Kidd Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Discovered an affair my wife had with another man. Been going on about 2 years (we've been together 17 and married for 11). I called her out, she confessed, and today agreed to my demands of complete no contact with the other man. Now she will certainly experience grief over the loss of the other man, I have terrible images (and I haven't even asked any questions) and I'm not sure we can even have a love life (we're both pretty uncomfortable now). She is remorseful and doesn't think I'll be able to get over the affair. I thought I could but this is rough. I do want to continue to reconcile. I think we got a rare second chance. My question is...how do I best deal with this? Ask every question about everything I deserve to know about what they did, since when, etc? Are there standard requirements to fulfill when a cheater wants a second chance? How can I move forward in the most healthy way for me?
stace79 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Really impressed you are trying to stick it out. I think the first thing appears to have already been done - your wife must cut any contact from the OM. Also, if he tries to contact her in any way, she must tell you about it immediately. Second thing I always read that is important is complete transparency. She should share willingly all her information with you - emails, phone records, texts, etc. If she wants to earn your trust back, she'll need to be completely transparent. I can understand your compulsion to ask for details, but I doubt it will help you much. Seems like you'll need a counselor. Do you have access to that kind of help? A moderator to help you both through this emotional time would probably be extremely helpful. Good luck to you.
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