is it Her ?

[BrokenFool]

Guys

Just a quick question could really do with some input here as this is driving me mad

please see my previous posts for my story

recap - BPD ( I suspect) plus ex bf of 5 yrs on the scene behind my back, LDR 3 years dumped 150 times in 3 years , over things said on phone

somehow we would always get back together, mainly initiated by me if not me then her

anyways final breakup came in December last year, wanted nothing to do with me, reached out in March this year when i got a new job again wanted nothing to do with me and informed me she was now with somebody else

so i went NC again

 

Last tuesday I wake up to

07.56 Missed Call

08.33 Missed Call

08.34 Missed Call

09.17 Missed Call

09.19 Missed Call

10.00 Missed Call

10.09 Missed Call

 

ALL private number, no voice message left - I have used logic ie cant be anybody giving me prank calls , cant be work related cos to early and no voicemail left , also my phone was a dead line for the first 2 months of this year so only someone who knew my number was back on would ring ie her

 

now the week after these calls was my birthday and she didnt contact me, so the day after ( her birthday) i didnt contact her , which I dont think she would have expected, so low and behold yesterday I get another 2 private number calls

 

Also her sister in law must have had a baby so she posted a new pic of the baby on facebook and made it her profile pic , then when i didnt respond to that she changed the picture to a picture of her and the new baby and made it her profile pic

 

so my question guys is do you think its my ex ? what is she hoping to achieve by doing this ?

I have my own theory which I will post AFTER the much appreciated and valued advice from you guys

 

Thanks

[BrokenFool]

I really really would love a reply guys

im going mad here thinking is it her is it not should i contact her should i not

i know if i do she will deny she rang me

[Chi townD]

Well, with the baby picture, I wouldn't read too much into that. Women get really excited about newborns. So, she may be just proud of that fact that there's a new baby in the family.

 

As far as the unknown number. Hard to say. If you want to answer it then answer it, it may not be her at all. If it is, then keep your answers short, to the point, vague and no emotion. Then, if you see the number again...well, you know who it is.

[BrokenFool]

Thalia - I cant force myself to believe its a salesperson or a creditor cos no way they would ring at 07.56 in the morning, unknown number and then ring another 6 times

Chi town D - maybe your right about the baby picture i just gathered if she wanted she could still add the pic to her facebook album so all her friends on there could see it just not me but she made a point to make it her profile pic

answer the unknown calls - ive done that before she doesnt speak and last time i said her name and she put the phone down

i know it shouldnt bother me but it does

i love her - could this be the start of second thoughts for her ?

[Chi townD]

next time the number rings up, answer it. If the person on the other line hangs up, call it back. If it goes to voicemail, at least you'll know who's phone it is.

[BrokenFool]

Quick Update -

dumped by ex 6 months ago

just short of 2 months NC now

a week before our birthdays get 7 missed calls in the morning all private number

2 the week after

and 1 the week after where acidentally a voicemail was left where nobody spoke

now obviously i cant ring the person back because the number is private

if i assume it is my ex and contact her she will deny it was her who rang me which will make me feel worse, or even throw it in my face that she has a new relationship etc

so my question is - and this is really really bugging me guys so please reply

 

do i give my ex a private number call back - just to kinda say i know its you in case she is scared to contact me

or do i be more patient now and wait for her to make her next move as changing her facebook profile pics lately and giving me private number calls havent worked so she will up her game ??

 

i am not sleeping not eating, would really really love some advice here ,

 

thanks

[vegasmistake]

Man I would just let her go. She sounds like she wasn't that good for ya anyway. I would get her off my facebook and erase her number so I didn't call her. Don't give into it. Be stronger than that and realize that the relationship is over. I have been in the exact same situation and it was hard on me. But eventually I pulled through. You can too bud.

[Chi townD]

Think with your head and not your heart. If it was her and if she REALLY want to contact you, she would have left a message. If it was her and she didn't leave a message, her loss, she missed her window of opportunity, time to move on.

