HappinessSeeker Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Hi Everyone. I just wanted to update you on my drama with the MM. Well since I posted last I had a moment of weakness and slept with him again. This time it was different it was just sex, I told him that it would be the last time and he actually suggested maybe we could still hook up once a month still because he knows that I have needs (Wow that made me feel low) Afterwards, he continued to email me every couple of days to ask how I was doing, and then one day he asked me if I could give him some "goods"(something i can get from work)for a party he was having for his mother's birthday. I said ok because he has helped me out on other things plenty of times. The next day he calls me and we're talking and joking and he asks if he can see me over the weekend. I told him I was free on Sunday. He says I know that's your stay at home day do you want me to just come over? I said no, we can meet for lunch if you want, so he said ok, he'll talk to me tomorrow (Fri)to confirm. The next day I emailed him to tell him that I had "the goods" and if he still wanted to meet. I told him if he couldn't that I could drop the "goods" at another location for him to pick up at his own pace (I was giving him an out). He said no I really want to see you lets meet at this time. So i said ok in my reply and then i asked if he could get me something for an event. He didn't reply back until the next day (SAt) and he said he would work on it. Sunday, I arrived at the restaurant and realized I had forgotten my wallet. I called him and he didn't answer, so I started to leave a message when he called me back. I asked "Are you on your way?" and he says "Oh your gonna kill me" and I said "You forgot?" and he said "Yes I'm sorry, I got a lot going on right now, can we please reschedule?" I really don't remember much after I think I may have said ok. I just know I tried to get out of there as quickly as I could without breaking down. The drive back was humiliating. It finally clicked inside that this guy doesn't give a damn about me. All the things he said were lies. He said what he needed to keep me around. As soon as I stopped being at his beck and call, I wasn't a priority anymore, and thus not even a thought. I can't begin to describe the hurt, embarrasment, and shame I felt. I was also angry, but not at him. I was angry at myself. That I allowed myself to get caught up in the lie. I thought I knew better, but obviously not. Anyway, the next day (Monday)he emails me and says " How are you doing? I'm swamped, but I wanted to check on you. I'm really sorry about yesterday, I didn't forget, but got overwhelmed. I'm working on your stuff for event" I replied "Of course you forgot, but It's fine I'm not mad at you. I forget things all the time. I know your swamped so don't worry about getting that stuff for me, I'll email you tomorrow and let you know where you can pick up your "goods". End of conversation that day Wednesday, I get an email from him "I have the stuff for your event" After contemplating, I called him (I wanted to be as friendly as possible) I asked if he could pass along those items to someone else, that I had made alternative plans. He said ok. I then told him where I had dropped off his "goods" and that he would need to pick up on Sat. He said ok. End of conversation Sunday, I get a call telling me that he had not picked up the "goods" so I wait until Monday to email him and ask if he is going to pick up the goods that day. He said he would, and he did Tuesday, he emails me to thank me and to let me know he had picked it up (which i already knew) he then says how great i am and that he would like to treat me to lunch or dinner the following week. I'm ashamed to say it, but I actually considered it for a minute, but the memory of Sunday snapped me back and I replied "That's really sweet of you, but seriously you don't owe me anything, I know you would have done the same for me so no worries, have a great day" he replied yeah, yeah lol. End of conversation The next few weeks he would email or text me his typical lies. "I really miss you, I can't stop thinking about you". Then he calls me and leaves a message "I was just calling to see how you were doing, I haven't talked to you in a while, I hope all is well" (It's been a month at this point since we have actually spoken, and 6 weeks since we saw each other)I waited until late that day to call him hoping he would be home and wouldn't be able to answer, but he did. I was really distant with him and then he said "We have to meet up for a drink soon when you have some free time" I said ok very nonchalantly, but I never set a date. End of conversation. I spoke to him again the next week and he asked me out again and I avoided committing to anything, and he has been sending random emails and texts every week. I know you are thinking I should tell him to just leave me alone, and believe me I would if I didn't have to work with him indirectly, and one message a week is not a big deal. As long as I don't see him I think I should be ok, and I don't have any desire to see him. It's been 2 months and it still hurts, but I am getting through it day by day. I just have to constantly remind myself of that fateful Sunday and it puts me back in the right mind set. In all honesty I should thank him because if that had not happened I may have went back to him, so even though it hurts, it was the reality check I needed. Even me writing this (I'm sorry it was so detailed) has really helped me, so thank you to anyone who was patient enough to read it all. I'm really happy to have found this site, thank you to everyone who has responded to my previous posts with encouragement and understanding, it really helps.
fooled once Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Why do you need to work with him indirectly? For personal favor or true work business? If it is just personal favors, you really should stop emailing him and let it die its natural death. The more you keep hearing from him, the more stuck you will be in the past and the hurt will continue. The more you step away and stop communicating with him, the hurt will lesson and you can move forward with your life. Plus, the more you communicate with him, the more ego stroking HE gets. I hope you can put an end to the communicating .... for YOU ... so you can grieve it and move on. Good luck!
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Deep down you still have hope. I'm sorry, I know you're working hard here, but underneath, sadly, I think deep down you have a hidden hope that he'll come to you again and as you say .. As long as you don't see him, you'll be okay..One message a week, or a conversation once a week is no big deal. The thing is, it IS a big deal. That bit of contact, casual calls, checkin's by him IS messing you up and keeping him in your train of thought. He knows this too and he's (selfishly) playing coy, a little cat and mouse game.. He is fully aware of what he's doing and you should call him on it and STOP being so friendly. it's like you're scared to confront him, stand up to him and set boundries with him. Incase he gets upset/angry at you and he disappears completely. I could be wrong, but there's just something in your post that screams you're hanging on still, even if in the smallest way. Those tiny scraps (CRAPS!!) are poison! Always remember how foolish, how pissed you were when he stood you up. That can and should drive you to stay away from him and not let him in your thoughts at all anymore.
Author HappinessSeeker Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Thanks for replying. whichwayisup: you are right that he is playing this game with me, and I am being entirely too nice, mainly because I am afraid of losing our business relationship. I really don't want him back, but I have to admit...I think part of me wants him to care. Believe me my mind knows that he doesn't, but my heart can't accept it, and that is my constant struggle, so I guess in that sense I am still holding on. fooledonce:my dealings with him are both personal and business, but i admit more personal than business. I know your right though because it's been hard to really move on when I continue to hear from him. I think I'm just worried that I may ruin the business relationship if I totally end communication with him. Thanks to both of you for the responses because it's something I really needed to hear. Now I need to find some way to end the communication and still maintain a functional working relationship, and I'm not sure if that is possible...
fooled once Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 You make the decision to ONLY have work related discussions..and keep most of your communication to email. You ensure you don't use "work" as an excuse to contact him. You focus on YOU and knowing that being in this situation with him isn't worth losing yourself or your self respect over. What would you advise a friend who came to you with this situation? Would you want your daughter to be in this situation and what you would advise her?
Author HappinessSeeker Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 FooledOnce: you're absolutely right! I've decided that I am going to go completely no contact with him. I haven't heard from him in over a week, which is a good thing, but if he does decide to contact me I will let him know not to anymore business or otherwise. I'll have to maybe get another contact at his company. Thanks so much for your advice On a side note I was doing pretty well up until yesterday, I've been replaying our fling in my head and beating myself up on all the clues he left that I chose to ignore. I hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel soon.
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