Asking her out on Facebook?

[Star Gazer]

ERIC??

 

Yup... it's him.

[runner]

Somedude, I think that your main mistake is going after college aged girls when you are 30.

 

Unless you are super confident and charmistic, you will just come across as creepy to them.

 

i'd recommend staying away from under-21's. 21+ on the other hand; they're usually up for some fun

 

Yep .... and thirty year-old men do not ask girls out on Facebook.

 

The girl may or may not say yes, but she certainly won't consider you a man.

 

hiliarious

[andrew-bkk]

FaceBook is for everyone...

 

He's 30 and it will look creepy? pfffttt.. Yepp us 30 year olds..don't ask people out on FB.....you'll be seen as perverted, stalker bastards.

 

I didn't use the words "perverted" or "stalker" or "bastard".

 

But I do think that adult men should act like adult men. Asking a woman out on Facebook shows a lack of courge and a fear of rejection.

 

Ask yourself a simple question: do women want strong men or do women want weak men?

[runner]

Runner, I really wish that was the case. But my life experiences have told me, that couldn't be further from the truth.

 

Women are primarily oblivious to my intentions. I have had too many non-dates with women because they had no idea I was into them. Haven't you seen me post about my friendzone issues?

 

yes i have. sadly.

 

Simply because when I approach a woman, I don't really have any desire to have sex with her. Of course I want to, but it's not something pushing me forward.

 

My thinking is, she's so pretty and fun, I want to get to know her better. Maybe I'll try to kiss her if I can spend more time with her. I don't go around thinking that I want to bend her over.

 

and that's probably your problem right there: you're basically putting yourself in the friendzone...until you realise you didn't really want to be there in the first place.

 

try this: before you make your approach, ask yourself, would you **** her ? whatever you decide, stick to it so you don't confuse the poor girl.

 

Also, I don't approach random women.

 

[*] perhaps you should reconsider that.

 

Every single woman I have ever asked out, was either a classmate, somebody I see regularly at a club or a coworker. The each have one thing in common, I interacted with them on several occasions.

 

[*] expand your horizons and you'll realise that there are women everywhere. literally.

 

I do socialize with many women that I find attractive.

 

i don't believe you.

 

I broke your second statement into a new paragraph because it's complete different.

 

okay

 

Just because I socialize doesn't mean I go on dates. I rarely ever get to go on dates.

 

refer to footnotes [*]

Edited May 7, 2011 by runner

[andrew-bkk]

try this: before you make your approach, ask yourself, would you **** her ? whatever you decide, stick to it so you don't confuse the poor girl.

 

That's really good advice.

[somedude81]

try this: before you make your approach, ask yourself, would you **** her ? whatever you decide, stick to it so you don't confuse the poor girl.

Heh, so I see you completely changed your original suggestion. It's OK, you just didn't have all the details.

 

Yes, I would do any girl I approached. But I'm not thinking, "Do her do her do her do her do her!!!"

 

This issue is probably a little too complicated for this thread.

 

[*] expand your horizons and you'll realise that there are women everywhere. literally.

I don't make a good enough first impression so there is no point in randomly approaching women.

 

One common topic in this thread was building rapport first. By asking out a woman I just met, there is no rapport at all. Why would she even bother saying yes?

Yepp....who the hell are you?

 

Either your long lost sister, or parole officer

[betterdeal]

The law is half your age plus seven. So 22 for a 30 year old.

 

It's somewhere in the book of Jacob, the teachings of Confucius or a UN resolution. I forget which.

[welikeincrowds]

Yes, I would do any girl I approached. But I'm not thinking, "Do her do her do her do her do her!!!"

 

This issue is probably a little too complicated for this thread.

 

Nah, it isn't. Some good advice I've received is to imagine yourself having sex with the girl you're talking to while you're actually talking to them. As long as you don't literally mention it, and you don't overdo your fantasy in the first 10 seconds of talking her, it's actually a great technique to get yourself into that golden aura. But I digress....

 

Here's some tangential but important questions for you: How's your testosterone level? Have you had it explicitly tested for by a doctor? Do you work out?

