zengirl Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 So, there's a guy I know through friends, but not at all well. He's not my typical type either, but that's a bit beside the point. I really think he's kind of awesome, though I'd never considered dating him because so far as I knew, he had a girlfriend. Not a long time, as they met in the Fall, and were together in late March but not sure when they got together or if/when they broke up. However, the past few weeks, I thought he was flirting with me every time I saw him, which I found odd (he hadn't before, and he had a GF to my knowledge). Well, we're FB friends, and it no longer says anything about his relationship status though it used to list In a Relationship With (GF's name and picture). No breakup that I can see, and not single, but it sure looks like he is and I remember him being really stressed/bummed a few weeks back. I hadn't looked at his profile in ages, so I don't know when any of this changed. My breakup little heart was deleted (I always delete it) and I always leave my status blank when single, so I tend towards thinking that's what it is, but maybe it's something else for all I know. Anyway, he recently invited me somewhere and I said "Yes" thinking it was a group thing. It wasn't. It felt. . . almost date-like, but I still didn't know he was single yet (if he is!) so I had no idea at the time. He called me the other day to ask me to go out again. He's a super friendly guy, like the male version of me almost only even more out-and-about because he doesn't have a teaching job to drag his social life down (He runs a website that basically promotes everything awesome happening here and all the cool local businesses and makes good money doing it), knows everyone in town, goes everywhere, etc. I really would feel super embarrassed if I judged wrong because it'd be a "big funny story" so to speak. Anyone have any clever ways to figure out what the heck is going on? I mean, I figure eventually he'll hit me over the head with it, if he is both single and interested, but I've not felt so awkward in years! (I'm usually so in control in the early dating phase or pre-dating socializing --- not that this is even dating. Grr.)
mortensorchid Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 First the Facebook status. Some people choose not to advertise their relationship status for whatever reason. Second, if he is interested than HE SHOULD TELL YOU. Do not ask, do not hint, do not imply things. If he's worth his salt, he will ask you to be with him. If you ask him, you might get an answer you don't like or you might get a brush off. Hard to accept, but if he's interested then he will tell you. You'll both be happier that way.
Author zengirl Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 First the Facebook status. Some people choose not to advertise their relationship status for whatever reason. Second, if he is interested than HE SHOULD TELL YOU. Do not ask, do not hint, do not imply things. If he's worth his salt, he will ask you to be with him. If you ask him, you might get an answer you don't like or you might get a brush off. Hard to accept, but if he's interested then he will tell you. You'll both be happier that way. I would never ask him to "be with me" ha. I just don't know whether to flirt back or not when he flirts with me. Because I don't love going around town with girls hating me (and being a pretty, happy, friendly girl has caused issues already), I never ever ever come even close to flirting with, flirting back with, or encouraging men who have or might have girlfriends to flirt with me. I'm very strict about it. (I understand some people don't advertise FB status, but this is a guy who definitely DID with this gal when I first met him. I guess he may have had a change of heart about advertising it, but it seems unlike him.)
Professor X Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Why don't you just ask him casually? "so, how's it going with that girl?"
Author zengirl Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 Why don't you just ask him casually? "so, how's it going with that girl?" Yeah, I'd normally do something like that. But it'd be weird because I've never met her or heard him talk about her. The only way I know of her existence is through FB --- when he first friended me way back when we started seeing each other more around and joining the same things, I thought he was kind of cute (and I was newly single) and took a gander at his FB and saw the "In a Relationship With. . . " Had no inkling that had changed till past couple weeks. And while I think everyone basically knows that people check out your FB from time to time, it's still awkward to bring up in conversation.
Professor X Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Past / current RS is one of the more eye gouging stuff on FB so I'd find it to be the least awkward thing to mention. Just tell him you remember he was in a RS and ask what's up with that; alternatively, you could snoop his trash-can
Star Gazer Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I thought you had a new boyfriend? "Few Dates Guy"? In any event, I'd talk to this guy the same way you'd want him to bring up the subject to you if the shoes were reversed.
Imajerk17 Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I thought you had a new boyfriend? "Few Dates Guy"? I was wondering the same thing....
