Is he interested?

[cabbie]

I am trying to make sense of a situation I find myself in- namely- is this man interested in me??

 

I recently returned to a former job, and crossed paths with a particular colleague, who was friendly, and said some considerate and touching things to me about my return. I didn't take this as an indication of interest, but rather, affirmation that this was a nice person I was talking to. This in itself was a big deal, considering that I had previously been in two relationships that had ended badly, with deceit, and inconsideration coming from my partners.

 

I decided to say something to same fellow- just that I was touched by his words, basically, and appreciated them. Nothing heavy. When I did so, his response was intrigue and that we would have to talk some more. Whenever we do speak in passing, it comes easily, and I always have a desire to keep on talking- I think we relate well, and we have fun.

 

Anyway, about a week ago, I passed by the area where he works, to drop off a report. Saw him, he was doing something, so I, being self conscious, not wanting to seem to be throwing myself at the man, just kept on my way. But had to call back later to the area due to a concern that arose. He answered and asked why I didn't stop. Suddenly I am 33 going on 12 and fumbling for words (!), he looked busy, I'm shy, ... ugh. He was good natured, said he'd have to speak up more next time. Anyway, I called back and said I was gonna practice stopping and actually talking, and could I pass back before leaving. Fine. We wind up talking for an hour- great as usual, time just flew away on us. But, the man was asking me a lot of unexpected questions like: what do I look for in someone i want to have children with, telling me what he would like, ... i was taken aback. He told me he has many moods, can be surprising (I take it, bold), can be shy. Grew up very shy. I give him my number.

 

He calls on the weekend and we talk for hours. Tells me he talks to a person who went overseas to study- they were courting, but they left things open, don't talk very often, and that he hence does not have a girlfriend. At the same time, he referred to a time earlier, when he WAS single- then clarified, that really he is now, anyway. Said, re. the work conversation, that he was trying to figure out what we were doing. That he has a lot to think about and some decisions to make. That he would like to take me out, but also that taking someone out doesn't automatically mean boyfriend girlfriend. Fine. Fair enough. By the way, he is 7 years older than I. 40 to my 33.

 

Sooo, (I know this is long), I decide to be friendly but not too friendly, respect his situation, let him figure things out. And I discover that he is flirting with me quite a lot. Touches me when we talk, standing closer last few days. He has spoken of taking me to a sports event he participates in, but hasn't done so yet. I invited him to lunch this weekend, and he accepted, but we haven't firmed up a day yet. We both had the day off yesterday, he clarified that I had it off in fact, but didn't call. He also told me he would be calling me. (though not necessarily yesterday, that was just my hopes...)

 

Is this man interested in me? What to do? I feel I should be friendly but distant. I could also ask him if he has made a decision about his position, given his continued flirtation... I just don't know. Help, people!!

[moimeme]

You'll just have to see how he behaves. If he doesn't call you or if you end up not going out, then perhaps not. If you do go out, watch to see how he acts around you. There is no surefire key to understanding what's in a man's mind, unfortunately. If there were, I'd be first in line to buy one

[Lilyann]

I understand the situation that you are currently going through, as it is similar to my own. I also have a co-worker that there is "a situation with". He calls me on the weekends and asks me really interesting questions as if to measure me up. This has been going on for about 10 months. I do not go out of my way to talk to this person, but he does to me. Recently, he has began talking to me more and more out of the context of the work place. During this time questioning what it is that I have planned, but never having enough nerve to ask or say anything. However, he is completly curious about if I go out with guys or who my boyfriend is. Finally we did get together to go out. There is mutual interest, but he has a giving space type dating person (so he says). My advice to you after letting you know the similarites in our situations is to take you time. I know that this is very hard and often at times disturbing. Leave it to him to ask you to do something. It will turn out the way that you want it to happen. I think he is interested in the situation that is at hand, but he is scared of what to do because there is a lot a play and a lot to lose. I would continue to be his friend and just talk to him if anything forms out of this you will have an excellent friendship inturn a wonderful relationship. Yes, I am taking my own advice.

[cabbie]

Hi Lilyann...

 

You are a patient lady... 10 months of situation is quite a lot. Good thing we have things to do at our jobs besides watch how these things unfold, huh??!?

 

Your fellow at work definitely sounds interested. I am wondering if he is intimidated/shy or just taking his time. Is there an age or work status difference, or are you on relatively the same ground?