[BrokenFool]

Guys

I appreciate and value your input so much but honestly am so hurt and confused

i know what kinda person she is , she has never in 3 years been the one to ring and leave a voicemail or come out and say what she is feeling, she would rather test the water for fear of rejection

i know in my heart 100% the 7 missed calls that morning were from her and from the timings of the calls i get the feeling she either woke up with me on her mind or thought in my sleepy state i would pick up the phone and she woul get to hear my voice ( she has done this before)

do you think i should ring her (private number aswell) just so she knows that i know it is her and i am willing to talk to her

or as my friend advised wait because the fact i didnt pick up and she is starting to miss me is an indication her feelings are still there and be patient and she will reach out again

one part of me thinks she will think he knew it was me ringing (despite it being private number) and didnt pick up or ring me back and not try again

 

please advise me guys

[Billie The Puppet]

If you are not overexagerating the break up count which I do tend to believe you are that's a Break up every single week for 3 years. Why would you want to be in that situation? Second chances maybe but pinning for a 151st wow. Seriously though if you broke up more than you can count on your fingers you are simply the guy she seeks when she has no one else. Why subject yourself to this?

 

So you are convincing yourself it has to be the ex etc because there is no way it can be anyone else. Logically it seems so but here is a scenario for you. Her current BF has been going through her phone and saw your number so decided to ring, or she gave out a number to a friend to hook you up.

 

Anyways you are so adamantly sure it's her, so for the sake of it it's her so what? If you chose to go no contact you are going to ignore these anyway. Either way w/e she has to say is not important enough to make other forms of communication.

 

Why do you need to know anyways?

[BrokenFool]

Apreciate your advice so much and like my username suggests im a fool

i suppose because all the break ups were stupid trivial things that a normal girl wouldnt even get annoyed at I KNOW we can work , and we shouldnt be broken up thats one thing that drives me

my love for her and how we go together etc drives me

FINALLY meaning something to her that she wants to keep drives me

but all your saying is probably right and it was a case of when her ex ( who was in a new relationship) would fancy a booty call and want her she would drop me like a hot cake and when he was busy with his gal she would be with me

i know who she thinks

she left things so badly , dumped me via text, deleted me from facebook etc, ignored my texts or calls, got a guy to pick up when i rang and tell me to leave her alone - and now her anger or bipolar has subsided somewhat or she had a weak moment of missing me she would be scared to reach out to me for fear of me telling her to get lost or that im with somebody else now etc ,so she rang private number minutes apart 7 times so I WOULD KNOW it was her and i might react to it and call her, when i call her she would say its not me , and shes got to hear my voice or ask how i am to get rid of her guilt and maybe strike up a conversation and get talking again

and even though Billie I know she will have problems all her life until she sorts out her issues and she play mind games and power trips my heart yearns for her so much

just to hear her voice again

just to hear her say shes sorry for the way she treated me

am i mad ?

[BrokenFool]

I suppose i wanna know why the missed calls ? the facebook profile pic changing lately /

has she realised her mistake if so why isnt she ringing me and talking

she told me she was with somebody else now ( which i think she told me to stop me from contacting her) so if she is why is she private calling me

is she having regrets or was this a weak moment of missing me ? maybe i came in her dream and she woke up and just wanted to know i was ok ?

[Chi townD]

If you're on here hoping for someone to re-affirm you calling the number, then fine, do it!

 

But I want you to realize that this will probably put you back to square one with any healing you've accomplished thus far. Now, I may be wrong, maybe she does want to reach out to you in hopes of reconciling. But my money is on that she's just curious and wants to put you in the friend zone. You have to weight all these options and be smart enough to realize if you are about to be played again.

