Author somedude81 Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 You simply go up to the group of friends, introduce yourself to every single one of them with a nice smile on your face. Introduce yourself to the woman of interest last and you just keep on talking to her. Her friends will not try to block you since you was courteous enough to introduce yourself to them. They will even move away to give you some privacy. Try it. It works like a charm. You will actually feel like you have a charm around your neck. Yes that is a great tip. But if you already know everybody? You're also depending on the other people to leave. And me being smooth enough to make her want to stay.
veggirl Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 These replies seem pretty rough. Sure, asking out someone via Facebook may not be IDEAL, but it is hardly the horrendous faux pas many people are making it out to be. Yeah, I would wonder why a guy didn't do it in person, but if she really is unavailable when they are around each other, then she should understand that. And I certainly wouldn't AUTOMATICALLY tell a guy NO just because he asked on Facebook. I mean come on. That's needlessly harsh and to judge someones whole character and deem him a "wimp" or WHATEVER because of that is ridiculous, which is basically what some female posters have said. Gosh. Somedude, kudos for going for it!
Sabali Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Yes that is a great tip. But if you already know everybody? You're also depending on the other people to leave. And me being smooth enough to make her want to stay. Well, if you already know everyone just say "hi" to everyone and say "hi" to her last and keep talking to her. This should work even better if her friend know you because they should be even more likely to allow you two to talk. If you do not believe in yourself to be "smooth enough" to make her want to stay, how can you ever hope to be smooth enough for her to want to go out with you? Don't worry about being "smooth." Smooth behavior sets off red flags." Worry about being crafty at later stages. You simply talk and keep the conversation focused on her for now. That is the easiest way to do this at this point.
Sabali Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 And I certainly wouldn't AUTOMATICALLY tell a guy NO just because he asked on Facebook. I mean come on. That's needlessly harsh and to judge someones whole character and deem him a "wimp" or WHATEVER because of that is ridiculous, which is basically what some female posters have said. Gosh. This is how we roll in the boys locker room. Actually, this is much more gentle than usual.
welikeincrowds Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 These replies seem pretty rough. Sure, asking out someone via Facebook may not be IDEAL, but it is hardly the horrendous faux pas many people are making it out to be. Yeah, I would wonder why a guy didn't do it in person, but if she really is unavailable when they are around each other, then she should understand that. And I certainly wouldn't AUTOMATICALLY tell a guy NO just because he asked on Facebook. I mean come on. That's needlessly harsh and to judge someones whole character and deem him a "wimp" or WHATEVER because of that is ridiculous, which is basically what some female posters have said. Gosh. Somedude, kudos for going for it! I agree with you. Some great advice givers in here, but I really want to congratulate somedude for taking this initiative. It's an accomplishment no matter what the outcome, buddy, so good for you!
Cracker Jack Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Life after college was a lot easier then me. I really can relate to having trouble with women because that’s just how I was in High School and undergrad. It really would have been that simple. “Hi, what book is that” and you would have flirting. What state do you go to school in? (just nosey) That makes me feel better, then. Most people usually say if you haven't did a ton of dating in college, you're going to be worse off in the dating world. I sorta subscribed to this notion, too, but every experience will be different, so it's pointless to sweat it. I go to school in Pennsylvania. Sabili I bet you that feeling of regrets sucks a lot more than any sort of reaction you may get if you approached any of them. And I agree with you. The feeling of never knowing what could've took place eats at you. I've done this my entire life, just about--and it never gets easier. The worse part is when there are glaring signs for you to make a move and you just write it off as an "illusion" or something like that. I'd even say hi a few times depending on the situation, and I'd just go silent from there without being able to say much else--even if she's still talking and expecting an answer of some sort. Many of my answers would be short like "Heh, that's funny, really, sounds good" or some other stupid words. Most of my female friends often tell me when I do things like this in public, it implies that I don't like the woman (and in previous yrs, a