giuliano-3 Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I'm having a hard time with the fact the last time I saw my ex was dropping her off at the airport a year ago. I knew it at the time, had a couple dreams and premonitions that it would be the last time. I told her that I thought she would meet another guy, hook up, feel guilty, not call or write me then disappear completely. It happened exactly like this, except she is still with the guy she cheated on me with. They have a long distance relationship and she is staying faithful to him although she cheated on me after only 5 days apart. This is killing me. My need/want to see her again is very unhealthy. Not sure how to fix this.
0hpenelope Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 That is the cycle, isn't it? Meet, intimacy and if it doesn't work out, you break up, you heal, and you move on. You're on your way. It's just hard right now, but the feelings are temporary.
stopthemadness Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Yo Ohenelolpe. havent seen you on here in alittle bit. What you posted is soo true. Its the move on part I think we're all kinda stuck on. But its better. Time heals your broken heart weather you want it to or not........
0hpenelope Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Yo Ohenelolpe. havent seen you on here in alittle bit. What you posted is soo true. Its the move on part I think we're all kinda stuck on. But its better. Time heals your broken heart weather you want it to or not........ Hey there! I stepped away from LS for a while because the site has ceased being helpful to me and I had to find my own ways of healing. I come back to help where I can. Healing really comes down to the self and the attitude. Everything else is affected by those things. Separation and detachment from the ex is crucial to make this healing happen and right now, OP is still in the early throes of it. OP - You'll stop comparing in time. I've said it to someone here before and I'll say it again to you: whatever your ex does or is doing or did, don't take it personally. Just buckle down and focus on yourself. It's hard to appreciate this right now, but in time, I think you will. It's easy to vilify and negate the wonderful experiences because of your pain, but holding on to the bitterness and resentment permeates to everything else. Recognizing you're at an unhealthy stage is a good step. What are you thinking of doing in order to initiate the steps to reverse that? One positive a day. Celebrate it. I don't care what it is that makes you feel good (WELL... except for harmful stuff like substance abuse, cutting, you know... things you do that harm yourself and/or others.). "Today, I took a shower. I'm grateful to have heated water and feeling clean because not everyone can afford this basic necessity." Like that. It sounds silly, but a lot of brokenhearted people really stop taking care of themselves. "Today, the sun was out and I was able to do my errands with nice weather instead of rainy weather." Baby steps. Happiness is a choice.
Author giuliano-3 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Wow, thanks for that Penelope. I'm a big baby steps fan. I've actually been doing many things in the past couple months to better myself. I'm reading again. I take an hour every day to be outside with my dog (the true love of my life). Swimming, tennis, basketball, stretching/push ups etc - just making sure I don't neglect myself. Stopped drinking pretty much altogether - still occasionaly go out and throw a few beers back with the boys (like once a month or two). Drinking had become a daily ritual for me and my ex. In NYC this was quite expensive, Costa Rica not so much. It was the one constant, good times/bad times we would pretty much drink every night. Not binge drinking but drinking nonetheless. And it was pretty much because she needed it. I had not really been a regular drinker for a long while. When she was overseas and I didn't hear from her it started a terrifying cycle for me. I drank every night still, but binge style at times. World Cup was starting, we were playing England in the first game - she was in England. I basically made that game all about my hatred for everything English. I'm a non-violent person, haven't laid hands on a man in anger ever. Night before the big game I pretty much started a near-riot in a bar by chanting "F YOU ENGLAND" clap clap clap clap clap. Three British guys got beat down for trying to get at me, I still feel bad about this. The irony is I'm half-British by ancestory, been there and loved it, met many great Brits on my travels (as well as many d-baggy Brits) and really harbor no ill-will towards that Isle. Letting go of my hatred of the guy she cheated on me with was a big part of healing. I actually wrote him at one point in January and challenged him to a fist-fight duel. King Arthur chivalric code-style. We ended up kind of having a little bromance and realizing we were both pretty cool dudes. He let me know she never brought up my name until they had been together for almost a month. Typical. No need to dislike him at all. All thats left is forgiving her completely and with finality. I'm close. Absolute total NC has helped. I know I am on the right path again. It feels glorious. This outlet has been crucial.
hellon Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 OP - You'll stop comparing in time. I've said it to someone here before and I'll say it again to you: whatever your ex does or is doing or did, don't take it personally. Just buckle down and focus on yourself. It's hard to appreciate this right now, but in time, I think you will. It's easy to vilify and negate the wonderful experiences because of your pain, but holding on to the bitterness and resentment permeates to everything else.... Baby steps. Happiness is a choice. Ohpenelope, thanks for this, it's exactly what I needed to hear right now!
hopeful4someday Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I'm going through that too. I just try and stop those thoughts, will my way out of them. I'll catch a whiff of someone that smells like him and everything comes flooding back.. but I saw a work counselor who told me to man up and just choose not to engage those thoughts... so that's what I try. It's weird how you know. I got in a fight with my ex the night that was going to be the last night I ever saw him. He woke up in the morning and went out and cleaned all the snow off my car and just had this look. And we said our goodbyes and everything the way we always do, but I knew then that it was just done, before we ever talked about anything and chose to end it. It was clear. But you know... if you can't have them back (and you can't have them back) then thinking about it doesn't do anyone any good. It's over and it is what it is, and the sooner you forget it the better off you'll be.
Author giuliano-3 Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 It really comes down to the fact she left things on her terms, and I want(ed) to have a chance to end things on mine. To take the power back. She knew by gutting me the way she did I'd stay strung along and weak for her to fall back on if needed. Total and complete NC for 2-3 days now, whenever I get the urge to write her something or unblock facebook and check her profile I come on here instead. There are good addictions and bad addictions - thankfully I'm still choosing a good one by using LS everyday.
hellon Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 It really comes down to the fact she left things on her terms, and I want(ed) to have a chance to end things on mine. To take the power back. She knew by gutting me the way she did I'd stay strung along and weak for her to fall back on if needed. Total and complete NC for 2-3 days now, whenever I get the urge to write her something or unblock facebook and check her profile I come on here instead. There are good addictions and bad addictions - thankfully I'm still choosing a good one by using LS everyday. By keeping up NC, you ARE taking the power back! I so wish I had found this site in the earlier stages of my breakup, I seriously did everything wrong. Oh well, we're here now- and hanging around on here will save you from yourself.
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