Nexus One Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) Make sure he's not: a) Looking for an affair. b) Going to rebound on you. The fact that you're not mentioning either of these possibilities in your post has me thinking you have your guard down. That including the fact that you're not mentioning the other guys from your group gives me the idea that you're starting to crush on this guy and are masking out his faults and ignoring the things that can mess up what you had going on. Edited May 6, 2011 by Nexus One
Author zengirl Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 I thought you had a new boyfriend? "Few Dates Guy"? In any event, I'd talk to this guy the same way you'd want him to bring up the subject to you if the shoes were reversed. No, we had some political differences that made me eliminate him as boyfriend material. That was about a week and a half ago. I never said he was my boyfriend. I said I thought he would be, which you took to me something WAY more serious than how I mean it. All that means to me is that I see boyfriend material and have been on several dates. Make sure he's not: a) Looking for an affair. b) Going to rebound on you. The fact that you're not mentioning either of these possibilities in your post has me thinking you have your guard down. That including the fact that you're not mentioning the other guys from your group gives me the idea that you're starting to crush on this guy and are masking out his faults and ignoring the things that can mess up what you had going on. I'm not mentioning any of these things because I am not even to that point yet. The affair thing . . . I thought about that, but eh, this guy has too many friends in common with me and knows me a bit too well to try that. I'm pretty sure that's not a real possibility. Doesn't mean he wouldn't FLIRT with me and still have a GF (I don't know him well enough to know his morals on that) but his job and life relies too much on social capital and if he tried crap like that, it would go badly for him. If I even so much as flirted back, probably one of my friends would tell me if he had a GF, as we have many friends in common. But I hate gossip and any kind of flirting or asking them might create gossip --- they are the more social crowd I run with and though they aren't catty, they do have trouble keeping private conversations to themselves. The rebound thing? Eh, I honestly don't worry about that until I get close to sleeping with a guy, which would be WAY down the line from where I am. That's the kind of thing you have to assess once you can talk about past relationships and begin to build intimacy. I'm pretty good at assessing this as well. I'm USUALLY pretty good at assessing interest, but the whole "What happened to the GF?" throws me off because I can't flirt back to see. Why would I mention other guys from this group? Most of the friends he and I have in common are female friends.
MrNate Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 So, there's a guy I know through friends, but not at all well. He's not my typical type either, but that's a bit beside the point. I really think he's kind of awesome, though I'd never considered dating him because so far as I knew, he had a girlfriend. Not a long time, as they met in the Fall, and were together in late March but not sure when they got together or if/when they broke up. However, the past few weeks, I thought he was flirting with me every time I saw him, which I found odd (he hadn't before, and he had a GF to my knowledge). Well, we're FB friends, and it no longer says anything about his relationship status though it used to list In a Relationship With (GF's name and picture). No breakup that I can see, and not single, but it sure looks like he is and I remember him being really stressed/bummed a few weeks back. I hadn't looked at his profile in ages, so I don't know when any of this changed. My breakup little heart was deleted (I always delete it) and I always leave my status blank when single, so I tend towards thinking that's what it is, but maybe it's something else for all I know. Anyway, he recently invited me somewhere and I said "Yes" thinking it was a group thing. It wasn't. It felt. . . almost date-like, but I still didn't know he was single yet (if he is!) so I had no idea at the time. He called me the other day to ask me to go out again. He's a super friendly guy, like the male version of me almost only even more out-and-about because he doesn't have a teaching job to drag his social life down (He runs a website that basically promotes everything awesome happening here and all the cool local businesses and makes good money doing it), knows everyone in town, goes everywhere, etc. I really would feel super embarrassed if I judged wrong because it'd be a "big funny story" so to speak. Anyone have any clever ways to figure out what the heck is going on? I mean, I figure eventually he'll hit me over the head with it, if he is both single and interested, but I've not felt so awkward in years! (I'm usually so in control in the early dating phase or pre-dating socializing --- not that this is even dating. Grr.) The answer to this is simple: Just do it. If you waste too much time trying to make all these plans, no worries, another girl will snag him up. But something tells me you won't take sitting down. Do it, or another woman will. So who will it be?
Author zengirl Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 The answer to this is simple: Just do it. If you waste too much time trying to make all these plans, no worries, another girl will snag him up. But something tells me you won't take sitting down. Do it, or another woman will. So who will it be? Another woman, in that case, probably. I'm not into competing against other gals for men. Perhaps that's why I don't tend to date extroverted men. Other gals express interest, and I'm never interested enough in a guy to rock the boat socially till he has eyes for only me anyway. Guys are a dime a dozen and not worth social drama like that.
Recommended Posts