 

Meanwhile over here, as it turns out, my friend is coming over for lunch today. He called me the last three days in a row, but was unsuccessful in getting through- i am presently and temporarily renting a room in someone's home- so i am conscious of taking up too much phone time- he is aware of this and hence hasn't left messages or called repeatedly to try to get through- as this is all pretty new. But anyway, his call of a couple days ago was to ask me out to a sporting event- so these are all good things. I am just going to take it easy and enjoy the company- that is not difficult to do.

 

Your advice was so good, that I do hope you take it also, as you noted! Easy to say and sometimes harder to do.

[Lilyann]

HI Cabbie

 

How did your lunch and game go with him? I am sure that it was wonderful. I am also trying to see things as a friendships and just "have fun with it". It seems to be easier this way and takes a lot less thought. Since I am tired of thinking about it. I am sure that you are as well with your situation. Does he openly and often talk about his friend that is studying aboard? I just wondered.

 

The answers to the questions that you asked me...... I actually am very busy at work. I do not generally get to talk to him or he to I until our day calms down. This is generally late afternoon. We both are equals at our job and pretty close to the same age. We have a lot of similarities, so many that I was surprised to find out. I do believe that he is interested since this has been going on for 10 months. I do not go out of my way to communicate with him at all. He is the one who comes around to my area of our work. We got together to do something a bit ago, now he is concerned that people know we got together. He is not involved with anyone and we openly talk about what is going on in our lives. I just am so confused and tired of the drama. However, I do not want to lose the friend that I have made since we have a lot in common and I value him as a friend. Just in case you might ask --- no one at work was told about us getting together or saw us, but some assumed 3 months ago that we were dating, but I corrected them. Now nobody would think so. There are not rules about dating a co-worker. Please let me know if I can help you with anything, as I feel you are helping me.

 

I am applying the advice that I gave you to my life also.

 

 

Lilyann:bunny:

[cabbie]

Hi there Lilyann,

 

THe lunch was a lot of fun, thanks. We are really just getting to know each other, so there was a bit of discussion of what we are like- it was interesting to hear his take on me- that i am intense, passionate about what i do, and that i am willing to take risks... have to explore that last one some more... It's funny because I really just tried to be myself- he was coming to my home, so there i was in my home clothes, no big fuss. There was some flirtation, but given that I don't know about how he is feeling, or if he has come to any conclusions, I am trying to keep my little mouth as calm and quiet as possible. He hasn't referred a lot to the friend overseas- he noted that last year when he went away to see family, that there came a point when he just wanted to be back home, and reflected that one factor might have been that his girlfriend and he were just getting closer at the time. But this person he referred to, to me, was someone he had been talking to, they had been courting but had left things open and he doesn't have a girlfriend- so I don't know if they are one and the same and somehow didn't have it in me to ask- maybe I am afraid to hear the answer and maybe I don't want to pry- or some combo of the two... would rather it came from him. At any rate, he noted the close proximity of my home to where he does some refereeing and said he would have to tell me when he was at that locale and have me come and watch him, made a number of references to doing things together in the future, being back over by me, and said that we would have to hang out again soon. I really don't know what he thinks... I know I"M still interested, for what that's worth. I just keep telling myself he is not, just enjoy friendship, I am just afraid to get my hopes up.. I am going to see what he does next, leave it to him. Particularly as he noted that I was disappointed when it seemed he wasn't coming over, and that it seemed like I needed someone to talk to- I clarified that I didn't want him to do something due to a feeling of obligation, which is when he noted the needing someone to talk to bit- after which I also added that a mercy visit wasn't necessary (I know, don't I sound confident huh... ), and then he said that he had come over because he wanted to. He stayed for about 4 hours or so, so it was a decent piece of time together.

 

On your side... hmm... well all his initiative is really encouraging, I am not sure what his concern is about dating a coworker- does this reflect a concern with mixing business and pleasure, a concern with seeming unprofessional in any way.. not sure. The reasons don't really matter, in terms of what you receive at the end of the day. I hope that he will ask you out again soon! His interest seems quite clear. Patience is such a valuable quality, you are definitely exercising it, and thank God for discussion forums to add an extra dose of calm to the mix!!

 

I appreciate your questions on my situation also, makes me reflect more and helps to clarify certain things in my mind.

 

GOing to run, work ahoy..

