TragicAlliance Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I'm becoming more and more concerned that I might be secretly nudging myself towards a major breakdown. I've got bipolar disorder and, unfortunately, have been off my medications for a while due to financial problems. I know that my dad (I live at home) would give me the money for my medicines if I asked him, but I can't bring myself to ask. Not sure if it's pride, if I don't want to add any extra burden to his finances, or if it's because I'm afraid of him lecturing me about being off them. My bipolar disorder is that of the manic variety - sometimes I have moments, or even days, of hyperactivity in which I don't sleep, my ADHD acts up severely, I talk super fast, and I buzz around like a bee on speed. Then there's the depressive stage I have in which I will lay in bed all day, not eat, cry at the drop of a hat, or just stare blankly into space. The depressive phases happen less than the manic ones. Lately I've been having a ton of drama going on around me - broke up with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years... had a major falling out with a backstabbing friend... discovered my younger sister eloped back in December... being approached by said sister and her husband in regards to a sexual fling... discovering I have a fear of sexual encounters... worrying about my mother recovering from a hernia surgery... there's probably more, but I can't think of it. Since everything has started snowballing, I've been behaving differently. My sleeping habits are completely messed up - I either do not sleep at all, or I sleep all day. I go from eating two bites at meals to nearly binging at night. What's worse is that whenever I feel like I WANT to cry... the tears well up in my eyes... but then it's as if there's an invisible wall there preventing me from going any further. (I've even gone so far as to blatantly listen to songs that used to make me sob madly and read stories that would normally break my heart... and nothing happens.) Despite all of this... I don't feel depressed at all, so I don't believe that's what the problem is. However, my dad and his girlfriend (who I love to death and who has watched me grow up since I was young) are getting worried about me. They don't smother me with concern, but they occasionally go out of their way to ask if I'm feeling okay. And since I don't feel depressed, I tell them that I'm fine. Some of my friends are also becoming concerned that something is wrong... one of my closer friends has begun begging me to see my doctor as soon as I possibly can. I'm trying to get back on my medications as soon as I possibly can, but my friend tells me he thinks that something more is going on, and that I still need to talk to my doctor about it. Should I be worried that I'm heading for a major breakdown? Like I said, I don't feel depressed at all, but I know that I'm not myself too...
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JohnnyBlaze Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Yes, talk to your doctor (and talk to your dad - get back on the meds). If you're feeling that off, then you should talk to a pro about it. They may have some way to break out of it. It's even more important to do, given that you're bipolar. If you're on a mania streak now, when you do finally swing the other way, it could prove to be very dangerous to yourself.
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