Glozey Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Hey all, this is my first post here. I need some advice. My GF and I have had some some problems in past specifically she cheated on me while I was away. I was extremely angry (it had happened before in the past and she SWORE it would never happen again) and I treated her pretty poorly for a few months. I threatened to leave a few times but never seriously considered it. About a week ago I noticed she was kind of distant and I got kind of irritated and I told her I was leaving to spend the night at my moms. I called her later that night to apologize and tell her I was coming back. She told me over the phone that we needed a break and that I should stay away for about a month. A breakup basically just in nicer terms. Well I found out from a friend that she slept with this dude and now I'm terrified she'll never take me back. She is my first love and she is so pretty and funny (way out of my league) I can't bear to be away from her any longer! I can't sleep nor eat I'm having anxiety attacks all the time. We were together for three years. She keeps telling me we'll end up back together but what if she wises up and realizes she can do better? HELP!
Exit Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) Oh boy, you're deep in it right now. 1) It's your first love. You are in for the ride of your life when you experience this pain for the first time, but you can do it, believe it or not. 2) She's been cheating and cheating and cheating, why would you want her back? Which leads into number 3.... 3) "What if she wises up and realizes she can do better?". Is that how you think about yourself? Why would she come back to that? If you think she can do better, she must think so too, so why would she come back? I'll assume that since this is your first love you a young. We all like the fairy tales of the first person you meet being the one for you, but come on, out of the millions of people on this planet, you really think you found the 1 for you on the first shot, in your tiny little town or in school or wherever you met her, you're 100% certain that's the one person on this planet you can love? You have nothing to compare her to. Go find a girl who won't cheat on you multiple times and experience what real love is like. I don't think you should care one ounce about her, but just until you get your thoughts sorted out, look at it this way. She already asked you for a month of space, so you might as well go along with that. Trying to force her into seeing you sooner or remain in contact certainly won't help your chances. So you're in this for 30 days at least. Leave her alone and focus on yourself. The 30 days will go by and maybe you'll hear from her, maybe you won't. In the meantime, you'll also already have 30 days away from the situation, you'll have figured out how you really feel, and hopefully even if she did call you again, you'd be smart enough to leave her behind. Work on your confidence. Nobody deserves to be cheated on and having an outlook like "she can do better" isn't going to get you anywhere. You're the one who needs to wise up and realize YOU can do better and you DESERVE better. If this is your first time going through a pain like this, you are likely to make mistakes and ignore everyone's advice because it just doesn't make sense. We've all been there before. But I can tell you right now what kind of advice you're going to get from everyone here, leave her alone. It is what's best for you right now too. Start with small chunks of time if you have to. It's Friday, just tell yourself you are going to leave her alone and deal with the pain this weekend and not try contacting her. Then continue that for 30 days. She's the one who made mistakes, not you. Who wouldn't act distant after being cheated on multiple times? That night you left to stay at your moms you should have just stuck with that and left her to think about things instead of changing your mind and saying you were coming home. That night you left, obviously your heart and your mind were telling you to do so. Something about you knew this situation wasn't right and you needed to get away. Then you started to question yourself and regretted doing it. But your first instinct was probably right. Edited May 6, 2011 by Exit
thehead Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 "If she could do better?" wtf? Picture being back in a relationship with her, months into it, after all the make-up sex has died down and everyday life takes over again. You think you have anxiety now? How's it going to feel when she says she's "out with the girls" but you're not so sure? Imagine what it'd be like knowing you chucked your dignity because you couldn't weather the pain of the heartache. You'll be reminded of it every time you look at her. Man up, dude. If you treat her like she's the last good-looking girl you can get, she will be.
Author Glozey Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) Thank you for responding. I was reading the NC rules and they make sense but she called me last night and i'm supposed to go over to the apartment today. How long does the feeling physically sick stage last? Every morning I wake up I get hit with anxiety and I feel sick to my stomach. I keep imagining her with this other dude:mad:. Should I check myself into a psych ward? I'm suffering. How long does this pain last? Btw: she keeps telling me loves me and we will end up back together but is that all just B.S. so I don't flip out? Edited May 6, 2011 by Glozey
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