Is he interested?

[cabbie]

Hi Lilyann,

 

After some mulling over of all of this, and, a lot of fretting, I've decided to focus on not what would be sincere coming from us... talk... but on what I am actually seeing... actions.

 

I don't know what is going on with your fellow. At the end of the day, how much does it matter why... the fact is, he's not following through in a way that you would like. I think our hopes and our expectations DO keep us there. Sometimes I base my expectations on my hopes about a person, rather on the actions that should shape my expectations, that is me, and one to work on. At this point, it sounds like you go out with other persons, so keep on enjoying yourself, and if this guy is worth it, he'll show you. I don't know how much/often you talk outside of work, but if it's only at work, you begin to wonder why that is.

 

On my side, I think you can see where I am going. I'm not happy about how things are moving along. Yes, he's older than I, by the way. The fact that he hasn't given me a home phone number and teased me about it, is just really upsetting to me. Relationships are about reciprocity and openness, and there's no reason good enough for this. Perhaps it is not his mother he lives with after all. Perhaps it's why we haven't hung out again soon.... yet.... and why the prospect of me in my own accomodation is so appealing to him. I really thought differently of this person, but that was based on superficial conversation in passing, for years, which is no means of judging a person's character.

 

I would love to be wrong about this. I really would. My actions at this point in time are to just go about my own thing, and really try not to think about him. Right now, he really doesn't deserve it. As a friend of mine noted yesterday- even if he did turn around, this would be a pretty questionable beginning to anything, and maybe I should pay attention to the warning flags now rather than kick myself later.

 

I'm not saying that this is the case in your situation, if it's explanation for actions that you are still looking for. I take it you have all this man's numbers. Have you been to his place, or he to yours? You talk about what attracts you to him, what you like about him, as have I. Potential is a polite way of saying ain't doing nothing yet.... I think we have to be mindful of what we deserve and settle for nothing less, I think you can set the stage for better or for worse as a result.

 

We clearly are supporters of romance, and of focusing on the good qualities in a person...

 

So, let's hear from you girl.... hope things are good on your side....

 

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Hey Cabbie,

 

I hope that your week is going great. I have had a rather tiresome week.

 

Lets see.... I think I will start with your situation. Do you think that this man is married? I could have read it wrong, but that is what I assumed from your post. Is there anybody you could ask that you work with? The next time he says something about the phone number thing, tell him how it makes you feel in a joking way. I bet though, he is trying to get a reaction out of you. If he suggests to do something sometime again, that is in the way that is "hey we should do something sometime." Why don't you directly say "oh, how about.....?" If he says that he cannot do it than ask him why. This might give you a answer to the question that is on your mind. No you are not busy nosey, just interested in his life.

 

About me..... I do have have both his home, cell number, and e-mail address, as he does mine, but he always calls my cell. He is the one that mainly calls me. As we talked today, I told him that we needed to talk. He replied about what. So he is to call me tonight when he gets done with work, since we both have really long nights of work for the next few weeks. I think that he might really be clueless to the situation. However, I do feel that the whole situation needs to be adressed and answered. Both he and I know where each other lives and have by each others houses. However, we have not been in each others house.

 

Who knows what the next few days can hold...... or for that matter life

 

Have an excellent weekend. Hope to hear a great update!

 

Take Care,

 

Lilyann

[cabbie]

Hey there Lilyann,

 

Well, hopefully by now, or tonight, you will get your talk. Maybe you will get some of the answers you are looking for. Maybe you will live happily ever after... who knows... See you have all your contact info as does he, it doesn't sound too bad. We shall see... (as usual huh)

I hope that tomorrow just flies by for you, at least maybe the week can end quickly... TGIF... maybe you will have plans with fellow worker... irrespective, hope you have something good planned for yourself for the time off.

 

I'm not saying that I think my fellow is married. I just don't know what is going on with him- maybe he is living with someone- a girlfriend, i don't know. It is not what he told me, i mean he told me he is single. He told me he lives with his mother. I just don't understand why he wouldn't have given me his number by now, nor acted on his we should do this and that and hang out soon. These types of things really scare me, because I have been involved with a very very deceitful couple of persons, and the safest thing for me to do right now feels like to run. I am just going to keep quiet though, and see what happens.

 

In the interim, I have about a billion other things to think about anyway, lots of interesting and productive stuff.

 

So.... hope you have a good evening... don't work too hard over there....

Talk to you soon,

Cabbie

[cabbie]

Hi Lilyann...