few of the women I had interest in assumed such) or find her attractive, when it's more like, "I do find you attractive. I just don't think I'm good enough to get a woman like you, so I just choose to not bother you" instead. I know. Pathetic thinking on my part. My point is, again, not approaching is always the worst alternative...it lingers and snowballs with every other time you didn't approach and creates a psychological monster. I'm afraid this is what my lack of courage has done for me. I honestly know I'm only hurting myself by not approaching, but when I'm so close--like, literally an inch away from saying something, I feel a wall blocking me. Kinda hard to explain. One of the things I've been learning about lately is getting out of my comfort zone. I've gotten too used to going to school/work and coming home, daydreaming about getting the # of the cute woman in the coffee shop, or the woman who I made long eye contact with instead of making it a reality. Cracker Jack, how are you with talking to folks in general? Lets just say it is a woman that you completely have no attraction towards. Can you start up and hold a conversation with her? To be honest, I'm not really good with starting a convo with any woman I don't know. Of course there are times when I would be in class or something and just randomly start up a convo with a girl I'd consider attractive or the opposite, but that only seems to happen in spurts. I'm very inconsistent in that area. I've had my fair share of good convo's with women I happened to be attracted to, but it was usually about a random course or something else--nothing pertaining to my attraction towards them, as I'd usually never take it that far. My biggest hurdle by far. A friend of mine told me in order to sharpen myself in this area, I need to just start talking to women I'm not really attracted to in order to build up comfort in approaching women I don't know. I really think the key for me is to experience rejection from a woman. I think I'm more worried about the idea of rejection than the reality of it; that's why I wish I could just get this over with so I can stop dreading it so much. You guys sound really well-rounded socially and understand what it takes to start up convo's with women without wussing out, like me. I really appreciate the advice you guys are giving. I just wish I knew how to fully adapt to this advice and conquer my fear; it has gone on far too long and it's draining. I'm 23, but I feel like the more I allow this to happen, the more my age will make things tougher to deal with.
veggirl Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 And you know, the last thing people need is to be thinking "oh dang, if only I'd asked in THIS WAY, she would've said yes. But instead I asked in THAT WAY, so she said no"
Sabali Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 A friend of mine told me in order to sharpen myself in this area, I need to just start talking to women I'm not really attracted to in order to build up comfort in approaching women I don't know. You guys sound really well-rounded socially and understand what it takes to start up convo's with women without wussing out, like me. I really appreciate the advice you guys are giving. I just wish I knew how to fully adapt to this advice and conquer my fear; it has gone on far too long and it's draining. I'm 23, but I feel like the more I allow this to happen, the more my age will make things tougher to deal with. I wholeheartedly agree with your friend. If I had to choose the one piece of advice I could give you and not give you any other it would be what your friend has told you already. Your starting point is to relentlessly start talking to women you are not attracted to every where that you can. It can start with small talk and will grow on its own from there. Do not beat yourself up, man. You are still relatively young and I have read enough of your posts to see that you are well-grounded in reality and have a lot of potential to move past this. Your best dating years are way ahead of you so just work on the conversation part for now so you will be set for then but don't expect your best dating years to come if you don't work on the conversation now. Focus on nothing else for a good while except for conversation with random women you have no attraction towards. You are going to look back years from now and see how this is so golden.
Cracker Jack Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Yeah, Sab, I totally see where you're coming from. I can't just sit around and "hope" I make a change; I actually have to work at it to get better in that area--like many things in life. Better to work hard towards making a change than to sit around and always wonder about how things "could've been" if I actually tried. I'm seriously going to subscribe to this idea now. I honestly believe that I'll feel much better about myself once I become comfortable enough to talk to women in general; which means I'll be gradually breaking away from my usual comfort zone that I'm so scared to leave. Thanks a lot, dude.
