hurley21 Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 On here, I read everyday about people being horrible to one another. I am one of those people who had someone be horrible to them for 4 years and then dumped me. I am trying to do the 'right' thing and look forward to my future and finding new love- but honestly, I'm not sure of a few things... 1) That any two people can be in a healthy, happy relationship. Seems like there is ALWAYS something. Cheater, drug/alcohol habit, different goals, commitment issues, doubt, etc. Even the couples that look so happy on the outside have serious issues. 2) Also, I feel that I have developed a list of standards (after two long term relationships that were destructive) that no man/woman would ever be able to meet. Is that an attempt to protect myself by making everyone flawed in some way, or is it good old common sense at this point? I hate to be the downer, but there aren't any rays of hope on this site. People ask questions like "Ex cheated, should I take them back?" or "She wants to date someone else but keep me around." Why are we letting people treat us like crap?
blueskyday Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) Such a good question. I guess people fall in love, get attached and don't want to be without the person...I have done that. But, no more, I DO have a (short) list of what I want, and I would rather be alone than settle for less than what's on it...so I have requirements and dealbreakers... I've also developed a low tolerance for a**hole behavior. I will give any guy a chance, but he better have good character and integrity and make me feel special...and I'm no longer willing to "work on it" with some guy who has a pattern of treating me badly...I would rather be by myself. I acutally think this attitude makes me a better partner because I am okay by myself now, and I'm no longer trying to change people. I say how I feel and what I want and need. If someone can't work with me on that, and I can't compromise either, then I let them go... So, no answers here, but I get what you are saying... Edited May 6, 2011 by blueskyday
justagirrl Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 becoming attached. it's almost like an addiction. someone makes you feel so good for so long...and once that goes away, it's all you want from them and you know they've made you feel it before, so there's some sense of hope. <----that's how i see it right now...i've been letting myself feel hurt for way too long now and I don't know how to make it better because i'm attached =(
ilovedhim Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 hurley, good question and actually today in my mourning and hang over stupor I searched the boards for a "happy" section. nope couldnt find one. we dont control other peoples actions.and sometimes people will act in a way that's beneficial to them knowing or unknowingly hurting someone else. Only sociopaths deliberately try to hurt others. Also people carry there baggage with them and will have their defences up. I too have a low tolerance for ahole behavior, however when your in love and attached its hard to walk away, like an addiction.
Sugarkane Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I completely agree with you aswell. Now when I see a couple walking down the street, I don't feel any jealously, you never know what their relationship is like behind the scenes! When you're in love with someone. its very difficult to let them go, even if they're toxic to you. After reading how many people on here get dumped because of cheating or especially GIGS I'm surprised any relationships work out any more.
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