[Lilyann]

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Hi Cabbie,

 

I was glad to hear that you had fun. I still believe that he has "intentions" with you, otherwise he would not say some of the things that he does. He enjoys having you around him. It appears that the feeling is mutal. I think that you have a very good head on the situation. I know that you are really questioning his relationship with this "other woman". I give you a lot of snaps for not asking. I think that at this point in your relationship, you should go with what feels right. Keep the nature simplistic and comfortable. I think you are doing a wonderful job with that. You mentioned that you wanted it to be on his terms. Do you ever call or ask him to do anything or does he do all of this? I don't think there would be anything wrong with you asking him to get some coffee or something very low key. However this is up to your comfort level. I highly doubt that you would get a no. I am sure that it would be a yes.

Maybe you could ask him to do something after one of the games he referees. I think he would like that since he afterall wants you to come and watch a game. You do have to admit that he is using the area as an excuse. He doesn't want it to appear that he is trying hard or going out of his way when he is clearly intriqued by you. I am sure that you know all of this though. I hope that I have helped you some what.

 

About my situation ...... He is very quiet and appears to be reserved. This is unless we are 1 on 1. However, he has opened up to me somewhat, but I feel that there is still a little way to go. he does not talk to anyone at work the way he talks to me. I am just ....... confused He had told me that he is concerned that everyone knows that we went out, but nobody does. I sent him a message tonight saying that I didn't get why it was instantly hard for him to talk to me. Who knows........

 

I am also glad for websites as this one to discuss situations like this with people who are going through something similar.

 

 

Lilyann

[cabbie]

Hi Lilyann,

 

Well, have you heard back from him about why it became instantly harder for him to talk to you, when he thought others believed you were going out? Interesting... good for you, for asking. Hopefully by the time you receive this, you are less confused. And hopefully, things have gone in a positive direction, I guess once you are happy and being treated well, that is what is important.

 

Over here, let's see... since our Monday lunch, he called me Wednesday night, and we had a really fun talk.. he was basically showing me his musical tastes, by playing whatever he listens to, usually singing along too.. I mean, I had a ball. He likes a lot of r&b kind of romantic type stuff, so I have to admit that I got a little carried away in my response, but he just laughed, and even the next day, when we crossed paths and I noted the same to him, he didn't seem very perturbed.

 

He has switched back to an area of work that isn't so close to mine, and I do not see him passing by as he used to. He also has indicated that things have been pretty busy. When we do talk on the phone at work, the order now seems to go more personal then business instead of vice versa, so I think we are more comfortable. I really don't know.

 

Anyway, I am quite a shy type when it comes to this relationship business, and would be the first to second guess myself, so yesterday, I saw him in the distance, on his way out from work, and basically questioned whether he has called etc (questioned to myself) out of obligation or what, so I decided I would just keep my head down, because really, I don't need that. Anyway, we did not talk, I went on my way, and he went on his. Not that this means anything except that I can perhaps talk myself into some stupidity when I am good and ready??? He seems to have be doing some observing, when he was over by me, for lunch, he noted that it was strange that we both did something the same way, and he also has told me positive things about my sense of humour. AUGH. I know when I am with the man, I could just keep talking, we have a lot of fun, at least I do.

 

So there's the update... looking forward to yours. Sorry about the delay by the way... was offline for a bit due to some computer hiccups...

 

Enjoy the weekend,

C

[Lilyann]

Hi Cabbie,

 

I hope you had a wonderful weekend as well. Do you think that you get a long with him better outside of work that is why you do not openly want to talk to him at work? It seems that you do not want to be put on the spot during a conversation or want the awkwardness of the situation. I think that there could be a good possibility of this. I can completely understand this, but maybe you could just say hello to him a little bit of the time? If he notices this he might have a hard time pursuing (sp?) a deeper relationship with you outside of work due to the complications that it might bring. From what I hear, I think that he is interested in you as a possibility as more than a friend. Keep reminding yourself, he DOES NOT have to call you. You mentioned that you are not working in the same department so there is no REASON for him to call you. If work is not mentioned in the form of completing something not as in so how was your day at work, etc. he is clearly calling to talk to you. In this whole situation he wants to talk to you and doesn't appear (that I know of anyway) seem to have to have an excuse to call. I think he is intrigued and wants to talk to you. It could be that he likes to hear your voice.

