OriginallyNamed Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 My situation is probably really weird and I'm probably going to be flamed for asking this question, but I feel like I need to tell someone my story... My ex and I broke up, and we'd been getting so frustrated and annoyed with each other that we were struggling to be civil with one another. So finally I told my ex to quit and leave me alone. I was so mad that I couldn't stand it. But I guess you could say I couldn't leave it alone. My ex was claiming to be devastated by my loss, yet showing no signs of caring. Despite this, I swore there was something else going on. Not another person, but something. So I made an alter ego, and confronted my ex with this "disguise." I took on a role of a concerned stranger, in efforts to see what was really going on. My ex has turned out to be more open with the stranger than I thought than I ever managed to get. My ex tells this "stranger" how much I'm missed, how special I was, and such as that. I wonder why I was never allowed to know any of this during our relationship. Am I wrong for doing all of this? I know I could justify myself with reasons, but I still feel kind of weird. I'm not doing this because I'm looking to reconcile... I'm doing this because my ex would never take my advice when we were dating, as I was always taken for being a nag... and I want to get through to my ex now, so maybe they'll get the help that they need. I know I'm asking for people to tell me I'm being controlling, that I'm some kind of fraud, that I'm snooping in business that's not really mine, or that I'm obsessing. It's probably gonna be hard to hear the criticism I have a feeling is coming, but I need to know the truth... Am I wrong for doing this?
bernardverh Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 So what do you want to know now? If your behaviour is acceptable, normal? My answer would be that it's immature. Why can your ex talk to a stranger more easy than with you? What can you do to change this, now or in a future relationship? Are you doing this only because of curiousity or do you desire to get back with your ex? Such questions are relevant I think.
PegNosePete Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Am I wrong for doing all of this? Yes you are. But not for the reasons you think. You are wrong for doing it because it is impeding your ability to move on. You need to NC him and get on with your own life. Such stalking actions will just prevent you from healing, and will keep you hurting for longer.
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