Author Karl2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 OK Karl, I think you're catching more grief here than you probably should, but it *was* a mistake to basically forgive her ahead of time for cheating (if she were to). You were either wanting to look magnanimous there, or treating her the way you'd like to be treated if you slipped up. A year is a long time. However, I agree with you, she did take things too far, way too far. And at some point, any real grownup would be introspective enough to look at the mess, and think this just isn't fair. But that's not who she is, OR that's just not who she is in a relationship with you. Either way, dropping her would seem to be a great idea. And you have to know at least some of the guys wanted to date her, and what did she say, "Oh I have boyfriend"? So one way or another, you were on her mind, she just didn't value your 'relationship' enough. I mean, was she saying "I love you" to you with that mouth? Thanks washguy , ' real grown up ' and ' introspective enough ' are the key words there man . Appreciate the comment . K
Author Karl2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 I think the real lesson here is that if you want to be exclusive, you should say you want to be exclusive. I can't fathom why, if you really loved this girl, you would say it's "okay" to sleep with someone else. Clearly, that isn't what you meant, but it's almost like you were giving her some silly test or something. Yes Stace it was dumb of me . I ll tell you the background to it soon but I have to get off line now . Thanks for the comment . K.
cdeyoung Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 If she loved you, she wouldn't have cheated. Even if you're piss loaded, you still have self control and when you love somebody you have even more self control.
Author Karl2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 If she loved you, she wouldn't have cheated. Even if you're piss loaded, you still have self control and when you love somebody you have even more self control. Maybe , I mean sometimes stuff happens , but that many times , I'd have to agree with you . Thanks for the comment bro .
Author Karl2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 On another note, 10 different guys over the course of a year is a bit much, boyfriend or no boyfriend. She really is not worth keeping around and you weren't far off when you called her a whore. Thanks mo mo . Maybe she s just a bit fked in the head . Never mind the health issues ........
Author Karl2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Well you did give her permission no matter what word games you want to play, so technically she didn't do anything wrong. But on the other hand she can hardly really love you, if she went off and did this. So just dump her and move on, find someone who will respect you and your relationship rather than taking advantage of an opportunity. Good advice PNP I'd tend to agree with what you say . Thanks .
mo mo Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Thanks mo mo . Maybe she s just a bit fked in the head . Never mind the health issues ........ Health issues? What do u mean?
Author Karl2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Health issues? What do u mean? I mean did she always wear a condom ?
Chi townD Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 statitics show that when someone cheats, protection is rarely used.
Memphis Raines Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I got drunk one night and called her a whore. It wasnt a cool thing to do at all maybe not cool with regards to how you conduct yourself. you should hold yourself to a higher standard than her. but you did call it like it is. Im trying to move on and she says she loves me ya, thats exactly what ran through her mind while she rode 10 different men in a year. do you really get the vision of her on all 4's being pleasured from behind that the thoughts of "i love Karl" were swirling through that unscrupulous head of hers? but I dont know its hard with the mental images in my head . Any advice ? Thanks. yes, dump her!! or you will regret it.
Memphis Raines Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 But I'm sure if this GUY had slept with 10 women, he'd be a stud, right? only if he wasn't in a committed relationship and didn't claim to be in love with someone else.
Memphis Raines Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I would think it's disgusting, but I'm sure his buddies would think he's a macho man. ok, so basically you would be disgusted if a man did this, but you are telling us that the g/f in question here didn't do anything wrong. double-standard much? or is there some sexism going on here?
Memphis Raines Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 bottom line here is, if I am in love with someone, I wouldn't sleep with anyone else, no matter if there was a perceived green light given or not.
Memphis Raines Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Thanks man . Yeah its time to move on but its a bit more complicated than that Im afraid . if you don't have a child with her, then its not complicated at all. even if you do have a child with her it isn't complicated. cuz there are 50 ways to leave your lover. "slip out the back jack"
stace79 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 only if he wasn't in a committed relationship and didn't claim to be in love with someone else. I don't agree with the girl sleeping with 10 people in a year. But that's beside the point of this discussion. The fact is, he told her they weren't together. He indicated to her that she could "slip up" with someone and he would understand. From a female perspective, I'm willing to bet money that she took that to mean that he would be sleeping around, too. So sure, he can "dump" her, but IMO they weren't together to begin with and he has no one to blame but himself. If he loved her and wanted to stay exclusive despite the distance, he should've said so. And frankly, since they were not together, it wasn't really his business to ask what she did over that year. If I told my bf tomorrow "Hey I'm going away for six months abroad. Let's take a break until I get home." I sure as heck would not want to know what or WHO he'd been doing while I was gone!