 

About my situation..... I am being treated very well in my situation. We have both appologized for possibility hurting each others feeling in the past 2 days (we left it on each others answering machines since we are both busy people). I am ok with the situation, but I could be a lot happier if the situation were figured out. He called me last night and we briefly talked about the situation at hand. He did agree with me that we need to talk about and it does need to be done in person. He called me again today. It was once again a brief chat. However, before he got of the phone he said that he still would like to get together. We talked about the possibilities, but we are both going to be busy for a while. It is yet to be known when we are going to be able to get together because of our schedules. It does make me smile though that we do care enough about each others feeling that we appologize even though we are not completely for sure if we hurt each other feelings or not. In addition, I think it is good that he wants to talk about it. It shows that he is thinking about it as well and cares about the situation.

 

Look forward to seeing what has happened. Take Care

 

Lilyann

[cabbie]

Hi there Lilyann,

 

Girl, patience is a virtue, ain't it?? Thank God we have our ventilation source, aka.Loveshack.org. This/you have definitely been of support to me.

 

Well, talk is ahoy for the two of you, hope that this will provide some clarification. Do you talk often on the phone, (outside of work)?

No sense in predicting what might come of discussion, the best thing I can say is hang in there, what is meant for thee will come, in the interim, do plenty of good things for yourself... It really sounds like you are dealing with the situation well, moment by moment, and carrying on with life in the interim.

 

The thing here is that usually I would say hi, usually we would stop and talk for a protracted amount of time, usually there would be some flirtation. I guess I just hit a bit of a low that one moment when I turned into an ostrich trying to bury my head in the sand talk about cool. I think you're right, sometimes I do find it harder to talk at work, because I feel like I have exposed some set of emotions at work that I really feel funny about bringing out at the workplace. But he knows that to a degree, because I did talk to him about my difficulty responding to a whole set of very personal questions at the workplace, on his unit, and understood. Next thing, on the subject of calling, is that I, some time back, gave him my phone number, but he hasn't given me his, and I don't have the heart to ask- I feel like he should offer it to me. And/or he should call me every day man, shoot, do I expect too much, you think??!? I feel like I could easily talk to the man day in day out, that's how much I do enjoy the chat. There is a lot of energy redirection goiin' on here... that's not a bad thing either.

 

Over and out... take care....

C

[sandymouche]

Hi!

 

The man is definitely interested in you! Have you asked him about previous relationships? Sounds like he might have unresolved issues/feelings for an ex. You can either wait for him to sort his feelings out (which may take a looong time), or make him forget about all other females by making him a bit jealous. Just a little bit jealous. Be friendly as usual, but imply that he's not the only interesting man around. The prospect of competition can make a man make his mind up really fast...

 

/sandy

[cabbie]

Hi Sandy... thanks for your posting...

 

All I know is that he had been talking to someone, but they left things open, aka. he's single, no girlfriend. When we started talking, he told me he had a lot to think about and some decisions to make- re. this. I also know he told me they don't talk often, and when we were talking about letter writing the other day, he said his family calls, so he really doesn't write to anyone... dunno but let me tell you, if that was me, the man would be getting and writing letters...

 

ANyway, he has been flirtatious ever since, as have I. Funny you should note what you did about making him jealous, actually an old flame called me over the weekend, if I felt like it, I could mention that.

 

We shall see what happens next....

 

Are you just perusing the posts, or do you have a query out there on the site somewhere?

 

This forum has been so useful, I am ever so grateful for the presence of one Lilyann, and now you!

 

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Hi Cabbie,

 

How is everything going between you and your friend? I hope everything is to your advantage. I do not know if I agree with the jealousy thing. If he is not the jealous type, then this could back fire on you. If he hears you talking about your ex he might believe that you are interested in him and not go after you. I thought about doing this with my friend, but he is the type that would just back off. I think his response would be I'm happy for you.

 

My situation is ..... well we haven't really talked at all this week work has been very very hetic for the both of us. I just don't know maybe he is tellimg me we need to back off?

 

I do applogize for not getting back, my internet has been crazy

 

Take Care,

 

Lilyann

[cabbie]

HI Lilyann,

 

Life is pretty quiet over here. I seem to be doing more of the extending of late- I've called- at which time he always sounds glad to hear from me, but there hasn't been much initiative from his side. I also know things have been busy here. Myself I am not really into a mind game aka. making someone jealous, so I haven't even mentioned anything relating to ex- not that i think it is a bad thing to necessarily talk about past, but not with the specific aim of attempting to bring on jealousy.