[somedude81]

Nah, it isn't. Some good advice I've received is to imagine yourself having sex with the girl you're talking to while you're actually talking to them. As long as you don't literally mention it, and you don't overdo your fantasy in the first 10 seconds of talking her, it's actually a great technique to get yourself into that golden aura. But I digress....

I didn't want to get into it in this thread. But I might as well as since I don't want to make another one, and she still hasn't replied to my last message.

 

Imagine myself having sex with the girl I'm talking to while talking to her. You know, I have never, ever done that. Hell, I don't even try to picture girls naked when talking to them.

 

My sex life is really, really bad, so it's very difficult for me to imagine myself having sex, especially while talking to somebody. Though I can try it. I'm pretty sure, I'd get a little too excited, since I am pretty excitable so I'll need to keep an eye on that.

 

So force myself to think of sex when talking to a girl.

 

Here's some tangential but important questions for you: How's your testosterone level? Have you had it explicitly tested for by a doctor? Do you work out?

I have no idea what my T-level is, though I wouldn't be surprised if it is low.

 

I work out a few times a week with heavy weights.

[somedude81]

ROFL, girl has no tact.

 

"sorry somedude but im not interest in you that way.."

 

Just cracks me up!

 

Though, I do appreciate her going straight to the point. It's very rare for a woman to do that. Usually they are just really evasive or make tons of excuses.

 

Now I don't feel bad at all for waiting till the very last meeting to ask her out.

Edited May 7, 2011 by somedude81

[Rinnix]

Plenty of other great girls out there, don't let this one get you down.

[somedude81]

Plenty of other great girls out there, don't let this one get you down.

Oh, I don't really care about the one. She's just number 19 in a row or so (I need to check my word file) of girls that I knew and had asked out and was rejected by since I started liking girls.

 

I have actually been turned down by five non-random women (that I've talked to on several occasions,) since the start of the year.

 

I think the price of hope just jumped up to $20 a gallon.

Edited May 7, 2011 by somedude81

[Dust]

Nah, it isn't. Some good advice I've received is to imagine yourself having sex with the girl you're talking to while you're actually talking to them. As long as you don't literally mention it, and you don't overdo your fantasy in the first 10 seconds of talking her, it's actually a great technique to get yourself into that golden aura. But I digress....

 

Here's some tangential but important questions for you: How's your testosterone level? Have you had it explicitly tested for by a doctor? Do you work out?

 

This is a great post. Any one having trouble with women please read this carefully and take it to heart.

 

Something about being horny truly adds confidence.

 

I didn't want to get into it in this thread. But I might as well as since I don't want to make another one, and she still hasn't replied to my last message.

 

Imagine myself having sex with the girl I'm talking to while talking to her. You know, I have never, ever done that. Hell, I don't even try to picture girls naked when talking to them.

 

My sex life is really, really bad, so it's very difficult for me to imagine myself having sex, especially while talking to somebody. Though I can try it. I'm pretty sure, I'd get a little too excited, since I am pretty excitable so I'll need to keep an eye on that.

 

So force myself to think of sex when talking to a girl.

 

I have no idea what my T-level is, though I wouldn't be surprised if it is low.

 

I work out a few times a week with heavy weights.

 

 

Just be horny for them. Know that those clothes come off. Stop watching porn.

 

ROFL, girl has no tact.

 

"sorry somedude but im not interest in you that way.."

 

Just cracks me up!

 

Though, I do appreciate her going straight to the point. It's very rare for a woman to do that. Usually they are just really evasive or make tons of excuses.

 

Now I don't feel bad at all for waiting till the very last meeting to ask her out.

 

You might have got a different answer if you had asked in person and not waited so long. In fact have you ever heard of wearing a woman down? If you had been “friendly” and upfront right off the bat and invited her for drinks or bowling etc. she would have more likely said yes. The facebook thing actually begged to be ignored so be glad you even got a “no.” I still give you props for doing the facebook thing but you could have done so much more. Even if she had said “no” to your invite in person, if you had started early on (like the 2nd club meeting) you would have been able to ask her again. (girls often give very open ended no’s in person like saying they are busy that night, means you can ask again and then they feel pressure to say yes). Bottom line good job for trying, but you know you should have tried harder.

