Professor X Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Anyway, since there seems to be a shortage of guys in my area, should I try online dating? Why not? Just make sure you pick them carefully - don't let the "I want a BF already" side of you make the calls.
Ross MwcFan Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) Although that wasn't what I argued, I didn't mean to spark a debate about consent in this thread. That's not the topic and it would be unfair to change it, so I'm sorry to have provoked one. Seemed like you were saying that there's something wrong with it, or maybe even agreeing with that other person that it practically makes the guy a ped. If a woman at the age of 20 is adult enough to have sex, then there is nothing wrong with her having a relationship with a 40 year old. Sure, it's unusual, it's a big age gap. But there isn't actually anything wrong with it. At the end of the day, they're two consenting adults that like each other. I doubt I would feel differently if I was older and had a daughter, because if my daughter was 20, she would be an adult and I would treat her like one. Who she decides to have a relationship with or ONS's with is none of my business. Edited May 6, 2011 by Ross MwcFan
Author Sarabina Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Women have many more admirers than they will ever know from which only a very small percentage will become suitors. The number of admirers you can make into suitors will depend a great deal on how many men you can make feel they have a legitimate chance. Very few guys will risk it all if they are given no clue of your interest unless you are incredibly irresistible, their inhibitions have been lowered by alcohol, or they are so full of themselves they think any girl is theirs. I understand a girl your age will typically only want to go out with a guy 2-3 years older and at the most extreme 5 years older. This is except if she is having an extremely hard time then she'll adopt the age range of a 25 or 26 year old girl which goes into the 40's and even 50's. It is fine to prefer your own age but you shouldn't preclude men from being worthy of you completely based on age oriented prejudice. At the very least you should consider guys from 18-29 maybe even early thirties. There are many fish in the sea but very few connections. You shouldn't let bias whether it is racism, ethnocentrism, ageism, classism, religious based prejudice, philosophical prejudice, political prejudice, prejudice against interests and hobbies, dietary prejudice, or the rest of the garden variety of myopic perspectives on others to prevent you from establishing a rapport with another. You'll find they aren't easy to come by. You are no different than the nice guys who plague the internet. They complain about the way the game works and won't do anything. They could be making the game work for them by applying the strategies they all know but they'd rather whine. I can't do anything to change the circumstances that surround you. I can't make you more beautiful than you already are. I can't change your personality to be more attractive to guys. I can't change human nature. I can't force guys to be head over heels, madly in love with you at first sight. You are going to have to work with what you have and push yourself to go against the grain by applying tactics which are uncomfortable. I am an introvert as well and understand some of the difficulties you face. I know women aren't expected to work to get a relationship besides looking pretty. Maybe it is even unfair that you have to do some chasing for what you want. I know there are many women who waited for something to fall into their lap, took what landed, and are now in unhappy predicaments since they didn't go after the guys they wanted. What you do is your choice. You will have to follow the advice you find to be best but what you are doing now isn't working. You'll need to change something to alter your dating life. If you don't like anything I post because it is absurd then that's fine. Don't follow it. If you are choosing to ignore any of it since you are stubborn, I didn't say what you wanted to hear, and/or you are use to being treated better especially due to being a girl then that's fine as well. If it bears truth and you dismiss it then you'll remain stuck where you are unless there is a miracle. Don't bank on miracles. You'll only learn by trial and error, observation, and imitation. Gentle smiling helps. Laughing at the right time helps. Touching and caressing his hand, arm, and chest at the right moment can help. Physicality can help to begin the foundation of a connection between people. Playful banter will help. If your idea of conversation is the Dow Jones Industrial Average or the NASDAQ then forget about it. That won't even work for a guy. Anything which will make you seem inviting, vivacious, fun, and communicate your level of desire will work if he is interested. BTW How do you know how to start a conversation but yet have never approached a guy? Were all of these conversations with girls? Girls look good in glasses while guys not so much unless they are models. I wore glasses as well but I went to contacts in part since I had to fight doubly hard to down play nerd stereotypes. 1. I don't know why you would assume that I am biased just because I don't want to date someone twice my age. BTW why are you so stuck on this point - are you 40 by any chance? 2. I never said that I did not want to make changes - I know that I have an introverted personality and that I need to be more open/out going to meet guys. I am open to suggestions which is why I started this thread. 3. I have no problems talking to guys who I am not interested in or if we are put in a situation where we have to talk - I am quiet but I'm not really shy anyway, I am going to a new class tommorow and if I see someone there that I like then I will definetely talk to them and try out some of the suggestions on this thread - wish me luck!
orangelady Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 The answer is that she needs to put herself in more social situations. It's that simple, but it's easier said than done, because to do so she'll have to do some things that may not come naturally to her. Good point and she would be not very capable of a relationship with a 40 year old too at this point. But I think you misunderstood us by saying she should date older men, we were just saying that there's nothing wrong for a 20 year old to date a 40 year old man GENERALLY. But I understand some 20 year olds are still 'young' so in that case they shouldn't because it might clash.
orangelady Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 anyway, I am going to a new class tommorow and if I see someone there that I like then I will definetely talk to them and try out some of the suggestions on this thread - wish me luck! Good luck, you can do it. I am very shy too but lately I took the courage to talk to TWO guys where I was the one who strike the conversation with them. One went very well - he seemed happy I talked to him, until now we are still friends. The other one didn't respond well, he just said "Yeah, hi." and kept to himself. But there will be some who are like that. Keep going.
orangelady Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Girls look good in glasses while guys not so much unless they are models. So a 300lb 5'1 girl covered with zits look good in glasses? Sometimes guys are so naive. When they talk about girls, they discount the ugly ones and generalize 'girls' and think ALL girls get SO MUCH emails on online dating sites, etc etc ....puhleeze... That's because in their mind, only average to above average girls exist.
Professor X Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 anyway, I am going to a new class tommorow and if I see someone there that I like then I will definetely talk to them and try out some of the suggestions on this thread - wish me luck! Good luck!
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