enough to be best friends? And she agrees that we each hold a special place in each other's heart? If you want to have a relationship (as in romantic) with her then say you would like to have a relationship with them and you are willing to take it slowly, and work with them to rebuild trust and turn this into a period of growth in your love, understanding and affection for yourself and her. Do not agree to jump into friendship (a non-romantic relationship) if you want to have a romantic relationship. It will bight you on the arse if you do. So you can say, "Let's meet and see how we get on. I don't know about being just friends, but I have always felt friendly with you. I don't want to be just a friend, I want to be a friend and more. Let's just take it easy." Or something like that. I'll probably be working out more often and leading a more active life style involving getting out and doing more. I want to show off my independence again and go back to what attracted her to me in the first place. Whilst preening to attract a mate is fine, preening because you enjoy it yourself is more sustainable. Once you have her, will you drop all the preening, again? You see where this is going? You get fat and lazy and you split up again. Rinse and repeat. Successful relationships have two people who do their own things as well as doing joint things. You can be independent and part of something special at the same time. A free spirit, with an unshakeable bond to someone. It's unshakeable because it is not needed. It is like elastic. It is liquid, fluid, dynamic, enjoyable, complimentary to your experience of life. It is not constricting or rigid, hard or brittle. It is a fog of love. Impossible for intruders to hug, cut, molest and yet is surrounds you both. So be honest with her and your relationship will be an honest one. Edited May 7, 2011 by betterdeal
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