runner Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 (edited) If I did that, I would never ask anybody out. There would be no reason to. The attraction provides the drive go out of of my way and risk rejection. i had a feeling it was going to be taken this way, so let me try again. when you do something, anything, you own your actions; meaning- there is always an intent behind everything you do. you brush your teeth cos you want nice breath, etc. when you approach an attractive woman- who, mind you, constantly has a bunch of lame-ass wannabe PUA boys approaching her- she will instinctively size you up and see what you're all about. since you don't know her, you gotta make her feel good about interacting with you, initially. NOT- "thank you for talking to me; i'm so horny and i want to **** you right this moment". my point is, is that where you are in your mind set will come off in your body language; it always does. and mark my words, a woman can sense a man's attraction like a shark smells blood in the ocean. go there too soon, and she'll put you in the 'creeper bin'. make her dig you as much as you dig her and keep dancing to the same rhythm. and most importantly, don't put her on a pedestal no matter how awesome you think she is. again- the desperation in that will come out of your pores. socialise with as many women you find attractive as you possibly can. make it so that you just do it out of habit- not this grand scheme you need to plan and come on LS to talk about first. half the dates i've ever gone on, i've had no bloody idea i was gonna go on a date that night; i just so happened to have some free time. live in the moment man. Edited May 7, 2011 by runner nother point
Author somedude81 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 when you do something, anything, you own your actions; meaning- there is always an intent behind everything you do. you brush your teeth cos you want nice breath, etc. when you approach an attractive woman- who, mind you, constantly has a bunch of lame-ass wannabe PUA boys approaching her- she will instinctively size you up and see what you're all about. since you don't know her, you gotta make her feel good about interacting with you, initially. NOT- "thank you for talking to me; i'm so horny and i want to **** you right this moment". my point is, is that where you are in your mind set will come off in your body language; it always does. and mark my words, a woman can sense a man's attraction like a shark smells blood in the ocean. go there too soon, and she'll put you in the 'creeper bin'. make her dig you as much as you dig her and keep dancing to the same rhythm. Runner, I really wish that was the case. But my life experiences have told me, that couldn't be further from the truth. Women are primarily oblivious to my intentions. I have had too many non-dates with women because they had no idea I was into them. Haven't you seen me post about my friendzone issues? Simply because when I approach a woman, I don't really have any desire to have sex with her. Of course I want to, but it's not something pushing me forward. My thinking is, she's so pretty and fun, I want to get to know her better. Maybe I'll try to kiss her if I can spend more time with her. I don't go around thinking that I want to bend her over. Also, I don't approach random women. Every single woman I have ever asked out, was either a classmate, somebody I see regularly at a club or a coworker. The each have one thing in common, I interacted with them on several occasions. and most importantly, don't put her on a pedestal no matter how awesome you think she is. again- the desperation in that will come out of your pores. socialise with as many women you find attractive as you possibly can. make it so that you just do it out of habit- not this grand scheme you need to plan and come on LS to talk about first. half the dates i've ever gone on, i've had no bloody idea i was gonna go on a date that night; i just so happened to have some free time. live in the moment man.I do socialize with many women that I find attractive. I broke your second statement into a new paragraph because it's complete different. Just because I socialize doesn't mean I go on dates. I rarely ever get to go on dates.
Dust Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Yeah, Sab, I totally see where you're coming from. I can't just sit around and "hope" I make a change; I actually have to work at it to get better in that area--like many things in life. Better to work hard towards making a change than to sit around and always wonder about how things "could've been" if I actually tried. I'm seriously going to subscribe to this idea now. I honestly believe that I'll feel much better about myself once I become comfortable enough to talk to women in general; which means I'll be gradually breaking away from my usual comfort zone that I'm so scared to leave. Thanks a lot, dude. Yes, just practice talking to women. But push yourself. As soon as you break the mental barrier for yourself its broken for good. Simply by going through the motions you will become more comfortable. I make it a habit to talk to people (women included) who I’m not attracted to regularly. Like just yesterday I had a conversation with a man and woman who were in their 60’s about computers. (I was networking for my career) You get the point though, its not just about talking to women you are attracted to its about being able to talk to strangers. You will say something stupid, and you will have that moment where you’re like “why did I say that or why didn’t I say that.” You still have to just get out there and talk to people. I challenge you to strike up a conversation with a random attractive girl this weekend. Go to the beach or park or what ever you like doing where there will be people and have a conversation. If you can’t think of anything to say it can be easy as commenting on the weather. Also make yourself feel great and ask her out. I guarantee even if she tells you she has a boyfriend with a scared look on her face you’ll feel proud for having tried. Runner, I really wish that was the case. But my life experiences have told me, that couldn't be further from the truth. Women are primarily oblivious to my intentions. I have had too many non-dates with women because they had no idea I was into them. Haven't you seen me post about my friendzone issues? Simply because when I approach a woman, I don't really have any desire to have sex with her. Of course I want to, but it's not something pushing me forward. My thinking is, she's so pretty and fun, I want to get to know her better. Maybe I'll try to kiss her if I can spend more time with her. I don't go around thinking that I want to bend her over. Also, I don't approach random women. Every single woman I have ever asked out, was either a classmate, somebody I see regularly at a club or a coworker. The each have one thing in common, I interacted with them on several occasions. I do socialize with many women that I find attractive. I broke your second statement into a new paragraph because it's complete different. Just because I socialize doesn't mean I go on dates. I rarely ever get to go on dates. I just think you’d rather complain then try. Push yourself man. This weekend go out and do things and flirt then ask out the girls. If you get in a situation where a girl has gone out to dinner or hanging out at her place or your place. You make a move. You don’t just wait for her to do it.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Somedude, I think that your main mistake is going after college aged girls when you are 30. Unless you are super confident and charmistic, you will just come across as creepy to them.