 

Oh, I don't really care about the one. She's just number 19 in a row or so (I need to check my word file) of girls that I knew and had asked out and was rejected by since I started liking girls.

 

I have actually been turned down by five non-random women (that I've talked to on several occasions,) since the start of the year.

 

I think the price of hope just jumped up to $20 a gallon.

 

I’ve been turned down by more then that in one hour when I was single.

 

There are stages. First stage find a woman you find attractive. This stage is pretty easy if you’re not in prison or war.

 

Second stage also easy if you’re not mentally blocking yourself, you just keep on escalating things through conversation, touching as long as she doesn’t stop you or you don’t lose interest. (remember you’re judging her too, just because she looks good doesn’t mean she is good)

[betterdeal]

My sex life is really, really bad, so it's very difficult for me to imagine myself having sex, especially while talking to somebody. Though I can try it. I'm pretty sure, I'd get a little too excited, since I am pretty excitable so I'll need to keep an eye on that.

 

I had phimosis and that made my sex life terrible, and crushed my self-confidence. Worth considering you might have some similar physiological issue that's stunting your sex life.

[Art_Critic]

Don't let it get you down.. dating is a numbers game.. the more women who reject you just increases the chance of not being rejected..

 

Next....

[Intricategirl]

Women are primarily oblivious to my intentions. I have had too many non-dates with women because they had no idea I was into them. Haven't you seen me post about my friendzone issues?

 

Okay, story time, so grab some popcorn...

 

Once upon a time, in my first go-round at college, there was this guy I liked. I was pretty sure he liked me back, and he'd come sit and chat with my all day long. He even took an interest in my Latin classes, which I didn't even have any interest in! I was pretty sure he liked me, but he never asked me out. And it completely stumped me. I was kind of into him, but I hadn't really dated before, so I was completely clueless how these things were supposed to go, and it was just baffling to me.

 

One day, after quite a while, he comes up to me and says, "Mortal Kombat 2 is playing at 1:30 today. Wanna go?" Without even thinking, I replied, "No, thanks. Have fun though." It didn't dawn on me until the movie already started that he was asking me out. It was so out of the blue and random, and besides... Mortal Kombat 2?? For a first date? I think my favorite obscure actor was in it, but it looked so awful that I wasn't even considering going to see it. Suddenly, I figured that I blew it.

 

His perception? He probably thought he was taking the time, building up a rapport, and he'd ask me when he had a chance. When I shot him down cold, he figured he'd never try again. My perception? I think this guy likes me, but his actions aren't matching with his words, and maybe I need to stop being so interested in me because I don't think he's ever going to ask me out and it's only going to crush me later. And then he does ask me out but I blew it, and I'm kind of embarrassed, and what sort of guy asks a girl to a movie on the first date- especially one where people's heads are getting torn off. OMG, we've got a lot of miscommunication and weirdness- how much worse is it going to get?

 

Now, take it for everything it's worth, which may not be much. If they're early 20's, they may not have much dating experience, and this whole getting to know them then asking thing is confusing. Second, that doesn't mean you hit them over the head with it the first time you see them either. You've got to hit that sweet spot. One or two times of chatting with them, or even after one really long stretch, and saying, "It seems we've got a lot in common, and I'd love to get to know you better. Would you like to catch dinner Saturday night?" would be pretty cool. But my main point in sharing this story is that you wrote that women are "oblivious to my intentions." Not always. This is one of at least 7 stories I can think of where a guy has been interested in me, and I don't realize it until later, when I've already written him off because I figure we've got a massive problem communicating. And that's without even trying to count every incident. The problem is, their actions aren't matching up with their words or other actions, and it's confusing, and I figure that if I have to interpret what in the world he's doing, I'm going to go with the path that gets me hurt the least. Therefore, he's not interested, I'm reading too much into it, and I'd better scale back my feelings. I thought he was into me, but he wasn't asking me out!