Memphis Raines Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I don't agree with the girl sleeping with 10 people in a year. you said she did nothing wrong. The fact is, he told her they weren't together. He indicated to her that she could "slip up" with someone and he would understand. i agree. but then she is just spouting words of "i love you" now. Because if she loved him, she wouldn't have even slept with one guy, no matter what he said to her. From a female perspective, I'm willing to bet money that she took that to mean that he would be sleeping around, too. hmmm, if a woman said something like that to me, and thats the way i took it. i wouldn't just let the comment go and then go off and mess around. I be replying to her with, "if you are saying this because you will be messing around, then we are through." So sure, he can "dump" her, but IMO they weren't together to begin with and he has no one to blame but himself. If he loved her and wanted to stay exclusive despite the distance, he should've said so. and if she loved him like she says, she wouldn't have slept with one guy, let alone 10. no matter what he said. And frankly, since they were not together, it wasn't really his business to ask what she did over that year. he can ask her whatever she likes. remember she loves him:rolleyes: If I told my bf tomorrow "Hey I'm going away for six months abroad. Let's take a break until I get home." I sure as heck would not want to know what or WHO he'd been doing while I was gone! I don't think the OP said anything about taking a break, did he? and again, bottom line here is, if I am in love with someone, I wouldn't sleep with anyone else, no matter if there was a perceived green light given or not.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I think the real lesson here is that if you want to be exclusive, you should say you want to be exclusive. I can't fathom why, if you really loved this girl, you would say it's "okay" to sleep with someone else. Clearly, that isn't what you meant, but it's almost like you were giving her some silly test or something. The emotion he was trying to portray to her was very clear... that he wanted her enough that he could look past a small mistake. She took that as a licence to act like a whore. That's ON HER, not him. She can't be the town skank and expect it to have no effect. She should pay him the back rent she owes and move on. If she intended to whore it up she should have notified him beforehand or immediately after so he could make the proper financial choices.
Author Karl2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 you said she did nothing wrong. i agree. but then she is just spouting words of "i love you" now. Because if she loved him, she wouldn't have even slept with one guy, no matter what he said to her. hmmm, if a woman said something like that to me, and thats the way i took it. i wouldn't just let the comment go and then go off and mess around. I be replying to her with, "if you are saying this because you will be messing around, then we are through." and if she loved him like she says, she wouldn't have slept with one guy, let alone 10. no matter what he said. he can ask her whatever she likes. remember she loves him:rolleyes: I don't think the OP said anything about taking a break, did he? and again, bottom line here is, if I am in love with someone, I wouldn't sleep with anyone else, no matter if there was a perceived green light given or not. Exactly . Nothing was said about taking a break in fact she insisted on not doing that .
Author Karl2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 The emotion he was trying to portray to her was very clear... that he wanted her enough that he could look past a small mistake. She took that as a licence to act like a whore. That's ON HER, not him. She can't be the town skank and expect it to have no effect. She should pay him the back rent she owes and move on. If she intended to whore it up she should have notified him beforehand or immediately after so he could make the proper financial choices. BINGO!! Thanks UF thats EXACTLY what I meant and I couldnt articulate it . If you love someone a lot you can forgive a mistake and not make it a deal breaker . Thats what I meant . But if you use that as a licence to act like a tramp and then blame it on the other person.......... its a whole different thing . Yeah , as far as Im concerned she owes me back rent BIG TIME . Thanks again UF .
sanskrit Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 The emotion he was trying to portray to her was very clear... that he wanted her enough that he could look past a small mistake. She took that as a licence to act like a whore. That's ON HER, not him. She can't be the town skank and expect it to have no effect. She should pay him the back rent she owes and move on. If she intended to whore it up she should have notified him beforehand or immediately after so he could make the proper financial choices. Agree with the above. His telling her that he would still be there if she had a mistake or fling was a misguided effort at nobility and expressing affection (love you no matter what, yadayada), anyone with any iota of common sense in their head would instantly grasp that instead of some of the contorted rationalizations people are posting here. Will bet anything that it was an aside comment, that there is significant context that OP doesn't remember or just hasn't posted that may even make her look worse, but -she- remembered it in a ridiculously legalistic way, and used it as an out and out whoring license. Then had the bad taste and gall to rub his nose in it instead of just break up with him once she realized she wanted to play "slattern abroad." Classic case of give an inch, take a mile. She's complete trash, be glad she's on the way out. You can do much better. As an aside, women who act all goody twoshoes with their local boyfriends and social group and then go abroad and whore it up with the native talent disgust me on a visceral level for some reason.
Memphis Raines Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Exactly . Nothing was said about taking a break in fact she insisted on not doing that . then its easy, get rid of her. find someone that doesn't say they love you, then goes off and sleeps with other people.
Chi townD Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I have some questions. IS she remorseful about this or still laying blame on you? Have you ended the relationship yet?
D4ly1341 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 That really is a pickle. I'll just tell you what I tell most anyone with the same or a similar problem (because, I've never met anyone with the SAME problem). The most important thing is knowing yourself: who you are, what you are capable of, and what you are willing to do. Loving someone, by definition, includes being honest and faithful no matter what, and by those words I suppose I can't agree that she loves you. But as some people recently have proven to me, what do I know? I guess I'm not qualified to speak on matters of the heart. She very well could love you and not know how to deal with it. She could be comfortable and not want to lose the life she's created with you. A thousand different reasons circulate the meaning of her actions to this point. That's why I say boil it down to yourself. What are you willing to do? Sometimes the best choice is your first choice, but good and bad aren't good nor bad until you reflect on them and discover the consequences that come of them. Do the benefits outweigh those consequences? I'm a bit existentialist on this matter, so take it as you will. Just remember that if you did nothing wrong, then you can always take her down with the love you have for her.
gallop30 Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 if you guys were apart,it's none of your business to check on her life. insecurity and low self esteem are the #1 factors who drive a women into another mans arms
Memphis Raines Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 if you guys were apart,it's none of your business to check on her life. maybe, maybe not. but it is his business to decide for himself if he wants to date someone that would so haphazardly, and loosely, screw 10 guys in a year, while claiming to be in love with him.
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