Cracker Jack Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I'm taking you up on the challenge, Dust. I'm really going to just go all-out and not worry about the results this weekend. No longer looking to search for the perfect opportunity. Needs less over-thinking and more action. Thanks a lot for your help, dude.
Dust Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Somedude, I think that your main mistake is going after college aged girls when you are 30. Unless you are super confident and charmistic, you will just come across as creepy to them. Spoken like a women. He needs to go after the women he is attracted to. They don’t even know he is 30. I’m in my upper 20’s and when I talk to young people they think I’m their age. When I talk to older people they think I’m closer to their age. Being in your 20’s is a kind of middle ground especially if you have a full head of hair that isn’t graying. I personally think young college girls are really hot. A good looking girl in her mid to upper 20’s for the most part looks just like a college girl. It’s really the way they dress and talk that’s the difference. The last thing he needs to worry about is being creepy. He needs to get creepy!
Dust Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I'm taking you up on the challenge, Dust. I'm really going to just go all-out and not worry about the results this weekend. No longer looking to search for the perfect opportunity. Needs less over-thinking and more action. Thanks a lot for your help, dude. I don’t care if you are staring at the ground and stuttering while you say “hello” just keep on going and force yourself to say something else like “you seem like a cool girl, what are you doing today” just say what ever comes into your mind… say “boobs” if that’s all you can think of. For the love of god be yourself and bother some one. (you’ll probably have beginners luck and you’ll the woman haha)
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I assume that he is hitting on girls 18-21. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with being attracted to them. It's just that when I was that age, me and my friends thought that guys that are 30 are Also, he is obviously failing to get a girl in this age group so it's wise to expand his target hits. Girls 24+ would be a lot more suitable/receptive.
Author somedude81 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Somedude, I think that your main mistake is going after college aged girls when you are 30. Unless you are super confident and charmistic, you will just come across as creepy to them. Sunny, girls have no idea how old I am. Whenever girls try to guess my age they start at 23. BTW, I wasn't always going after younger women. From 13-23 I was going after girls in my age range, and guess what, I had no luck with them either. Age is just a number. BTW, where do I even meet women that are 24+?
Dust Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Most of the world is women 24+ now stop playing so naive. He’s bad at the basic things though. I mean he’s not even really asking girls out. He’s rejecting himself. He’s had girls agree to come hang out at his place before. Girls he wanted to date. He didn’t so much as hold there hand. Now he’s in a club with a girl and he says “we only met for 2 hours a week.” I just think the problem he has is so simple, he need to start trying. I realize he has it in his head he will annoy them, or he will become like the famous creepy guy, or that his brain will explode. It’s all a fantasy. Yes, girls who are older then 24 would be better for many reasons. He would still have to ask these girls out and make moves on them. They would probably be a little more understanding though. I just think is focus should be on actually doing something. The facebook try was something, but a weak try easily ignored.
Author somedude81 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Most of the world is women 24+ now stop playing so naive. No seriously. Where do I find single women, 24-28?
Rinnix Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Somedude, I think that your main mistake is going after college aged girls when you are 30. Unless you are super confident and charmistic, you will just come across as creepy to them. I'm 20 and I don't find men who are 28-30 to be a deal breaker. I don't see it creepy at all either, id date someone who is 30 if I was single. Someone 35-40 on the other hand, that's just a bit too old for me.
Rinnix Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 @somedude81 Do let us know if she replies. I wish you the best response possible Yes...as far as looking young...most think I am younger... but.....I'm butt ugly unfortunately. You're definite out of my league. No such thing as leagues to me, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's a great thing to look younger.
andrew-bkk Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Somedude, I think that your main mistake is going after college aged girls when you are 30. Unless you are super confident and charmistic, you will just come across as creepy to them. Yep .... and thirty year-old men do not ask girls out on Facebook. The girl may or may not say yes, but she certainly won't consider you a man.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Why? Is it just for younguns? FaceBook is for everyone... He's 30 and it will look creepy? pfffttt.. Yepp us 30 year olds..don't ask people out on FB.....you'll be seen as perverted, stalker bastards. ERIC??
Recommended Posts