i love my wife more than he ever will

[lostmyheart01]

so a little history......my wife and i have been together for 8 years, married for 3 the end of may. we have always had a good relationship as far as i could tell, laughed a lot, same goals and dreams, same interest, spontaneous sex (at least in the beginning). I think of her as my best friend and soul mate.

 

We would fight like most couples would over dumb stuff, nothing major. I was always a good and faithful husband. I was always better at communicated than she was. As the years went by things seemed great and i thought we were both very happy. The sex started to get less frequent, but when we did it it was good. She started to get depressed and wanted kids, so did i. at that point she was following her cycle so we could have sex when she was ovulating. We would only do it once or twice during those few days and that was more or less it for the month. This was 2009. Finally, march of 2010 she became pregnant. I was the happiest ever. she was behaving weird during this time but i played it off on the pregnancy.

 

Skipping ahead to after he was born, beginning of Nov. My wife starts acting different, distant and not very pleasant. On Dec 23rd she slept down stairs with the baby so i could sleep, i woke up and looked at her phone. Found a search that said "how to tell him he's not his son". Confronted her about, she admitted it we both cried. She had admitted having the affair for over a year, that they did a test and that OM was the father. Long story short i wanted to keep the baby and work on our marriage. We both did individual counciling for awhile, then we did marriage counciling. The whole time she was still seeing OM and he claimed he wanted to be in the baby's life.

 

Jump ahead, I found out they will still having sex, she said it she never felt physical with any other man like she did with him. She said she was never sexually attracted to me and that she loves OM and he loves her....We haven't had sex in over 3 months.

 

We've been living together this whole time, trying to work on things (me more so than her) but she acts like it never gonna change. We still get along great, laughing like always. She didn't talk to him for a month but than it all started again. He filed a lawsuit for paternity test/visitation.

 

So the other day i found out she had a separate cell phone that he has been paying for. I asked her to leave the house.

 

I have been so forgiving, patient, and loving trying to be a better man for her, loss 40lbs in 4 months, raised her son like he was my own. She still doesn't know if she want to be with me or him. OM has been keeping his foot in the door, egging her on. He told her and my sister on face book in a disrespectful way. My wife will be the 4th affair he has had. he says he left his wife. He is also 20 years older than my wife(47). She doesn't think the grass is greener on the other side but he has this control over her she won't let go. he has been using the baby to get to her/see her. She will not make a decision one way or the other. Everyone keeps telling her what a jerk this guy is but she doesn't see it.

 

I love her more than anything. It devistates me to not have her in my life. I love her, our, baby so much, i look in his eyes and it brings me to tears. He laughs at whatever i do. I would do anything for these two and she knows exactly how i feel. She says she still loves me, and i can tell by the way she looks at me. Asking her to leave was the last thing i wanted to do but she kept lying about talking to/seeing OM i couldn't take it anymore. We talked about divorce but she doesn't want it, neither do i. So much more i need to say but i need some feed back please from me and women on both sides of the fence, faithful and not.

[heartshaped]

I don't like to advocate divorce, but in this case, I feel it's absolutely necessary. I'm sorry, I know you love your wife, I know you love the child, and I know you want your marriage to work, but she has violated everything sacred between the two of you and continues to do so. The two of you haven't even been married for three years yet, but she's been having an affair with a much older man for over a year and he has fathered her child. It's time for her to go. Lawyer up, make sure you get your fair share of everything, and divorce her. Quickly.

 

This woman doesn't love or respect you- that's just the bottom line.

[Desensitized]

You deserve the best, lostmyheart01, and this woman isn't it. Move on and never look back. Good things will happen to you, rest assured. Pick yourself up with the inner-strength that you have and repair yourself. Easier said than done, but you can do it! Divorce her and find yourself a woman that really deserves you.

[whichwayisup]

Ouch...this is painful to read, I can feel your pain through your words.

 

I don't advocate divorce that often either, but in this case, you need to.

 

This isn't going to end well, for any of you and especially your child. He's caught in the middle of this mess and your wife isn't doing much to resolve/fix this either way. She's bouncing back and forth, being manipulated and lead by her sexual lust and feelings for OM. She's messed up and broken inside. You've done NOTHING wrong, so do not blame yourself.

 

For your own sanity, end it and talk to a lawyer.. It'll hurt and it will be hard, but it's something you have to do. Can you picture yourself in this situation a year from now? Two years from now? Your wife is cake eating and selfish. As much as you love her, she's NOT the woman you married.

[fltc]

As much as you love her, she's NOT the woman you married.

 

One more vote for divorce and, she IS the woman the OP married, she's not the woman he thought he married but she is what she is, a cheater.

[Little Red Hen]

You were right to ask her to leave. She won't respect you if you let her stay. I was in an emotional affair a few years ago, and my husband told me to choose him or the OM. And even though he cried when he gave me the ultimatum, I respected him because he respected himself. I'm not necessarily advocating divorce, but I definitley think a separation is in order.

 

Also, the fact that the OM and your wife went a month without talking shows that their relationship isn't wonderful.

[dreamingoftigers]

Is there any way to keep in the child's life considering you love him so?

 

I can hear your pain so clear OP, I can totally understand you trying to pick up the pieces of all of this.

 

You will not be at any fault for the end of this. You did not do and you are not anything wrong here.

 

You might have done "some" things, but nothing deserved this. Seriously.

 

I hope that you do not put yourself through misery trying to fix this because you feel that it is the "right thing" to do.

 

Love yourself first. You can find love that is better and more true again.

[robf1971]

I'm an advocate for reconciliation and keeping marriages together. On this one she's gone too damn far. Divorce her

[cyabye]

Take this to heart as it's coming from someone who really wanted to save his marriage (although no OM child was involved). RUN. Divorce her. Go through the grief. You deserve so much more. I will tell you first hand that this will drive you to insanity.

 

cya