 

It has been a while since I've heard from you, at last check you were anticipating a talk with the man. Even the bunnies are getting antsy, hoping that things are ok in your neck of the woods... - How are you doing......

 

I am very tired over here. Have to do a presentation tomorrow and have been burning the midnight oil. The biggest thing to say in terms of the lovelife, is that this man over here has to come to some resolution about his friend overseas... i am not sure he knows what he wants at this point. And I feel like my role is to be understanding and respectful of this position. All that said, we both have feelings for each other. So, I'm trying to handle this in a way I will feel good about.

 

Ok. Over and out. Write when you can. Send smoke signals. Launch a carrier pigeon... something...

 

Take care..

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Hey Cabbie,

 

Sorry that it has been a while since I have last posted. Things have been busy and quite crazy in my life lately.

 

I was going to await to post a response, after I talked with my friend. However, I never did have that talk. He never called since he was helping a family member and did not finish until late. We did not talk over the weekend. He never called me back. I was not happy about that. Well we talked today. It was not pretty. He does not want to let me close to him (afraid that he will let me to close), he is fearful that I am going to hurt him, he has no female friends, is very untrusting,and it is because we work together.

 

What does this sound like to you? You do not go from calling someone quite a bit and acting interested in them to not being interested in them like that. I kind of think that it is the easy way out of the situation. This is the way of not having to handle the situation and push it out of his mind. What is your opinion? I of course could be completely wrong and just making up something. It just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I just plainly do not understand it. Any advice of course would we well welcomed.

 

About your man.... So you have told each other that you have feelings? Hmmm.... How did this happen? Why does he have to have a resolution? Did you tell him to do this, his friend, or is he doing it on his own? I do agree that you should be understanding and respectful of his postion. I am too, of what resolution my friend has made, even though I so not understand it

 

Sorry, for all of the questions. I am awaiting to find out what is happening.

 

Take Care,

 

Lilyann

 

I am watching for smoke signals..........

[cabbie]

Hi my dear,

 

I am thinking about what your friend and workmate said over there to you... and it is definitely perplexing. He is afraid to let you close to him for fear you will hurt him, doesn't have many females around him, and this is because you work with him??? I am not sure how all the dots connect here. Has he had a bad experience in a relationship, is he anticipating that you will dump him or something, or what? At this point, he's lucky if he gets your friendship... It is hard to understand what is really going on with him... is he scared, is there something else he isn't saying. How much do the reasons matter... yes, it is bugging you, but at the end of the day, no matter why this is the case, you are still left at the same point. Maybe this point in time is about being his workmate, saying hi, being polite, if he asks you to lunch fine hey, go ahead, and just focus on what you know is around you, be it friends, things you like to do, whatever makes you feel good. Maybe and hopefully the light bulb will click on for him that you are not the damager... if he's smart. It really does sound like you have tried to talk with him and been patient. He has definitely extended himself in your direction, from all you tell me, so is this about pursuit for him? I'm sorry you have to go through all this frustration, . I'd try not to worry yourself too much. I wonder how he is going to behave in following this talk. Will he still be around as much, let's see what his actions say. They might not even be consistent with his words. Watch quietly... you can talk it out on here till you don't feel like talking about it anymore... and just take care of yourself and give yourself whatever might make you feel good.

 

I don't know if this is of any use, but hopefully there's something in there for you.

 

Ok, over here, what happened is that I kept a low profile last week, and then fellow called me on saturday night, and we talked for a good five hours... it was great, fun, i think we both got to know each other better in some ways. he explained that he feels like he needs to get some resolution on where things are at with his friend who is oveseas studying... they had been involved but left things open. He is thinking, what if this person comes back, and he still hasn't really gotten to a comfortable place in his mind about dealing with whatever is there for him in their relationship- this is not a girlfriend by the way, at present. He is thinking he might find himself caught between two people. Also, i think he might communicate his interest in someone else as part of this, to that person. This is why he has been slow to take me out, I guess he is trying to deal with his feelings and he seems to be unsure about just what he wants. He told me that he likes me and thinks of me at times in ways beyond friendship, he has talked about our conversations really positively, referred to all there is to explore and the potential. So, it is of his initiative that the issue of resolution, and that the feelings came up. I told him how i feel, that I would really like to see how things would go for us, might we work well together, try something out in terms of relationship. I didn't have to tell him how i felt because he actually told me that he could see how i feel from what i do, how i react to him. We had a very very flirtatious conversation. But also talked quite a bit about ourselves... i just so enjoy talking with him and spending time. But my feeling is that how could anyone else not love this guy, and that this woman is probably going to want to pursue matter with him and hence I feel like there is no hope for me. But best thing to do is just keep nice and quiet and focus on other stuff, and see what he does. He spoke of taking me to a basketball game tonight or saturday- tonight haven't heard from him so we will see what saturday brings.