 

ANyway, I am trying to calm my little head down and be patient- this is the man who said we should hang out again soon and all that. He injured himself recently (nothing major), ... so envision me trying to remain this quiet neutral friendly party while talking to him... and the man asks me if the injury flares up if I would be willing to come over and look after him. Yeah, I'm going somewhat crazy, why do you ask??!? I said yes, because hey, I am a supportive type, and perfectly able to be florence nightingale and nothing but... of course i think of other possibiltiies, but hey... number one is just caring for friend. He is all surprised that i agree to his request. So I go away and reflect on this, and begin to wonder if the man thinks I am some easy woman or what. Soooo, (yeah, I'm a nerd ok?? ) we are talking in the department on wednesday, and I tell him i need to clarify something. I think we're both already self conscious as we are in my dept and others are around. He asks me if I am sure I want to talk about this now, so I opt to defer, but then he says he's intrigued and is going to be thinking about this all day. So, I make my attempt. And tell him that I'm not sure I need to clarify, but when I offered to come and look after him and his achilles tendon, i really did mean his achilles tendon. (understand that when I agreed, he suggested I might get myself into some trouble... trouble he refused at that time to expand upon in any further detail... fine fine...) So he laughs, and says he didn't mean THAT kind of trouble. But then he leaves- I know he was also in a rush, they were waiting on him, on the unit.

 

I'm going to remain calm. Cool. Collected. And see what kind of talking he does.

 

ANd how is YOUR week going? I guess these things have ebbs and flows, and the art of it all is to ride the waves gracefully and with a minimum of distress. I have now vented all over your poor ears, so it's out of my system to a certain degree. THanks. HOpe you two will have some more time before too long.

 

And it's Friday, so have a good weekend too!

 

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Hi CAbbie,

 

I em excited for you, that is because the two of you have talked. You definately are going to be on his mind. I think both have a general idea abut what he might be talking about. LOL I could not choose the right emotion. LOL I am sure that you will hear from him soon. I am sure though it is not soon enough.

 

He and I talked for about 2 minutes today. He seemed like he wanted to talk a little more, but I was with a co-worker. I felt like I snubbed him later on because he was talking to a co-worker and I said excuse to walk through them. He said TGIF. I said yeah and walked out. I didn't want to talk with them because that would be me inviting myself into the conversation. I waved as I left. I called and left a message because I didn't want him to think that I did. We seem to be thinking that we have offended each other, but have not. It will be a surprise if he calls back or not. Drama Drama Drama. I do like your quote --- I guess these things have ebbs and flows, and the art of it all is to ride the waves gracefully and with a minimum of distress.

 

Well have a great weekend. I do ejoy being able to help you (that is I hope I am). I know you have you own situation, but what do you think of mine. I wouldn't be surprised if you hear from him over the weekend.

 

Have a wonderful weekend.

 

Lilyann

[cabbie]

HI Lilyann,

 

Good to hear from you. I was just logging off when I saw you had responded to my post, so I could not resist having a look.

 

My first reaction to what you wrote is... is an interruption a bad thing? I mean it seems you two get along well, there is interest, so maybe it is not so out of line to on occasion pause for a few extra moments, even if with a coworker or if he is with one. I bet the man would have been most happy! Tell me what you think about this--- sometimes I think we as females are wary of taking initiative- there is the traditional view that the female is the pursued and male the pursuer/pursuant whatnot. But sometimes I think it speaks of a woman's confidence and can be a flattering thing for a man to be approached, even for a chat. I think your situation sounds promising, that's my view. He has definitely demonstrated interest in you, has gone out of his way. Why don't you extend an invite to him? What do you think about that? Seeing as you SNUBBED him earlier on, I figure it is the least you can do....

 

Girl, over here, I am learning some interesting things. This man is a little devil. Not that this is a bad thing. I realise that he likes to throw things out there and see what I say or do. At the moment I think he is playing my game, playing dumb that is. He noted that I made a lot of effort to clarify what I meant, from last discussion. I decided today that I would not call. Pathetically enough, there was some movie on at work about some family and babies and all those wonderful things that I at the very least, would like, so I was a bit, well, let's just say I was trying to just leave it all to the Lord. And then the phone rang... and then I went up to visit him on the unit... we'll see if he calls this weekend.

 

We do have our drama, don't we? I thank you for your support and feedback, even when I go on and on.. I hope that this one is of some use to you...

 

And, I hope you have a great weekend. I will watch for you on here.

 

Take care,

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Hi Cabbie,

 

Are you having a good weekend?

 

I guess that I could of waited to talk to him, but I always feel as if I am putting myself out there. I know that this probably sounds really stupid. I feel like I am just twindling my thumbs. la...la....la.... I called and left a message on his cell on Friday, but I have yet to receive a call back. Who knows? Is it he??? :

 

Did you receive a phone call over the weekend? Aren't all men little devils?