 

Audentes fortuna iuvat- Fortune favors the bold.

 

On a side note, sorry. I'm glad she was straightforward, but I wish the outcome was different.

[somedude81]

Something about being horny truly adds confidence.

 

Just be horny for them. Know that those clothes come off. Stop watching porn.

That may be a real issue.

 

Though aside from porn, the only way I have to get off is through the power of imagination. And it gets tiring thinking of girls I want to have sex with, yet most likely never will.

 

You might have got a different answer if you had asked in person and not waited so long.

Nah, I really doubt that asking her out in person would have changed anything, except making the club meetings more awkward. She was clearly not interested in me.

 

In fact have you ever heard of wearing a woman down? If you had been “friendly” and upfront right off the bat and invited her for drinks or bowling etc. she would have more likely said yes.

I've actually tried that. That's the girl that rejected me several times and I ended up bringing to my apartment to play videogames. I kept trying to wear her down but it just didn't work. Though her thinking she's asexual probably didn't help my chances.

 

Second stage also easy if you’re not mentally blocking yourself, you just keep on escalating things through conversation, touching as long as she doesn’t stop you or you don’t lose interest. (remember you’re judging her too, just because she looks good doesn’t mean she is good)

I don't know how to escalate.

I had phimosis and that made my sex life terrible, and crushed my self-confidence. Worth considering you might have some similar physiological issue that's stunting your sex life.

My issue stunting my sex life is that women are not attracted to me. That's it.

 

I'm just waiting for one girl to give me a f-ing chance.

 

Intricategirl

 

Mortal Kombat 2 was terrible. Be glad you didn't go

 

Yeah asking a girl to see a movie with you on the first date is a terrible idea and to a movie like that?

 

I was pretty sure he liked me, but he never asked me out. And it completely stumped me.

How long did he wait to ask you out?

If they're early 20's, they may not have much dating experience, and this whole getting to know them then asking thing is confusing.

OK, I'm confused. Why is getting to know them confusing?

 

But my main point in sharing this story is that you wrote that women are "oblivious to my intentions." Not always.

If a guy you talk to a bit in college asks you to do something with him, why do you think he's asking?

 

Some girls have picked up on it and some haven't.

[Intricategirl]

Intricategirl

 

Mortal Kombat 2 was terrible. Be glad you didn't go

 

Yeah asking a girl to see a movie with you on the first date is a terrible idea and to a movie like that?

 

How long did he wait to ask you out?

OK, I'm confused. Why is getting to know them confusing?

 

If a guy you talk to a bit in college asks you to do something with him, why do you think he's asking?

 

Some girls have picked up on it and some haven't.

 

Umm, if I remember correctly, we knew each other and talked the whole first year, and then spent a week before classes started when there were just a few of the floor Presidents and VPs getting things set up on the second year. He asked me after classes started that second year.

 

The getting to know them first is confusing because that's the purpose of dating. I want my partner to be my best friend, but I don't want to start out that way. I'm the sort of person that never dates friends because it gets way too complicated. It's confusing because in this instance, and many of the other instances, he had a whole year before to ask me, and he's flirting with me and being friendly, but it's taking him a year to work up the courage to ask me out?! Am I that intimidating that it takes a YEAR?? After a while, I figure I misread the signs and he wasn't flirting at all, he was just being friendly. And then he changes it up by finally asking me out.

 

In this particular instance, I thought he was asking because he was bored, it was in between classes, and he wanted to get out of the dorm. A movie date to Mortal Kombat 2, and being written off for a year- why would I interpret that as a date?

[somedude81]

Yeah the taking a whole year to ask you out is extreme. Although there is a chance he didn't start liking you till a lot of time had passed.

 

It's not uncommon at all for men to fall for their female friends.

 

Women seem to be the ones with the problem about dating their friends.

[betterdeal]

Yeah the taking a whole year to ask you out is extreme. Although there is a chance he didn't start liking you till a lot of time had passed.

 

It's not uncommon at all for men to fall for their female friends.

 

Women seem to be the ones with the problem about dating their friends.