 

That's life... Let me know how you're doing and your thoughts on the evolution at your end...

 

Take care.... hang in there.....

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Hey Cabbie,

 

Sorry, that I have not posted in a while. I wish I did have something new to resport to you, but I cannot really say that I do. I do think that he is truely afraid that I am going to hurt him. I do not understand the whole situation. I can only say that I wish I did.

 

How are things with your friend? Have you declared your feelings for each other yet?

 

I am awaiting to see how your life is going.

 

Best of luck,

 

Lilyann

[cabbie]

Hey there Lilyann,

Good to hear from you. So what are your thoughts on what you want to do at this point in time. You have my support... sounds like it's kind of frustrating on your side.

 

Well, basically, over here, my friend has decided that he really has to come to a resolution about things with this person from overseas- they were involved, he tells me that there was something of substance and feels it wouldn;t be right to just dismiss that. So this resolution may come from talking or seeing the person and seeing how it goes with them. He tells me that he realises he could lose everything- aka. might not work out with that person and he could lose me, but this is a chance he is willing to take. We've had a few long discussions of late- I know that interest and attraction is there, so this is hard, and I am trying to appreciate what we have at present.

 

TOnight he took me to one of his basketball games, we had a lot of fun. It's just so easy with him. I'm just trying to respect his needs in this situation- that is absolutely the best thing I can do.

 

That's about all to tell you right now...

 

Talk to you soon, and keep your chin up...

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Hey Cabbie

 

Wow we haven't posted in a few days and were catching up!

 

I think your situation is frustrating as well. I have not really thought about what I might do. I did really think that I had any thoughts about what I could do beside accept what he said. This covers every emotion What do you think?

 

I think it is very honorable that you respect his feelings and him. It has to be hard standing by knowing that someone else is there. I am sure that you just want the situation with her to be solved. I am awww that you are attempting to honor the friendship that you two have.

 

I do know what you mean about having a lot of fun and easy to talk to. My friend is as well!

 

 

I hope the rest of the week goes great for you!

 

Talk to you soon,

 

Lilyann

[cabbie]

Hey Lilyann,

 

Two posts in one day, not bad.

 

I guess that what I meant by what do you want to do, was not necessarily about doing anything further with respect to your workmate. Maybe you have done what you can on that for the moment. I meant in broader terms... given the situation, where do you go from here, what do you want to focus on, how do you feel like directing your energy, and so on. Does that make better sense? I think you pretty much covered the range of emotions with those emoticons, except perhaps , ( )

 

Thanks for your supportive words, re. The Situation. I have to try to just let it go, I don't know what will be, it is out of my hands. I shouldn't sit around waiting. I have feelings for him, I am trying to act in such a way that will not cause utter chaos for my heart. I'm just going to enjoy what is, and put my energy into other things that I enjoy also, pastimes, and other friendships as well as this one, etc.

 

You look at these things and it makes you think, why didn't i come to this realisation about this person sooner. He himself referred to a time before I had left the workplace/area, and how there were no complications then, all that. Well, what is to be will be. You can't always plan when your eyes open, can you??!?

 

ANyway, I am wishing you well over there, how are things going...

 

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Cabbie,

 

How has everything been going lately for you? I hope that it is going great and all the gray has been determined to be black or white. Sorry, that I have not replied to your post sooner things have been very crazy here. I am planning a trip out of the country. Let it be known that it is a lot of work. Everything here has been rather different.

 

Take Care,

 

Lilyann

[cabbie]

Hi Lilyann,

 

Well, bon voyage, hope that you have a good trip. You say everything over there has been rather different. I guess I will wait to hear more about that one, when you get a chance.

 

Over here, things are not all that different. In fact I am going out tonight with my friend to watch another game, he invited me. We also spoke of doing something this weekend, and next weekend is his birthday and I invited him to do something to celebrate. I will give him a little something, nothing too grand, at least a gesture to know he's appreciated. I tie dyed him a t-shirt, not sure what else I might add. We chat on the phone here and there, when he is the one calling it can last for hours and hours and is lots of fun. I know he is trying to wait and see what happens with this other person and I am trying to appreciate what we have at the moment. We were talking about relationships a bit during our last long call, and he noted that he would want to have good conversations about any number of things, "like the one we're having". And he makes a deliberate effort to get under my skin, and it works of course. So, we go on.