 

Thank you as well for the feedback, even when I go on and on. I do not think you go on and on.

 

Take Care,

 

Lilyann

[cabbie]

Hi there Lilyann,

 

What, for you, are the thoughts associated with putting yourself out there, as you put it. THat's my first question. To be continued once I hear back from you. To me, what you said does not sound stupid- those are your thoughts, with related emotions, and, if they're real for you, they're real, and I don't judge those sorts of things- there's a reason for everything we think, feel and do. We all tell ourselves things at times that aren't necessarily grounded in fact--- the thing is to attend to that. I at this early sunday hour have already been at that one---- gee, it's sunday morning, and he who talks of doing something together soon hasn't called, gee, this will never work, gee, no relationship will ever work. Fortunately with time, I have become somewhat better at kicking myself in the ass.

 

So, 'putting yourself out there' - thoughts and assumptions? .... you are of course free not to respond on here, you might want to keep those answers for yourself, which I would completely understand and respect.

 

When I left my friend on Friday, he was definitely off kilter, he was just in a down mood. So, I don't know if this is connected to his silence or what. I'm going to try to survive and enjoy the day whether I hear from him or not!! Of course I would love to hear from him.

 

So, enjoy the day, whatever you might do, and I look forward to hearing from you...

 

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Hi Cabbie,

 

I think the two of our guys should get together. It seems like they both know what they want, keep sending signals, but are to chicken sh-t to do anything. I suppose what advise I am giving you I should use for myself considering I was wanting a phone call as well. Even though neither of us have received a phone call (as I am assuming you have not either your response was like poetry) there could be numerous reasons why we have not. Neither of us should wonder why because at this time they do not deserve the thought that is associated with it. I do know what you mean about kicking yourself in your as- though. When you get comfortable and let someone in, it kind of back fires. This is when you want to kick yourself.

 

My friend has been a little off all week as well. Maybe it is in the air for the world.

 

Thank you again for the note. It reminded me of something that he said. He told me that I was to good for him and that he would only hurt me. This was told to me around Christmas when he called and talked to me for about 3 hrs and then asked me out. We were not able to go and rescheduled 3 times, but never went. Then he asked me out finally again around Easter. hmmmmm........ I am using my psych degree on this one

 

I hope the we both get our phone calls. Enjoy your day!

 

Lilyann

[cabbie]

Hi Lilyann,

 

Hmph. I don't even know what to say.

 

Given my fellow's down state of mind, I gave him a quick call at work, as I know he was on this evening. Anyway quick call to my shock, because the time flew, turned into an hour. When I realised, I felt badly. But then I noted to him that really, it was the only place at this point, that I can call him, as he hasn't given me his number. So, he makes some comment which in essence is urging me to ask him for his number. Which I do not do... he noted that he was wondering when I was going to ask him. Wound up saying he likes to give a bit of trouble before he gives it out, and that he'll give it to me.... soon... by next year.... He is trying to drive me nuts. Anyway, given that he has yet to formally ask me out, and is having a lot of fun trying to torment me, I am beginning to wonder if this man just wants sex, or what is really going on here. Maybe he is just enjoying the agony he is putting me through.

 

I am keeping a LOW profile this week. Let him do some work, if he's serious. I've spoiled him.

 

I wonder how things are in your neck of the woods? Why would this man say you are too good for him, all that. I mean I know we as females are naturally superior BUT, what is with that? Is this connected to something you don't know but maybe ought to know, is he definitely single, what is going on? THe last time someone said that to me, and I am not saying this is what is happening in your case, the man was completely lying to me, and in truth, his actions just were not good enough.

 

What is your psychology degree/gut saying to you about it all?

 

Let us have a good week upcoming, irrespective of the actions of any of these beings in question...

 

Over and out, talk to you soon,

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Hi Cabbie,

 

I do not think that your fellow is just after sex. If he was, he would just go for it and not have any of the complications. He would not care what you think or try to get together with you. He also would have tried to get some when he was at your house. I do think he is testing the waters and your patience. The law wonders why women commit murder? I like the advice that you have for yourself - to lay low this week and make him work for it. I do that with my fellow. I never go to his part of the building, rather he always comes to mind. He does not have any real reason to come to my part either, not one reason.