 

I think that's because lots of men stop being friendly when they start dating a woman and, instead, start putting on some phoney macho routine, saying one thing but doing another, and disappearing and what not. Women do this too.

[fortyninethousand322]

Oh, I don't really care about the one. She's just number 19 in a row or so (I need to check my word file) of girls that I knew and had asked out and was rejected by since I started liking girls.

 

I have actually been turned down by five non-random women (that I've talked to on several occasions,) since the start of the year.

 

I think the price of hope just jumped up to $20 a gallon.

 

That's exactly how I feel too.

[runner]

don't put a price on hope, gents. i understand that's how you feel but you can't let this shyt bring you down. and if you rationalise it in your head as "20$/gal" or some nonsense, then you've just made it that much harder to break out of that mindset.

[Dust]

Nah, I really doubt that asking her out in person would have changed anything, except making the club meetings more awkward. She was clearly not interested in me.

 

You started this thread with the attitude you knew you had very little chance. You even later admitted that facebook was a lame way to ask some one out.

 

You would have had a much better chance asking her out in person, especially if you hadn’t waited so long. Just trust the fact that human nature, and women for that matter favor confidence over all else. (takes more confidence to put yourself on the line in person)

 

I've actually tried that. That's the girl that rejected me several times and I ended up bringing to my apartment to play videogames. I kept trying to wear her down but it just didn't work. Though her thinking she's asexual probably didn't help my chances.

 

I don't know how to escalate.

 

 

You do see that you got her back to your place by being persistent don’t you? I mean isn’t that great. The only problem is you don’t know how to just kiss a girl. You just do it. Get out of your head and do something. Anything really, the bolder the move the more likely it is to work.

 

Girls think you are a boring if you play it unnaturally tame.

[Eeyore79]

ROFL, girl has no tact.

 

"sorry somedude but im not interest in you that way.."

Her answer might have been different if you had approached her in person and created some attraction before you asked her out. A cold approach is unlikely to work well unless you're extremely attractive and desirable. What many men don't seem to understand is that attraction is something you can create with a woman - flirt with her, tease her a little, make her blush, tell her a bit about yourself, and demonstrate that you're an attractive interesting, confident man. If you capture a woman's interest she's more likely to say yes to a date.

 

I once turned a guy down for a date when he just approached me cold with a "will you go out with me" email. I subsequently ended up dating the exact same man after we got to know each other a little and I realized he was smart, talented, funny, etc.

 

One common topic in this thread was building rapport first. By asking out a woman I just met, there is no rapport at all. Why would she even bother saying yes?

You can build rapport in ten minutes. Your aim is to show your confident, fun, flirty side in a brief conversation, demonstrate that you're a good catch and make her want to get to know you better, then follow up with the offer of a date (or at least get her number and call to ask her out later on).

[Dust]

Her answer might have been different if you had approached her in person and created some attraction before you asked her out. A cold approach is unlikely to work well unless you're extremely attractive and desirable. What many men don't seem to understand is that attraction is something you can create with a woman - flirt with her, tease her a little, make her blush, tell her a bit about yourself, and demonstrate that you're an attractive interesting, confident man. If you capture a woman's interest she's more likely to say yes to a date.

 

I once turned a guy down for a date when he just approached me cold with a "will you go out with me" email. I subsequently ended up dating the exact same man after we got to know each other a little and I realized he was smart, talented, funny, etc.

 

 

You can build rapport in ten minutes. Your aim is to show your confident, fun, flirty side in a brief conversation, demonstrate that you're a good catch and make her want to get to know you better, then follow up with the offer of a date (or at least get her number and call to ask her out later on).

 

Many of us have told him these exact points you’ve just made. He seems more intent on arguing them then just trying it out for himself. He argued with me that the result would have been the exact same had he asked her out in person after talking with her, when compared with a random facebook message. I just don’t understand how he can be this socially retarded.

 

Why Somedude don’t you just try talking to girl in real life and then asking them out. Stop saying they are to busy to be talked to. Importantly make moves on a girl you have on a date. Don’t just be happy talking about class and boring stuff, touch her.