 

I am not sure if I will hear from you before you depart. But, safe travels, enjoy, and we'll talk...

 

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Cabbie,

 

I do feel horrible that I have not responded to your post sooner. Please accept my deepest apology. I have been truly busy here. I have been getting ready to travel over seas, working horrid hours, and fixing my computer from the virus that attacked it.

 

I would like to know how your situation has been progressing. Here things look a little bleak. Oh, well things will improve. I get into that more later though.

 

I just wanted to drop a few lines. Sorry again. I cannot wait to hear how things are going for you.

 

Take Care,

 

Lilyann

[cabbie]

Hi Lilyann,

 

Good to hear from you. I thought that by now, you would have gone overseas and returned! Sounds like a big trip. If I may ask, where are you heading to? Best wishes with the plans.

 

That is definitely a drag when viruses invade our beloved computers. I have been there.

 

Yeah, over here... well, as before, really, my friend needs to see how things go with his friend who is overseas. He has stated that it wouldn't be fair to me to start a relationship with me while there is such uncertainty about the other person, that's one part of what he said, and it is very true. Next thing that I found out this week is that he has discovered that his friend is pregnant!!! Yeah you read it, girl. She went away at the start of the year, and I guess that before that, this came to pass. So he found out very late. We haven't talked a whole lot about it, but he did tell me right away, he is open with me, I am glad for that. So, I am just trying to deal with the moment, and not get too worked up about anything.

 

How are things with you?

 

Write soon,

Cabbie...

[Lilyann]

Cabbie,

 

Good to hear from you! I am going to be traveling to Japan. I am excited. I have traveled out of the country quite a bit, but never to Japan.

 

Wow! She is pregnant. I am assuming that it is his? Hmmmmm...... interesting. I think that it is good that he is being open and honest with you, if something ever does happen you can build on this honesty and friendship that you have built. Hang in there, you have a good head on your shoulders.

 

Well I haven't talked to my friend since we have taken our summer vacations (we have the summers off). I e-mailed him to tell him something about work. He e-mailed back two days later. He said that he was so excited to hear from me and glad that I e-mailed him. He claimed that he just wanted to touch base with me. I had never seen so many exclamations points in one letter before. Well I do hope all is well. I have to go for now.

 

 

Wishing you the best,

Lilyann

[cabbie]

Hi Lilyann,

 

Well that is quite a trip you have ahead of you!!! Do hope that you have a wonderful time.

 

At least you got an !!!!!!!!!enthusiastic!!!!!!!! response to your email. Maybe he will continue this trend, I guess we will see.... Just keep yourself happy... and we shall see what life dishes out...

 

I have to admit that I have been really struggling to handle all this info on my side, in a way that I will feel good about- that is supportive of my friend, and not selfish. Yes, assume the child is his. Anyway, I decided a couple days ago- Monday- to give him some space. Two days later I was so utterly miserable, that I succumbed and called him, on encouragement by a friend who knows me well, and who is pretty grounded herself. We talk often, and I am pretty aware that I miss this when it doesn't happen. Anyway, I confessed to him... that's the thing, we really can talk about anything, which in my books, is a wonderful thing.

 

Anyway, time to head to the bed. we'll talk soon.. have a good night...

 

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Hi Ya Cabbie,

 

I am glad to hear that everything is going great wtih your friend. I am sure that it must be hard knowing that your friend is expecting a child with his female friend. I have to commend how you are taking the news though. I myself would have a difficult time with this, being that in the back of my mind I know that I kind of would like more. I am an awe of how you say that you are being a supportive friend. I wish I could give you some form of advice, but I think that you are doing an awesome job on your own.

 

I have yet to receive a e-mail response. Hmmmm....... maybe he was not excited after all. I suppose that I should not judge his actions nor his words. I cannot lie and say that the whole situation does not bother me because it clearly does. I am the type of person that has to understand why things happen, I do not understand this and it drives me crazy. Well I am blowing a lot of hot air here. Have a great week.

 

Until we type again,

 

Lilyann

[blue17]

get a room you two

[cabbie]

ok blue17, whatever.