 

My psych degree/gut are telling me nothing helpful. I am getting mixed signals from myself. See I cannot even help myself. I think that if things were to ever get figured our it could be something great, just because of everything that we have in common. It is hard to believe how much we do have in common. I want to say as of right now, I can think of at least 20 things. We graduated the same time from both college and high school. The whole time we have lived less than an hour away from one another. On the other hand, my gut is telling me that I am an idiot for going through this. Then I think about this and I tell myself that I am not waiting for him, but merely trying to understand the situation. I am one of those people that need to understand things. This has just gone on for to long. I guess I am just where I am attempting to get answers. Do I think that he is lying to me? I have a friend that knows him and he is a genuinely good guy, but kind of oblivious to things at times. I really cannot see him lying to me at the moment, but I guess there is always the chance. I did ask him about this and he said he has always had been truthful and will continue to be. He also told me he only dates one girl at a time, that is why I think he is lying about having a girlfriend. I think it is an easy way out if things get to tight. Also, he told me that he has never had a relationship that has ever lasted longer than 3 or 4 months and does not have any female friends. When we talked about this after Christmas (that is about being friends) he told me that it would be difficult to be friends with someone like me. I thought what the h-ll someone like me? I asked him what he meant. He replied, that he could not be friends with someone that he had feelings for that he could not act on. So we have gone from barely talking to talking every day to barely talking to talking every day at work and on the phone. I am not the one who starts any of the conversations either.

 

I hope that this has helped. Thank you for listening to me go on and on and on..........

 

I hope that we both have a wonderful and productive week.

 

Talk to you soon,

 

Lilyann

[cabbie]

Hi Lilyann,

 

Look at this. 2something in the morning and I am unable to get back to sleep, so here I sit, trying ot make the most of my wakefulness.

 

I read your posting, and then I had to read every other posting again, just to make sure that I had recalled what you had written up to that point in time.

 

I'm trying to make sure I understand what you've just been telling me... ok, you gave me your sense as to the honesty of what i've heard and what you've heard. You told me that from a friend who knows your guy, that he is a genuinely nice guy. Then you noted that you wonder if he is lying about the girlfriend cause it is an easy way to get out of things.... so, are you saying that he says he doesn't have one/has one/doesn't want one. Maybe I missed this information, sorry if I did. I do not understand why he would have said that he could only hurt you. That sounds very ominous. My protective instincts seem to be up today, maybe I have a bias because I have met some serious liars. It is always a good thing to have a lot in common with a person, I know that the last person that I dated, I can say we had a number of points in common- but my revelation was, what is potential unexercised. Actions are what matter at the end of the day.

 

I think you are wise in your letting him do a lot of work in terms of finding you, contacting you. TIme for me to take a page from your book.

 

My fellow, when over here, might not have tried something with me because I am at present renting a room in someone's home, and while we were here alone for at least a couple of hours, after that point she came back home. TOday he noted that it could be interesting when she goes away this Friday on holiday. I moved smartly along not even responding to that point. He knows I am pretty touchy (no pun intended!!!) about the subject of sex- as he noted my effort to convince him that this was not why I would visit him, and i think at times throws out comments just to try to get me to react- he actually even admitted that today, that he tries to press my buttons.

 

I think I am going to have to tell him that I've heard of the perfect match for him on-line, and it's a male. HAH.

 

This is looking to be a very interesting week. If I know one thing, it is that we both deserve something good.

 

Take care, we'll talk.

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Hi Cabbie,

 

How was your Monday? I hope that it was a perfect start to this week. About your fellow. I am sure that he likes to put you under a microscope and watch you wiggle like a little worm. It is that fact that he has caught you off guard and you do not know what he is going to say next. In a situation like this that is when it is thought that you get the true answer. I think he is trying to be witty and keep you on the spot. I almost think that the two of you should get together in this so-called environment so that you can see how he acts and where it goes. He might be just all talk and actually not try to do anything. It all depends on what makes you comfortable in the situation that is the most important thing. Has he mentioned anything about his over seas friend or the possibility of getting together again? HMMMMM........

 

 

About my fellow, we briefly talked today. It wasn't about anything really important. He told me was sorry about one of my family member's health problems. We had to attend a meeting together. I did not talk to him or even look at him. However, I did see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I almost wonder if I am imagining this no talking thing and it is more of a lack of time thing??? I do not think that it is that he has a girlfriend (or at least a serious g.f.) or even that it is that he doesn't want a girlfriend. I think it might be a matter of unaware of how to act when you date someone. I do not think that he is immature by any means, but when it comes to dating I think that he is unsure about what to do. The thought of hurting me - I guess he sees me as this sweet innocent female that he is just going to crush or something. I don't think he even has a clue about that. I think that the dating and working together is a HUGE issue.