[BrokenFool]

Chi town - i so appreciate you giving me advice and like a lot of people on here i know the advice you get is not what you wanna hear but its the truth from people who care, people who have been there

 

I did it, i restricted my number and rang her work number got her voicemail , was so nice hearing her voice after so many months even if it was a recording , made me miss her

and now she will be in my boat, left wondering was that him who rang me and is reaching out to me or a work related call where no message was left, i think in her heart she will know it was me - the ball is back in her court so to speak

 

healing ???? i havent healed at all, the pain is just as raw as it was months ago, shes on my mind when i sleep, when i wake and i just want her back so badly

i have however made peace in my mind it can never happen

 

ive got a new job, had a hair cut, quit smoking, been on a few dates nothing has moved me forward

my heart feels like its made of lead and my eyes feel like they are blocking out a ocean of tears

im at that point where i know im gonna break soon and when i do its not gonna be nice

 

she broke up with me doesnt wanna be with me ive made peace with that

what she broke up for, how she broke up with me and how she behaved with me afterwards like i was trash really really hurts

she wont friendzone me trust me - THE major argument between us was her having been in touch with her ex for 15 months behind my back and choosing to stay in touch with him risking our relationship - and she used that as a sucker punch on me when i asked why cant we be friends dont i deserve that after 3 years

she said you were the one who taught me its not right staying in touch with a ex and thats how i would like things to be

i have stages where i am so angry and wish she goes through what she put me through then i feel if she was in any pain i would die

the main reason i stopped calling, contacting her made my facebook private is cos i know she hates my guts and me contacting her hurts her and i would never wanna hurt her

[Chi townD]

Okay, I want to to re-read what you just wrote...new job, new haircut, you quit smoking and you're putting yourself out there....i.e. going on dates. You ARE making progress to better yourself even if you don't see it yet! You were in a loving and committed relationship and it ended abruptly. Yeah, it hurts and it's gonna hurt for a while, one of the things you have to do is to make the determination that YOU ARE gonna get over this and you are going to get better. I would strongly recommend that you seek Individual Counseling to help you with this. Then, I would recommend that you see your Doctor about getting on some anti-depressants. There's nothing wrong with doing that. People get in a bad way once in a while, and there's nothing wrong with seeking help for it.

[BrokenFool]

CHI - you see thats the thing

i WASNT in a loving committed relationship that ended abruptly

i cant make sense of anything thats whats killing me

even from day one when we would meet she would cry as i was leaving saying she was gonna miss me this is from the 2nd date, one would think wow she loves me that much, but then would dump me over the phone so how could she have loved me

broke up with me so often over such small stuff , one would say she didnt love me or was a player, but how did we get to three years, for a girl in the asian community already at 28 when we met marriage was a big thing so why would she waste 3 years with somebody she was playing with to get to 32 and have her marriage options limited even further due to her age ?

yes she would break up with me but always took me back though

the reason why i have been asking about the missed calls is this

 

she dumped me told me to never contact her again, i thought ok, 2-3 weeks went by i didnt contact her, one day she rang i didnt pick up and was shocked she had taken the step to ring me, didnt return her call which was highly unlike me, anyway a few days later i get 6 missed calls and a text saying please call me , i call she cries and says a relative past away and it made her think about me and how nice i am to her and she has been hasty and we should try again, which we did ( for her to dump me weeks later again)

heres the clincher not one of her friends knew about any relative passing away neither did anybody send their condolences on facebook or anything

she had to invent that story to cover herself in case i rang and said what do you want , do you get what i am saying ? that is how she opened the doors of communication between us again and i feel in my heart the private number calls are another form of this

if you want to give somebody nuisance calls you dont start as soon as you woke up and try 7 times

you dont ring every half hour

it was her Chi - she hasnt the guts to ring me incase i get angry at her breaking her own wish for NC and contacting me when it suits her

also in my new job i will be covering her home town, 300 miles away and she knows the nature of our work my company would allow me to stay in a hotel for the few times i am there and my trips up there would be regular so i think it will get to her after a while that for all she knows i could be in the same town that same day

sometimes i feel like just ending it all

i dont want antidepressants i wont let what she did to me lead me to them

if anyone has a similar story once the private number calls started i would love to hear them

thanks everybody