 

Hey Lilyann,

 

Well, I don't know if you will get an explanation for the actions. It would be nice, for sure. But, at the end of the day, explanation or not, if his actions aren't measuring up, in terms of stability or other parameters, how much do the reasons matter. Yes, we like to feel we have control, understanding, I hear you loud and clear girl. It is just that I know that at least for myself, there are some people from whom I will probably never get a straight answer, and there comes a time when the querying just isn't worth the energy. i guess we shall see what your friend does.

 

Meanwhile, my friend is not sounding all that happy and I am not sure just what the basis of this is. He is still just trying to deal with things and see how matters go. What he confessed to yesterday was that, because remember i recently (last 6 months or so) returned to my old job, well, that from the time gone by when I was there, that he was very attracted to me, and this played a factor in his chatting me up all the time back then. For various reasons, I wasn't entirely attuned to this back then or to him- I was in a relationship with someone else, or if we were out of relationship, I was probably out to lunch trying to deal with various upset feelings. It is amazing how you can look at something day after day, and yes I did think he was cute back then, but only this time around did I get hit with the ton of bricks. Anyway, as usual, I try very hard to be a decent person in his life, and to keep indecent thoughts to myself !!!

 

Wonder what kind of men you will happen upon in Japan....

 

Over and out for now... enjoy the remainder of your week....

Cabbie

[Complicated]

Hey Cabbie and Lilyann,

 

I have read all your postings and the support you have shown each other touched me. You two really do make a good team. I wish both of you peace and happiness.

 

Perhaps you can give me insight to my problem. I, too, work with a very sweet, attractive man and the mixed signals are flying. I have worked with this person for three years but in the last year or so we have became very good friends. We share alot in common and can talk endlessly over the phone or internet. He is such a sweet, intelligent man and I feel myself light up when he walks into the room. He calls me during the day, just to chat. As friends, we share our problems with each other, looking for support. He is always listening to me. Giving me a shoulder to lean on when needed and I do the same for him. We share a common health problem (depression) so understanding each other is easy.

 

Here's my problem, He's married. I try so hard to keep the feelings strictly friends but it is exhausting for me. I really don't think he knows how I feel, because I have tried so hard to keep them at bay for fear of losing the friendship. He never talks badly of his wife. Tells me positive and also problems that may arise. For instance, she told him that he had to do something about his depression immediately or she was going to divorce him. How can she do that? It is like kicking him when he is already down. Anyways, I being that friend, told him to talk with her. Get counseling. I told him that some people just don't understand depression. I have met this woman, and yes, she has a personality from hell. But I am his friend and I will not downgrade anyone he is with.

 

Well, I want to believe that he is happily married but I know better. I know by the way he talks that he isn't. He mentions stuff like, he can talk to me for hours but can't talk to her for ten minutes. She is never home. He mentioned the "10 yr headache" she complains about. I thought it was sexual but it is an excuse for everything. Cleaning, cooking, talking, etc. They haven't had a sexual encounter is several years. I know he loves her. I mentioned divorce during a conversation (funny like) and his reply was, "She will take everything I have worked so hard for."

 

I know he is not happy. I know I can make him happy. However, his feelings for me are unclear. I can't seem to read him like most men. He shows jealousy when I date. Cares about me when I am gone. Calls me to make sure I am okay. Maybe he is just being my friend. If so, then I need advice on how to rid my heart of these feelings. I can't lose his friendship. He means the world to me, but every day my feelings grow stronger and I feel us drawing closer. Please help me!

[cabbie]

Dear Complicated,

 

Well, thanks for your kind words about the correspondence between my trusty ear Lilyann and I. It is good to have someone to talk with at times, and I most certainly have been grateful for that opportunity here with her!

 

About the situation that you have described. I think that at this point in time, you have to know what you want to do, what you want to surround yourself with. What I mean by that is this... it sounds like you have a friend who is supportive of you, possibly the two of you have feelings for one another. BUT... he is married, and irrespective of whether he is happy or not, that is the status quo. At this point in time, it doesn't sound as though he is making any active moves to alter his status. So, the question is, are you planning to continue putting a romantic focus on him in his married state, and what price does this have for you as an individual. Right now you know you have a friend. You can't lose with that, in my books. Be careful about further investment of the heart, because you could set yourself up for a lot of disappointment. As you are one who deals with depression, in particular, is this a risk you want to expose yourself to? I know that it is very easy for me to talk from the outside looking in. But I am an advocate of persons looking after themselves... at the end of the day, you really don't know if anyone else will be there. Aside from us loveshack.org junkies of course!!!!

