littlecupcake Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 My boyfriend of a year and a half has been deployed for the past 6 months. We have been through a lot so far, but I have been entirely faithful to him and have given up a lot to wait for him to come home. He has this friend that was a hookup when he was in college and he and her both claim that there was nothing more than sex between them and now they are just friends. It bothers me soooo much when she posts stuff on his facebook wall saying "I can't wait to see you," or "I miss you." I get that he has a friend, as I have friends that I have history with. But it drives me insane. He writes home a lot and some letters go to her and other friends (girls) that he was in college with. But only with her does it bother me. I have tried time and again to explain to him that it is not right and it is just weird and makes me anxious, but he constantly assures me that she is just a friend of his and nothing more. I ask why you need to be friends with someone you slept with and who is the cause of my stress and he says I have nothing to stress over. I don't know how to handle this anymore.
stace79 Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I hate to say this, especially b/c I have a soft spot for our military, but you need to decide if you can or cannot put up with this long-term. My exbf was in touch with his ex while we dated, too, and he insisted they were "just friends". They were not just friends. He didn't see her in person, but he still had feelings for her and she ended up breaking up my relationship twice. First time, my ex said he wasn't over her yet and needed time. Second time, after 2.5 years with him, I broke up with him because I was simply NOT okay with her being in his life. I told him it was totally his choice, but that *I* would never be happy in the relationship if he was still in contact with her. It took less than three weeks for him to cut off all contact with her and win me back. Your man may not do that. He may say "too bad" and choose to stay friends with that girl instead of be with you. Bottom line is that you are clearly never going to feel secure with that behavior going on. Do you want to stay with someone who doesn't make you feel secure in your own relationship? On a personal note, I think he is totally in the wrong for allowing her to post things like "I miss you and can't wait to see you" on his Facebook. That is beyond friendship.
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