 

Let me know what has happened and if I can help.

 

Talk to you soon,

 

Lilyann

[cabbie]

Hey there Lilyann,

 

Well... if we can count on ONE person to talk through all of this, at least we have each other??!?? I hope your week is going well...

 

Around what age might your guy be? I like how you catch the man looking at you. How nice that he might think of you as a sweet innocent thing that he might crush. Is he having trouble getting past a certain level of formality in relations? Does he seem relaxed when he's talking with you? (ok, the work setting adds a stress of its own, beyond the fear of crushing the sweet innocent thing... ) If only we could read minds huh. Has he had a lot of relationship experience? From what you say, it doesn't sound so... not knowing what to do etc.

 

Meanwhile, over here, well, I had to go to my fellow's work area today, as I had to deal with a patient from the unit. I had leant my guy some cd's, and he brought one of them back for me, so I was teasing him, all was good. He sat in on the interview- I spent half the time watching the patient and well i couldn't resist a few looks over to him, but unlike you, I was not so skilled at catching him looking at me. Anyway, after the interview, he told me he wondered what I'd been thinking, he could see me looking with a certain intense and curious look, thinking. I asked him who I was looking at, at the time (heh heh), but I don't think he got my subtle point, either that or just ignored it, given the presence of the doctor in the room. Anyway, I seemed to be on performance or something, because I just kept teasing him, and the doctor played right along, so we laughed and I left. And... that was the end of my contact with him for the day.

 

Your comments/thoughts on why he might be doing what he's doing, were quite thoughtful and reflected some of my thoughts.... thanks for that. No he has not mentioned the person from overseas. When you ask if he has mentioned getting together again, did you mean him getting together again with that person, or did you mean with me? When we spoke on Friday of last week, i think it was, or maybe it was Sunday, he had mentioned again that we'll have to hang out again soon. we'll meaning him and I, not the person he was talking to...

 

I think he should have asked me out by now, and part of me keeps saying give up, and the other part says, just relax and take it as it comes. I need to stop being so fascinated by this man, but I really do like what I see/know.

 

Blah blah blah.

 

Looking forward to hearing how it is going over there...

 

Cabbie

[Lilyann]

Hey Cabbie,

 

My week is going okay. I hope it will get a little better though. How is your week going? I am glad that I do have you to fume about my situation with. It makes life a little easier at times to notice that I am not the only one out there that is going through this.

 

My fellow is in his mid-twenties. We are the exact same age. I think that he is having a difficulty with, if we do take our relationship farther and we end up not not dating, then what is going to happen. I don't know if he fully realizes that we are adults and what happens at work says there. In addition, what happens away from work stays there. The two cannot be completely mixed. There is no way. When he and I talk it is very comfortable. He comes to my part and we can talk from 5 minutes to two hours. It is where we ask each other anything. He is curious about what I do and who I do it with I.E. if I went to see a movie with a guy. HMMMM>>>>>>> From everything that I know about him, no he has not had a lot of relationship experience. My friend has agreed with me about this.

 

Is your fellow older or younger than you. How long has this whole situation been going on? You said that he should have had asked you out by now. Oh, honey I understand, but I am beginning to think that maybe it will only happen in a perfect world. Which I suppose we DO NOT live in. I wanted to know if he mentioned something about getting together again with you. You said that he said something about doing something, but since hasn't. Could you maybe ask him out to get a drink or do something casual in the day so that there is no pressure of the night time atmosphere.

 

I as well want to give up and daily wonder why I keep wondering. I don't know what these two guys have that keep us hanging onto them. I just hope that something happens and it does soon for the both of us. Oh, I pray that they are only worth it. I know what my fellow has I am intrigued by, but I am not by the uncertainness. He has the qualities and traits that I like in a friend as well as in a fellow. I know that you said you like what you see about your fellow as well.

 

Why is it that we are so fascinated by these two? What is it that is keeping us holding on? Is it wishful thinking? I often wonder if I am just completely misunderstanding the whole situation and am clueless to what is actually happening. It would only be much easier if he (they)was/were not so damn interesting..........

 

I am taking you theory of just relaxing and taking things as they come. I can only hope I am not being an idiot.

 

Look forward to talking to you soon,

 

Lilyann