 

I wonder if you allow yourself opportunities to socialise elsewhere and to meet others. Well you did say that he gets jealous when you date others, so perhaps you do, and I would say that this is a good thing for you to do, and keep it up- whether it means a further extended circle of friends, or something else.

 

Let us know how you are doing. And take care.

 

Cabbie

[Complicated]

Hey Cabbie,

 

Thanks for you friendly advice. This is the first time I got a reply with such heartfelt advice and less judgment.

 

You are right about taking care of myself. I have hit rock bottom with depression and I credit him for helping me back up. He is such a dear friend to me and I can't lose that. I am not very happy with myself so have decided to work on "me" instead of everyone else. I know that if I am not happy with myself, then I could never make someone else happy.

 

As for him, feelings for him keep flowing in. We chatted for hours last night over the Internet and both enjoyed every minute as anytime before. He cares about my well-being and I find that the explanation for my feelings for him. The fact he cares draws me towards him.

 

You are right, he hasn't shown any sign that he is heading for divorce or to pursue his feelings for me. I think he finds it complicated not only because of his children but of the personal/business relationship we have. I know he is not one to take chances. I also know he loves his wife. He is going to have to find his own way. I refuse to involve myself in his decision because I want it to be a choice that he is sure of.

 

I hope you understand my situation. Most other advice was to totally avoid all contact with him to spare myself the problem. Well it isn't that easy and I very much appreciate your kindness. He is my friend and I guess I will have to learn to deal with that. I guess I should be happy with what I do have with him. Perhaps happiness is in the horizon for both of us. If it is destined, it will happen.

 

Thanks again,

Complicated

[Lilyann]

Hey Cabbie,

 

I have finally returned to civilization back in the U.S. Ahhhhh the comforts of home. I always love to travel, but there is nothing like returning home to the comforts.

 

How is life treating you? I certainly hope that things are to your advantage.

 

Things around have been pretty boring on the aspect of my friend. I saw him by chance at my work. We talked for a bit of time. It appeared as if he was almost nervous. Hmmmm........ now that is interesting.

 

Look forward to hearing from you.

 

Take Care,

 

Lilyann

[Lilyann]

Complicated,

 

I just reread your post. I think that you came to a lot of revelations by posting. How are you doing? Please let us know.

 

Take Care,

 

Lilyann

[Complicated]

Hello again,

 

I am still alive and kicking which must be good. The work environment is a disaster. Word of advice, NEVER work for your parents.

 

A year ago, I started home studying for a degree in criminal justice. I started devoting a little more time to that with hopes of a career change. It is going slowly but working ten hour days and studying is exhausting at times but it will all get better, hopefully.

 

As for my married man, things haven't changed much. I have created a wall, so to speak, in my heart for him. I built this wall with hopes of protecting myself from hurting anymore. I seem down alot these days and I know that shows through. He is always right there for me. Most men I know, run when I get like this but he is right there. It never fails. He cares so much but he is MARRIED and I keep telling myself that. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel that I have shut all doors to happiness in any intimate relationship because I can't have him. I know that isn't the case, because if someone came along, I know I would jump on the opportunity. I just hope for someone like him. Lately I have tried to keep our friendly conversations simple. Laugh alot and keep the seriousness to a minimum. I thought maybe if we didn't talk much about our relationships then it would help. Of course, I listen to him if he brings it up but I never start it myself. I am carrying alot of burden and it is showing more now than ever. I have tried so hard to hide my emotional problems that it has become so exhausting I can't control it. He of all the people I encounter in a day, knows something is wrong. My burden consists of alot more than my feelings for him but I won't go there. He told me the other day, "You are hurting for some reason." "I see it in your eyes, and hear it in your voice." I have tried to prevent talking about my emotional issues and depression because it draws me so much closer to him. But I can't hide it from him. Sometimes I wish he just didn't care. I had an emotional breakdown at work this morning and was crying when he called in for something. I tried to hide it in my voice but he knew. Within minutes he was in the shop. I then had to look at him and explain why I was crying. Let me tell ya, no amount of makeup can hide tear stained eyes and red noses. I know, I tried. I just don't know what to do.

 

Thanks alot for caring about my wellbeing. It helps to have someone to talk to, especially ones that don't know me well enough to judge me.

 

I don't know what to do nor if I can make it. I just shoot for a better tomorrow and go from there.

 

Best Wishes,

Complicated

 

PS How are you two doing anyways? I was so wrapped up in myself to even ask about you two. Please stay in touch.